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Stacey1403
Where it all began....
Member since 5/05 24065 total posts
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Re: Huge argument in my house tonight
Posted by nrthshgrl
I grew up on a boat and have been on them from the time I was 6 months old.
I would still not be comfortable with someone, even an experienced boater who loves my child as much as I do, taking them out in a boat that he was super excited about it going "really fast".
I think voicing your concerns is completely normal.
Same here. I actually learned how to drive a boat before a car. I would have said the same thing too.
I say stuff all the time to my DH, he gets mad but he knows I have tons of experience where he does not.
Do you think he would be willing to go for some counseling with you?
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Posted 2/18/10 10:44 PM  |
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mikeswife06
Drama Momma
Member since 9/06 9947 total posts
Name:
Anne
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Re: Huge argument in my house tonight
Posted by Stacey1403
Posted by nrthshgrl
Same here. I actually learned how to drive a boat before a car. I would have said the same thing too.
I say stuff all the time to my DH, he gets mad but he knows I have tons of experience where he does not.
Do you think he would be willing to go for some counseling with you?
BTDT....3 years later look at us now 
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| Posted 2/18/10 10:45 PM |
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4PsInaPod
My Loves <3
Member since 7/07 10079 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Huge argument in my house tonight
Posted by mikeswife06
I did not raise my voice at ALL he just sat there yelling at me saying F every other word and when I asked him to stop he just said he didn't care. It was awful.
then it was not right...it's one thing to have a "mutual" fight it's another thing to get screamed at while you were just trying to express your concern. Sounds like there may be a lot more going on, I wish I could help more. 
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| Posted 2/18/10 10:45 PM |
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LoriH
There's no place like home
Member since 8/07 4110 total posts
Name:
Lori
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Re: Huge argument in my house tonight
Posted by mikeswife06
Posted by LoriH
DH and I had these types of fights often in the beginning. They have gotten better because I realized that although something needed to be said at times, I had to work on the way I phrased it. I came to that revelation because he spoke to me in a similar manner regarding something with DD and I hated the way it felt.
We still have our moments. No matter how much he loves DD there will never be the same connection that I have to her. That isn't his fault, I've explained this to him and it helps.
Must be nice to be married to someone who is rational and reasonable  
I am sorry you are going through this. I don't know anything about your relationship. What I do know is my own. My husband is a wonderful man, that is the reason I married him. However, like many men he had the emotional maturity of a child when we met. Most men are not taught how to recognize and deal with their emotions. It took a lot of long talks to get him to understand a lot of things but he had the willingness to do it. In return he has taught me many things. We work together communicate and balance each other fairly well. It is a work in progress but I think that a marriage is always one. A marriage consists of two different people living one life together, as you each grow and change adjustments need to be made. Sometimes in the end the change may not find you together anymore but it is always worth a try. I hope that made sense.
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| Posted 2/18/10 10:46 PM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Huge argument in my house tonight
I'm sorry that you are going through this.
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| Posted 2/18/10 10:47 PM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Huge argument in my house tonight
Posted by mikeswife06
Posted by prncsslehcar
I think you need to sit down and talk about the underlying issue. It's obviously bothering him that he thinks you don't trust him. It doesn't matter if it's true or not because to him, it is. So anything you say or do is now going to be perceived that way. So I'd let him cool down, then sit and talk about it as an overall issue and not as just the issue about the boat. He's harping on that because it's his most recent feeling of you not trusting him, and he probably really does feel that way. And again, not that that's how it is, but if it's how he feels, then it needs to be acknowledged. I know from my husband that he'll perceive things totally different than I do and I have to stop and remind myself to see it as if I were him before I confront him or else we'll butt heads.
This is EXACTLY what is happening. The bigger problem is he's so thick headed that this will be what he thinks forever more now. AND he' not willing to see how things HE says can be percieved a certain way so it makes things very one sided and difficult.
I don't think talking is going to help.
