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JRG71
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Member since 5/05 5025 total posts
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I haven't posted much, but I have a problem with my DD's Kindergarten class and could use some perspective from BTDT moms
My DD started Kindergarten this year. Her teacher announced at open school night that she was pregnant and would be going out on maternity leave around February and would be back in the Spring. I wasn't happy about this because this teacher was assigned my DD and 2 other children because of her experience with food allergies, but I was assured at our 504 meeting that the substitute teacher would be experienced, and with the aid, it wouldn't be a problem. Thankfully it hasn't been, but there are other issues.
There is a boy in the class that seems to be targeting my DD. He said some mean things to my DD about the color of her skin. I brought it to the attention of her teacher before she went out on maternity, and was assured that this boy wouldn't be allowed to sit at the same table as my DD and that they would discuss differences of people during class time. I guess the teacher never informed the new teacher about this boy because yesterday he was back sitting next to my DD and threatened her yesterday. To us as adults it may seem silly the way he threatened her, but she was up all night having nightmares.
I called DD's teacher this morning and she moved his seat again.
My question - Do you think I should call the principal? Or is this just normal stuff that I need to get used to?
Has anyone had issues like this, and if you did what did you do?
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Posted 3/9/11 9:07 AM  |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
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Re: I haven't posted much, but I have a problem with my DD's Kindergarten class and could use some perspective from BTDT moms
Call the principal & the school counselor. Follow up with an email. You do not get used to having your child bullied.
Schools are taking a very big stance on bullying. They have whole campaigns around it.
I'm sure Beth will chime in but it's also a human right issue.
I'm sorry this is happening to your daughter.
edited to add:
There was a bully in kindergarten in our school. He did a complete 180 & is now one of the kindest kids. I credit our school counselor for working with him, along with his mom for getting him into counseling. From my experience, the kids that felt the worst about themselves & were bullied somewhere else in their lives are the ones that bully.
Message edited 3/9/2011 9:20:43 AM.
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| Posted 3/9/11 9:17 AM |
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Elizabeth
Mom of Three
Member since 9/05 7900 total posts
Name:
"MOMMY!!!"
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Re: I haven't posted much, but I have a problem with my DD's Kindergarten class and could use some perspective from BTDT moms
I haven't had something that direct go on, but we've had some experiences with other kids and behaviors.I'd talk to the new teacher again right away and if it continues, whether on the playground or in class or anything, I'd call the principal. It's bullying. Period. No one should have to deal with that. If it was subjective ("he's bothering me", "she's bothering me" stuff back & forth), it's one thing but out & out harrassing behavior that is known by the teacher and being dealt with and still going on, needs to be handled at a higher level if it hasn't stopped. I would assume the parent has been called but that's not your concern, they just need it to stop.
Sorry she is experiencing this But between it being bullying, making fun of skin color difference and that she is so upset, I would think the school would be on top of it. I've been called for far less, believe me!
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| Posted 3/9/11 9:22 AM |
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JRG71
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Member since 5/05 5025 total posts
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Re: I haven't posted much, but I have a problem with my DD's Kindergarten class and could use some perspective from BTDT moms
Posted by nrthshgrl
Call the principal & the school counselor. Follow up with an email. You do not get used to having your child bullied.
Schools are taking a very big stance on bullying. They have whole campaigns around it.
I'm sure Beth will chime in but it's also a human right issue.
I'm sorry this is happening to your daughter.
edited to add:
There was a bully in kindergarten in our school. He did a complete 180 & is now one of the kindest kids. I credit our school counselor for working with him, along with his mom for getting him into counseling. From my experience, the kids that felt the worst about themselves & were bullied somewhere else in their lives are the ones that bully.
I called and left a message for the principal to call me back.
It's funny that you say schools have huge campaigns about bullying - Our school does too. What I found interesting when I called the 1st teacher about the 1st incident (about my DD's skin color), she schooled me on teaching my daughter to speak up for and defend herself. Is that what these campaigns teach?
I hope that this kid can get help if he needs it.
