Re: I am just gonna say it

As someone with IF issues I totally agree with you. After needing to see an RE to have my DD and then spending over a year TTC #2 with 6 failed IUI's and 3 miscarriages and insurance running out for IF and still no baby #2 sixteen months later I would be thrilled to get pregnant any day, any time, any month, any season, any holiday, and anywhere.

Re: I am just gonna say it

Re: I am just gonna say it

With DS1 I planned the date and got pregnant on the first try. I knew the moment I saw the pregnancy test how fortunate we were. Never ever took that for granted.

DS2 was a blessing I never thought would happen. I had a heterotopic pregnancy which is not very common but even more so for someone not on fertility treatments. So much so that my OBGYN discussed my case for a presentation. Took 6 long months to see that positive just to lose what could have been two babies. I thought for sure we were done. Got pregnant the first month I was clear from the methotrexate with a due date I would have never picked...EVER. But I love it. After all that I went through it felt right to not have any control over any of it.

But that was that situation at that time. If we were to have another baby I would not expect to get pregnant right away but I would start TTC in the month that would give the EDD that I would want. From there on it's in God's hands. I know that now but still I would not try earlier than that date so I can't say I'm not a planner...not that person that you are talking about. I am - I own it and personally don't have a problem with it but I understand where you are coming from.

To each their own.

Re: I am just gonna say it

I totally get what you're saying, and I think most people would be happy with a healthy baby ANY time of year over no baby or a sick baby.

But I think everyone has a right to feel how they feel. Why is it bad to have a preference? It doesn't mean you won't be happy if it doesn't happen. It doesn't mean that you ONLY want a baby under the circumstances of your preferred situation. They're not mutually exclusive, KWIM?

I had a preference. I was hoping to not be very pregnant during the hot summer months because I happen to get sick in the heat every single year and I imagined that being pregnant would make it worse.

I was lucky enough to get pregnant and be due in early May. Great, avoided the hot summer months.

Then I developed severe toxemia (pre eclampsia) and gave birth just before 32 weeks. The doctors came in to prep me for a baby that might be still born, that might have cerebral palsy or major developmental delays. Besides being scared for my life, I was scared for my sweet little baby. I was very lucky to come out of it ok myself, and even more lucky to have a healthy baby.

You plan and God laughs. I believe it. I lived it.

It still doesn't mean that I wouldn't have a preference next time. Yes, I'll be happy with a healthy baby no matter what, but if I could avoid being pregnant in the hot summer months and go full term, that would be ideal. But if I get pregnant and am due in, say, September, and will have to spend my third trimester in the hottest months, I won't be mad or won't NOT want my baby... I will still hope for a healthy baby and be happy to be blessed. It's just a preference. It doesn't make a difference in what will actually happen. If someone wants to try for what they prefer, that doesn't affect anyone. It's their perogative and they MAY get what they want, and they may not. What does it really matter?

Re: I am just gonna say it

When we first discussed TTC I had it all planned out. I wanted a baby in the spring/summer months because I have a history of depression and since I've moved from FL to NY I've also suffered from SAD (seasonal depression). Having a history makes my chances of having PPD much higher, so a spring/summer baby could help lower my chances. I guess I got lucky having DS in May. But after 2+ years of trying and finally IVF I would take my chances at having a winter baby.

Re: I am just gonna say it

This past weekend I had to listen to my SIL, who I call El Diabl go on & on. How she will get pregnant in two years, etc. When they left I looked at DH and said those exact words, we make plans and god laughs. I will never look to the edd month when we start ttc again. I got pregnant w/ dd our first month really trying. She wad due in June which was perfect b/c we live oos and my mom is a teacher. I did everything right. Exercised every day, ate super healthy, organic, took my vits religiously, didn't eat cold cuts, soft serve. Well my dd wad born at just shy of 32 weeks also. So when I hear ppl try to plan when their dc will be born I always think you never know. If we are blessed w/ more babies I don't care what month they are born. Be it during a flood, blizzard, etc. I just pray they are full term and don't have to fight to be here he way dd had to. So my SIL can take her plans and kiss my arse. I have noticed in life things tend to work out for folks like her. She will be over 30, drinks like a fish, etc. But she will get pregnant when she wants, deliver in her perfectly planned month. Life is funny that way.

