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Eireann
Two ladies and a gentleman!
Member since 5/05 12165 total posts
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I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
My DD is turning 7 next month and I'm stressing out! She wants a bowling party and I'm torn up about inviting the whole class vs 10-12 friends from the class.
The party costs $17/kid and with 26 kids in her class + her two siblings, that's almost $500. In addition, we also have a family party later in the day. Here's the thing, we can afford it, but it is my personal belief that no 1st grader deserves ANYTHING costing $500...then plus the later party, totally insane.
It is always simple with my older DD because she only associates with girls, but this one plays with boys equally. Last year, we did the "pick 10 kids" thing, but this year I'm torn for some reason.
This was NOT an issue in 1980 when I turned 7, why is society out of control now? Whyyyyyy??? Now my emotions need to be in an uproar!  
Thank you for allowing me to babble. If you have any thoughts--random, relevant, or otherwise--I'd love to hear them!
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Posted 4/4/14 12:02 PM  |
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itsbabytime
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 9644 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
I have a first grader too. I totally get where you are coming from with the price of these parties and the number of kids! That said, I am going to be totally honest with you - I do not think that inviting half the class when it is a mix of boys and girls is the right thing to do. I do feel when you are inviting that many kids you need to either invite all the girls or all the boys or everyone. I honestly, think it is normal and natural that it would be hurtful for the kids that are not invited. In first grade they ALL talk about it and with those numbers you are probably talking about only a few girls and boys that are left out and how awful will they feel. I also don't think this is a thing of the times - I think even in 1980 the left out kids would feel hurt in that situation.
That said, I do not think you have to go all out and spend a fortune on everyone coming. I just think if you are going to invite more than a handful of kids from the class you need to invite either all girls only or the whole class. Additionally, I will add that most of the kids have had their birthdays in my DC's class and that is the only ways it's been done - either all boys or everyone. That's just my opinion though!
Message edited 4/4/2014 12:46:22 PM.
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| Posted 4/4/14 12:45 PM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
My DS started Kindergarten this year and all of a sudden he wanted a Pump It Up Bday Party. Mind you, my DS nor myself never heard of this place before he started school but because all the kids were having parties there he wanted one. He got a Halloween party at the house with family. He had a blast.
As far as the invite thing, I don't invite kids from his class to his party. I just do the school cupcake thing. But I think the rule of etiquette is invite all or just girls/boys. Does she have friends and family that will be going aside from kids in school? Because then I would skip the classmate invite all together since it seems like she is close to a mixed group of kids.
Sorry, if I'm no help but I do agree 500 plus for a party is crazy especially every year. My sister does this and I don't get it. We didn't have bday parties every year growing up lol. My DS got a big 2nd bday and the a 5th bday house party. That's about it.
Message edited 4/4/2014 12:49:22 PM.
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| Posted 4/4/14 12:47 PM |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15657 total posts
Name:
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I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
I never invite all the kids, or even all the girls to my DD's party. I mail the invites to their homes. We had my DD's birthday party the other day, and only invited 4 kids from her class and 3 from outside of her class. She has gymnastics team friends, class friends, friends from Kindergarten, and her cousins. We can't possibly invite them all, and I never do. I don't think it's a huge deal at all. I'm sure other parents were offended (if they saw my pictures on FB), but the kids have no idea. My child doesn't get invited to everything, and is pretty clueless about it.
$500 if ridiculous for a party, but lots of people do it. I can think of a million other things to spend $500 on! We had a super fabulous at home party that was probably $150-175 and it had a lot of nice, cute personal touches.
Message edited 4/4/2014 12:50:27 PM.
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| Posted 4/4/14 12:47 PM |
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Re: I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
I do not envy you.  I am one of the leaders of DD's Daisy troop and the other two leaders invited all the girls from the troop to the joint party they had in January (the girls are 6 days apart.) So I felt obligated, as the other leader, to do the same. There are 11 girls in the troop- then my DD really wanted to ask a couple girls from her class, a couple friends from the neighborhood- it was nuts. I think I had 14 kids in my house.
The only good thing is that sleepovers seem to start at 8 so hopefully smaller parties will be the thing from here on.
Sorry I don't have any advice. Though I would do the 10 friends and that's it- I felt like my DD was overwhelmed with all the kids.
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| Posted 4/4/14 1:24 PM |
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Re: I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
DS is in Pre K and I've done the parties at the places the past several years. I decided this past December will probably be the last one. We have too many other things to pay for that are more important.
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| Posted 4/4/14 3:58 PM |
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LSP2005
Bunny kisses are so cute!