I've met his parents - They seem ok, but I guess you never know.
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| Posted 3/9/11 9:43 AM |
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JRG71
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Member since 5/05 5025 total posts
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Re: I haven't posted much, but I have a problem with my DD's Kindergarten class and could use some perspective from BTDT moms
Posted by Elizabeth
I haven't had something that direct go on, but we've had some experiences with other kids and behaviors.I'd talk to the new teacher again right away and if it continues, whether on the playground or in class or anything, I'd call the principal. It's bullying. Period. No one should have to deal with that. If it was subjective ("he's bothering me", "she's bothering me" stuff back & forth), it's one thing but out & out harrassing behavior that is known by the teacher and being dealt with and still going on, needs to be handled at a higher level if it hasn't stopped. I would assume the parent has been called but that's not your concern, they just need it to stop.
Sorry she is experiencing this But between it being bullying, making fun of skin color difference and that she is so upset, I would think the school would be on top of it. I've been called for far less, believe me!
I spoke to the new teacher this morning. She is so new and inexperienced that all she did was apologize and say how bad she felt for my DD. She said that she had no idea there was a problem with this boy and that she would move his seat immediately.
I don't think this boys mother has been called. I saw her at a birthday party last weekend and she was very friendly towards me - didn't say a word.
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| Posted 3/9/11 9:48 AM |
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bicosi
life is a carousel
Member since 7/07 14956 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: I haven't posted much, but I have a problem with my DD's Kindergarten class and could use some perspective from BTDT moms
Posted by JRG71
Posted by Elizabeth
I haven't had something that direct go on, but we've had some experiences with other kids and behaviors.I'd talk to the new teacher again right away and if it continues, whether on the playground or in class or anything, I'd call the principal. It's bullying. Period. No one should have to deal with that. If it was subjective ("he's bothering me", "she's bothering me" stuff back & forth), it's one thing but out & out harrassing behavior that is known by the teacher and being dealt with and still going on, needs to be handled at a higher level if it hasn't stopped. I would assume the parent has been called but that's not your concern, they just need it to stop.
Sorry she is experiencing this But between it being bullying, making fun of skin color difference and that she is so upset, I would think the school would be on top of it. I've been called for far less, believe me!
I spoke to the new teacher this morning. She is so new and inexperienced that all she did was apologize and say how bad she felt for my DD. She said that she had no idea there was a problem with this boy and that she would move his seat immediately.
I don't think this boys mother has been called. I saw her at a birthday party last weekend and she was very friendly towards me - didn't say a word.
I am so sorry.
You need to make a big stink out of it so that something gets done unfortunately.. You want your DD safe and this boy get to get whatever help he needs, including notifying his parents.
He may be doing this to other kids as well. Don't feel guilty!
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| Posted 3/9/11 11:47 AM |
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JRG71
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Member since 5/05 5025 total posts
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Re: I haven't posted much, but I have a problem with my DD's Kindergarten class and could use some perspective from BTDT moms
Posted by bicosi
Posted by JRG71
Posted by Elizabeth
I haven't had something that direct go on, but we've had some experiences with other kids and behaviors.I'd talk to the new teacher again right away and if it continues, whether on the playground or in class or anything, I'd call the principal. It's bullying. Period. No one should have to deal with that. If it was subjective ("he's bothering me", "she's bothering me" stuff back & forth), it's one thing but out & out harrassing behavior that is known by the teacher and being dealt with and still going on, needs to be handled at a higher level if it hasn't stopped. I would assume the parent has been called but that's not your concern, they just need it to stop.
Sorry she is experiencing this But between it being bullying, making fun of skin color difference and that she is so upset, I would think the school would be on top of it. I've been called for far less, believe me!
I spoke to the new teacher this morning. She is so new and inexperienced that all she did was apologize and say how bad she felt for my DD. She said that she had no idea there was a problem with this boy and that she would move his seat immediately.
I don't think this boys mother has been called. I saw her at a birthday party last weekend and she was very friendly towards me - didn't say a word.
I am so sorry.
