Huge argument in my house tonight UPDATE PAGE 2

Scenario: Your DH has inherited a boat. You get seasick. He says the boat is really fast but is super excited about it. He grew up with a boat yada yada. Weeks go by and 1 time you make the fleeting comment "Don't go too fast with DC in the boat please".

Does this somehow imply that you think DH is a moron and an irresponsble father? He told me I am a head case effed in the head, a control freak and that I need help.

I just felt compelled as her mother, who will not be on the boat to say something.

Maybe I am just paranoid but I have an overwhelming need to protect my child and I just fear for her safety.

Was I too hard on him or would you be concerned also?

PLEASE DONT QUOTE

Message edited 2/19/2010 7:31:05 AM.

Re: Huge argument in my house tonight

I really don't think you were being overly protective. While I could see how he might get annoyed with a comment because he might think you're undermining his parenting abilities, his response was WAY over the top and inappropriate IMO. I think he needs to learn how to communicate his frustrations better, instead of taking them out on you



ETA: As a mom, its a natural instinct to make comments about safety...Does he understand its just an instinct for you to say that, and it doesn't mean anything against him...that you know he'll be careful but sometimes you just feel the need to say it because you'll feel better?

Message edited 2/18/2010 10:21:33 PM.

Re: Huge argument in my house tonight

I would have said the same thing. And my DH also might have replied with similar sentiments...like, what am I stupid? But regardless I would say it.

Re: Huge argument in my house tonight

sorry but NOONE would be taking my DC on a boat without me, unless they were much older, like 12! you are not wrong here

Re: Huge argument in my house tonight

I don't see anything wrong with that comment. I would of said the same thing. I'm a worrier and even though I trust my DH 100% I would still be worried since I wouldn't be there.
I probably wouldn't let my DH take DS on a boat that young in the first place with out me.

Message edited 2/18/2010 10:23:09 PM.

Re: Huge argument in my house tonight

ummm....comments like that come out of my mouth ALL the time.

I really believe with some dads, there is reason.
My dh is one of them.

Re: Huge argument in my house tonight

Posted by Goobster

I would have said the same thing. And my DH also might have replied with similar sentiments...like, what am I stupid? But regardless I would say it.

Re: Huge argument in my house tonight

what he needs to understand is that YOU did not grow up on a boat....so you need to voice your concerns & not tell you that your a head case!!! Especially after he suggested that playing in the blizzard involves your child in a car!

& I guess what you will need to understand is that HE DID grow on a boat and would never put your DC in a dangerous situation...

KWIM?




both my father and FIL are boaters, I would probably end up saying the same thing to them once DS can go on a boat but I'll say it just to say it, not that I don't trust them.

Re: Huge argument in my house tonight

I don't see anything wrong with your comment at all.

I say to DH all the time "Drive carefully with the boys in the car"

"Don't forget to watch Jack" if he takes him somewhere. Like he's going to forget to watch his son. But, I still need to say it. It makes me feel better.

Re: Huge argument in my house tonight

I don't think that you were too hard on him at all. I say things like that all the time to my DH as well, and he sometimes will say something back to me along those lines... but not with insulting me. Usually we end up joking abut it later on, but he always does question wearther or not I think he's a bad father b/c I say things along the same lines as what you did. I would try to talk to him about it...tell him how you feel about the situation, and don't appreciate being insulted just from making a simple comment to him. IMO Mommy's always have this special bond with their child since they came from our body... and we always feel the need to let everyone know to be extra careful.

Re: Huge argument in my house tonight

I think its a perfectly reasonable comment to make, but I also get the feeling there is a lot more or has been a lot more going on here.

Re: Huge argument in my house tonight

I grew up on a boat and have been on them from the time I was 6 months old.

I would still not be comfortable with someone, even an experienced boater who loves my child as much as I do, taking them out in a boat that he was super excited about it going "really fast".

I think voicing your concerns is completely normal.

Re: Huge argument in my house tonight

You girls make it all sound so sweet and innocent and that's kind of how I meant it but not at ALL how it was taken! He is pizzed and basically said he thinks I think he is terrible father and i don't respect him and to go eff myself and we NEVER say that to each other. He told me I really crossed a line etc etc

Message edited 2/18/2010 10:49:29 PM.

