I feel like everyone's against me and now I feel like a failure.

DS will be 4 weeks tomorrow. Things started off great with BF then it slowly went down hill. DS was born at 8lbs 15oz, left the hospital at 8lbs 5 oz, 2 days later was 8lbs 10oz, then a week later went to 9lbs. 11 days later at his check up he only went up to 9lbs 4oz. the doctor wasnt crazy concerned, but still concerned. he should have gained more by then. he knows i want to BF so he said he will give me more time to get him to gain more weight and gave me the number to a LC.

meanwhile, my DH and his mother have been pushing me to put DS on formula. Saying...we were both formula babies and we turned out fine. it's easier for me...yeah yeah yeah. i know all this but that doesnt mean i dont want to BF. now with this weight issue my mom is joining the bandwagon and telling me i should use formula. i feel like no one is supporting me to keep BFing.

i did call the LC and we have been keeping in touch over the phone until DS's weight check on Monday. ive been logging everything for her in the meantime and things were going good. until 2 days ago DS started eating every hour and screaming when hes not eating. the LC told me hes going through a growth spurt and this is normal. just keep putting him to the boob each time he wants it. so ive been doing that but he just keeps screaming. so last night i caved and gave him 3oz of formula after being on the boob for over a half hour. he ate the whole thing then went to sleep for 4 hours. i feel like ive been starving my baby. at the next feeding i gave him another 3 oz and he slept for 3 more hours. at the next feeding i put him back on the boob and he slept.

lately when i pump im maybe pumping 2 oz at a time total. now im thinking i should forget the BF and just keep him on formula. i tried drinking dark beer like my ped suggested (and i HATE beer), i called the LC, im pumping, i put him to the boob every time he wants and it just looks like im not producing enough for him. if he doesnt gain enough by monday the ped will probably tell me he has to be on formula. i dont want to get to the point where im being told im starving my baby.

this is just really upsetting. now i feel like i failed and i have to admit everyone was right about the formula.

thanks for letting me vent. im still torn about what to do whether i should keep BF or just give the formula. what do u guys think?

Re: I feel like everyone's against me and now I feel like a failure.

a friend once told me that nursing would be the hardest thing i would ever do.. boy was she right... ds latched in the ldr and NEVER again... so i had to pump... then he had breast milk jaundice and had to be put on formula for a few days... then a week later i had mastitis and thrush... so ds was back on formula... after that he was such a big eater i had to supplement due to him drinking 65 ounces a day.... but i pushed through and kept on pumping.... meanwhile, my unsupportive parents kept passing comments about how i was llike a cow and should be mooing.... or you are are going to be attached to that pump forever... the comments only got worse when i found out i was preg with #2 and decided, with the ok from my pb and ped, to keep going until ds was ready for milk... all in all i pumped for 10 months... but in the very begining i truly felt like you did.. and so my friend was right.... i just kept reminding myself of all the benefits for you and the baby and found a supportive shoulder to lean on (who was actualy my dh)

Re: I feel like everyone's against me and now I feel like a failure.

im sorry i cant offer any advice i didnt choose to bf but i give youso much credit for being so devoted to it.. if its something you want to do maybe continue doing it while supplementing with formula? I hope it works out for you!

Re: I feel like everyone's against me and now I feel like a failure.

First of all, don't feel like a failure. You are a good mom and doing the best you can for your baby. I had a similar problem since my son was so big (born at 9lbs, 5.2 ozs), I was having trouble keeping up with his voracious appetite. What I have decided to do is breastfeed exclusively during the day and supplement with formula at night when he is hungriest. It seems to be working out ok. I would say breastfeed as much as you can, and if you feel he is still hungry, supplement with a little formula. It will all be ok.

Re: I feel like everyone's against me and now I feel like a failure.

See..i was the total opposite. DS wouldnt latch at the hospital. and b/c his sugar was low they gave him formula right after birth. So for a few days i kept him on it while trying to get him to latch.

I then tried pumping and got maybe a 3 oz bottle from one boob. Nothing had really come in so im not sure if i waited too long or is something was actually wrong with my boobs. For days i was so upset b/c nothing was working. at this point he was already a week old, on formula which was upsetting DS, back and forth to dr's and ER visits, I was mentally and physically exhausted. Not the first week home i had pictured.

The thought of pumping and nursing actually made me worse. I didnt have the energy or mental capacity to do it. Once i decided it wasnt for me, i was much happier and able to be a better mom mentally and physically.

If BF is what you want to do, stick with it. You can supplement with formula...lots of people do that. You need to do whats right for you and DS. Never mind what the grandma's say or what anyone else says. You're the one feeding him and taking care of him most of the time so you need to do what you feel is best.

If you think you can stick with feeding him and ok with supplementing with formula, go for it.

Re: I feel like everyone's against me and now I feel like a failure.