Re: I am just gonna say it

I totally get your point - it took 7 cycles to conceive DD. I know others that took YEARS to have their babies. But sometimes there are real concerns or reasons for wanting to conceive/give birth during a specific time of year. (For us, DD was ideally going to be a summer baby. DH and I are both teachers, and a June/July birth would've given us a lot of time at home together as a family). But it didn't work out like that, and it was fine. She's healthy and beautiful. November babies are great

What would drive me crazy is if someone with a healthy baby born in the "wrong" time of year continued to complain.

Re: I am just gonna say it

i hate that my bday is the end of january. dead of F*** winter, its so depressing. DS is an oct. baby which wasnt terrible. I said i'd like a spring baby 2nd time around. but seriously.. i had so much trouble the first time, I'll take whatever month god gives me

Re: I am just gonna say it

Re: I am just gonna say it

ITA with you..it took us 5 months to get pg with DD this time around I was very fortunate to get pg the first try...I'm not going to lie, DD is a winter baby and I was trying for a summer baby but knew that that wasn't a guarantee bc I had no clue how long it was going to take

Re: I am just gonna say it

I agree with this. And I got preggo on the first try. But I know the reality of SOOO many of my friends and family who had issues getting pregnant.

So when I see posts like that i just kind of smirk and say- oh boy. Just wait until they see how it's not always so easy to get pregnant. Especially around a certain date, season, whatever.
I figure- they will live and learn.
Life can't always be neatly planned.
Some people have an issue with that due to analness I think.

Message edited 1/13/2011 8:37:37 AM.

Re: I am just gonna say it

Posted by ChrisDee

Posted by LoveyQ

But I think everyone has a right to feel how they feel. Why is it bad to have a preference? It doesn't mean you won't be happy if it doesn't happen. It doesn't mean that you ONLY want a baby under the circumstances of your preferred situation. They're not mutually exclusive, KWIM?

Of course people have the right to feel how they feel as I have to right to be Irked by it
In all seriousness though, I do understand the preference. It is not that, that irks me. It is when people talk about it with such "lightness"(does that make sense?) Like how in the next 5 years they are going to have 3 kids in specific months, while the other kids are specific ages all while planning a trip to Disney so the kids can be just the right ages that they always dreamed about and they can catch the tax break. KWIM?

Re: I am just gonna say it

DH and I are both summer babies.
We have a Dec baby and Feb baby.

Winter bdays are so much more work then summer.

I don't blame people for planning. I think it is just something else on a life plan that is either going to work out just right or not.

And for those planning the perfect time to TTC, I hope and pray it all works out...because BFNs leave a pain in your heart and I would not wish that on anyone.

Re: I am just gonna say it

I get what you're saying and I'm sorry you have had issues.

BUT, on the flip side, someone like me, miss fertile myrtle (sorry ) - there NEEDS to be a plan. I get pregnant at the drop of a hat. I swear, DH shouldnt even come near me when I'm ovulating for fear of getting knocked up again.

DD#1 - 1st month of "not trying to prevent"
DS - FIrst and only oops
DD#2 - Second month of trying

I get pregnant very easily and all my babies are winter babies, so if we ever decided to have another, I would definitely start trying so we could have a summer baby. If it happens, it happens, if not, then we'll have another winter baby

Re: I am just gonna say it

Posted by ChrisDee

I do not think I am a big complainer on this site(maybe I am wrong )
But it bothers me to no end when people talk about planning to have their babies during a particular month because of the weather, or other family birthdays, etc. I realize that getting pregnant and staying pregnant is easy for a lot of people but UGH! It just irks me, I WISH it were that easy.
There I said it. Flame away if you must!

Re: I am just gonna say it

I hear you. With DS #1 I was pregnant after 3 months, but had him right at the begining of my work year (Oct.) and was back at work in 3 weeks. When we started TTC for #2 I "planned" on trying for a June/July baby so that I would be off from work for the whole summer. Well God certainly laughed at me. t took us 10 months and an IUD for DS #2. I had him in early march and was back at work in 4 weeks (thank God I got an extra week because it was over spring break.) But you know what, I couldn't have cared less at the time. I was just so thrilled to be having another baby.

Re: I am just gonna say it

Posted by ChrisDee

Posted by LoveyQ

But I think everyone has a right to feel how they feel. Why is it bad to have a preference? It doesn't mean you won't be happy if it doesn't happen. It doesn't mean that you ONLY want a baby under the circumstances of your preferred situation. They're not mutually exclusive, KWIM?

