Re: I know this might be a diffcult question to answer but...

Never ever would I abort.

I could never end the life of my child because it was going to have difficulties..

And this I realize is a much different level...but my son is going through a LOT...his sensory problems, his developmental delays..it is a lot to handle and I know many others would not want to be in my shoes because of the amount of attention this kid needs.

But I think its my job as a parent to protect the life growing inside of me...to stop a baby from living because of a disability I think is horrendous.

I don't want flames or for people to tell me that I haven't gone through it so i just don't know..because I 100% DO know. Nothing could change my mind. And if god should decide that the child would live a short time after birth, then that is what i would have to face.

Re: I know this might be a diffcult question to answer but...

DH and I have a general agreement and we are both on the same page. But we've also agreed not to make a definitive pre-determined decision. We take each day as it comes and this topic is definitely something that falls under that category.

Ambiguous enough? Definitely one of those personal things that I think stays between a husband and wife. No one but the two of you understand your situation, your limitations, and so forth. I wouldn't even involve family with this...not even my son. It's DH and I only.

Message edited 5/30/2008 8:51:38 PM.

Re: I know this might be a diffcult question to answer but...

DH and I agreed that we would abort.
Just a personal decision.
But that would be after every test possible.

Re: I know this might be a diffcult question to answer but...

We never had the testing done for the simple reason that we would not abort.

Re: I know this might be a diffcult question to answer but...

I had the testing done for DD because my OB pretty much required it...my Ultrascreen results came back with an elevated risk for Down's. It was then that DH and I decided we would NOT do any further tests, because for us, it would not matter.

I can't say I would never abort, but for me, I would need proof that the baby had a horribly debilitating disorder that would not allow them to live but a few hours/days after birth...for something like Downs, I would never abort.

I think again, it's a very personal decision...

eta - DD was 100% fine

Message edited 5/30/2008 9:21:21 PM.

Re: I know this might be a diffcult question to answer but...

Re: I know this might be a diffcult question to answer but...

DH would vote to abort, but I would want to go to full-term. I'm against the genetic testing altogether because I'd rather not know what could go wrong - I personally know a family that was told their son had Downs when he was in utero, and he was born completely fine....can you imagine if they aborted?

Honestly, after my OB misdiagnosed a miscarriage last year and pushed quickly for a D&C --- I'm skeptical of the tests and the procedures -- look at what I "miscarried" this time last year:

Re: I know this might be a diffcult question to answer but...

Re: I know this might be a diffcult question to answer but...

It's definitely a personal decision.

We were faced with this decision, but late on in the PG. We found out around 26/27 weeks that DS was going to be born with severe hydrocephalus and the doctors told us that the baby would be either a vegetable or severly mentally retarded. They offered to send us somewhere to terminate. We struggled with the decision. It was a rough time for us. We decided to take a chance on our DS and we wouldn't change it. Our lives are so blessed because of him And he surprises us with what he can do everyday.

Re: I know this might be a diffcult question to answer but...

I chose not to have an amnio with this pregnancy even though I am at an elevated risk for carrying a baby with DS. I would not terminate the pregnancy regardless of the outcome so I chose not to put myself or the baby at risk with such an invasive test.
I was not faced with the same decision with DS because I was not yet 35 when I was pregnant with him. I was not at an elevated risk with him.

Re: I know this might be a diffcult question to answer but...

I have gone over how I would respond and to be honest, I would prefer to be sensitive to the parents of children with special needs on these boards. All children are blessings with lives of value.

It is very difficult for me to answer this question in a public forum without concern for judgment. Those who know me, know exactly what I would do. Those who know me from the TTC, IF and PG boards and know the types of testing I have already had done, know my answer. I would terminate a pregnancy.

Should anyone have a dying need to know my multiple rationales, please feel free to FM me. I would be happy to share and I would hope judgment is reserved as my answers are not as cut and dry as one may think. TIA for understanding.

Re: I know this might be a diffcult question to answer but...

Re: I know this might be a diffcult question to answer but...