You need to make a big stink out of it so that something gets done unfortunately.. You want your DD safe and this boy get to get whatever help he needs, including notifying his parents.
He may be doing this to other kids as well. Don't feel guilty!
I do feel guilty. I guess that shows thru in my posts. Ugh!
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| Posted 3/9/11 11:57 AM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: I haven't posted much, but I have a problem with my DD's Kindergarten class and could use some perspective from BTDT moms
Posted by bicosi
I am so sorry.
You need to make a big stink out of it so that something gets done unfortunately.. You want your DD safe and this boy get to get whatever help he needs, including notifying his parents.
He may be doing this to other kids as well. Don't feel guilty!
ITA with this.
It's not enough that his seat was moved. He needs to learn the correct way to behave & that it's not ok.
It may have nothing to do with his parents. If he's bullying her it could be anything from an older brother to another kid on the school bus. It's not ok.
I was horrified when my son told me he didn't want to sit next to someone at daycare because their skin was dirty. It gave me the opportunity to talk about how everyone is different but different doesn't mean bad, etc. He needs that same opportunity.
One tip I heard from another mom is to loudly say (loud enough for an adult to hear) that it isn't ok. That way you get the point across that something is going on but you don't get the rep that you've tattled.
Posted by JRG71
It's funny that you say schools have huge campaigns about bullying - Our school does too. What I found interesting when I called the 1st teacher about the 1st incident (about my DD's skin color), she schooled me on teaching my daughter to speak up for and defend herself. Is that what these campaigns teach?
I highly doubt the campaign leaves it up to the kids to deal with themselves. I think you should also call the school counselor to find out more about the program & ask how he/she suggests you deal with this & ask if the first step is to have the 5 year old try to address it themselves.
and kudos to you for not kicking the kid when you saw him at the birthday party. I remember that was my first thought when I heard someone picking on my kid.
Message edited 3/9/2011 12:01:43 PM.
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| Posted 3/9/11 12:00 PM |
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Michelle
My Little Yankee Fans
Member since 1/06 4018 total posts
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Re: I haven't posted much, but I have a problem with my DD's Kindergarten class and could use some perspective from BTDT moms
I would have contacted the principal. My kids' teacher left on maternity leave and she was supposed to update the teacher on everything but things definitely fell thru the cracks on the transition. Hopefully after speaking to the teacher again, she will be on top of it. We have a bully of sorts in my kid's class and a few of the other mother's have noticed it so I am sure other's are having the same issue with this kid. Unfortunatly moving seats will not help the situation.
I do agree with the teacher telling her to speak up for herself. Not that it should be the only course of action but being able to tell people to stop and that is not nice does help with the bullying. I try to teach my boys to tell the bully that is not nice, and then go right to the teacher if he is not stopping. They need to be able to stand up for themselves too since there will always be mean people unfortunately.
Good Luck!!!!
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| Posted 3/9/11 12:25 PM |
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bicosi
life is a carousel
Member since 7/07 14956 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: I haven't posted much, but I have a problem with my DD's Kindergarten class and could use some perspective from BTDT moms
Posted by JRG71
Posted by bicosi
Posted by JRG71
Posted by Elizabeth
I haven't had something that direct go on, but we've had some experiences with other kids and behaviors.I'd talk to the new teacher again right away and if it continues, whether on the playground or in class or anything, I'd call the principal. It's bullying. Period. No one should have to deal with that. If it was subjective ("he's bothering me", "she's bothering me" stuff back & forth), it's one thing but out & out harrassing behavior that is known by the teacher and being dealt with and still going on, needs to be handled at a higher level if it hasn't stopped. I would assume the parent has been called but that's not your concern, they just need it to stop.
Sorry she is experiencing this But between it being bullying, making fun of skin color difference and that she is so upset, I would think the school would be on top of it. I've been called for far less, believe me!
I spoke to the new teacher this morning. She is so new and inexperienced that all she did was apologize and say how bad she felt for my DD. She said that she had no idea there was a problem with this boy and that she would move his seat immediately.