Ugg. I have to say that I've had people like this in my life, and I've realized that while I cannot change them, I can change me and how I deal with them, and honestly, ultimately, it does end up changing my relationships for the better.
I once went to a workshop that was geared towards teachers who have to deal with difficult parents, and it taught you how to read someone else's communication style and how to handle those who hear what they want to hear and not what you're saying and it absolutely changed my life and my relationship with people close to me.
I realized that I needed to figure out how people needed to hear things in order to have an effective discussion with them.
At first, I was resistant because I felt like then it was all on me to be flexible and accommodating, but then I realized that it didn't matter because the end result was a better relationship and better communication, so who cares?
Anyway, my point is, don't feel like talking won't help, just spend some time really thinking about how it is he needs to hear things from you. It might take a long time to figure it out, and it might take you trying different things, but at least you will feel as though you are being constructive and if nothing else, your own perspective broadens, which makes you that much of a better person and more effective communicator.
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| Posted 2/18/10 10:47 PM |
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mikeswife06
Drama Momma
Member since 9/06 9947 total posts
Name:
Anne
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Re: Huge argument in my house tonight
Message edited 2/18/2010 10:48:19 PM.
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| Posted 2/18/10 10:48 PM |
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mikeswife06
Drama Momma
Member since 9/06 9947 total posts
Name:
Anne
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Re: Huge argument in my house tonight
Posted by prncsslehcar
Posted by mikeswife06
Posted by prncsslehcar
I don't think talking is going to help.
Ugg. I have to say that I've had people like this in my life, and I've realized that while I cannot change them, I can change me and how I deal with them, and honestly, ultimately, it does end up changing my relationships for the better.
I once went to a workshop that was geared towards teachers who have to deal with difficult parents, and it taught you how to read someone else's communication style and how to handle those who hear what they want to hear and not what you're saying and it absolutely changed my life and my relationship with people close to me.
I realized that I needed to figure out how people needed to hear things in order to have an effective discussion with them.
At first, I was resistant because I felt like then it was all on me to be flexible and accommodating, but then I realized that it didn't matter because the end result was a better relationship and better communication, so who cares?
Anyway, my point is, don't feel like talking won't help, just spend some time really thinking about how it is he needs to hear things from you. It might take a long time to figure it out, and it might take you trying different things, but at least you will feel as though you are being constructive and if nothing else, your own perspective broadens, which makes you that much of a better person and more effective communicator.
That is really insightful and interesting. I would love to take a workshop like that. I o try to watch my tone and stuff but maybe there is more I can do to be a more effective communicator in all areas of my life.
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| Posted 2/18/10 10:52 PM |
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Re: Huge argument in my house tonight
DH grew up around boats, always wanted one, worked in a boatyard, etc. I get seasick, though and I am not even sure if he would keep a boat if one fell into his hands right now. I'd feel bad but I don't think it would be a "given" that he would keep it or take the baby on it without me. Part of all of this could be that fact that he did once have a boating accident. He continued boating long after that but he would never consider any sort of warning to be "stupid." He was hit by a drunk boater.
If you tell him 500 times to be careful you are not wrong.
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| Posted 2/18/10 10:57 PM |
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lvdolphins
My Loves!
Member since 5/05 46292 total posts
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Re: Huge argument in my house tonight
Posted by Diana1215
I don't see anything wrong with your comment at all.
I say to DH all the time "Drive carefully with the boys in the car"
"Don't forget to watch Jack" if he takes him somewhere. Like he's going to forget to watch his son. But, I still need to say it. It makes me feel better.
Same here! If DH is taking DS somwhere I say to him "Drive safely, you have precious cargo there"..
Its habit..I say it ALL the time.
I'm a worrier! A boat would make me even more nervous!
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| Posted 2/18/10 10:58 PM |
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nicrae
He's here!
Member since 12/06 9289 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: Huge argument in my house tonight
I'm sorry! I've read your posts and know things are tough between the two of you.
