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cjik
Welcome 2010!
Member since 2/06 8879 total posts
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Re: I am just gonna say it
Posted by dpli
After reading this thread, I begin to wonder if I was the only one that had NO plan at all. 
No, we didn't ever have a plan either. Just started trying--I think we only took a break when I was on antibiotics for a bit. We are older parents though, and we knew it could take a long time.
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Posted 1/13/11 10:56 AM  |
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kathleeng
Member since 5/05 3775 total posts
Name:
Kathleen
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Re: I am just gonna say it
Posted by MrsB0118
This past weekend I had to listen to my SIL, who I call El Diabl go on & on. How she will get pregnant in two years, etc. When they left I looked at DH and said those exact words, we make plans and god laughs. I will never look to the edd month when we start ttc again. I got pregnant w/ dd our first month really trying. She wad due in June which was perfect b/c we live oos and my mom is a teacher. I did everything right. Exercised every day, ate super healthy, organic, took my vits religiously, didn't eat cold cuts, soft serve. Well my dd wad born at just shy of 32 weeks also. So when I hear ppl try to plan when their dc will be born I always think you never know. If we are blessed w/ more babies I don't care what month they are born. Be it during a flood, blizzard, etc. I just pray they are full term and don't have to fight to be here he way dd had to. So my SIL can take her plans and kiss my arse. I have noticed in life things tend to work out for folks like her. She will be over 30, drinks like a fish, etc. But she will get pregnant when she wants, deliver in her perfectly planned month. Life is funny that way.
I was one of these "folks like her". I was over 30, lived for happy hour, and postponed getting pregnant cause I wanted to enjoy my freedom and wanted for everything to be "perfect". I planned to get pregnant on our romantic getaway to the Dominican Republic. My wish came true and I found out I was preggo the very first day of 2008. Couldn't look any sweeter, huh? What I didn't tell you was that this perfectly planned pregnancy resulted in a serious heart defect for my precious son and the nightmarish task of me having to bury my own child. Believe me, it doesn't always work out.
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| Posted 1/13/11 11:03 AM |
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Bridex100
Two Under Two Mommy
Member since 3/08 10420 total posts
Name:
Momx100
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Re: I am just gonna say it
Posted by kathleeng
Posted by MrsB0118
This past weekend I had to listen to my SIL, who I call El Diabl go on & on. How she will get pregnant in two years, etc. When they left I looked at DH and said those exact words, we make plans and god laughs. I will never look to the edd month when we start ttc again. I got pregnant w/ dd our first month really trying. She wad due in June which was perfect b/c we live oos and my mom is a teacher. I did everything right. Exercised every day, ate super healthy, organic, took my vits religiously, didn't eat cold cuts, soft serve. Well my dd wad born at just shy of 32 weeks also. So when I hear ppl try to plan when their dc will be born I always think you never know. If we are blessed w/ more babies I don't care what month they are born. Be it during a flood, blizzard, etc. I just pray they are full term and don't have to fight to be here he way dd had to. So my SIL can take her plans and kiss my arse. I have noticed in life things tend to work out for folks like her. She will be over 30, drinks like a fish, etc. But she will get pregnant when she wants, deliver in her perfectly planned month. Life is funny that way.
I was one of these "folks like her". I was over 30, lived for happy hour, and postponed getting pregnant cause I wanted to enjoy my freedom and wanted for everything to be "perfect". I planned to get pregnant on our romantic getaway to the Dominican Republic. My wish came true and I found out I was preggo the very first day of 2008. Couldn't look any sweeter, huh? What I didn't tell you was that this perfectly planned pregnancy resulted in a serious heart defect for my precious son and the nightmarish task of me having to bury my own child. Believe me, it doesn't always work out.
I was in a similar boat. I went to college, grad school, met DH, got engaged, got married, got pregnant, had DS all in perfect timing in the exact months I wanted. I used to even have and still have an excel spreadsheet of a timeline of when I wanted to get pregnant for what due date.
DS was born with congenital heart defect and required two surgeries within the first 3 months of life. I would gladly have traded not having DS in the spring like I wanted for a healthy baby. Yes, I was and am always a planner but things don't always go as planned.
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| Posted 1/13/11 11:09 AM |
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Rycois
Blessed with 2blue/2pink
Member since 12/05 13341 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: I am just gonna say it
I don't think there is anything wrong with having a plan in mind - it's part of the excitement - so long as one understands that life isn't that perfect and, at least for me I believe, that God gives you a baby when you are meant to have that child.
My first two pregnancies took 6 and 3 months. And in retrospect I am grateful for that. Third (Colin) was a first shot when I had allotted 6 months to TTC for #2 - go figure. I know now why God blessed me with each pregancy (and with my loss). No doubt in my mind this is how it is supposed to be.