I don't think this boys mother has been called. I saw her at a birthday party last weekend and she was very friendly towards me - didn't say a word.
I am so sorry.
You need to make a big stink out of it so that something gets done unfortunately.. You want your DD safe and this boy get to get whatever help he needs, including notifying his parents.
He may be doing this to other kids as well. Don't feel guilty!
I do feel guilty. I guess that shows thru in my posts. Ugh!
Don't! you're not doing anything wrong at all.. you are looking out for this little boy in hopes of nipping this behavior immediately!
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| Posted 3/9/11 12:31 PM |
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ChrisDee
My Girls
Member since 11/06 9543 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: I haven't posted much, but I have a problem with my DD's Kindergarten class and could use some perspective from BTDT moms
My DD was bullied by a boy in kindergarten. It went on for months without me or the teacher knowing(she did not tell) This has had long lasting effects on my DD and she is actually in counseling because of it(she is now 10)
Call the principal, demand the boys parents are told about it so thos boy knows he is NOT going to get away with it. DO NOT let it go
to you and your little girl
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| Posted 3/9/11 12:53 PM |
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Sassyz75
Turning a new page
Member since 5/05 9731 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: I haven't posted much, but I have a problem with my DD's Kindergarten class and could use some perspective from BTDT moms
Posted by JRG71
My DD started Kindergarten this year. Her teacher announced at open school night that she was pregnant and would be going out on maternity leave around February and would be back in the Spring. I wasn't happy about this because this teacher was assigned my DD and 2 other children because of her experience with food allergies, but I was assured at our 504 meeting that the substitute teacher would be experienced, and with the aid, it wouldn't be a problem. Thankfully it hasn't been, but there are other issues.
There is a boy in the class that seems to be targeting my DD. He said some mean things to my DD about the color of her skin. I brought it to the attention of her teacher before she went out on maternity, and was assured that this boy wouldn't be allowed to sit at the same table as my DD and that they would discuss differences of people during class time. I guess the teacher never informed the new teacher about this boy because yesterday he was back sitting next to my DD and threatened her yesterday. To us as adults it may seem silly the way he threatened her, but she was up all night having nightmares.
I called DD's teacher this morning and she moved his seat again.
My question - Do you think I should call the principal? Or is this just normal stuff that I need to get used to?
Has anyone had issues like this, and if you did what did you do?
absolutely call the principal..
if I were the principal I would want to know, and I would have the teacher do a lesson on differences to the whole class.
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| Posted 3/9/11 1:02 PM |
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Elizabeth
Mom of Three
Member since 9/05 7900 total posts
Name:
"MOMMY!!!"
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Re: I haven't posted much, but I have a problem with my DD's Kindergarten class and could use some perspective from BTDT moms
I also want to add to what someone said about him doing it to others. Definitely! No way a Kindergartener picks on one kid and that's it, there's no history to single her out! My son was not exactly bullied but there was a kid who was in his class in K who was a bully of sorts. He was so inappropriate with stuff he did in a mean way. I had the kids number right away and taught my DS to distance himself from the kid since it wasn't really bullying that was tangible. It was a good opportunity to help him learn about mixed messages from people. He would sometimes come home and say "My friend Billy...." so it was a good day and the next day he'd say that Billy screamed in his face on the bus. Stuff like that, just mean one day and nice the next. Finding ways to be nice and then rude, behavior that, when I learned more was not shocked by it anymore but it's sad. So many stories I could tell from other parents since of stuff he's done but the kid is in 3rd grade and is still doing bad stuff but it's accelerated. I have no idea how it's being handled on the school level, my DS has not been in his class since K. But I know he is not included in other kids birthday parties anymore bc of his behavior. Parents just can't. But I digress. Of course you should be teaching your DD about telling about wrong behavior, boundaries and sticking up for herself or others being bullied just as a life skill but I hope they take this as serious as they should. All the schools say they have a zero tolerance, I always hope it's a REAL zero tolerance. I'm such a cynic sometimes.
