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I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)
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LIMOMx2
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Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)
Do what is best for you!!!!!!! And don't listen to people!! A lot of people that BF will try and "pressure" you in to it by making you feel bad or saying when the baby comes you will see you will want to. BS!! And by saying that it is putting pressure on someone to BF.
I tried it with DS and knew I didn't want to but did it anyway and I was miserable for the first 3 months of his life trying to do it!!!!!!!!!
With DD I didn't even try and I have been having the time of my life with her and with the rest of my life! And I am happy!!!
Don't let it consume you. Formula is awesome right now. I wasn't BF'd, either was my parents, etc. And I think I am ok:)
There is nothing wrong with it.
DH needs to understand that it is your body and he would never do anything to harm your child.
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH FORMULA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gosh this aggravates me so much that there is so much pressure on women to BF. Everyone does what is right for them and their family!!!!
Message edited 3/13/2009 7:41:51 AM.
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Posted 3/13/09 7:41 AM  |
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Bxgell2
Perfection
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Beth
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Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)
Posted by MarisaK
We talked to our OB about it, and he said the same thing as many of you - It's A LOT of work and not really something you can just 'suck it up and deal with' (as he knows I am not a complainer and I just deal even if something is miserable for me) He also said that JUST b/c a baby is BF does not mean he won't get sick, it does not mean he'll never develop allergies or asthma - and after living inside of my body for 40 weeks, he's NOT born w/ zero immunity - He already has a substantial amount from me .........
So true - so so so true. I BFed my daughter for 6 months. Even then, she was sick every other week her first year in daycare, had innumerable ear infections, and developed RSV which turned into asthma every time the weather turned. Though, at this point, at 3, she rarely, if never gets sick - she hasn't missed a day of school in over a year, but I'm a firm believer that has more to do with her healthy eating habits than anything else.
The truth is, when that baby comes out of you, your world will turn upside down, and like most women, you will struggle for a while trying to find a "new" normal, while grappling with your mishapen body (which will get back to shape eventually, I promise), and the baby blues. The one piece of advice I give to new moms is to make sure they take care of themselves.
You will be doing yourself a huge disservice as a new mommy, and your baby a huge disservice, if you force yourself to do something you aren't comfortable doing, especially while you're grappling with all the other normal new mommy emotions.
I would sit down with your DH and really have a heart to heart - nothing confrontational, nothing defensive, and try to explain that you don't think you can deal with everything, and on top of it all, trying to do something that makes you so clearly uncomfortable. At the end of the day it is YOUR body, and you need to do what will make YOU happy, because ultimately that's what leads to a happy baby. The rule of thumb is always happy mommy = happy baby 
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| Posted 3/13/09 7:51 AM |
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JenandMikey
life is good =)
Member since 5/07 4216 total posts
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Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)
Posted by 5ofClubs
Do what is best for you!!!!!!! And don't listen to people!! A lot of people that BF will try and "pressure" you in to it by making you feel bad or saying when the baby comes you will see you will want to. BS!! And by saying that it is putting pressure on someone to BF.
I tried it with DS and knew I didn't want to but did it anyway and I was miserable for the first 3 months of his life trying to do it!!!!!!!!!
With DD I didn't even try and I have been having the time of my life with her and with the rest of my life! And I am happy!!!
Don't let it consume you. Formula is awesome right now. I wasn't BF'd, either was my parents, etc. And I think I am ok:)
There is nothing wrong with it.
DH needs to understand that it is your body and he would never do anything to harm your child.
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH FORMULA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Gosh this aggravates me so much that there is so much pressure on women to BF. Everyone does what is right for them and their family!!!!
Thank you for this because I was just about to write something similar so hear goes.....Marisak has already made up her mind about whether she is going to do it, she DOES NOT WANT TO so why are ppl posting that maybe you will change your mind when the baby comes  or you could exclusively pump....she said that's not for her either.....the whole concept/the whole process GROSSES some ppl out pumping included, and I was one of them....I don't understand why its so prevalent for ppl to try and change the mind of the mother that DOESNT want to bf but when someone decides TO bf no one says well you know you don't have to and you could change your mind, maybe then it would make it easier for new moms to just say no
And as for formula feeding...i was formula fed NOT a sick baby, toddler or adult so far. Formula is the best it has ever been so it gives ppl the CHOICE which is exactly what you have and remember that. And as the above poster said don't let this consume you...i did up until the hospital day bc i was determined to not have anyone from the lactation group in my room bc i felt they were going to try to brainwash me into feeling bad for not trying.....i thought i would have to have my claws out the whole time and i really didnt i shouldve relaxed....all i had to say is dont send them in here i made my decision
And as for your dh, let him feel how he feels ....its your body and thats that....when the baby comes maybe he will feel better about the fact that you chose not to when he realizes he can get more involved with the feedings....and one more thing if u do this for dh/dc....u might regret the fact that u did it and possibly even resent ur dh/dc....do whats best for u and stand behind ur decision
I wish you all the luck
Message edited 3/13/2009 8:17:08 AM.
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| Posted 3/13/09 8:12 AM |
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CrankyPants
I'm cranky
Member since 7/06 18178 total posts
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Mama Cranky
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Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)
Posted by melijane
I'll give you some advice as a new Mom who pretty much exclusively pumps for my babies. Once your son gets here-I can almost guarantee that you will not feel this way. You will see his tny little face and be overwhelmed that your DH and you made this perfect little person. You will do ANYTHING for him-anything at all-even if it makes you uncomfortable, causes you pain etc etc. Thats how I felt anyway. I did choose to pump because I was way too impatient to BF-it took them about 45 mins each and then I would have to pump anyway.