Of course people have the right to feel how they feel as I have to right to be Irked by it
In all seriousness though, I do understand the preference. It is not that, that irks me. It is when people talk about it with such "lightness"(does that make sense?) Like how in the next 5 years they are going to have 3 kids in specific months, while the other kids are specific ages all while planning a trip to Disney so the kids can be just the right ages that they always dreamed about and they can catch the tax break. KWIM?

Message edited 1/13/2011 9:35:39 AM.

Re: I am just gonna say it

I don't see anything wrong with planning what suits your needs and your family's needs I think its fine. For ex. if i were a teacher I would want to have my baby in June so some of my maternity leave can be absorbed by the time I'm off anyway

Ultimatley its all up to GOD

Re: I am just gonna say it

I think I can see both sides of this. With our firstborn, he was planned, and I (luckily,) got pregnant right away. However, things took a terrible turn when we found out he had a serious heart defect. After his death, we tried again for peace and comfort and (again luckily) got pregnant right away. I am so blessed that the little girl we have now is happy and healthy and continue to count my blessings and it didn't in any way shape or form matter what month she was born.

With that said, I am starting to "plan" for our next, which will probably be the last. My first two pregnancies although physically ok, were emotionally traumatic. I want one last summer to enjoy with just DD, so I am intending to try towards the end of the summer for a spring child. My two other pregnancies were in the summer and they were difficult. I wrestled with this a lot, particularly because of my age (I'm 37) and it works for us.

Nobody understands better how much a healthy and happy baby should not be taken for granted, in whatever month he/she arrives. I guess what I am trying to say is that sometimes there are deeper reasons for the planning. KWIM? And we all have our different reasons. And it is ok.

Message edited 1/13/2011 9:52:34 AM.

Re: I am just gonna say it

After reading this thread, I begin to wonder if I was the only one that had NO plan at all.

Re: I am just gonna say it

Its annoying to hear people plan exact dates especially when you can't have a child because of responsibility/money/life in general. But I completely understand it. I mean if you can plan something then what is so wrong about it? I agree it is unfair to those who have fertility issues or just simply have to hold off on parenthood for other reasons but its only unfair because (i know for me) jealousy (yes its harsh but if you think about it, that is what it really boils down.)

My cousin's wife got pregnant she is due next month and she is obsessed with numbers. They had to be engaged by a certain day, married on a exact date, have a baby near a certain date, etc. All her dates/planning has worked for her and I realized after her baby shower how lucky she is. Yea they didn't buy a house as planned but it worked out better for them since they are living with her parents, her mother just retired and will care for the baby so now they have all that income to go to the baby, have childcare for free and have a great family bond to share with this child. Things happen when they happen and if you can choose when they happen that your fortunate (and hopefully you realize it) and for those who can't have HOPE there is a reason for it. Or at least this is my thinking.

Re: I am just gonna say it

I'm sure everyone realizes that just b/c you WANT something to happen at a certain time, in a certain way - there are of course, no guarantees. I don't think anyone is naive or stupid enough to assume everything always goings perfectly and nothing ever goes wrong -

But I can unerstand why people would want to TRY to plan these things as much as possible.

I didn't want to be 8 months PG in the middle of the summer - I loathe the heat and commute to Manhattan for work - Does that make me an insensitive jackaZZ ??

Re: I am just gonna say it

totally understand
i hand someone very close to me who knew all we were going through tell me dont try during xx month because then the baby would be born during xx month and i have so many other birthdays that month like my own dd, dh, and mom
i was like seriously i dont give a crap about your schedule im not taking a month off of trying for you, we didnt get pg that month and i was actually glad, dont want my dds with the same month bday as her dd, i would never hear the end of it and every bday party would be compared

Re: I am just gonna say it

I agree....unfortuantely for me I had a hard time getting PG, so I had no choice.

Re: I am just gonna say it

I don't dislike the idea of making plans--by nature, it just works out better for so many people to have a baby at certain times of year, and I do understand wanting to avoid a winter baby.

Sometimes people are so certain about it though, "I am going to have a spring/summer baby", that can be annoying. Clearly they don't know people who have had trouble conceiving or lost babies, or they wouldn't make statements like that.

We tried for about a year and a half, and let me tell you, I was DELIGHTED to have an early December baby when he came. Is this the month I would have chosen? No, but I just wanted a baby at that point, the month really didn't matter. My sister struggled too, and eventually adopted--she was ecstatic over her January baby.

Being terribly upset over the sex I have less tolerance for--as another poster said I can understand wanting a boy or a girl, but once you have your baby, get over it.