Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

I'm in agreement with you. BF was not for me, for one I have HUGE boobs and I felt like I could smother my child, 2 I know what boobs are for yet I cant get past the sexual aspects, I just couldnt get past it. I did not BF DS#1 when I had Joey 5 months ago I had a militant lactation consultant basically make me feel like $hit because I did not want to breastfeed. I can say I did *try* it once with him, but it wasnt my thing. I know how they say you have more of a "bonding" experience BF, but you know what, its the closeness, my son snuggles up to me when I bottle feed him, looks up at me with his beautiful eyes, I stroke his hair, there is bonding in bottlefeeding too.

My DH was on board for whatever method I chose, with that in mind, can you come to a compromise, like pump for 4 weeks and then switch? I had a friend do this recently and it worked out nicely

Message edited 3/12/2009 9:53:18 AM.

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

Dont feel bad at all. Its none of anyones business. And BF is not for everyone , there is nothing wrong with that. I think its good you are honest about it instead of doing something just to please someone else. Your DH will understand.

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

I admire you for sharing your thoughts openly and honestly.

I, too, do not want to BF. I don't even want to try. It just isn't me, KWIM?

Don't feel badly. Don't apologize. Sit down and talk with DH. If you feel this strongly, he may not care as much as you think he does in the end.

As far as your disappointing DH from day 1, I'm sure you won't and can't. You are going to be a wonderful, loving mother. What more could he ask for?

I applaud your deciding on what i best for you and not allowing anyone to make you feel guilty.

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

As a mom who nursed for almost 4 months, I can tell you that this is something that YOU and nobody else have to be comfortable with. Its your body, your child, your decision. You might feel differently once your baby is born, but if you don't, then thats fine.

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

No flames here... If you don't want to do it, don't... It's your body.

I have a 4 year old and a 6 month old. I had ZERO interest in doing it, and like most things for me, if I don't want to do something, there is nothing and no one that can make me do it.

Yes, it is the best for a baby nutrition-wise, and it can be a wonderful bonding experience, but just not for me.

I remember the nurse harping on the subject when I had DD. It was like she wouldn't take "No" for an annswer.

I feel like I had such terrible pregnancies, I wanted my body back. Nothing wrong with this.

Don't feel guilty, stand your ground.

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

I think how you're feeling is totally normal and you should not apologize for expressing how YOU feel. Anyone who is going to flame you for it should just keep their mouths shut.

As a BTDT Mom, I can say I was undecided about BFing until DS was born. I was able to do it for 6 wks but, for me, I did it because I knew it was best for him. Again, it's a personal decision that you have to make for you. I would just be honest with your DH and let him know how you're feeling.

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

I had the same epiphany with and know I am not going to BF

It's your body, your choice! Do what works for you and don't even look back.

My son is a happy and healthy little boy who did fine on formula.

Good luck

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

If you don't want to do it don't do it. There is no reason to agonize and torture yourself over it. Your DH may feel strongly about it, but bottom line, is, its your body. If you do not breast feed the baby, you won't be a bad mother. It is VERY difficult in the beginning, and if you aren't committed to it, there is a good chance it won't work anyway.
Yes, your DH should have a say in how you raise your child, but when it comes to this, you make the ultimate decision.
Maybe you can rent a hospital pump and see how you feel about it after the baby is here. Pump for a couple of days so the baby gets colostrum. That way you can truly see how you feel about it (your feelings may change once you have the baby) and your DH can feel good that the baby got colostrum.

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

Posted by MarisaK

I truly have no problem telling anyone and everyone else to shove it .........b/c I don't think it's anyone's business -

But I DO feel that it's DH's 'business' - aothough not untimately his decision ....but I don't want to disappoint him as the 'mother of his child' from Day 1 !! -

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

i didnt even think of bf until my dh said
"your bf right?" i wasnt bf and neither were my sisters and im fine with that. but i will give it a try because of my husband and hopefully because it will help me lose weight faster. but i will try to exclusivly pump after i come home from the hosptial.
i dont think you can plan for what is going to work for you not until the baby comes along.

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

It's YOUR DECISION - and one I happen to very much agree with.

Luckily my DH has been aware of my decision for a long time now, and he knows there's really no changing my mind. He justs wants me to be 100% happy with my decision.

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

Would you be open to telling DH that you will try it a few times and see how you feel and at that stage he has to be 100% happy with the decision YOU make.

I EBF my DD for a long, long, long time and it worked for me but its all you- you are the one waking up if you are BF not giving it in the bottle so I think its really up to the mom to make this decision.

Your baby will sense if you are uptight and it will affect your milk supply so if you are that against it BF most likely would not work for you anyway.

As for people and their opinions welcome to motherhood!! EVERYONE has an opinion on EVERYTHING and you just learn to let some things slide and others you just nip in the bud so people learn to mind their own business.

Good luck

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

If you feel that strongly then don't do it, plain and simple. Three friends of mine recently had babies and never even considered breast feeding. There are going to be enough stresses once the baby comes, why not remove this one if it gives you a little piece of mind.

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

Don't feel bad, its your body, you should do what feels comfortable FOR YOU! It's easy for DH to state his opinion because his body isn't the one holding the fetus for 9mos, then gone through labor and THEN bf'ing the baby....you need to have a long talk w/him, read this thread to him if needs be (I do that w/DH sometimes and it seems to help )

DON'T FEEL BAD--ITS YOUR BODY! You have to do what feels comfortable to you, because if mommy is not happy, baby will know that

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

As long as he is getting the colostrum in the very very beginning and mothers milk, it doesn't matter if you pump instead of putting him to your breast.
I have a friend who exclusively pumped for 9 mths, and she will be doing the same with baby #2.
The good part about pumping, is that if you have to go back to work, there will be no nipple confusion.
Also, Daddy can help with feedings too.

