I have reached the limit of my sanity and I could really use some support.

I'm really sorry to unload this here, but I'm really, honestly on the verge of a nervous breakdown. I need to put this out there before I honestly lose my mind. I've reached my limit lately. I honestly cannot handle my life right now.
I've basically over-extended the amount of favors I can ask of people in my life, so there's nothing that I can really do to change anything right now. My mother informed me this morning that she can no longer handle helping me out with Ava. She's too overwhelmed with the fact that my dad has prostate cancer and needs surgery. Then she told me that she also cannot handle us living with her anymore, and that I need to get my house renovated as quickly as possible so that we get out of her life. The problem with this is that we're basically using family to renovate our bathroom. The family members beign my dad and my BIL. That means that we basically have to work around their schedules because they're doing us a favor by redoing the bathroom. My father has no problem doing the work on our house, but my mother is so mentally unstable and is freaking out that he is helping us. My BIL is kind enough to be doign this for us, but how much can we really ask of him since we're not paying him? And NO, we CANNOT afford to hire a contractor to finish the work. We used every last cent we had to buy this house. We bought it with the understanding that my father and BIL were going to do the work on the bathroom. So, we can't even live in this house because there's no working shower, we're relying on two other people's schedules to get the work done, my husband is completely useless because he knows nothign about doing home renovation. I'm stuck at work everyday for the next three weeks until 5pm (2 hours longer than I should be) because I have a musical coming up on the 17th of May, but now I have no one to watch Ava, so I have to watch her while trying to conduct rehearsals. I have a babysitter two days a week, but I cannot afford to have her come any more days a week. My husband is unwilling to help me by taking any days off of work. My friends have all helped me so much lately that I can no longer ask them for help. My aunts have helped me so much that I can no longer ask them for help. My grandparents have helped me so much that I can no longer ask them for help. My coworkers have even helped me so much that I can no longer ask them for help. I'm tapped out. I'm tapped out and on the verge of a mental breakdown. I cannot handle taking care of my daughter while working and renovating a house and dealing with my mentally unstable mother and useless husband. I don't even knwo if I'm making sense, but all I can say is that I'm really and truly scared right now and I don't know what to do. I've been hyperventillating on and off for the last two hours and panicking and I just don't know what to do.

Re: I have reached the limit of my sanity and I could really use some support.

Rachel,

Please try to calm down. I know it is hard, but take some deep breaths and try to relax.
I promise everything will work out. It may not seem like it - but it will.

Message edited 4/29/2008 7:35:31 AM.

Re: I have reached the limit of my sanity and I could really use some support.

we all have those crazy moment, lots of hugs to you

Re: I have reached the limit of my sanity and I could really use some support.

Rach, its going to be ok

Maybe we can do a gtg and see if some handy DHs (and moms) can help?? We could do a Sunday!

As for your mom, she kind of needs to just deal and it will be over with soon enough and then she will be begging you to bring Ava over all of the time!

Re: I have reached the limit of my sanity and I could really use some support.

Rachel, I am so sorry you are going through this. It is terrible that you are alone in this situation and I wish I could offer a solution, but can't think of anything. I pray that things get better for you soon. I guess the only piece of advice I can offer is to take it one day at a time. Thinking of the big picture can sometimes be overwhelming. I also assume that you did already speak with your mom about how hard this is on you, but probably got nowhere.

Message edited 4/29/2008 6:44:15 PM.

Re: I have reached the limit of my sanity and I could really use some support.

Posted by KateDevine



Rach, its going to be ok

Maybe we can do a gtg and see if some handy DHs (and moms) can help?? We could do a Sunday!

As for your mom, she kind of needs to just deal and it will be over with soon enough and then she will be begging you to bring Ava over all of the time!

Re: I have reached the limit of my sanity and I could really use some support.

Breathe. It will work out, it always does - you just have to keep it together for a few more short weeks, and I know, if you've had the strength to deal with your spirited, strong-willed little monkey so well thus far, you'll have the strength to pull through this one, which will only make you an even more unfathomable role model. Hang in there

Re: I have reached the limit of my sanity and I could really use some support.

Rach - you must feel so overwhelmed. First off - I'm sorry about your dad - I had no idea.

Does DH have any handy friends at all that he can call on to help you guys? It sounds like you have alot of people who want to help you so I would continue to rely on them right now. I'm sure they know and understand what you are going through.

Re: I have reached the limit of my sanity and I could really use some support.

I'm so sorry you are so overwhelmed.

Re: I have reached the limit of my sanity and I could really use some support.

Where is your house???