Member since 5/05 19458 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
Last year for my son's 6th birthday I had a bunch of the kids from the neighborhood and some of our friends kids at our house for a lego birthday party.
A lot of our friends have stopped having big parties after kindergarten because it just gets way to big. There are too many kids who end up feeling left out. If it was me, I would invite just the girls from her class or everyone. At this age I don't think it is a good idea to pick and choose as the kids talk and someone will feel left out.
This year DS will be 7 and I think we will do some special events and get him a few presents instead of a big party. This is what our friends are doing as well.
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| Posted 4/4/14 6:05 PM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
I guess I'm in the minority, but I don't feel you need to invite the whole class at all. I think it's perfectly fine to only invite the boys and girls she plays with. I think it's silly, and ridiculously expensive, to pay for kids your child doesn't even play with. And don't feel bad about it at all.
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| Posted 4/4/14 6:28 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
Posted by itsbabytime
I have a first grader too. I totally get where you are coming from with the price of these parties and the number of kids! That said, I am going to be totally honest with you - I do not think that inviting half the class when it is a mix of boys and girls is the right thing to do. I do feel when you are inviting that many kids you need to either invite all the girls or all the boys or everyone. I honestly, think it is normal and natural that it would be hurtful for the kids that are not invited. In first grade they ALL talk about it and with those numbers you are probably talking about only a few girls and boys that are left out and how awful will they feel. I also don't think this is a thing of the times - I think even in 1980 the left out kids would feel hurt in that situation.
That said, I do not think you have to go all out and spend a fortune on everyone coming. I just think if you are going to invite more than a handful of kids from the class you need to invite either all girls only or the whole class. Additionally, I will add that most of the kids have had their birthdays in my DC's class and that is the only ways it's been done - either all boys or everyone. That's just my opinion though!
I agree. I would never want to ostracize children in the class, and by inviting half boys and half girls, that is what is going to happen to the half not invited. I think any child would be very hurt if they found this out and I would hate to start any bad vibes so young. KWIM?
All boys or all girls, ok, you can get away with. A few from the class, you can also do. But almost half the class, no way, that is asking for trouble IMO.
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| Posted 4/4/14 10:39 PM |
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Millie3
LIF Adult
Member since 7/13 1280 total posts
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Re: I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
Personally I could never exclude any child from a party. I also don't want to shell out so much money, so we only have family over (3 cousins) grandparents, aunts and uncles. It's just too much. Every birthday I feel guilty but , what can you do. We also do something fun for them (adventure land , chuck e cheese, bowling - they choose) and nice gifts
Message edited 4/5/2014 12:08:04 AM.
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| Posted 4/5/14 12:06 AM |
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pharmcat2000
Mom of 2 + 1
Member since 10/05 7395 total posts
Name:
Catherine
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Re: I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
I wouldn't want to exclude some kids from the class either. And even if you were to invite only the girls. That probably wouldn't get translated to the boys, that there was a method to the selective invites. I've invited all the kids from DD's class to her parties. Each year, the # that actually attend decreases. So, even if you were to invite the full 26, chances are, that you'll only get about 1/2 to come anyway.
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| Posted 4/5/14 2:17 AM |
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dawnygirl25
Growing up soo fast..
Member since 1/06 14917 total posts
Name:
Dawn
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Re: I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
I guess I am also in the minority but I let my DD invite some of her class. This year we are doing just girls, but last year she invited about 8 or 9 of the 21 that were in her class. I am a single Mom and there is absolutely no way I can afford parties out with 30 kids. (she has friends from her dance classes too, plus my good friends children). As long as the invites are mailed home, its fine. I refuse to take away the experience of her having a party out at a place because it has become society to invite the whole class...even when DD doesnt play with half those kids at school. She is in 2nd grade by the way.....
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| Posted 4/5/14 1:09 PM |
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Lillykat
going along for the ride...
Member since 5/05 16253 total posts
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Re: I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
Posted by dawnygirl25
I guess I am also in the minority but I let my DD invite some of her class. This year we are doing just girls, but last year she invited about 8 or 9 of the 21 that were in her class. I am a single Mom and there is absolutely no way I can afford parties out with 30 kids. (she has friends from her dance classes too, plus my good friends children). As long as the invites are mailed home, its fine. I refuse to take away the experience of her having a party out at a place because it has become society to invite the whole class...even when DD doesnt play with half those kids at school. She is in 2nd grade by the way.....
I don't think anyone was suggesting to invite the whole class. I think most do not. But every party we have been to that does not invite the whole class does invite all one gender...so all the girls OR all the boys. I think it is awkward to invite say 7 out of 10 girls and say 6 of the 10 boys. The boys might not care but those three girls might take it hard. Very different from say only inviting a total of three kids out of 24.
