Re: How involved is your Dh in parenting?

Re: How involved is your Dh in parenting?

Wow, I do agree that it seems like an extreme circumstance, but I suppose if it works for them, more power to her?

For us, DH is super hands on, he really does SO much. I couldn't do it without him.

How involved is your Dh in parenting?

My DH does everything...he works long hours, sometimes 6-7 days a week, but when he's home he absolutely jumps into the parenting role. He adores the kids and any time he can spend with them he takes full advantage of, even if he just gets home in time to do baths and read books before bed.

Re: How involved is your Dh in parenting?

Re: How involved is your Dh in parenting?

DH is very involved. He will ask for guidance with things and I sometimes have to remind myself that it's ok for him to do some things his own way, not my way.

Re: How involved is your Dh in parenting?

I can't even imagine that. Honestly I wouldn't be able to do it all on my own. From day 1 he's done all the same things I do with & for the kids, from diapers to feeding to playing, putting to bed, discipline, etc.

Re: How involved is your Dh in parenting?

It sounds to me like she really wanted a child, he didn't, and this was the compromise. You want the kid, fine, I'll support it financially but that's it. And she probably agreed to it because she really wanted a child.

Would that work for me? No.
But I hope she knew it going in and was eyes wide open so I really can't judge.
Everyone's family dynamic is different I guess.

The only thing is that i feel bad for the child. I hope that as it grows up the father is more than just a cold provider, kwim?

Re: How involved is your Dh in parenting?

my DH works opposite schedules than me so sometimes I do it alone because I have to, but when DH is off or a few hours before going to work he does help out and spends time w/ the kids. I do know of a family member of mine, for a while she was saying she was one and done because her DH did nothing and she did everything herself.

Re: How involved is your Dh in parenting?

I know a father who never changed either of his children's diapers. He's a grandfather now.

While he was hands-off when the girls were babies, it changed a lot when they were older. I think he just wasn't comfortable with babies, and his wife didn't mind. So who are we to judge?

Re: How involved is your Dh in parenting?

That's weird?? I'm sure the wife complaints about it to him, or this situation might actually work for them, who knows? But it'd surely bother me! DH works a lot and on top of that he has a long commute but he def helps a great deal when he's home. I remember when I was pregnant with ds2, it was very heard for me to give DS1 baths towards the end of my 2nd trimester and during my 3rd as well, and DH would make sure to rush home every night so he could help me with DS1 without even me asking, same thing with chores. He hates the fact that he can't spend as much time as I do with the boys but he def makes sure to make it up when he's off from work.

Re: How involved is your Dh in parenting?

Re: How involved is your Dh in parenting?

Everyone's family dynamic is different and its not my place to judge.

If I were the OP though, no way would I have gotten up to change that baby's diaper. I would have handed him right over.

How involved is your Dh in parenting?

DH is totally involved and hands on, even though he had 0 baby experience prior he took to it like a pro. He is my partner in this parenting thing and I would be lost without him.

Re: How involved is your Dh in parenting?

When kids were babies and toddlers, DH did equal diaper changing when we were both home. DH is very involved when he is home. He will play with kids outside, build legos, read, give showers.

I plan and organize everything related to school and anything social. I was a bit annoyed that DH did nothing this past weekend and we hosted 2 parties. DH's comment was that he paid for everything even though he didn't do anything. He said something similar to school volunteering. He said he donates money, not time.

How involved is your Dh in parenting?

I just wonder what these people would do if God forbid something happened to the mother of these children? I can't imagine creating a family with someone who would be completely unable to take care of our kids if I were to die or become incapacitated in some way.

Re: How involved is your Dh in parenting?

Re: How involved is your Dh in parenting?

If SHE (his wife) is Ok with that, that's her business.

I'm definitely the default parent, but my husband isn't absent and stupid !! He could (and would) do anything for the kids that I would, if I wasn't there.