I know someone who could get that bathroom up and running....in trade for say....maybe some music lessons in the future???

Re: I have reached the limit of my sanity and I could really use some support.

It's s sucky feeling, the anxiety will make you go batty.
I was in the same situation when Gavin was born, no kitchen, nowhere to put anything because my "kitchen" was in my living room and dining room.
There were days when I just couldn't handle it.
First, take a few deep breaths and try to calm down a little.
Sometimes life throws us these curve balls and while it sux to be in the middle of it, when it's over, you'll be able to relax.
Unfortunately, you still may have to ask for some help, even if you think it's too much. No one is going to kill you for asking for help.
I would ask BIL what DH can do to help, go to the store, prep walls, little things....this will show BIL that you need to keep tha ball rolling and hopefully he will help ASAP.
My DH did all the work in our house too, so it is a slow go, I wish I could just have someone do it for us, but no.........

Good Luck!

Re: I have reached the limit of my sanity and I could really use some support.

Re: I have reached the limit of my sanity and I could really use some support.

Sorry to hear about your dad. Living through renovations is insane! Hang in there

Re: I have reached the limit of my sanity and I could really use some support.

What days/times do you need someone to watch Ava? I might be able to help..
Ryan would love a playdate!!!!

I also could rec'd a babysitter, if you were looking for hours that Im not available...

Re: I have reached the limit of my sanity and I could really use some support.

Breathe! Take it one day at a time.
I wish I knew someone to help you out.
I can try with the babysitting. Let me know.

Re: I have reached the limit of my sanity and I could really use some support.

sorry you are going through all of this...all I can say is that it WILL get better...focus on that gorgeous girl of yours

Re: I have reached the limit of my sanity and I could really use some support.

Hang in there.
Your mom has been a great source of help to you all this time, she's just feeling overwhelmed right now & probably just needs some hugs herself. She doesn't want you out of her life, just her life back the way it was!

As for your dad, sorry he's sick,prostate cancer is no joke but these days, VERY curable. It does him good to keep busy at your house.
The work will be done before you know it. Talk to your BIL and tell him whats going on,maybe he can bump up the work schedual. Also, dh MUST do something..ANYTHING so that at least there is effort shown. As another poster said-prep,demo,buy materials. Theres a HomeDepot on every corner.

Message edited 4/29/2008 10:41:44 PM.

Re: I have reached the limit of my sanity and I could really use some support.

ok deep breaths and venting is good and necessary! try to look at it from your mom's side too she's prob extremely worried about your dad and taking care of a child can get overwhelming at times too - rightfully so - so please try to be patient with her - maybe she just needs a little more reassurance/comfort from you with a promise that once you can get into your own home her life will have a little more order to it? do i make sense?? can you cut your work day at all to give her a break. cancer is horrible. and tell your DH he has to step up too

Message edited 4/29/2008 8:48:09 AM.

Re: I have reached the limit of my sanity and I could really use some support.

Hang in there rachel, i know it's hard now, but everything always works out and falls into place

Re: I have reached the limit of my sanity and I could really use some support.

Re: I have reached the limit of my sanity and I could really use some support.

I'm sure there are plenty of handy people on LIF who could help you with the rennovation. I know how to spackle (although not that great) and paint.

Maybe people could set up playdates to help with your DD.

Re: I have reached the limit of my sanity and I could really use some support.

If you were closer to me I'd take Ava while you were at school. And DH and I are both not handy. I'm so sorry, I'm useless to you.

Re: I have reached the limit of my sanity and I could really use some support.

Oh Rachel! I know it doesn't seem like it now, but This too shall pass. If I have learned anything as a mother, its how strong I can be. I know what its like to not have help or money, and I didn't have family, friends or coworkers available for help. It can be overwhelming, but try and think where you will be a year from now. You will look back and say, goddam, look what I survived. I am one hell of a strong kick a s s mama! Eta If you were closer and I didn't have my stepdaughtes to drive around on weekends I would so come and chill with ava!!!

Message edited 4/29/2008 9:03:05 AM.

Re: I have reached the limit of my sanity and I could really use some support.

One important thing I learned about family this past year is there is no such thing as asking for too much help.

I'm sure they know this is only temporary and that you wouldn't call out for help unless you really needed it. So don't worry too much about stretching them too thin.



Secondly, I think you have to have a real talk with your DH about his share of things and what his lack of involvement/initiative is doing to the situation. Rationally and logically discuss it.

I know it sucks - I've been there all too recently. But you will get through it.

Re: I have reached the limit of my sanity and I could really use some support.