Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

I totally feel you...im in the same boat...sometimes, DH will work and DS 1 & 2 dont get to see him til the next day...sometimes til Sunday when he is off...it sucks, its hard raising 2 kids by yourself mostly...

I agree with other the previous posts about joining local mom play groups, libraries sometimes have groups for moms and babies that are free...being around other people in the same boat makes you feel like your not alone dealing with this...i am on a leave from work until Sept so i actually dont mind that i have my time with the kids

When he is home, does he attempt to spend time you guys as a family? That is whats important.

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

Message edited 6/15/2011 9:52:12 AM.

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

Unfortunately I think it is pretty common for New Yorkers to work those hours. I used to work past 9pm every night. I didn't last at that job very long after I returned from maternity leave. Most of my colleagues would only see their kids on the weekends.

DH has a mix of really late nights (midnight) and other days that he comes home at 3. If he is on call and has multiple days of long nights in a row, everyone suffers. He's tired and cranky. I'm tired and cranky. We bicker. No one is happy. We decided to get me help and put DS#2 in full time preschool. Then I won't rely so heavily on DH for help.

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

Not only does DH work late, but he also works on the weekends too.

It was something I knew I was getting into when we met. I guess I didn't mind having the time to myself before kids. Now that we have kids, it was hard at first, but I got myself into a good routine and love my me time once the kids are in bed for the night. I can take a relaxing bath, read a good book, catch up on the DVR or come on LIF

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

Posted by chmlengr

Not only does DH work late, but he also works on the weekends too.

It was something I knew I was getting into when we met. I guess I didn't mind having the time to myself before kids. Now that we have kids, it was hard at first, but I got myself into a good routine and love my me time once the kids are in bed for the night. I can take a relaxing bath, read a good book, catch up on the DVR or come on LIF

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

Posted by MamaLeen

I often feel like a single mother as well. It can be so hard but since DS turned one it seems to have gotten easier. Maybe I just submitted to what it is, IDK. We make the most of the time we do have and I appreciate him that much more when he is around. I am hopeful that this won't be forever and I know that he is busting his azz for us so I can only be grateful. It kills him to not see DS as much as he wants to but things are not always ideal in life.

All I know is that it does get easier once you fall into a routine, keep yourself busy, etc. I hope it gets better for you soon! Hang in there.

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

Right now, DH is working nights, so we pretty much see each other when one is waking up & the other is going to sleep.

We have to make it work b/c right now this is how it has to be.

We always plan 'family' things to do on the weekends and try to have a "date" at least once a month... it's easier for us to have 'date nights' b/c DS is 11 and can easily go over to a friend's house or be in the apt by himself for a little while...

It's all so new to you which is why you are feeling so alone. 9pm is not very late when you think of NY.

Message edited 6/14/2011 10:18:02 PM.

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

please everyone stop saying they "feel like a single mother"

I WAS a single mother & it is totally different.

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

Dh sometimes works from 6 am until 11 pm. It is rough having DS all to myself all day, especially since he is very active and opinionated.

I am proud that my DH busts his *** for us, but it doesn't make it any less lonely. What I do is i go out. Like today I was out for 6.5 hours with friends. I have something scheduled for every day of the week, and if something gets canceled then I go for long walks. It helps break up my day and makes the day go faster.

I have made some wonderful mommy friends whom i adore, and my non mommy friends and I go out to lunch or mommy and me happy hours. Heck sometimes I just go to local restaurants and hang out with the waitresses I know because they like to play with my DS.

Stay occupied, and focus on the time you do get to spend with DH.

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

I know exactly how you feel...DH and I work oppoisite shifts so someone ie always home with Ds or that he only needs a itter for like 2 hours a day

it is very hard i work m-f 8 to 4 and he work usually 6 days a week from 3 to 11 and weekends from 12 to 12

we make do...it gets hard at times but we just try t spend as much time together as we can

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

I'm in the same boat here. DH leaves b/f 7 every morning and 9 is average for him. This week he has been coming home after 11 every night so I've been taking care of 2 kids from wake up to sleep all day every day while recovering from surgery I had 2 wks ago. Not to mention he does work off and on most of the day on Sunday.