Give your little one extra hugs from us tonight I think you're doing a great job handling it. You're aware, you're calling the school, you're asking opinions from other BTDT parents. Nothing to feel guilty about when it's a valid situation and your child's welfare.
Message edited 3/9/2011 4:05:23 PM.
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| Posted 3/9/11 4:01 PM |
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JRG71
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Member since 5/05 5025 total posts
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Re: I haven't posted much, but I have a problem with my DD's Kindergarten class and could use some perspective from BTDT moms
Thank you all for your responses. I can't tell you how everything you all have said has helped me.
The assistant principle of our school deals with discpline issues. We just got off the phone so I thought I would update this post.
Like a lot of you said, the asst principle said that when 1 child is being bullied, there are sure to be more and that he is going to investigate the classroom.
In addition to moving his seat, his parents will be involved with getting him help (counseling monitoring, etc). The teacher and asst principle will work on formulating a plan to help teach the little boy about socalization and how to be kind to people. I'm not sure what or how that plans works, but I will at least give them a chance to implement it.
They (the teacher and asst principle) are also going to speak to my DD so that she knows that she can always tell and feel safe doing that.
I also feel like some of you mentioned. I hope that the school really does what it says its going to do. 
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| Posted 3/9/11 5:17 PM |
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Re: I haven't posted much, but I have a problem with my DD's Kindergarten class and could use some perspective from BTDT moms
My friend just went through something similar in pre-k but her DD is 5 and the other girl turned 5 back in Sept.
The other girl would say something everyday at school. Things like, your breath smells, you can't play with me so go away, your not my friend, I don't like you. My friend brought it up to the teacher 2 or 3 times and it continued.
My friend wanted to call the mother so badly but my friends DH said not to and so did the teacher. This past Tuesday my friend's DD was crying how she didn't want to go to school on Wed. and when asked why she told her it was because of the other girl. That was enough for my friend.
She called the mother that night and told her what has been going on for the past 6 months and the mother was so upset. She said she had no idea and was really glad that my friend called her. She said she knew her daughter could be aggressive. She was really responsive about it.
I think you should call the mother. I feel like it starts at home, especially at age 5/6.
I hope it gets resolved easily
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| Posted 3/10/11 9:18 AM |
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browneyedgirl
family is all that matters
Member since 6/06 6513 total posts
Name:
browneyes
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Re: I haven't posted much, but I have a problem with my DD's Kindergarten class and could use some perspective from BTDT moms
I am sorry your daughter is dealing with this but I'm so glad things are now being taken care of.
As a teacher, I need to say that you don't have to "cause a stink" or call the principal to get something done. Are some teachers ineffective and uncaring? Absolutely. But most of us try very hard to keep everyone happy and successful. Since you told the leave replacement and she apologized and moved the boy's seat, I don't understand why you would call the principal. It's clear the teacher is trying to help and felt badly for the oversight. I would only call the principal if I had to remind the teacher several times or if she ignored me.
As someone who has been on maternity leave 2 times, we don't get to choose our leave replacements. Although I told my leave everything I could think of, I'm sure there are things I forgot. You're talking about academic, medical, social, behavioral and emotional needs of 20+ students. It is possible the teacher did tell her but she forgot. That is an important situation that she SHOULD have remembered and it's good you brought it to her attention because your daughter needs to be protected.
I get very upset when I read on here that you should raise h e l l and call the supt or principal before actually dealing with the teacher. Thank goodness this boy's parents are dealing with him because he obviously needs help and your daughter needs to feel safe.
My son is in preschool right now and I've called the teacher twice so far this year and written several notes. She's gotten back to me within the day so I have no reason to go over her head.
I hope your daughter has a wonderful rest of the school year!
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| Posted 3/10/11 3:07 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: I haven't posted much, but I have a problem with my DD's Kindergarten class and could use some perspective from BTDT moms
Posted by browneyedgirl
I get very upset when I read on here that you should raise h e l l and call the supt or principal before actually dealing with the teacher. Thank goodness this boy's parents are dealing with him because he obviously needs help and your daughter needs to feel safe.
i think as a teacher you are more apt to translate it as "Go tell their boss." than a non-teacher parent. I'm sure you have more respect for the process than we do.
