I feel trapped..

I just need to vent and ask for advice. We bought our house in 2008 in which we thought would be a starter home. Well now that a few years have passed things have become more difficult financially. We were hoping to move into a larger house or add an extension and right now it doesn't seem possible. We are trying so hard to save and its literally impossible (things keep going wrong, we have to replace something else, etc; the list is endless). We cannot in any way have children here. There is no room for them at all, So now I'm in a position where I'm thinking of not even having kids at all, and it breaks my heart. I'm just so stressed; I've been crying every single day, and I just feel like things are hopeless. I settled on this house (my mistake) and I hate living here; I feel like I'm busting my butt at work for nothing (it all goes to bills). Is there anyone out there who was in a similiar situation who can give me advice, hope, anything, because I'm really losing hope here. I hate to sound negative (because I hate being like that) but I really feel things will never get better. They haven't since my Dh was laid off in 2008, get this, 4 months after we bought our house. I guess what I'm asking for is words of encouragement and advice..

Re: I feel trapped..

I think i remember you posted pictures of your house when you first bought it, before the wedding, and i remember it was a really nice house. If you have more than one bedroom I think you can totally have kids in the house. I remember the pics you posted your house had a very large new master bathroom. I remember it being really pretty

Alot of people are in the same boat, paying bills on a place your not 100% HAPPY with but at least you have a house, there are alot of people who wish they could have one and don't.

My DH as a different way of paying bills, He feels like he is accomplishing something with each bill he pays. He feels good about paying bills. I know not everyone thinks like that.

Try not to stress, and keep saving up for your renovation or your dream house.

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Re: I feel trapped..

My brother had 3 1/2 kids and a dog in a two bedroom apartment.

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If you have one extra bedroom you have more than I did when we had DS. We lived in a one bedroom coop that I LOVED until DS was nearly 6 months old. If you and DH want to have a child, try to have one. I wouldn't let space stop me. Your child will never know the difference.

Good luck and keep saving for those renovations

Re: I feel trapped..

Of course you can have kids!!!!! DH and I live in a 1 bdrm apt in manhattan and have a 10.5 month old. Is it tight? Sure. But we make it work. DS's crib is in our room since it's the only bdrm, his changing table/dresser are at one end of the living room along with a bookcase and his toychest. We removed our coffee table in the living room and it's now his play area. Have we sacrificed our own "adult" space? Sure, but we wouldn't change it for a second, you just get used to the baby taking over. We don't even have a washer/dryer in our apt, we have to go to a laundromat, so if you have that you're more than 100 steps ahead of us.

People think they NEED so much space/things when they have a baby. All a baby NEEDS is a place to lay his head (it does not have to be his own room) and you. So don't be discouraged. If financially you can't swing moving or extending, but you and DH both want to start TTC then go for it. Your baby will have will all the love and attention he needs no matter how big or small your house is.

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Why couldn't you have a child in a two bedroom house? See...totally think there is something wrong with our generation...our parents had kids in small two bedroom apartments and we alll turned out fine. You will be fine. I would be more concerned with affording the cost of daycare if you don't have any one to watch the child. That's a huge cost!

Re: I feel trapped..

Posted by ruby

Of course you can have kids!!!!! DH and I live in a 1 bdrm apt in manhattan and have a 10.5 month old. Is it tight? Sure. But we make it work. DS's crib is in our room since it's the only bdrm, his changing table/dresser are at one end of the living room along with a bookcase and his toychest. We removed our coffee table in the living room and it's now his play area. Have we sacrificed our own "adult" space? Sure, but we wouldn't change it for a second, you just get used to the baby taking over. We don't even have a washer/dryer in our apt, we have to go to a laundromat, so if you have that you're more than 100 steps ahead of us.

People think they NEED so much space/things when they have a baby. All a baby NEEDS is a place to lay his head (it does not have to be his own room) and you. So don't be discouraged. If financially you can't swing moving or extending, but you and DH both want to start TTC then go for it. Your baby will have will all the love and attention he needs no matter how big or small your house is.

Re: I feel trapped..

Posted by MrsFlatbread

Why couldn't you have a child in a two bedroom house? See...totally think there is something wrong with our generation...our parents had kids in small two bedroom apartments and we alll turned out fine. You will be fine. I would be more concerned with affording the cost of daycare if you don't have any one to watch the child. That's a huge cost!

Re: I feel trapped..