Re: Huge argument in my house tonight

Posted by eddiesmommy

I think its a perfectly reasonable comment to make, but I also get the feeling there is a lot more or has been a lot more going on here.

Re: Huge argument in my house tonight

DH and I had these types of fights often in the beginning. They have gotten better because I realized that although something needed to be said at times, I had to work on the way I phrased it. I came to that revelation because he spoke to me in a similar manner regarding something with DD and I hated the way it felt.

We still have our moments. No matter how much he loves DD there will never be the same connection that I have to her. That isn't his fault, I've explained this to him and it helps.

Re: Huge argument in my house tonight

Re: Huge argument in my house tonight

Posted by mikeswife06

You girls make it all sound so sweet and innocent and that's kind of how I meant it but not at ALL how it was taken! I then dug my hole deeper by saying he's made me nervous when he played really rough with her like shaking her arm from the wrist really rough when she was a NB and spinning her around really fast to the point that her eyes couldn't focus but he thiks I am ridiculous. He is pizzed and basically said he thinks I think he is terrible father and i don't respect him and to go eff myself and we NEVER say that to each other. He told me I really crossed a line etc etc and basically, I don't think we're coming back from this...

all because I suggested bringing her to sesame place in June and he said "We're not taking her somewhere if she doesn't know where she is" which led into why do I know what's fun for her and he doesn't and then the truth came out that he's been brewing over the boat comment from last week.

I am just scared to death right now.

Re: Huge argument in my house tonight

Re: Huge argument in my house tonight

Posted by Goobster

I would have said the same thing. And my DH also might have replied with similar sentiments...like, what am I stupid? But regardless I would say it.

Re: Huge argument in my house tonight

I think you need to sit down and talk about the underlying issue. It's obviously bothering him that he thinks you don't trust him. It doesn't matter if it's true or not because to him, it is. So anything you say or do is now going to be perceived that way. So I'd let him cool down, then sit and talk about it as an overall issue and not as just the issue about the boat. He's harping on that because it's his most recent feeling of you not trusting him, and he probably really does feel that way. And again, not that that's how it is, but if it's how he feels, then it needs to be acknowledged. I know from my husband that he'll perceive things totally different than I do and I have to stop and remind myself to see it as if I were him before I confront him or else we'll butt heads.

Re: Huge argument in my house tonight

Posted by mikeswife06

You girls make it all sound so sweet and innocent and that's kind of how I meant it but not at ALL how it was taken! I then dug my hole deeper by saying he's made me nervous when he played really rough with her like shaking her arm from the wrist really rough when she was a NB and spinning her around really fast to the point that her eyes couldn't focus but he thiks I am ridiculous. He is pizzed and basically said he thinks I think he is terrible father and i don't respect him and to go eff myself and we NEVER say that to each other. He told me I really crossed a line etc etc and basically, I don't think we're coming back from this...

all because I suggested bringing her to sesame place in June and he said "We're not taking her somewhere if she doesn't know where she is" which led into why do I know what's fun for her and he doesn't and then the truth came out that he's been brewing over the boat comment from last week.

I am just scared to death right now.

Re: Huge argument in my house tonight

Posted by prncsslehcar

I think you need to sit down and talk about the underlying issue. It's obviously bothering him that he thinks you don't trust him. It doesn't matter if it's true or not because to him, it is. So anything you say or do is now going to be perceived that way. So I'd let him cool down, then sit and talk about it as an overall issue and not as just the issue about the boat. He's harping on that because it's his most recent feeling of you not trusting him, and he probably really does feel that way. And again, not that that's how it is, but if it's how he feels, then it needs to be acknowledged. I know from my husband that he'll perceive things totally different than I do and I have to stop and remind myself to see it as if I were him before I confront him or else we'll butt heads.

Re: Huge argument in my house tonight

I say stuff like that to DH and he does to me...I generally come back with a snide comment.

But I think your DH's Nasty comment probably has alot more to do with other issues you are dealing with than the actually boat comment.

Re: Huge argument in my house tonight

Re: Huge argument in my house tonight

I'm glad to know I wasn't completely out of line and I do not have to beat myself up over this.

Clearly there are other issues or whatever but the pinnacle moment was a build up not REALLY because I said "don't go too fast". He just twists things around and I always feel like everything is my fault.