Growing up if someone didn't invite the whole class they did invite all one gender from their class.
I think it is rather mean to invite just some. For those that disagree the kids DO talk about it at school, and feelings are hurt. I think the easiest way is to invite just the girls or just the boys. I do not think you have to invite the whole class as it does get ridiculous. We invite just the girls. Of course if you don't want to do 10 kids or so. Why not just pick 3 or 4 kids your child is closest to be it in or out of school and just do something very special with them.
Btw don't think the kids don't know. My daughter comes home and knows when the boys are having a party even if she isn't invited.
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| Posted 4/5/14 2:39 PM |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15657 total posts
Name:
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Re: I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
Posted by nferrandi
I guess I'm in the minority, but I don't feel you need to invite the whole class at all. I think it's perfectly fine to only invite the boys and girls she plays with. I think it's silly, and ridiculously expensive, to pay for kids your child doesn't even play with. And don't feel bad about it at all.
I agree, why would you invite kids to your child's birthday that your child doesn't play with, or particularly care for. Just because they happen to be in the same class? That is just plain silly.
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| Posted 4/5/14 5:49 PM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
Posted by Lillykat
Posted by dawnygirl25
I think it is rather mean to invite just some. For those that disagree the kids DO talk about it at school, and feelings are hurt. I think the easiest way is to invite just the girls or just the boys. I do not think you have to invite the whole class as it does get ridiculous. We invite just the girls. Of course if you don't want to do 10 kids or so. Why not just pick 3 or 4 kids your child is closest to be it in or out of school and just do something very special with them.
Btw don't think the kids don't know. My daughter comes home and knows when the boys are having a party even if she isn't invited.
I don't think it's mean at all. I tell my DS that he has to be friendly with everyone at school, but he does not need to be friends with everyone. Not all kids are going to be friends. Not all kids are going to be invited to every party. That's life.
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| Posted 4/5/14 6:19 PM |
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Re: I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
I think in addition to just having family and close friends over for cake when DS is a little older, I'll give him the option of going out somewhere fun and choosing a couple kids he likes a lot. I am loving the fact that DS bday falls most likely during holiday break so I hopefully can distract him from having to have a school bday. At what age are birthdays not cool anymore btw?
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| Posted 4/5/14 6:30 PM |
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dawnygirl25
Growing up soo fast..
Member since 1/06 14917 total posts
Name:
Dawn
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Re: I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
Posted by nferrandi
Posted by Lillykat
Posted by dawnygirl25
I think it is rather mean to invite just some. For those that disagree the kids DO talk about it at school, and feelings are hurt. I think the easiest way is to invite just the girls or just the boys. I do not think you have to invite the whole class as it does get ridiculous. We invite just the girls. Of course if you don't want to do 10 kids or so. Why not just pick 3 or 4 kids your child is closest to be it in or out of school and just do something very special with them.
Btw don't think the kids don't know. My daughter comes home and knows when the boys are having a party even if she isn't invited.
I don't think it's mean at all. I tell my DS that he has to be friendly with everyone at school, but he does not need to be friends with everyone. Not all kids are going to be friends. Not all kids are going to be invited to every party. That's life.
completely agree. As they get older, they will hear of other events/pparties/get together that they weren't invited too...such is life. My daughter understands she will be invited to some,at all. I also see no reason to make her invite kids shdoesn't really care for or talk with/play with.
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| Posted 4/5/14 9:10 PM |
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KarenK122
The Journey is the Destination
Member since 5/05 4431 total posts
Name:
Karen
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I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
I think it really depends. I don't think you need to invite the whole class. That is just crazy with the prices these party places are charging but if you were just inviting boys or girls I think you really need to look a the class list and make sure your being fair. If your DD plays with 7 out of 8 girls in the class and just wants to invite the 7, I think that is totally wrong. Personally I would not do that because I wouldn't want my DD being the only one left out. Kids are fickle and change best friends weekly. I'm really talking 2nd grade and under though. Above that I only plan on invited a few very good friends and that would be that.
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| Posted 4/5/14 9:17 PM |
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Lillykat
going along for the ride...
Member since 5/05 16253 total posts
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Re: I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
Posted by nferrandi
Posted by Lillykat
Posted by dawnygirl25
I think it is rather mean to invite just some. For those that disagree the kids DO talk about it at school, and feelings are hurt. I think the easiest way is to invite just the girls or just the boys. I do not think you have to invite the whole class as it does get ridiculous. We invite just the girls. Of course if you don't want to do 10 kids or so. Why not just pick 3 or 4 kids your child is closest to be it in or out of school and just do something very special with them.