FWIW I would say the same thing. In fact when DH and I go places with DD in the car, if he puts her in her carseat I check to make sure he did it correctly  He!! if I go upstairs to the bathroom I tell him to make sure he watches her...and she is 2
I think it is the nature of being a mother.
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| Posted 2/18/10 11:30 PM |
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TLC1018
I AM A BIG SISTER!!
Member since 8/07 3880 total posts
Name:
Tracy
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Re: Huge argument in my house tonight
I am so sorry that you had such a rough night! First of all, I am sending you major !!!
Secondly, I definitely would have said the same thing! Call me overprotective or whatever, my DC's safety is the most important thing to me! I definitely think there is a breakdown in communication between you two (mars/venus). It's hard when you know what you mean but your words have become twisted and then you feel like you have said something wrong. I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better!! I hope that everything works itself out for you!
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| Posted 2/18/10 11:50 PM |
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babyonthebrain
Brotherly Love!
Member since 1/08 6209 total posts
Name:
Rafaela
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Re: Huge argument in my house tonight
If you're overprotective then I don't know what I must be because I am as paranoid and overbearing as they come. My DS probably wouldn't set sail on that boat until he was at least 10 years old. lololol
I think what happened here was that your Dh had a stressful day, he was probably in a bad mood and crabby and just completely took the comment out of context. It happens all the time. I would just let him know he misunderstood your intentions and he hurt your feelings by being so mean.
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| Posted 2/19/10 7:05 AM |
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twinkletoes807
Mommy's Girls! ♥
Member since 11/07 10116 total posts
Name:
Gabi
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Re: Huge argument in my house tonight
I don't think you were being over protective at all! I would have said the same exact thing!! Especially since I wouldn't be in the boat to supervise! 
ETA: I just read all of the other posts and am really pisssed for you and how DH basically attacked you for voicing your concerns for your baby! Just knowing the small amount that you have shared on here, it sounds like DH really needs to go to therapy on his own to work thru trust and anger issues. You are a wonderful mother and wife, Annie. I wish I could do something to help you!
Message edited 2/19/2010 7:22:43 AM.
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| Posted 2/19/10 7:11 AM |
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TaraHutch
True beauty
Member since 10/07 9888 total posts
Name:
Tara
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Re: Huge argument in my house tonight
ugh I'm so sorry I would've said the same thing. My DH always takes it that way too- that I don't trust him or think he can do as good of a job as I can. He doesn't lash out verbally, but he'll find his ways to criticize what I do to get back at me.
Communication is a biotch, isn't it? I have a lot to learn in that department!
I hope he cools off soon!
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| Posted 2/19/10 7:18 AM |
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mikeswife06
Drama Momma
Member since 9/06 9947 total posts
Name:
Anne
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Re: Huge argument in my house tonight
UPDATE: For the sake of peace in my home I took major responsibility last night for what happened. I went out there and said...
"I know you are really upset with me BUT my number 1 goal is to provide that baby with a safe happy environment. I know I have fear, anxiety, and control issues but while I look deep inside myself to work on them I could really use your support instead of you internalizing what I say and taking it personally. I want to work on being a better person for me and for her and I will do it with or without you."
In my head I was thinking "I would really like for us to return to counseling together" yet I don't think that's the message I sent
I don't car as long as it's not a war zone or awkward tension in the house.
I thank you all for your support and keeping me sane
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| Posted 2/19/10 7:30 AM |
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mikeswife06
Drama Momma
Member since 9/06 9947 total posts
Name:
Anne
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Re: Huge argument in my house tonight UPDATE PAGE 2
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| Posted 2/19/10 7:30 AM |
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twinkletoes807
Mommy's Girls! ♥
Member since 11/07 10116 total posts
Name:
Gabi
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Re: Huge argument in my house tonight UPDATE PAGE 2
Posted by mikeswife06
UPDATE: For the sake of peace in my home I took major responsibility last night for what happened. I went out there and said...