I do think it warranted the principal's attention because bullying isn't just a classroom issue. It happens outside the classroom - outside of the teacher's realm. Recess, afterschool programs, etc.
My son volunteered that a child left the afterschool program because one kid was bullying him. I wonder if anyone bothered to mention it to the principal or school counselor that it was happening - or if the parents even knew it was happening. I think often times kids are ashamed to tell a parent that it's happening. I do intend to tell the principal & school counselor in that situation as well. While it's resolved because the parents pulled the kid out of the program, bullies go on to the next kid.
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| Posted 3/10/11 4:12 PM |
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Re: I haven't posted much, but I have a problem with my DD's Kindergarten class and could use some perspective from BTDT moms
Posted by nrthshgrl
Posted by browneyedgirl
I get very upset when I read on here that you should raise h e l l and call the supt or principal before actually dealing with the teacher. Thank goodness this boy's parents are dealing with him because he obviously needs help and your daughter needs to feel safe.
i think as a teacher you are more apt to translate it as "Go tell their boss." than a non-teacher parent. I'm sure you have more respect for the process than we do.
I do think it warranted the principal's attention because bullying isn't just a classroom issue. It happens outside the classroom - outside of the teacher's realm. Recess, afterschool programs, etc.
My son volunteered that a child left the afterschool program because one kid was bullying him. I wonder if anyone bothered to mention it to the principal or school counselor that it was happening - or if the parents even knew it was happening. I think often times kids are ashamed to tell a parent that it's happening. I do intend to tell the principal & school counselor in that situation as well. While it's resolved because the parents pulled the kid out of the program, bullies go on to the next kid.
I agree with both of you, BUT I think at 5/6 years old the parents should be involved first because at that age the child still needs to be taught what is right and wrong. If the parent is on top of it at home and the teacher is on top of it at school and it is still an issue, I think that is when you go to the principal.
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| Posted 3/10/11 5:39 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: I haven't posted much, but I have a problem with my DD's Kindergarten class and could use some perspective from BTDT moms
I do think that you did the right thing by bypassing the teachers at this point and calling the principal, sorry I do. You are not trying to help/assist the teachers you are assisting your #1 priority your child. Kudos to you for doing so! You already went through the teachers and the kid keeps returning next to your daughter tormenting her. Such is life. Your child is the main factor.
BTW-You said mom seemed nice when you met her, why not mention it to her directly? As uncomfortable as it may have been I still might have gone there.
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| Posted 3/10/11 9:14 PM |
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JRG71
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Member since 5/05 5025 total posts
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Re: I haven't posted much, but I have a problem with my DD's Kindergarten class and could use some perspective from BTDT moms
Posted by JerseyMamaOf2
Posted by nrthshgrl
Posted by browneyedgirl
I get very upset when I read on here that you should raise h e l l and call the supt or principal before actually dealing with the teacher. Thank goodness this boy's parents are dealing with him because he obviously needs help and your daughter needs to feel safe.
i think as a teacher you are more apt to translate it as "Go tell their boss." than a non-teacher parent. I'm sure you have more respect for the process than we do.
I do think it warranted the principal's attention because bullying isn't just a classroom issue. It happens outside the classroom - outside of the teacher's realm. Recess, afterschool programs, etc.
My son volunteered that a child left the afterschool program because one kid was bullying him. I wonder if anyone bothered to mention it to the principal or school counselor that it was happening - or if the parents even knew it was happening. I think often times kids are ashamed to tell a parent that it's happening. I do intend to tell the principal & school counselor in that situation as well. While it's resolved because the parents pulled the kid out of the program, bullies go on to the next kid.
I agree with both of you, BUT I think at 5/6 years old the parents should be involved first because at that age the child still needs to be taught what is right and wrong. If the parent is on top of it at home and the teacher is on top of it at school and it is still an issue, I think that is when you go to the principal.