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

I was terrified of breastfeeding when I was pregnant with my daughter. I was set on doing it for several reasons, but I just couldn't picture myself doing it & the idea totally freaked me out. I was formula fed & I saw my sibling & my cousins formula fed so it just wasn't something I was exposed to. I did it anyway because I had been determined to make it work. Honestly, from the very first time, I knew I was going to have to keep going. It just felt like I was doing the right thing. It felt so natural to me. Yes, the beginning was HARD & I wanted to give up more than once, but to this day, I'm so glad I didn't & I'm so glad I didn't let my anxiety get the best of me.

That is why I always recommend that women at least try. You never know. If I had let my worries get the best of me, I know I would've regretted it & I would've missed out on something that I loved doing. With that said, if you do decide to try it & you just don't feel comfortable, then at least you know you tried KWIM? Maybe then your husband will understand & you won't feel any guilt. Choosing not to breastfeed doesn't make you a bad mother at all.

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

Please don't feel pressure. Sit down and explain to DH why you don't want to. He has to undersatnd that for the last 40 weeks of your life your body has not been your own and that was out of your control. You have a choice if you BF or not. I have not breast fed either of my boys and won't with this one either. Like you the concept to me is just not natural. And the selfish part of me likes to get my body back. Being a new mom is stressful enough without anyone adding pressure.

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

I don't want to breastfeed either!!!

DH always looks hurt and sad whenever I mention that I don't want to breastfeed. He feels sooooooooo strongly about breastmilk being so much better for the baby and then he feels sad for the baby that the baby's mother doesn't want to breastfeed.

I told DH I'm going to try but if it is very painful or I don't get the hang of it quickly, I'm not killing myself trying.

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

I'll tell you what - for a long time I always thought I would NEVER BF. I thought it was "gross". Granted, this is when I was a teenager but I swore up and down that when the time came, my kid would get a bottle of formula only. Once we decided to start trying last year, I started reading a bit about it, and I began to change my mind. I have reached a point where I want to try - BUT - I don't think this is something everyone has to decide. Your choice to not BF is personal, and totally yours to make. I would never look down at women who decide not to BF. It's talked about as "the natural thing" to do, but if we have viable, nearly-as-good options available to us (like formula), then I think they are valid. Myself and my 2 siblings were formula fed and we turned out more than fine.

As for working this out with your husband, well, only you know him best. But my approach would be to bring it up in a way that expresses your fears/concerns/feelings in a way that shows you know he might want you to do it, but you just cannot force yourself into something that requires such a physical and emotional commitment if you already feel you're not into it. You can back up your choice with info that it isn't quite as "easy" as some people might expect from the get-go. Maybe even show him some people's opinions from here? Good luck with however you decide to talk to him!

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

You are the only one who knows your DH best. Do you really think he will be that disappointed? Ok pehaps a little but I don't think he'd mke you feel guilty and uncomfortable. I think you have more of a problem giving him the news than he will be receiving it. He loves you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Although he was under the impression that you were going to try, you changed your mind. It happens. I am sure all his wishes are for a happy and healthy mommy and baby.

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

I think there are more people that are opting not to BF than you think. It is your child and you have to do what is best for your little baby! Nobody should give you a hard time about this!

As for DH, I would just explain to him why, and when it comes down to it, your baby's nutrition is most important and your DH will probably see where you're coming from. Good luck

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

Posted by MarisaK


How do I bring this up to DH who's so 'set' on me doing this ??
I know it's ultimately MY decision as it's my body and I'm the one who's going to have to do it - and normally I'd have NO problem telling DH "too bad" - but I feel like w/ something like this, it's HIS child too .........so how can I just say "No, I'm not doing it b/c I don't want to" when it's so important to him ?? KWIM ???

Sorry for babbling - thanks for reading if you got this far !!

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

OMG! Are you telling me that you're human!? And all along I thought all you were was this blue stilletto!

Too many replies to read every one but I sure hope you did not get flamed for this post! I'm so sorry this decision and future conversation with DH is causing you so much anxiety. All I can really say, is have it ASAP. I have a habit myself of over anticipating DH's reaction to some things and frequently find myself pleasantly surprised by his real response.

For instance.. the ultrascreen. After being informed of it, we made the appointment just because. Then I started feeling like you are, anxious and worked up, knowing inside that I really did not want to do it and would never have an amnio or terminate so why. I come from a what you don't know won't hurt you or God gives you only what you can handle kind of upbringing. DH's mom was a nurse and they run to the doctor for any medical procedure, flu shot or drug (mind you they have more of a medical history than my family). DH gets a headache and he wants a CAT scan! Anywho, I had a sit down and expressed to him that I really was getting worked up about this test. He simply said then cancel the appointment. I did and all my anxiety and worry went away in an instant.

So have the talk with DH and tell him your feelings. Worst come to worst, print out his post as I'm sure you have a lot of support here. He would be the "bad" guy for not supporting the mother of his baby's feelings.

And from what I'm reading so far on breastfeeding.... you need a very positive attitude for successful breastfeeding so sounds like you'd be doing your baby more justice and healthcare by not breastfeeding (and there's nothing at all wrong with that). Nevermind yourself! I just read that a lot of new mommies neglect to care for themselves and that is a big step in caring for your child.

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

each mom has her choice, speak to your husband about it, and it is a choice between the both of you, not your parents his parents or strangers. I with you on whatever you decide. it is your choice, i was raised on formula and i came out fine so im sure your kid will be fine too

best of luck

Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)

I think it's a completely personal deciision. One the I don't think your DH should have a say in.

Flame away, but I think if you are uncomfortable with it, that's that.