You're a better person than me b/c if he had give ME that attitude of "you know where everything is" as in "go and do it yourself" I would have handed HIS kid right over to him and told him I only change my own kids sh*t (which isn't true, but it's one thing to talk to your wife like that if she's fine w/ it - but don't freaking talk to ME that way)

Re: How involved is your Dh in parenting?

Re: How involved is your Dh in parenting?

How involved is your Dh in parenting?

Back in the day I don't think fathers were as involved. I know mine wasn't, and I know DH's wasn't either. The woman did all that stuff. That is coming from my parents and inlaws circles, I know everyone is different.

Today I think a lot of fathers are way more involved. My DH changed diapers and everything. Now that my daughter is 4 he doesn't give her baths unless it's necessary, and I can respect that.

How involved is your Dh in parenting?

Not enough. He barley plays with them and is usually on the computer when i get home from work while they entertain themselves. He always has an excuse as to why he doesn't want to take them places. It really really sucks...

Re: How involved is your Dh in parenting?

Posted by Dolphinsbaby

Posted by aliwnec10

my dh does everything I do and I mean everything.

Same. Well with the exception when I was breastfeeding. He couldn't do that.

How involved is your Dh in parenting?

This is one of those you knew what you got when you got into it type of things. Religion, Politics and Children. Things that all need to be hashed about before marriage.

I never wanted a man who thought for one second I'd be some milky cow for a baby's every demand. I carry her for better part of 9m, you and I raise her for the rest of her life. You don't like that, then get the hell out of my life. I don't want to be a single mom. That's not the game. If you can't take care of yourself, you can't take care of my child either. I won't cook, clean or take care of you when you're sick. Do I look like your maid, your chef or your mother? Nope good, didn't think so. Grow a set. Same goes for me. I am perfectly capable of changing the oil in my car, getting the brakes done and taking out the trash. I don't need you to supervise or show me how to fix my computer or repair an item in the house. I know how to use a hammer and screwdriver (powered or otherwise). Yes, sir, I can grill my own steak medium rare.

Once that's clear everything else is a partnership. We share the load and it's seamless.

When AJ came along I passed her off. I never once thought about it or blinked. I didn't come with some sealed and signed certification of knowledge for all things parenting. I mean I was a new mom as much as he was a new dad. We figured it out. He fed her, changed her and did everything as much as I. Still does. I never have and never will understand those jokes about leaving the kids with the men and how things go wrong or the fear. I couldn't be with a man who is unable to be my equal. Sure he's better at stuff than I am and I'm better at stuff than he is but neither of us are incapable of doing the same things as the other one.

No WAY I'd let a man treat me like that. He'd be so gone so fast. Money or not. Respect me or release me.

How involved is your Dh in parenting?

i'm definitely, by far, the default parent. we have one DS, and i SAH with him.... so we definitely have our own thing going. and DS is pretty "picky" and gets thrown off if DH (or anybody else) doesn't do things the way i do them. its kind of my own fault, bc i decided to stay home with him.
because of that, it takes a lot to get DH to do the basic stuff with DS (give him a bath, etc) just bc DS will argue with him :-/ or start being all goofy. DS is 5--- and DH is JUST NOW starting to take DS places by himself. (they were skiing buddies this winter LOL ) but certain things (like a classmate's birthday party) DH just says " i don't want to deal with that..." :-/

also, bc i'm home i end up doing the majority of the laundry, dishes, cleaning, etc. again, its bc DH is at work all day and i'm here so i just do stuff as it comes up during the day.
I wish it was different... and hopefully next year when DS starts full day kindergarten and i go back to work it'll be less "mommy mommy mommy".... and i can pay for things like a cleaning person so neither or us have to do that HAHAHA but for now, it is what it is :-/

Re: How involved is your Dh in parenting?

My Dh is very hands on. I wouldn't put up with him not helping.

There is a mother at my dd preschool who had to take her baby sick with her to drop her older son off and preschool because her husband couldn't watching the baby by himself for 10 mins, he doesn't change diapers or clean up throw up. Most of us moms were all shocked and everyone said that's ridiculous!