After the 1st incident where the boy made hurtful comments about the color of my DD's skin, I left it to the teacher to deal with the boy and implement any changes she needed in the classroom. At that point I wasn't even thinking of involving the boys parents, but she probably should have.
After the 2nd incident when he threatened physical violence, I went to the teacher first. She is the permanent substitute. When all she did was apologize and say that she felt sorry for my DD, my gut said she wasn't going to do anything besides move his seat. Which in this instance was not enough.
It was not my intention to tell on the teacher - I just want my DD to go to school feeling safe.
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| Posted 3/11/11 7:10 AM |
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JRG71
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Member since 5/05 5025 total posts
Name:
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Re: I haven't posted much, but I have a problem with my DD's Kindergarten class and could use some perspective from BTDT moms
Posted by nrthshgrl
Posted by browneyedgirl
I get very upset when I read on here that you should raise h e l l and call the supt or principal before actually dealing with the teacher. Thank goodness this boy's parents are dealing with him because he obviously needs help and your daughter needs to feel safe.
i think as a teacher you are more apt to translate it as "Go tell their boss." than a non-teacher parent. I'm sure you have more respect for the process than we do.
I do think it warranted the principal's attention because bullying isn't just a classroom issue. It happens outside the classroom - outside of the teacher's realm. Recess, afterschool programs, etc.
My son volunteered that a child left the afterschool program because one kid was bullying him. I wonder if anyone bothered to mention it to the principal or school counselor that it was happening - or if the parents even knew it was happening. I think often times kids are ashamed to tell a parent that it's happening. I do intend to tell the principal & school counselor in that situation as well. While it's resolved because the parents pulled the kid out of the program, bullies go on to the next kid.
All of the points that you brought up in this thread my asst principle explained to me. There is a pattern with bullying.
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| Posted 3/11/11 7:27 AM |
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JRG71
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Member since 5/05 5025 total posts
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Re: I haven't posted much, but I have a problem with my DD's Kindergarten class and could use some perspective from BTDT moms
Posted by PrincessP
I do think that you did the right thing by bypassing the teachers at this point and calling the principal, sorry I do. You are not trying to help/assist the teachers you are assisting your #1 priority your child. Kudos to you for doing so! You already went through the teachers and the kid keeps returning next to your daughter tormenting her. Such is life. Your child is the main factor.
BTW-You said mom seemed nice when you met her, why not mention it to her directly? As uncomfortable as it may have been I still might have gone there.
Honeslty, I would have let the 1st incident go. It was being dealt with in the classroom, we were working with my DD at home. Everything seemed ok.
The mother was friendly towards me, it was outside my comfort zone to confront her then. If after this point the bullying continues, then I will (although I do think a phone call to me is more appropriate). But that just MHO.
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| Posted 3/11/11 7:31 AM |
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JRG71
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Member since 5/05 5025 total posts
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Re: I haven't posted much, but I have a problem with my DD's Kindergarten class and could use some perspective from BTDT moms
Posted by browneyedgirl
I am sorry your daughter is dealing with this but I'm so glad things are now being taken care of.
As a teacher, I need to say that you don't have to "cause a stink" or call the principal to get something done. Are some teachers ineffective and uncaring? Absolutely. But most of us try very hard to keep everyone happy and successful. Since you told the leave replacement and she apologized and moved the boy's seat, I don't understand why you would call the principal. It's clear the teacher is trying to help and felt badly for the oversight. I would only call the principal if I had to remind the teacher several times or if she ignored me.
As someone who has been on maternity leave 2 times, we don't get to choose our leave replacements. Although I told my leave everything I could think of, I'm sure there are things I forgot. You're talking about academic, medical, social, behavioral and emotional needs of 20+ students. It is possible the teacher did tell her but she forgot. That is an important situation that she SHOULD have remembered and it's good you brought it to her attention because your daughter needs to be protected.
I get very upset when I read on here that you should raise h e l l and call the supt or principal before actually dealing with the teacher. Thank goodness this boy's parents are dealing with him because he obviously needs help and your daughter needs to feel safe.