Your Not alone! I went through the same thing at first too. I had to supplement with formula, because DD was screaming for food but there was nothing left in my breast. I cried and cried, my husband didn't see what the big deal was. Your body will start producing more. Have you tried Fenugreek, or mothers ilk tincture? Eating Oatmeal and drinking both gingerale, and gatorade has helped me a TON. If you want to breastfeed Keep putting Ds to breast, before every supplement, and keep pumping to help get your supply up, then you wont feel like your starving DS, and you get to keep breastfeeding, so he is still getting the good stuff too. and you can prove them all wrong! :)\\

Re: I feel like everyone's against me and now I feel like a failure.

Don't give up due to lack of support. You will regret it and you will resent the people who were not supportive. Personally, I see nothing wrong with supplementing but know that doing that may cause your supply to decrease even more. Remember that any amount of breastmilk is better than none at all. The switch to formula does not have to be all or nothing but if you do it, keep BFing as much as possible. I switched entirely to formula at 2 weeks for medical reasons and it was very difficult mentally.

Re: I feel like everyone's against me and now I feel like a failure.

Regardless of whether you continue - or stop - you are NOT a failure. You are a mother who wants to do the right thing for her child. That is NEVER a fail. Sometimes it doesn't work out how we intend.

I also want to throw you some love because I KNOW how hard it is to breastfeed - and also to breastfeed when the troops seem to be against you. I can't tell you the amount of agita Rob's family gave me about my 'weird' desire to BF. I felt like a loon around them, it stressed me out and it made my milk production suffer when they were around.

I say that as the Mommy, you are best equipped to know what is right for your child. Do what you feel in your heart is the right thing for YOUR child and I promise it will work out.

Re: I feel like everyone's against me and now I feel like a failure.

My DD is going through a growth spurt too, she is 2 1/2 weeks and is on the boob every hour. It is NORMAL, and trust me, EVERY baby does this!

If your DS is gaining, and has the right amount of poop and pee diapers I wouldn't be concerned. Also, if you are concerned about your supply, the worst thing to do right now would be cutting back on feeding. Every time your DS nurses he is stimulating your body to produce more milk. It is important to continue that.

And the amount you get when you poump isn't an accurate gauge of your milk production whatsoever. So don't stress.

Re: I feel like everyone's against me and now I feel like a failure.

oh my goodness, if you want to keep breastfeeding, don't let anyone stop you. My biggest regret has been that i stopped breastfeedling. I only did it for 3 days and finally broke down after the ped told me to formula feed becasue DS had jaundice and everyone said it was ok to do formula. I was an emotional and medical mess so my family was worried that the added stress of breastfeeding would just add to my issues. I even gave up pumping and i had a crazy supply. My mind wasn't in the right place.

I think i will regret it for the rest of my life. I feel like i failed my child. Like I wasn't strong enough to fight for what he needed and was best for him. I shed many, many, many. many tears over this and have felt a ton of guilt. It has taken me 5 weeks to finally let it go and i still have residual feelings of guilt.
I even tried to re-lactate at 3.5 weeks PP but i wasn't able to get my supply back.

Just take some deep breaths and think about what you really want, not what others are saying. And remember, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. You can BF and supplement with formula. Or you can choose to pump and bottle feed him breast milk. You have options. Don't stop unless you really want to and even then, push yourself to go a few more days just to make sure its what you want.

If you need to talk just FM me, i know how you are feeling and if i can spare you any of what i felt afterwards, i would in a heart beat.

Re: I feel like everyone's against me and now I feel like a failure.

I'm going through this right now as well. I never put DS to breast (well, he was in the NICU in the beginning and being tube fed with breast milk and when I put him to breast at one point he stopped breathing, so it totally freaked me out). I've been pumping and feeding him that but it seems my supply is slowly diminishing. I've always supplemented with formula but lately the breast milk has been feast or famine. Have you tried just bottle feeding him breast milk rather than putting him to breast if you want him to have breast milk and supplementing if you need to? This way you know how much he's getting for sure?

Re: I feel like everyone's against me and now I feel like a failure.

You are not a failure and you can't control your body. Maybe you can breastfeed and formula feed so you are giving your son the best of both. Talk to the ped about this. You will still be giving him the nutrients from breastmilk and the bonding, but youwill also fulfull his hunger with formula. Just an idea

Re: I feel like everyone's against me and now I feel like a failure.

You are NOT a failure, and don't let anyone make you feel like you should stop...if you want to BF, then continue on.

I would def. try More Milk Plus (the liquid)..you can buy it at Whole Foods. Or Fenugreek. And Mother's Milk Tea...in conjuction wit more milk plus, it helps alot. Eat oatmeal, and drink tons of water. Most importantly, nurse frequently. If you supplement a feeding with formula, then pump so your breasts still get stimulated. Try pumping after feedings too..even if nothing comes out, you are still stimulating your supply.

BFing def. not easy, but it will get easier over time. I battled flat nipples, trouble weaning off the nipple shield, and having to go dairy free because DS has a milk protein sensitivity, but here I am, 9 months and 3 pediatricians later (until I found one that supported me), and I still exclusively BF.