Yes, I agree, this is TOO late. I can't stand it but, it is what it is. Is it normal? Well, a lot of my friends have DH's that work these hours as well so, i guess it's fairly normal. For us, it's difficult right now b/c DH recently switched companies and is now working much longer hours so, our bedtime routines were built around two people doing it and, it's almost impossible for me to do it alone (which I do) with the two kids - I'm trying to adjust their schedules so I can make it more manageable for me but, it's hard. So, I guess my point is, if you have it like this from the beginning - it might be easier b/c your DC's schedule will be easier on you from day one.

That said, yeah, it sucks. It's funny b/c I would have said I would never trade the money for time wiht the kids but, it's not for the money - it's my DH's career and, it is what it is - but, this is one of the many reasons I gave up working for now so at least my kids have me here all day - otherwise I think it would be even worse.

They still know and love daddy though - at 1 and 3 they both light up when he walks in the room and miss him like crazy when he isn't here - so, don't worry about that aspect. And, over time, I think the rest will get easier for us as well!

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

XH worked until 9:30 & then changed over to 11:45pm 4 days/week (his sched changed since the div to daytime hrs of course). It was tough. However, while we were married, I worked PT in the evenings so I always stayed up waiting for him. While our marriage was good, he spent time with me when he got home. When things started to deteriorate, I'd be up waiting for him & he'd walk in & pass out. It was tough. It taught me how to enjoy time on my own after the kids were in bed (which came in handy later on unfortunately). At first, I really missed him, but I adjusted quickly & it really wasn't so bad. It gave me some "me" time.

Message edited 6/15/2011 12:50:03 AM.

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

Dh worksuntil 10pm 7 nights a week. I am asleep when he gets home bc I get up at 4:30 for work. I have help from my family but we stiill miss him.

Its hard but we have to eat so we make do.DD knows who daddy is though and she will grow up knowing how hard he works for her!

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

I must say in the beginning it was very hard we argued a lot. I kept telling him I feel like a single parent..it killed him. At the same time I realized that he was doing this so I could stay home with her and live a lifestyle where he felt comfortable with me being at home and not worrying!!!
It's a huge adjustment and definitely hard, but once you get into a routine, you'll see he'll just be in the way Just kidding...it will get easier I promise

ETA: Sorry didn't mean to offend with the single mom comment, it was just the way I described it to DH..I can't even imagine being a single parent and I'm sorry if i offended anyone!

Message edited 6/15/2011 7:18:19 AM.

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

My dh works 7:30-7:30. Ds goes to bed at 8. I am a weekly single parent. It all falls on me. What can I do? Dh works these hours, so I can stay home and not work. He does it for the family. He has one full day with ds on the weekend, it sucks, but it is what it is.

I think once your dd gets a bit older, and the constant nb care isnt there it will be easier. I also think hormones, new baby, lack of sleep and basic new mom stress are getting to you.

First year with a new baby is crazy hard, in you, dh, your relationship. What you are feeling is totally normal. It WILL get easier.

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

when dd was smaller. it was easier to put her to bed early.than she started to go to sleep earlier 7 but dh was home by then most nights because it got dark earlier. now that its getting dark later sometimes dh doesnt get home until 730 8-or later. we pushed back her bed time a little but some nights she just misses seeing him

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

Thanks girls again for all your advice. I don't know how I would live without you.

You're all right. I know dh is doing this for me and my dd and also so I have the option of staying home if I wanted (I don't want to be a sahm though so I am returning to work). But I know he is doing this to provide a good life for us and I always appreciate it. It's just so hard not to have resentment. How do you deal?

And I hope I didn't offend anyone either with the single mom comment. I can't even how hard that must be and I give single parents so much credit.

But thanks again everyone. You all make me feel better!!!

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

DH works very long hours; 9:00 is an "early" night. I'm am used to it by now, so it is normal to me. I make sure that I stay busy and get out with other people every single day or else the day seems too long and lonely. I don't worry at all about it affecting DH relationship with DS because he gets up early to spend an hour or so together each morning and weekends are 100% family time. This is what makes it bearable. I would feel differently if DH wasn't as dedicated during his off hours.

Re: How late is too late?? For dh's that work late?

My husband doesn't get home from work until after the boys are in bed M-F but he does get up with them in the mornings, and spends all weekend with them.

It's all I've known so I really can't complain. He does what he has to do in order for me to be a SAHM.

We are always out and about. I had my boys in classes as early as 3 months old. It makes a big difference and helps to break up the day.

Message edited 6/15/2011 8:40:15 AM.