So while I may say I will never have a winter baby again due to illnesses (as I type this my sweet Colin is home with a bad case of pneumonia :( ), I know whenever/if ever I am blessed with another child I will have no complaints.
My point is, I get your sentiment but each woman comes to terms with this when its their turn, KWIM? To me, there is nothing wrong with hoping for the way you envision it - so long as you're not crushed when you learn God has his own plan. At least that's how I see it.
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| Posted 1/13/11 12:52 PM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: I am just gonna say it
Having gone through infertility myself with conceiving Yael through IVF, I don't take it personally. I am actually quite happy for those who ARE fortunate enough that they CAN plan these things. I would hope that everyone I ever care about has this kind of luxury and freedom 
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| Posted 1/13/11 12:55 PM |
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Metsmomma
Happy Winter!
Member since 1/09 5351 total posts
Name:
Renee
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Re: I am just gonna say it
you go girl!!!!!
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| Posted 1/13/11 1:00 PM |
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MamaB17
Back for baby #3
Member since 5/09 4065 total posts
Name:
N
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Re: I am just gonna say it
Posted by kathleeng
Posted by MrsB0118
This past weekend I had to listen to my SIL, who I call El Diabl go on & on. How she will get pregnant in two years, etc. When they left I looked at DH and said those exact words, we make plans and god laughs. I will never look to the edd month when we start ttc again. I got pregnant w/ dd our first month really trying. She wad due in June which was perfect b/c we live oos and my mom is a teacher. I did everything right. Exercised every day, ate super healthy, organic, took my vits religiously, didn't eat cold cuts, soft serve. Well my dd wad born at just shy of 32 weeks also. So when I hear ppl try to plan when their dc will be born I always think you never know. If we are blessed w/ more babies I don't care what month they are born. Be it during a flood, blizzard, etc. I just pray they are full term and don't have to fight to be here he way dd had to. So my SIL can take her plans and kiss my arse. I have noticed in life things tend to work out for folks like her. She will be over 30, drinks like a fish, etc. But she will get pregnant when she wants, deliver in her perfectly planned month. Life is
funny that way.
I am so sorry this happened to you. Sorry if I hit a sore spot. My SIL just irks me in everything she does.
I was one of these "folks like her". I was over 30, lived for happy hour, and postponed getting pregnant cause I wanted to enjoy my freedom and wanted for everything to be "perfect". I planned to get pregnant on our romantic getaway to the Dominican Republic. My wish came true and I found out I was preggo the very first day of 2008. Couldn't look any sweeter, huh? What I didn't tell you was that this perfectly planned pregnancy resulted in a serious heart defect for my precious son and the nightmarish task of me having to bury my own child. Believe me, it doesn't always work out.
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| Posted 1/13/11 1:35 PM |
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RandiG
Love my Boys!
Member since 7/09 4440 total posts
Name:
Randi
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Re: I am just gonna say it
I am somebody that can look at this from both sides of the fence. I have no issues getting pregnant, but I do have issues carrying. Even though I know that miscarriage is a possibility I still "tried" to get pregnant during a certain time of the year and I plan to "try" again for around the same time for a our second. I am sorry for any person that has experienced any type of loss or has gone through months of trying to get pregnant, but IMHO I don't think anybody states this sort of thing with intent to hurt a person that is having trouble.
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| Posted 1/13/11 1:51 PM |
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Re: I am just gonna say it
Posted by LoveyQ
I totally get what you're saying, and I think most people would be happy with a healthy baby ANY time of year over no baby or a sick baby.
But I think everyone has a right to feel how they feel. Why is it bad to have a preference? It doesn't mean you won't be happy if it doesn't happen. It doesn't mean that you ONLY want a baby under the circumstances of your preferred situation. They're not mutually exclusive, KWIM?
I had a preference. I was hoping to not be very pregnant during the hot summer months because I happen to get sick in the heat every single year and I imagined that being pregnant would make it worse.
I was lucky enough to get pregnant and be due in early May. Great, avoided the hot summer months.
Then I developed severe toxemia (pre eclampsia) and gave birth just before 32 weeks. The doctors came in to prep me for a baby that might be still born, that might have cerebral palsy or major developmental delays. Besides being scared for my life, I was scared for my sweet little baby. I was very lucky to come out of it ok myself, and even more lucky to have a healthy baby.
You plan and God laughs. I believe it. I lived it.
It still doesn't mean that I wouldn't have a preference next time. Yes, I'll be happy with a healthy baby no matter what, but if I could avoid being pregnant in the hot summer months and go full term, that would be ideal. But if I get pregnant and am due in, say, September, and will have to spend my third trimester in the hottest months, I won't be mad or won't NOT want my baby... I will still hope for a healthy baby and be happy to be blessed. It's just a preference. It doesn't make a difference in what will actually happen. If someone wants to try for what they prefer, that doesn't affect anyone. It's their perogative and they MAY get what they want, and they may not. What does it really matter?