My son is in preschool right now and I've called the teacher twice so far this year and written several notes. She's gotten back to me within the day so I have no reason to go over her head.
I hope your daughter has a wonderful rest of the school year!
It's so funny that you bring up about maternity leave. When I brought up my concerns at the 504 meeting, my DD's teacher implied that she had a say in who her replacement was. It's interesting to hear that it isn't so.
It was not my intention to go over the teachers head. The substitute teachers response, and this being the 2nd incident (and a threatening one) led me to call the principle after I asked on here for opinions.
I'm not a raise holy hell kind of person, but I do expect a reasonable response, which the asst principle gave me.
I don't want to crucify this teacher because she is new and learning (and I like her - she is very sweet), but in the same breath, I have to protect my DD. The 1st incident was extremely hurtful, this 2nd incident was scary.
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| Posted 3/11/11 7:38 AM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: I haven't posted much, but I have a problem with my DD's Kindergarten class and could use some perspective from BTDT moms
Posted by nrthshgrl
Call the principal & the school counselor. Follow up with an email. You do not get used to having your child bullied.
Schools are taking a very big stance on bullying. They have whole campaigns around it.
I'm sure Beth will chime in but it's also a human right issue.
I'm sorry this is happening to your daughter.
edited to add:
There was a bully in kindergarten in our school. He did a complete 180 & is now one of the kindest kids. I credit our school counselor for working with him, along with his mom for getting him into counseling. From my experience, the kids that felt the worst about themselves & were bullied somewhere else in their lives are the ones that bully.
Yup, I'm chiming in here - this is what my office does - we handle complaints of discrimination in public schools, starting as early as Kindergarten, and our jurisdiction covers race, color, national origin, sex, disability, etc. Under Section 504/Title II, the school is REQUIRED to address bullying/harassment on the basis of race/color promptly and equitably, which includes an investigation, and remedies if there is a basis to the claim. Of course, at the Kindergarten level, they are not expected to conduct as intense an investigation or provide as intense remedies as, say, a sexual assault in a high school, but nevertheless, they ARE required to do something about it. They are also required to maintain grievance procedures for filing complaints about discrimination - take a look at the student handbook - there should be a description of the specific steps you should take, and that they are required to take in response.
These days, most schools also maintain very strict anti-bullying policies - take a look online at your school website and see what you can find.
Technically you have put the school on notice by alerting the teacher, so they are now under an obligation to intervene. I would absolutely raise this with the Principal, and keep documentation of it. If the matter isn't addressed appropriately, and it continues happening, FM me, and I'll talk with you about next steps
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| Posted 3/11/11 10:13 AM |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
Member since 5/05 16438 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: I haven't posted much, but I have a problem with my DD's Kindergarten class and could use some perspective from BTDT moms
Posted by browneyedgirl
As a teacher, I need to say that you don't have to "cause a stink" or call the principal to get something done. Are some teachers ineffective and uncaring? Absolutely. But most of us try very hard to keep everyone happy and successful. Since you told the leave replacement and she apologized and moved the boy's seat, I don't understand why you would call the principal. It's clear the teacher is trying to help and felt badly for the oversight. I would only call the principal if I had to remind the teacher several times or if she ignored me.
I see the other side of this, as I see daily complaints alleging that various school districts fail to appropriately respond to complaints of discrimination/harassment. Oftentimes it isn't intentional, but teachers aren't trained adequately or just aren't armed with the right information to know exactly what the appropriate response is, and what the School is obligated to do under the law and statutes that it must follow. And when a teacher fails to comply with federal law, the negligence extends to the District, so it is of utmost importance that, when there is a potential issue of discrimination/harassment, no matter how young the children are, all relevant District personnel are aware so that the District ensures that the right response is taken. I can't tell you the number of times where I've seen a well-intentioned teacher/District respond inappropriately, without knowing exactly what Section 504/Title II/Title IX/Title VI requires of them.
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| Posted 3/11/11 10:17 AM |
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