I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

and I don't know how to bring it up to discuss w/ DH .........

You can totally flame me (i'm expecting it) you can be brutally honest, you can agree or disagree - I am not looking for reassurance b/c I honestly don't care what other people think at this point ...........I'm tired of making myself sick over it -

I'm kind of just looking for a way to discuss it -

I do not want to breastfeed this baby.
I don't want to even try. -
The closer I get to my due date, the more I read, the more I talk to people asking 'are you BF?" (WHY is that a constant question anyway) I just get more and more anxious about it. I KNOW it's good for him - I KNOW I should at least try (or at least I feel so freakin' guilty and selfish for feeling like I don't wan to at all)
It's honestly the ONLY thing I'm nervous and concerned about (probably b/c I know it's one of the few things I actually have control over !)
I had agreed to pump and give Baby K a bottle b/c the concept of nursing was just NOT natural to me (even though I *know* it's technically what breasts are 'for' ........to me, just the idea of it makes me uncomfortable and squeamish) - but the more I think about it, and as the reality of actually DOING it gets closer, I am getting more and more anxious and upset about it -
I honestly feel like a cow. - I know some people will think I'm crazy, and I am NOT in any way, shape, or form saying women who do this ARE like milk cows........I'm saying it makes ME feel like a cow. Just the image of that machine attached to me and pumping out milk increases my blood pressure and makes me crazy...........

It's completely ridiculous b/c I am not the type of person to get all worked up about ANYTHING - I'm a total control freak when it comes to things that are w/in my control and am very organized and logical and I rarely let anything get to me - No one would accuse me of being an overly emotional person ......But this makes me so 'uncharacteristically' (if that's even a word) upset and anxious and nervous -

I don't think I'm particularly hormonal, b/c nothing else has 'set me off' ........
I don't know ...........

How do I bring this up to DH who's so 'set' on me doing this ??
I know it's ultimately MY decision as it's my body and I'm the one who's going to have to do it - and normally I'd have NO problem telling DH "too bad" - but I feel like w/ something like this, it's HIS child too .........so how can I just say "No, I'm not doing it b/c I don't want to" when it's so important to him ?? KWIM ???

Sorry for babbling - thanks for reading if you got this far !!

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

Its something that YOU need to be comfortable with, and if your not that its not going to work. There is nothing wrong with bottle feeding.. formula fed babies do just as well from what I hear.

DH will have to understand, or else have him figure out a way to do it himself

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

Hey Marisa,

I think you feelings are normal, and nothing to be ashamed of. The bottom line is it IS your body and your commitment. If you do not want to BF, then don't...dh should understand

BF'ing is not for everyone and don't let ANYONE make you feel bad

that said, from a BTDT mom, I would suggest at least trying it, you never know how you will feel when the time comes

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

I think your feelings are definately normal & you should not be ashamed of it. Breastfeeding from what I am told does take a lot of determination & you must be comfortable with it otherwise you will stress yourself out too much. That is the last thing you need with a newborn. You have to do what is going to make your life easier & what you will be happy & comfortable doing.

I am not one of these "I must breastfeed" mothers to be. I keep telling DH that I will try to do it but as I have stated before, pumping will be my thing. I have other issues as to why I am not comfortable with the entire baby to breast thing but that is for another time. I will not be heartbroken if it doesn't work out for me though & if I am not comfy with pumping, I will stop too & go to formula. Does not make myself or you a bad mother at all

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

As new moms, we are all going to do the very best we can for our babies. But, I don't think you need to do anything that is going to make you feel this anxious or stressed.

DH should have a say in how you care for and raise your child, but when it comes to BF, I don't think that's necessarily the case.

I sat DH down and laid out my feelings about it, (I am not BF, not trying it, not pumping, etc) and at the end of our conversation, he was in agreement that if that's what I wanted to do, he would support my decision.

Good luck, I do find a lot of people get really crazy when they hear about what I've decided to do. You can't please everyone

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

I think it's a tough one. I too feel very weirded out by the whole thing and I feel like it should be my decision too but my DH is the same way and feels like this is a very important thing. The more I hear about all the pain people are in, and the bleeding nipples from doing it etc I start to freak out more too...but I have decided that I am going to give it a shot.
I've been very honest in saying that if it doesn't work it doesn't work. I'm not going to beat myself up over it and I want him to understand that I am not going to be in tears trying to make this work. They say the first few days are the most important so I'm willing to do that. But you know what if you aren't comfortable doing that and it gives you that much anxiety then I wouldn't drive yourself crazy over it. Maybe let him know that it's just not for you and explain how anxious it's making you feel and if you feel differently after the birth you'll give it a shot. We have enough to think about/deal with at this point in pregnancy it's not worth you being all upset about.

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

It's YOUR decision, period. Hopefully your DH will understand and respect that. Many of us were raised just on formula and are healthy, functioning adults today! While BFing is a wonderful thing, if you're not into it, than you shouldn't beat yourself up over the decision not to. You'll have to many other things to think about and focus on once your DC arrives!

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

It's your decision. I will probably try to BF and hope it works out, but I won't be heartbroken if it doesn't work out. I was formula fed as were all of my siblings and we're just fine.

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

So don't do it! Simple as that! It's absolutely NO body's business but yours deciding this. Tell those people that if they want you to BF so bad, then why don't they do it for you.

Listen...take it from someone who EBF for 16 months...it's NOT easy and it's extremely demanding. It is NOT for everyone.

It is YOUR choice and YOUR choice alone. You don't have to explain yourself or feel bad about not wanting to!!