To me, the fact that your DH wants you to do it is actually a positive because he will be supporting you and rooting you on. The benefits of breastfeeding are proven and undeniable. I say just play it by ear and see how you feel. No pressure
I see what you are saying, but I was totally uncomfortable with the idea of BF and having DD didn't change that at all for me-I think there are a lot of women like me. It doesn't mean I wouldn't do anything for my DD in the interest of her well being and happiness but FF isn't a lesser choice IMO and my Ped agreed so there was no reason for me to feel guilty about not BFing.
I don't think it's good that her DH is allowing his want for her to do it to supersede her well being. To me, that is paramount. It's great to be an advocate, but putting this much pressure on her isn't good for her or the baby.
In any case, if the OP changes her mind once the baby gets here-awesome, she and her DH will be on the same page. If she doesn't, hopefully he will come around and see this beautiful child and delight in the woman who brought him into this world rather than be hung up on this one issue.
Not trying to stir up trouble, as a BTDT mom of a smart, healthy, intelligent 19 month old baby girl I just wanted to post the flip side
Message edited 3/13/2009 9:08:31 AM.
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| Posted 3/13/09 9:06 AM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
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D
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Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)
Posted by Diana1215
Marisa - I think it's very very simply.
Your body
You do not want to breastfeed.
That's it.
I had ZERO desire to do it either. Some people tried to bring it up to me - it's my body, my child, and my choice.
Your DH is not the one doing it so IMO, so at the end of the day no matter how bad he wants you to do it - he cannot make you want to do it.
If there is one thing I've learned from friends who have breastfed, or from reading this board....you have to REALLY REALLY want to do it, otherwise it's just going to make the mom - and baby miserable!
I agree with all of the above.
My attitude was that this decision was 100% mine, since the responsibility was also 100% mine. I did ask DH what his opinion was, and luckily he agreed with me, but even if he pushed hard for me to do it, I still would have made the decision myself.
As a BTDT mom, I did try. It didn't work out for me and I have no regrets about switching to formula. I thought I would love BF and I hated it. The whole experience stressed me out and made me miserable. Other people think they'll hate it and end up loving it. You have to do what is best for you and your baby. I know it's hard, but try not to listen to everyone else. You know what they say about opinions....
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| Posted 3/13/09 9:16 AM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
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Marisa
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Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)
Thanks for all of yoru support and advice -
Don't worry about those giving me the 'you may change your mind' speech - I've heard it a million times already  Especially from my MIL who INSISTS I will have this overwhelming NEED to nurse my baby b/c I will just "Love him so much" ........(Riiiiight, b/c those who don't nurse would be perfectly fine tossing their babies out the window or something? - Idiot!!)
I honestly and truly appreciate the opinions b/c I asked for them, but no one other than my DH (who I am not finding so "D" today  ) can really make me feel guilty about it b/c I don't care what others think and I don't feel that it's anyone else's business ........
I've decided to stop stressing over it - if he's going to refuse to discuss it, I'm not even going to think about it until the baby is born and I'll make my decision then.
I'll probably end up doing it - b/c quite honestly who the F*ck wants to hear him every time the baby gets sick? Or if he develops allergies, or whatever - KWIM? It will somehow always be my fault b/c I 'didn't want to pump' - He would never directly SAY that to me, but I know him well enough to know that he'd be thinking it - and knowing the way I am, I'd be feeling guilty about it .........- and THAT I will resent him for .........
SO - now to find out how to pump and ONLY pump w/o ever having to nurse the baby - Any suggestions ????
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| Posted 3/13/09 9:16 AM |
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dgirl
LIF Adult
Member since 5/07 1079 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)
I think its so much more important to do what is right for you than to stress about breast feeding and have the baby pick up on that. I am really nervous about it, and we are planning on trying to go with the flow and see what happens.
For the record, I learned that I was only breastfed for 2 weeks and I am a totally healthy allergy free person, and my brother was breastfed exclusively and he has tons of allergies and other ailments.
Out of 4 kids DH was the only one breastfed and he is the only one in his family with allergies too. Not that I am saying it's the cause, its just that breast feeding isn't a guarantee.
Good luck with whatever you wind up doing!
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| Posted 3/13/09 9:24 AM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)
Posted by MarisaK
As I already knew, my DH thinks I'm being selfish b/c it's not about me and some stupid hang up I have, it's about what's best for the baby -
And my comfort level is irrelevant when it comes to doing what's best for the baby -
Marisa, I went back and actually read the whole thread and just wanted to comment on this.
As a new mom, your comfort level is pretty much irrelevant most of the time. Your world will be turned upside down and pretty much everything you do in the beginning is about the baby. If doing what you want in this one particular area is going to keep you less stressed and better equipped to deal with ALL of the other challenges that will be thrown at you, then do what you feel is best for YOU. Caring for a newborn is physically and mentally exhausting. He doesn't get that now. Hopefully, once the baby is here, he will get that and not make you feel guilty about using formula if that's what works best for you.
Good luck I can't wait to see photos of your little one!
Message edited 3/13/2009 9:32:09 AM.
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| Posted 3/13/09 9:31 AM |
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yankinmanc
Happy Days!
Member since 8/05 18208 total posts
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Re: I just had an epiphany and it's not going to be popular ........LONG (sorry!)
Tell him when he can produce milk from his breasts, he can decide about it.
Its your body, your business. You do whats right for you! I am a BF'ing advocate, but for myself, not for anyone else.
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| Posted 3/13/09 9:32 AM |
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