"I know you are really upset with me BUT my number 1 goal is to provide that baby with a safe happy environment. I know I have fear, anxiety, and control issues but while I look deep inside myself to work on them I could really use your support instead of you internalizing what I say and taking it personally. I want to work on being a better person for me and for her and I will do it with or without you."
In my head I was thinking "I would really like for us to return to counseling together" yet I don't think that's the message I sent
I don't car as long as it's not a war zone or awkward tension in the house.
I thank you all for your support and keeping me sane
I hope you have some peace now.
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| Posted 2/19/10 7:32 AM |
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Diana712
RIP my beloved Brother Richard
Member since 5/07 6710 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Huge argument in my house tonight UPDATE PAGE 2
good for you1 I love that response and i am going to remember it and use it myself.
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| Posted 2/19/10 7:47 AM |
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headoverheels
s'il vous plaît
Member since 6/07 42079 total posts
Name:
LB
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Re: Huge argument in my house tonight UPDATE PAGE 2
Oh Annie... I totally missed this last night. I am so sorry he said that to you... I want to smack him for you I hope things get a little more peaceful from now on.
And where the heck is he keeping this boat?
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| Posted 2/19/10 8:23 AM |
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neener1211
:-)
Member since 4/07 22952 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: Huge argument in my house tonight UPDATE PAGE 2
Uh, he's a little off HIS rocker...irrational and a nut case would be me telling him there is no way on this earth he is bringing my small child on the boat by himself!!!!!
I have heart palpitations letting DH take DS to Lowes by himself. I'm so paranoid he'll look away for a split second and my kid will be gone. There is absolutely no way I could let my kid go on a boat!!!!
That being said, DH took your comment way too far and read into it in a bad way, most likely to start something. I don't know why, but I don't know how you didn't lose your mind on him.
If you need to vent, i'm here.
Message edited 2/19/2010 8:28:56 AM.
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| Posted 2/19/10 8:28 AM |
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mrsgafforio
LIF Adult
Member since 3/07 3929 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Huge argument in my house tonight UPDATE PAGE 2
Posted by MrsP747
Posted by Goobster
I would have said the same thing. And my DH also might have replied with similar sentiments...like, what am I stupid? But regardless I would say it.
Same here!!!
Same here!!
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| Posted 2/19/10 8:32 AM |
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DeniseMarie
<3
Member since 8/07 10682 total posts
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Re: Huge argument in my house tonight UPDATE PAGE 2
My Dh is always  at me b/c of my paranoia. He doesnt get mad (he has on occasion) but he understands that I trust him but I need to say these things for my own sanity
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| Posted 2/19/10 8:33 AM |
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MrsDrMatt
Live and RUN like a Ninja!
Member since 5/06 3104 total posts
Name:
MrsDrMatt
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Re: Huge argument in my house tonight UPDATE PAGE 2
Posted by mikeswife06
UPDATE: For the sake of peace in my home I took major responsibility last night for what happened.
This makes me sad. You seem to be always compromising YOUR feelings, statements etc. You are obviously are a very caring person (I have read many of your posts). Can you go to counseling on your own. You deserve to feel at peace. You deserve to be healthy. You deserve the best. It's time for you to start saving YOURSELF.. for the sake of your mental health and for the sake of your precious baby who is loved so.
Please FM me if you EVER want to talk.
Many many many hugs....
Message edited 2/19/2010 8:42:19 AM.
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| Posted 2/19/10 8:41 AM |
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Deedlebugs
Blessed
Member since 12/05 10281 total posts
Name:
Kiki
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Re: Huge argument in my house tonight UPDATE PAGE 2
You were not wrong at all. My DH wishes I was as controlling as you LOL when it comes to our kids. Im a freaking nutcase. DD is 2 and I still dont let DH take her out alone for more than 20 minutes.
Message edited 2/19/2010 8:42:40 AM.
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| Posted 2/19/10 8:42 AM |
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