We all do what's best for our OWN baby. That's the wonderful thing about being a mother

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

I dont think BF is for everyone, it wasnt for my sister, and she is happy with her decision. She has a 13 month old who is perfectly healthy. Its your body and if your not comfortable doing dont.

my sister was always told a happy mom is a happy baby.

Dont let any change your mind, especially if your postive its something you do not want to do. You know whats right for you

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

Marisa - I think it's very very simply.

Your body
You do not want to breastfeed.

That's it.

I had ZERO desire to do it either. Some people tried to bring it up to me - it's my body, my child, and my choice.

Your DH is not the one doing it so IMO, so at the end of the day no matter how bad he wants you to do it - he cannot make you want to do it.

If there is one thing I've learned from friends who have breastfed, or from reading this board....you have to REALLY REALLY want to do it, otherwise it's just going to make the mom - and baby miserable!

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

First of all, it's not for everyone. My Mom and Aunts didn't. As far as your DH is concerned, he's just going to have to deal with it, it's your body!

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

I kinda feel the same way. I am not too keen on the idea of breastfeeding. I tell everyone I will try it and keep an open mind- but I am just not really into it. I don't even know if I will be able to because I have PCOS and I have *heard* that this can ruin the possibility. I also don't want to be a slave to pumping or breastfeeding. I want DH or my mom to be able to feed the baby once in awhile so I can get some rest. I want to be able to take meds if I need them or have a couple of drinks at our friend's wedding in November- wothout worrying about it being passed through. I also think of my breasts as a sexual thing- I know many women do not feel that way, but I do. And I think DH thinks so as well.

Formula in this day and age is fortified with the same nutrients found in breast milk. In my mind- they are basically the same thing.

Tell your DH how you are feeling. Tell him you are becoming very anxious about it and *might* give it a try, but you don't feel comfortable doing it at this point in time. Tell him that it is going to be too stressful on you with a brand new baby and you think this will be a better way for all of you to be happy.

Good luck, hun. And don't worry about it- it doesn't make you a bad person because you are uncomfortable. It doesn't make you selfish either.

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

I truly have no problem telling anyone and everyone else to shove it .........b/c I don't think it's anyone's business -

But I DO feel that it's DH's 'business' - aothough not untimately his decision ....but I don't want to disappoint him as the 'mother of his child' from Day 1 !! -

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

I'm sorry you are so worked up about this I personally have no interest in BF either and I'll be d a m n e d if someone is going to tell me what I should & shouldn't do! So, I'm right there with ya sister. You do what you want to do, or don't in this case.

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

Posted by MarisaK

But I DO feel that it's DH's 'business' - aothough not untimately his decision ....but I don't want to disappoint him as the 'mother of his child' from Day 1 !! -

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

Funny you should post this because I had a dream on Tuesday night that I wouldnt feed the baby I just kept on giving it water with sugar. I wouldnt breastfeed. I said this baby isn't going anywhere near my breasts. So I guess its sitting deep down somewhere.
I am not all for BF but I will attempt to try. If its great - GREAT, if not - I will bottle feed.
And DH should understand, bc ultimately its your body and how you feel with it, and quite frankly we're the ones that carried this child for 9 months so if we want a break with BF they should understand.

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

you have every right to feel the way you do. if this is something you're not comfortable with, dont do it.

however, you might completely change your mind once the baby comes. and if you dont, no biggie. Do whats best for you and the baby.

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

When I had DS last year I also felt very ambivalent about BF. I did not feel 100% comfortable about it but was willing to try. DH was very much for it and I felt pressure to do it from him.

Well, I did try and it was a disaster. I met with lactation consultants, nurses, you name it and it just wasn't working out. I ended up pumping for 8 weeks and let me tell you, even that can get stressful especially if you have a big eater like my DS was. DH saw how stressed out I was and was very supportive when I decided to throw in the towel and switch to formula.

I am now PG with #2 and I am going to try it again but am not going to drive myself crazy about it if it doesn't work out.

A happy mom is a good mom! You need to do what makes you comfortable. Good luck to you!

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

Ugh I hate that you feel so pressured into doing it I hated every living breathing moment of it from day 1 and it never got better. DH *urged* me to switch to formula, he was sooooo anxious seeing how much I hated it. If you and DH can have a sit down talk about this before the baby that might help? Maybe at your next OB appt, if your OB can help reassure him that your FF baby will be JUST as healthy? Dh just might need some information in order to know that FF babies do just fine nowadays.
I'm glad you can talk about it, it was very brave of you to get it out there, I find LIF to be pretty open minded about the non-BFing decision so you'll get tons of support here!

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

The enitre idea of breastfeeding my son always made my stomach turn. I did think about it briefly, then quickly decided that I could never do it. It wasn't for me and never will be.ever. I did not want to feel like a milk machine and I feel like breasts are a sexual thing to me...yeah yeah...I know they are their for this sole purpose...but I still feel that they are there for sexual pleasure. So do what you feel is right and screw what others say.

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

I never wanted to BF, had no intentions of ever doing it, and am surprised DHs have an opinion about it! I didn't really ask DH what he wanted; just informed him I would never BF.

Your body, your choice! We're going through 9 mos. of hell for this baby...Now let the men help with the feeding! (IMO! )

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

Posted by nov04libride

I never wanted to BF, had no intentions of ever doing it, and am surprised DHs have an opinion about it! I didn't really ask DH what he wanted; just informed him I would never BF.

Your body, your choice! We're going through 9 mos. of hell for this baby...Now let the men help with the feeding! (IMO! )

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

Don't feel bad. It's your body...you do what you want. Your dh will be proud that you brought his baby into this world...so do not think you're disappointing him.

I wasn't into BF either. I didn't do it. There were plenty of people who told me I should BF but whatever...

You do what feels right for you!