Many for you...FM if you have any other questions...hang in there!!!

Re: I feel like everyone's against me and now I feel like a failure.

I wanted to BF my son too. I tried desperately in the hospital and he would never latch, the LC tried to help me, nothing worked. When I got home I decided to pump and I did that for 6 weeks and supp w formula at night.Most I ever got was around 8 oz total. I was pumping on demand basically, I would have a bottle for the feeding I was doing at the time and maybe one for the next feeding. Then I was only getting 4 or 5 oz at a time. It was really stressful. Eventually my supply decreased a lot and I transitioned to formula. I like you, felt like a failure, but you know what, I did what I could. And I - the mother- felt ok with giving him formula. It is not the end of the world and the baby will get the nutrition he needs. We use Good Start, I was told by my peds office that it was most similiar to BM. For some people BFing works like a charm and for others its challenging. It was so challenging for me that I began to break down. I just wanted my DS to be fed. You do what you have to do.

Message edited 11/14/2009 5:49:13 PM.

Re: I feel like everyone's against me and now I feel like a failure.

thank you so much for your replies! they really did help. i knew if i cant get support at home i can get it here. i decided to give DS formula today since he's been so hungry and it just seems so much easier. he's eating 3-4 ounces and isnt screaming and has been sleeping soundly. maybe this just is the better way to go for him. im barely producing enough for him and he seems happier now. i did try for 4 weeks, so at least i have that. i forgot to add that im using a nipple shield since birth because of flat nipples so that was hard too.

so thanks again everyone!

Re: I feel like everyone's against me and now I feel like a failure.

Only you can decide whether it's worth it to BF. BFing is so incredibly hard, especially the first 6-8 weeks. At the beginning, babies go through growth spurts every few weeks. It's completely normal for them to eat constantly during a growth spurt. Also, many babies take a long time to nurse, especially at the beginning. DS nursed for 45-60 minutes as a newborn. When he went through growth spurts, I barely got any break.

You shouldn't judge your production by the amount you're pumping. Babies are much more efficient at getting the milk than a pump. Babies also stimulate production, which is why LCs recommend putting the baby to the breast as much as possible. Supplementing can lower your supply. It can be frustrating, but the best way to judge whether DC is getting enough is by the number of wet and dirty diapers.

If you want to continue BFing, drink plenty of water, make sure you're eating enough, eat oatmeal, and try Mother's Milk Tea and/or More Milk Plus.

I wanted to quit every day for the first 6-8 weeks. I wouldn't have been able to continue if DH wasn't so supportive. You need a good support system. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Re: I feel like everyone's against me and now I feel like a failure.

You are not a failure. It sucks that people are giving you no support.

DS has never been good at latching. In the hospital I couldn't get him to latch more then a few times and even after I got home, it just didn't work great.

Now, at 10 weeks he will sometimes latch on - but it hurts like hell after just a little while (I think he gets tired and slips off a bit and then when he starts off again he's not on correctly and if I try to move him back he gets frustrated and it usually ends the session.) But, even when he's on for 20 min. he is still hungry after.

So what I have been doing is pumping about 3-4 times a day - not getting enough to satisfy him so I usually alternate what I feed him. BM one feeding then formula the next, and so on.

I really wanted to be able to supply him all myself and was really disappointed, but now we have a system - he's gaining weight really well. And I could probably make myself crazy trying to get more milk or push the nursing more, but really, he's happy and I figure whatever BM he gets is good even if it's not exclusive.

So, what I'm saying is try to give yourself a break - find what is most comfortable for you and baby and as long as he's doing ok, tell other people to butt out.

Good luck!!

Re: I feel like everyone's against me and now I feel like a failure.

I was in a similar situation as you. In the beginning I had lots of problems -- clogged ducts, bleeding racked nips, a baby with a milk allergy, you name it. Everyone told me to just put her on formula, but I kept going, got an LC, and was able to keep nursing despite the obstacles. Now at 8 1/2 months, we are still nursing! You can totally do it -- just don't give up! If the baby doesn't nurse alot at a feeding, make sure you pump right after, and drink plenty of water. I find that my supply is lowest when I don't drink enough. Good luck!

Re: I feel like everyone's against me and now I feel like a failure.

I'm new to bf-ing and I hear you. I have to supplement with formula right now. It's ok to supplement...even to give formula exclusively if that's what needs to happen...but keep at it. It's a hard thing to do and very easy to lose motivation because of it. Just realize it's ok if you have to supplement now and just keep bf-ing (my doc told me 15 min each boob and if hes still hungry than formula). The more you try the more you will stimulate production. Hang in there
Most importantly, people are wonderful about giving free advice...but YOU are DC's mom...don't let other people's recommendations sway you either way. This is between you, DH, DC, and your pediatrician. If your pediatrician is not telling you to stop than don't stop...supplement if DC is still hungry.