How to tell a bride the bridal party dress is too expensive?

Be honest. When I got married I only had a MOH and we picked a color and she picked the dress. The dress was $99 from Davids and we had alterations don't privately.

Yes it is the brides day but it's her day. There is no reason for everyone around her to be expected to shell out hundreds or thousands of dollars to celebrate with her. Weddings are getting ridiculous on Long Island.

Re: How to tell a bride the bridal party dress is too expensive?

Re: How to tell a bride the bridal party dress is too expensive?

Re: How to tell a bride the bridal party dress is too expensive?

Can you legitimately not afford the extra money? If I were the bride and you told me you couldn't afford it I would totally understand, I would offer to pay the difference.

If you don't feel like spending the money than that is different. People spend money on food, drinks, going out, etc... I may be annoyed if that were the case.

Re: How to tell a bride the bridal party dress is too expensive?

Re: How to tell a bride the bridal party dress is too expensive?

Re: How to tell a bride the bridal party dress is too expensive?

Posted by AngnShaun

Posted by Hofstra26

Posted by bella321

I may be in the minority but I would suck it up and get the dress she wants. Her wedding, her choice.

I disagree entirely.

I feel that as a bride you MUST be considerate of the people of who are part of your special day. Just because "it's your day" does NOT mean that your friends and family need to drop ungodly amounts of money without question. It's a freakin four hour party, honestly.........some people get out of hand with their weddings.

I would politely speak with her and voice your concerns. A good bride who cares about the people closest to her should have NO problem working with her girls to make sure everyone is equally as happy on "her day".

I made everything as inexpensive as i possibly could.

Re: How to tell a bride the bridal party dress is too expensive?

Posted by Paramount

Posted by AngnShaun

Posted by Hofstra26

Posted by bella321

I may be in the minority but I would suck it up and get the dress she wants. Her wedding, her choice.

I disagree entirely.

I feel that as a bride you MUST be considerate of the people of who are part of your special day. Just because "it's your day" does NOT mean that your friends and family need to drop ungodly amounts of money without question. It's a freakin four hour party, honestly.........some people get out of hand with their weddings.

I would politely speak with her and voice your concerns. A good bride who cares about the people closest to her should have NO problem working with her girls to make sure everyone is equally as happy on "her day".

I made everything as inexpensive as i possibly could.

I had one bridesmaid say she could not be in the wedding because she could not afford the dress. I paid for the dress. I also let them wear any shoes they wanted, any jewelry. I paid for their hair day of (at that point what was another few hundred).

Re: How to tell a bride the bridal party dress is too expensive?

Message edited 6/12/2014 8:29:21 PM.

How to tell a bride the bridal party dress is too expensive?

I took my friend out for lunch this week & told her that I'm worried about the cost of the dress, and that I don't think I could do a dress that starts at anything over $200. I was very apologetic, told her how much being in her wedding means to me and that I would help out at going to as many bridal salons as she wants to find the perfect BM dress.

Our lunch quickly ended & I haven't heard from her since.

Re: How to tell a bride the bridal party dress is too expensive?

Message edited 6/22/2014 9:35:23 AM.

Re: How to tell a bride the bridal party dress is too expensive?

Re: How to tell a bride the bridal party dress is too expensive?

Wow. All this over a 5 hour party that in the grand scheme of things, is really not THAT big of a deal (I don't care what people say).

Have you tried reaching out to her and she hasn't responded?

Re: How to tell a bride the bridal party dress is too expensive?

Re: How to tell a bride the bridal party dress is too expensive?

Love what the pp wrote. Op- thank god you said the truth. Now you know how she really feels about you.

How to tell a bride the bridal party dress is too expensive?

Obviously you know where you stand now. I went through this with my DD's godmother. She wanted both DD's in the wedding, picked a dress she had never seen in person that was 4 sizes too big for my DD's and expected that it could be altered to fit them (my DD's wore an 18 mos and a 2T, this dress STARTED at a child's size 4).

It wasn't even a money thing in terms of the dress's actual cost, the dress likely wouldn't be able to be altered as much as she needed to her specifications (she was adament that none of the polka dot be on a seam). And it also had a restocking fee and high shipping charges which we would have lost if she didn't like the dress when it came. I had offered to go shopping with her or find something that would match her bridesmaid's dresses. I suggested seeing if she could get the same fabric as the bridesmaid dresses or one that matched it to have their dresses made for them, or finding a different vendor for the dress she liked in case the quality stunk. She complained to my husband about how I was being so rude about it all and "refusing" to allow my kids in etc and then we never heard from her again really. My DH asked her about it saying 'hey didn't get an invite, what's going on' and she said something like I'll send you one if you want to go. Meanwhile, my husband had already taken the time off work and we had made arrangements for travel and lodging since it was out of state.

I realized that her idea of a "perfect" wedding day was more important than our friendship or her relationship with my children. It's been almost 3 years and she has not once attempted to contact us, sent a card to her godchild, nada.

Some people are more concerned with a day than they are the people involved in it.