You know this, but every time I hear your story or think about the week our babies were born and see how beautiful and healthy and happy Henry is, I tear up with such happiness! Truly a miracle and a reason to smile!
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| Posted 1/13/11 2:09 PM |
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Jan1975
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Member since 8/09 3846 total posts
Name:
Sarah
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Re: I am just gonna say it
I totally get where you are coming from. I am THAT person who planned and was successful...on the first try. We wanted an April/May baby because DH and I are teachers and I wanted to stay home until September (I am still home, that's another story).
Anyway, I remember being in the 2ww and thinking to myself, Holy Sh!t, what if it doesn't work??? Luckily, and I mean by the grace of God, it happened so easily for us.
However, one of my best friends is going through infertility treatment right now and I kick myself for telling her, before she got pregnant, how easy it was Bad advice. All I can do is be there for her. Now when I talk about having another one (down the road) I am not so cavalier about it because, really, you never know.
Message edited 1/13/2011 2:11:27 PM.
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| Posted 1/13/11 2:11 PM |
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maybesoon
LIF Adult
Member since 9/09 5981 total posts
Name:
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Re: I am just gonna say it
everyones situation is different. some people decide oh this is a great month for baby and BAM they are pregnant. I thought I would get pregnant the month I started trying . I wanted a spring baby, but it took 4 months for us to conceive DS, he was a fall baby. at the end of the day it didn't matter. it's nice to plan baby for a certain time, but it doesn't always work out.
second baby, I got pregnant first shot and had the spring baby. I was thrilled, then I realized it was too hot to do anything w/a newborn during the summer 
Message edited 1/24/2011 11:34:15 AM.
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| Posted 1/24/11 11:32 AM |
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LoveyQ
Stalkers, get a life.
Member since 11/07 12820 total posts
Name:
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Re: I am just gonna say it
Posted by munchkinfacemama
Posted by LoveyQ
...
You know this, but every time I hear your story or think about the week our babies were born and see how beautiful and healthy and happy Henry is, I tear up with such happiness! Truly a miracle and a reason to smile!
I never saw your post, just seeing it now that this was bumped. 
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| Posted 1/24/11 11:58 AM |
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JennyPenny
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Member since 1/08 12702 total posts
Name:
Jen
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Re: I am just gonna say it
As someone who went through IF, it doesn't bother me at this point because I have DD now. And I always wanted to have summer babies. That's what I got. But I wasn't planning it that way- just worked out that way.
Before I got pregnant I was probably right there with you, feeling crappy about someone else's decisions.
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| Posted 1/24/11 12:18 PM |
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beachgirl13
Mommy to 3 boys!
Member since 5/05 4114 total posts
Name:
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Re: I am just gonna say it
I always think the opposite-that it's nice people are optimistic about it and think they will get pregnant right away. Because I was the exact opposite, I thought I'd have problems. I heard all these infertility stories and thought what if that's me. I was very lucky and got pregnant right away. When I wanted a second, I kept hearing about people having trouble conceiving a 2nd child, so I convinced DH it was going to take us a while and we should try right away. I was lucky to get pregnant the first try. The third one, I wasn't even trying, so I realize how lucky I am. So I'm jealous of people that have such a breezy attitude about ttc, because I was a negative nelly before even trying. Turns out, I should have had that breezy attitude bc it was so easy for me to get preggo. So you never know.
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| Posted 1/24/11 12:30 PM |
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casey31
Mommy of 3!
Member since 5/05 2967 total posts
Name:
Mommy to two boys and a girl
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Re: I am just gonna say it
I would never fault anyone for "planning"- everyone has a right to what makes them happy as long as they don't hurt anyone else.
I get that it is hurtful for you- I was lucky to not experience infertilty but Ic an see why those comments feel hurtful.
To me, though it sounds naive- some women CAN plan, and some women CAN'T plan their babies- but ALL of us will realize the truth to the "God laughs when you plan" saying in our lifetime.
Whether its with baby planning or other things.
I was very blessed that God laughed at me with an unplanned baby- it was the biggest gift and miracle I will ever get.
But, when my mom told me she had cancer a few days after I told her I was carrying her third grandchild I really got that He can laugh another way too....
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| Posted 1/24/11 1:34 PM |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: I am just gonna say it
Along the lines of the girl, boy thing, I have to share this story. My mil. Tells it every chance she gets and it always makes me  when she was going in for her c-s for #3, she told them not to wake her up unless its a girl. (She had 2 boys already). So the dr woke her up and told her she had the baby. So she says "I had a girl". They say no its a boy! So she tells them I told you not to wake me up unless its a girl. It makes my skin crawl to hear it. And I heard it over and over when I was pg with #2, we were team green. As for the planners, I just let the talk. It may work out for them.
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| Posted 1/24/11 1:59 PM |
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