DH and I have agreed that we would not abort. A friend of DH's was told that her daughter would have all sorts of problems and she was born perfectly healthy. I couldn't take a chance on aborting a child who could turn out perfectly healthy.

That being said, just because I would carry a child to term does not mean that if there WAS a severe disability I wouldn't place the child in a special facility instead of trying to do it on my own. I don't think I have the emotional strength to care for a handicapped child. I am being honest.

Re: I know this might be a diffcult question to answer but...

I would have the baby. There have been so many cases where generic tests have been wrong I personally don't trust them. And if there would of been something wrong with any of my children dh and I would get through it and give our child all that we can.

Re: I know this might be a diffcult question to answer but...

Re: I know this might be a diffcult question to answer but...

I don't know what we would do and I hope it is a decision we are never faced with. I think the point made by a pp that just because a child is born perfectly healthy doesn't mean you won't face similar circumstance. They could get sick or have an accident, anything really. It's a very interesting point and certainly something I would think about should I ever have face this.

Re: I know this might be a diffcult question to answer but...

If I were to get pregnant now, I would opt for a CVS test (at 10 weeks) to find out any genetic abnormalities. It's a very real possibility for us because we now know that DH has a chromosomal abnormality in his immediate family - one that may affect my own children when they TTC.

I would terminate the pregnancy if it was confirmed. I have many reasons for it, but the main one is I would not knowingly alter my existing children's lives & burden them with that responsibility.

Re: I know this might be a diffcult question to answer but...

I would go full term. And the reason for the testing for us is so that god forbid something is wrong, I can learn everything we can and prepare as best we can before the baby is born. I would never want to have a baby with special needs and then try and gather information, things needed, etc. That is why I feel testing is very important.

Re: I know this might be a diffcult question to answer but...

DH would want to abort but he knows I am not sure what I would do. We have not decided on anything because I really feel that there are certain things in life you cannot make decisions about until you are actually faced with the issue. I believe that I would have the baby anyway, but I can't say 100%.

Re: I know this might be a diffcult question to answer but...

This isn't a difficult question for me. I love my sons more than anything in this world. I would and will love them no matter what. Nothing can lessen what I feel for them. This love is powerful. This love has been there all the while - from the first moment I found out that a life was growing deep inside me through to the first whispery flutter of movement and the heavy sleeplessness of my last trimester. This love is abiding and deep. I couldn't imagine looking at my sons now and thinking "Wow - good thing I didn't have an off result on a sonogram - cause you wouldn't be here today.."

And I admit that I was terrified while I was pregnant - I worried that my child would have Down's, that my child would be a hermaphrodite or a dwarf or have a physical deformity or any condition that would set them apart from other children and make them special. Partly because I am selfish and I wasn't sure how I would be able to deal with it... but mostly because I know how difficult it can be to be different. Like every mother I dream of a perfect life for my child - that he/she will be smart, fast, strong and attractive. That they will have wonderful personalities and draw people to them and that they will lead charmed and wonderful lives. And having a child that is diagnosed with a disability can force you to alter those dreams of an easy life for them - but it could never alter my love.

Abort my child? I can honestly say that the thought never entered my mind. But I could never judge anyone else for that decision. I have a friend who was forced to make a choice and her reasons were personal and deep and she did terminate. It was the right choice for her.

Message edited 5/31/2008 8:42:33 AM.

Re: I know this might be a diffcult question to answer but...

At the age of 27 my chances for Downs came back as 1 in 114..my drs response was well at least it is better that 1%! I agreed said no other testing is necessary it doesn't make a difference to us! Almost 2 years later and my healthy boy is running around!

SOOOO---I could never abort---as scary as our lives might be---what if?? that would always be my question

Re: I know this might be a diffcult question to answer but...

DH & I discussed this and we would have definitely kept the baby.

Re: I know this might be a diffcult question to answer but...

Re: I know this might be a diffcult question to answer but...

Personally we would go to full term, but I dont think we would have the genetic testing done in the first place. Unless ofcourse it was needed

Re: I know this might be a diffcult question to answer but...

My DH and I are having the ultrascreen next week and will keep our babies no matter what. My husband didn't even want the test but I really want the sono.