I hope your friend realizes she is overreacting before it's too late, but I can't blame you for talking to her about it.

Message edited 6/22/2014 2:07:41 PM.

Re: How to tell a bride the bridal party dress is too expensive?

I don't know...I kind of disagree with a lot of this...just for an alternate perspective. Honestly she didn't say ANYTHING. Perhaps she was caught off guard and was uncomfortable and didn't know what to say and is now thinking it over.

I personally don't think a bride should have to settle on bridesmaid dresses she doesn't like because one of the bm's can't afford it. It's her day - the only one she is going to get and these pictures will be immortalized for her. IMO her day - she calls the shots. THAT SAID, no one should be expected to shell out money like that if they don't have it. The right thing to do in this situation is for her to offer to pay the difference of the more expensive dress. I had two bridesmaids that I knew couldn't full afford the dress - one I paid for all the alterations and extra fabric needed (ordering a bigger size) and the other I paid for the entire dress.

It's possible she was put off by your expectation that she had to pick a dress that you could afford and, with that price range, pretty much limits her to a certain kind of salon and dress that might not be her vision for her wedding. Doesn't mean she is a bad person. I would give her a chance to come back and offer to foot the bill for the difference - that's the only reasonable thing to expect in my opinion.

How to tell a bride the bridal party dress is too expensive?

I am really going against the majority here and I really don't think you should have said anything. You haven't even gone looking for dresses yet. Just because she likes something on paper does not mean that she would like it once it is tried on. By telling her not to spend over 200, I personally think it's rude. Maybe when you went dress shopping she would have realized on her own that with all the alterations that price was out of control. At your lunch you probably caught her off guard and she didn't know how to respond. Being in a wedding, whether right or not, is expensive...the dress, contributing to the shower, shower gift, wedding gift...it adds up. If you don't think you can afford it, then bow out and if she wants too she can pay for your dress but that is only one thing that your going to have to pay for. I honestly would be pissed as a bride if I was given a budget from my bridesmaid before I even went shopping.

How to tell a bride the bridal party dress is too expensive?

I told her from the beginning when she asked me to be her MOH that after being in a few bridal parties this year & seeing how much those MOHs laid out for things, I was concerned about the cost, even though I was honored to be asked & want to be there for her. She talked on numerous occasions about keeping costs down & said repeatedly that she would not consider bridal party dresses that were over $200.

So during our lunch we were trying to pick a day to shop, she said she only wants this one designer that starts at $250. That was when I brought up my concerns and the $200 budget that she herself originally discussed. It wasn't like I brought it up out out of nowhere & it was a surprise to her. All along she has been asking if $200 would be ok or too
Much, and she knew that was the max price I could do.

Re: How to tell a bride the bridal party dress is too expensive?

Re: How to tell a bride the bridal party dress is too expensive?

Re: the you know what you are getting into is expensive comments.

While that is true, I personally think that's only true to an extent.

When you sign up to be in a wedding, it does NOT mean you sign up to an unlimited budget.

I also haven't seen such a selfish mentality until I moved to Long Island.

What is so special about "Long Island" that we need to just bow down and accept that this is "how it is"?

I've seen people in my profession make similar comments on other threads about sucking it up or giving some ridiculous amount towards a gift and it's left me : .

I don't make a lot of money and I'd be pissed if I was put into this situation.

I guess people have different priorities when it come to finances, as well as friendships.

How to tell a bride the bridal party dress is too expensive?

LMichele - You handled it beautifully. The bride you described is immature and self centered. If she was more mature and less about herself she would have immediately done her best to see what would work for both of you so that you could be in her wedding without breaking your bank. A true friend is considerate about their friends feelings and concerns, and those include their financial concerns.

How to tell a bride the bridal party dress is too expensive?

What is the big deal about BM dresses??????

I let my girls pick it out. I just wanted a certain color, the color is what mattered. I did not want my girls looking or feeling like shit. They knew what they looked good in and felt comfortable in. They all wound up picking the same dress in the end, but I never understood this whole MY BRIDESMAIDS HAVE TO LOOK BEAUTIFUL AND PERFECT FOR PICTURES.

To be quite honest, look how you want, as long as my hair and makeup was done and I liked the way I looked for my pictures, I didn't think their "lack" of anything would affect my pictures. Or maybe I just didn't expect perfect, I just wanted my friends to be who they were, and not make them do anything they weren't comfortable with. But that's me, and I am sure they all appreciated me as that kind of bride.

Brides need a reality check!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: How to tell a bride the bridal party dress is too expensive?

Re: How to tell a bride the bridal party dress is too expensive?

OP- I think you did the right thing. I think your point is perfectly reasonable. If she is mad at you because you aren't a bottomless pit of money, then at least you know what kind of "friend" she is.

It always amazes me how materialistic and self centered people can be. I feel like some brides just want their "girls" dressed up in their BM uniforms to act like like props or a backdrop for their wedding pics. The whole thing makes me uncomfortable actually. I had no BMs at my wedding, just my brother as "man of honor." So maybe I'm weird.