Re: How many Step-Moms out there????

Posted by clwp

Posted by Bops

Have 10 year old SD- been in her life since she was 4 months old (DH wasn't married to the mom, unplanned kinda thing)...Up until about 18 months ago, had her every other week-end and whenever it was "convenient to the mom to let us see her over and above that...Mom flew over the cookoos nest when DH and I got engaged 8 years ago and has done everything possible to alienate her from us over the years - Things took a major turn for the worse shortly after our DS was born almost 3 years ago and she has turned this poor innocent child on him so badly that she doesnt want to even come over anymore ..Parental alienation at its worst kind- The last time she actually came to us willingly and happily was July 6-July 10 2006 when we took her on a cruise with us- Mom got crazy upset that she was excited to go with us (as with everything else, always tried to downplay it ) and my SD got totally panicked because everytime she tried to call her mom (like her mom told her to) from the boat, she got no answer and from what we gather, she must have had it put in her head that we were trying to kidnap her or something crazy like that (when we got married , my SD was supposed to be our flower girl, 3 days before the wedding the mom sends DH a letter that she wont allow her to be our flower girl for fear that he wouldnt bring her back unless mom could come to our wedding- YEAH right ! Ever since the cruise incident she won't sleep over, and now its come to the point where she won't even come over- I really wish we knew what was being said to her ....We still have her empty room waiting for her hoping that one day, she'll see the light and want to be part of our family again...We talk to our DS about her all the time and have her pics everywhere, and now that we have another baby on the way, I'm sure the mom willl find some crazy reason to bring him back to court again even though DH does over and far beyond everything he is mandated to do and with a smile...So sad that it has to be like this, sorry to ramble, I could take a year to tell everything thats transpired- Just wish it could be different, we miss her

Wow... we too had a crazy bio-mom who thought she was going to come to my wedding. I was so worried about that for a while... of course it didn't happen. One other thing we have in common and I hope it doesn't get interesting for you as it did for us. We had an EMPTY bedroom for SS for FIVE years with his own bed and everything. He stopped sleeping over 5 years ago when we first bought the house (one of the reasons we bought it was so he could have his own room when he came over) - but for privacy reasons I won't state why as it may be too obvious in case of a lurking bio-mom. He was supposed to sleep over as recently as last summer the night before our wedding, but SS called 2 nights before saying he can't (b/c it would be too convenient for DH is my opinion). Anyway, so we have a small house and that was the only empty bedroom... so I get PG and we have DD and we make that room into a nursery - donate the bed that was in there and make it a girly room... and now GUESS who wants to start sleeping over??? That's right... and idiot bio-mom supposedly cried on the phone to DH b/c "she felt so bad for her son". Whatever!!! I guess we should just sit here and tie strings to us so she can be our puppet master. NOT!

Feels good to freely discuss this stuff. Lots of people who don't have these situations do NOT get it. They think the men have it so easy and the "new mommy's" do too or that we are evil and hate S-kids... Sometimes due to the sensitivity of the situation and the guilt he feels, it's hard to even discuss my feelings with DH.

Re: How many Step-Moms out there????

Posted by hbugal

Posted by clwp

Posted by Bops

Have 10 year old SD- been in her life since she was 4 months old (DH wasn't married to the mom, unplanned kinda thing)...Up until about 18 months ago, had her every other week-end and whenever it was "convenient to the mom to let us see her over and above that...Mom flew over the cookoos nest when DH and I got engaged 8 years ago and has done everything possible to alienate her from us over the years - Things took a major turn for the worse shortly after our DS was born almost 3 years ago and she has turned this poor innocent child on him so badly that she doesnt want to even come over anymore ..Parental alienation at its worst kind- The last time she actually came to us willingly and happily was July 6-July 10 2006 when we took her on a cruise with us- Mom got crazy upset that she was excited to go with us (as with everything else, always tried to downplay it ) and my SD got totally panicked because everytime she tried to call her mom (like her mom told her to) from the boat, she got no answer and from what we gather, she must have had it put in her head that we were trying to kidnap her or something crazy like that (when we got married , my SD was supposed to be our flower girl, 3 days before the wedding the mom sends DH a letter that she wont allow her to be our flower girl for fear that he wouldnt bring her back unless mom could come to our wedding- YEAH right ! Ever since the cruise incident she won't sleep over, and now its come to the point where she won't even come over- I really wish we knew what was being said to her ....We still have her empty room waiting for her hoping that one day, she'll see the light and want to be part of our family again...We talk to our DS about her all the time and have her pics everywhere, and now that we have another baby on the way, I'm sure the mom willl find some crazy reason to bring him back to court again even though DH does over and far beyond everything he is mandated to do and with a smile...So sad that it has to be like this, sorry to ramble, I could take a year to tell everything thats transpired- Just wish it could be different, we miss her

Wow... we too had a crazy bio-mom who thought she was going to come to my wedding. I was so worried about that for a while... of course it didn't happen. One other thing we have in common and I hope it doesn't get interesting for you as it did for us. We had an EMPTY bedroom for SS for FIVE years with his own bed and everything. He stopped sleeping over 5 years ago when we first bought the house (one of the reasons we bought it was so he could have his own room when he came over) - but for privacy reasons I won't state why as it may be too obvious in case of a lurking bio-mom. He was supposed to sleep over as recently as last summer the night before our wedding, but SS called 2 nights before saying he can't (b/c it would be too convenient for DH is my opinion). Anyway, so we have a small house and that was the only empty bedroom... so I get PG and we have DD and we make that room into a nursery - donate the bed that was in there and make it a girly room... and now GUESS who wants to start sleeping over??? That's right... and idiot bio-mom supposedly cried on the phone to DH b/c "she felt so bad for her son". Whatever!!! I guess we should just sit here and tie strings to us so she can be our puppet master. NOT!

Feels good to freely discuss this stuff. Lots of people who don't have these situations do NOT get it. They think the men have it so easy and the "new mommy's" do too or that we are evil and hate S-kids... Sometimes due to the sensitivity of the situation and the guilt he feels, it's hard to even discuss my feelings with DH.

We had similar issues in regards to bedrooms. Basically we had 1 kid too many and ran out of room. We had planned on adding an addition on to our home but that is just not in the cards right now.

After much thought we had all the younger girls share a room and gave DS the small bedroom. We received a ton of grief over it in the beginning but the truth was that for the 2 nights per month that all the girls are together it seemed like the best idea. They usually all wound up sleeping together anyway. It helped tremendously that they all get along and truly love their brother....

I would love to be in the situation that they could all have their own room but that's just not possible right now....

Every time I turn around though there is another issue. Now it's that the Ex wants to put the younger one in Private Kindergarten. We are just not in that kind of shape financially. Legally she cant get DH to pay but then he looks like a Sh!t...KWIM? We sat down and I pointed out that my eldest daughter has only gone to camp for 1/2 the summer 2 years in a row b/c of our financial situation (my exs is footing the bill even though Im suppose to pay 1/2) How can we justify sending the little one to Private School? (My daughter has Down Syndrome and it's a special camp and both DH and I agree that she needs to go) If my Ex didnt pay for it all she wouldnt of been able to go....we're barely scraping by as it is and just when things were starting to get back on track we're hit with this..

Message edited 7/26/2008 5:42:52 PM.