Posted by MeeshMosh

Posted by MrsFlatbread

Why couldn't you have a child in a two bedroom house? See...totally think there is something wrong with our generation...our parents had kids in small two bedroom apartments and we alll turned out fine. You will be fine. I would be more concerned with affording the cost of daycare if you don't have any one to watch the child. That's a huge cost!

haha so true!! my uncle had my 2 cousins 14 months apart and they lived in a one bedroom apt! and they are fine lol

i agree with everyone above me... OF COURSE you can have kids.... dont let the fact that you hate your house stop you from having kids if you want to have kids

is there any way to build walls and add another room someplace in the house? DH and i have discussed doing this if we have more than one kid... i think you should start thinking about that before thinking about doing an extension or buying a new house

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Re: I feel trapped..

There is always room for kids.....we live in a tiny co-op and have a son, its all about being super organized and really purging the stuff you dont need.

My aunt had a one year old and infant twins in a 1BR co-op and made it work.

Its totally possible.

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If I could show you the size of the BR I lived in at home - as an ADULT - with the smallest closet ever - you'd rethink whatever you're thinking.

I know you feel hopeless and trapped but seriously - the more you let yourself think like that - the worse it will be.

Where there's a will, there's a way Kristin.

Re: I feel trapped..

Posted by ruby

Of course you can have kids!!!!! DH and I live in a 1 bdrm apt in manhattan and have a 10.5 month old. Is it tight? Sure. But we make it work. DS's crib is in our room since it's the only bdrm, his changing table/dresser are at one end of the living room along with a bookcase and his toychest. We removed our coffee table in the living room and it's now his play area. Have we sacrificed our own "adult" space? Sure, but we wouldn't change it for a second, you just get used to the baby taking over. We don't even have a washer/dryer in our apt, we have to go to a laundromat, so if you have that you're more than 100 steps ahead of us.

People think they NEED so much space/things when they have a baby. All a baby NEEDS is a place to lay his head (it does not have to be his own room) and you. So don't be discouraged. If financially you can't swing moving or extending, but you and DH both want to start TTC then go for it. Your baby will have will all the love and attention he needs no matter how big or small your house is.

Re: I feel trapped..

Posted by Jenn627

If I could show you the size of the BR I lived in at home - as an ADULT - with the smallest closet ever - you'd rethink whatever you're thinking.

I know you feel hopeless and trapped but seriously - the more you let yourself think like that - the worse it will be.

Where there's a will, there's a way Kristin.

Re: I feel trapped..

I have friends w/ 2 small children who live in a 480 square foot 1BR apt. It may not be ideal, but is totally do-able. Hang it there....things will work out!

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we have a small 2 bedroom coop and we're still trying- I hate to see you give up your dream of children Kristin for space- you can make it work just have to be creative!

I know for us, for at least the first year of the baby's life, they will likely sleep in our bedroom, and then eventually, we will convert what is now our small office into the baby room... hopefully down the line we will have enough $$ to add on (we are on the 2nd floor and can build up) or we can buy a house

either way, we will make it work- and you can too!

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Dont think its the size of the house sometimes when we are overwhelmed our world becomes very small.

Never give up your dream of not having kids cause you feel your house is too small, kids dont care as long as their is a home and love.

Sounds like financial stressors are really burdening you... Sorry lady

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Re: I feel trapped..

I agree with what the previous posters said -the size of your house should not impact your decision to have kids. Just make sure that financially you can handle everything while you are out on maternity leave, etc.

We bought a house at the beginning of this year with the intention of doing a lot of renovations right away. Well, we got maybe a third of what we wanted to done, and had to stop because we didn't want to get in over our heads during tough economic times.

Is our house how we want it to be? No, but we are still grateful to have it.

I hope you start to feel better about things soon!

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i hope you feel better after reading the above posts...i know it's hard to separate wants and needs....it's true though, people have children all over the world with much less then us! who knows what the future will bring. by the time the baby is 3 or 4 you might be in a much different place!

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I have a friend that lives in a tiny apartment in Forest Hills with her husband and 2 children.

Her 8 year old daughter's "room" is a sectioned off part of the KITCHEN where a table and chairs would go.

Their son is almost 3 years old and still shares the master bedroom with his parents.

Their living room is a playroom and they have 1 tiny bathroom.

Is it ideal? No. But you make due.

Hey...my grandmother slept in a DRAWER IN HER MOTHER's DRESSER when she was a baby cause there was no other room for her.

You don't need a ton of space to have children. You need a ton of love and a safe place to rest their head at night.

Good luck!

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Is selling the house an option??? If you could sell w/o losing much money....you could then rent until you find your dream home.

Owning a home is great, but there's nothing wrong with renting. Some may see it as 'throwing money away', but you may actually save more money by renting in the long run.

Good luck!!!!