Btw don't think the kids don't know. My daughter comes home and knows when the boys are having a party even if she isn't invited.
I don't think it's mean at all. I tell my DS that he has to be friendly with everyone at school, but he does not need to be friends with everyone. Not all kids are going to be friends. Not all kids are going to be invited to every party. That's life.
So you think it is acceptable and nice to invite say 9 out of 10 or out of 11 boys just bc that one child or two doesn't play a lot if you are inviting the majority of the same gender? See I tell my kids the same thing but I also teach them about excluding and hurting people. I can certainly see your point if you were to say invite 4 or 5 kids but to invite 9 out of say ten boys where one or two are excluded does seem mean. From what I hear from the teachers and friends who are teachers, kids talk about their parties and the kids do know who is doing what and who went.
In my area people do not do this and think it is not nice from conversations I have had with others. IMO it is different from inviting say 5 kids total in a class of 24. But around here people don't exclude one or two kids, they have all invited all one gender or whole class, or done something with a total of say 3-4 kids from school. They just don't do things where one or two are left out. Interesting.
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| Posted 4/5/14 10:03 PM |
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Lillykat
going along for the ride...
Member since 5/05 16253 total posts
Name:
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Re: I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
Posted by dawnygirl25
Posted by nferrandi
Posted by Lillykat
Posted by dawnygirl25
I think it is rather mean to invite just some. For those that disagree the kids DO talk about it at school, and feelings are hurt. I think the easiest way is to invite just the girls or just the boys. I do not think you have to invite the whole class as it does get ridiculous. We invite just the girls. Of course if you don't want to do 10 kids or so. Why not just pick 3 or 4 kids your child is closest to be it in or out of school and just do something very special with them.
Btw don't think the kids don't know. My daughter comes home and knows when the boys are having a party even if she isn't invited.
I don't think it's mean at all. I tell my DS that he has to be friendly with everyone at school, but he does not need to be friends with everyone. Not all kids are going to be friends. Not all kids are going to be invited to every party. That's life.
completely agree. As they get older, they will hear of other events/pparties/get together that they weren't invited too...such is life. My daughter understands she will be invited to some,at all. I also see no reason to make her invite kids shdoesn't really care for or talk with/play with.
So are you saying you think it is fine to invite say 3-5 girls out of say 10 or 11 or are you saying it is fine to invite say 9 or 10 but exclude one or two. Because IMO there is a difference. I see nothing wrong with a small group like inviting 3 or 4 to sleep over (older kids) or 4 girls to go to American girl for tea (especially older kids) , versus saying hey my kid has 10 girls in her class I will invite 8 or 9 and exclude one or two so they should suck it up and not be upset?
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| Posted 4/5/14 10:10 PM |
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beachgirl
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 7967 total posts
Name:
sara
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Re: I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
DD is in 2nd grade. This year she had a party at a very small studio with a max of 8 kids incl, DD so that left her with 7 invites to hand out. Once she took into account her cousin and two friends from outside of school that left her with 4 invites and she invited 2 out of her 10 girl classmates and 2 other kids from her grade. She invited the 4 friends she has been friendly with for some time and she has been to their parties. One of the moms did inquire where and how and details of DD's party and she may have been annoyed / upset that her DD was not invited but to be honest its not my problem as DD is not friendly outside of school with her DD nor has she ever had a party and invited DD to.
I think there are too many rules these days...as long as you are not inviting say 8 out of 10 or 9 out of 10 kids in the class then I say do what you and your child want to do and you cannot please everyone even half of the time.
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| Posted 4/5/14 11:10 PM |
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I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
DS is friends with both boys and girls, but I'm throwing a boys only party. Inviting the entire class, friends, and cousins also is not doable for us. I feel kind of bad but I know his friends that are girls had girl only parties. It's just the nature of the school aged beast. I sent the invites, so it's not like it is being made public to everyone....
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| Posted 4/6/14 9:32 AM |
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Re: I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
We need that post from a few weeks ago about parties in the 80s compared to parties today. I agree there are too many rules.
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| Posted 4/6/14 9:35 AM |
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I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
I just read the thread and realized you are selecting specific kids... Boys and girls. I think in first grade kids notice and will be upset. I couldn't do that!!
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| Posted 4/6/14 9:40 AM |
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BargainMama
LIF Adult
Member since 5/09 15657 total posts
Name:
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Re: I know we've gone through this, but I'm suddenly feeling guilty re: 1st grade party invites
Posted by Lillykat
Posted by nferrandi
Posted by Lillykat
Posted by dawnygirl25
I think it is rather mean to invite just some. For those that disagree the kids DO talk about it at school, and feelings are hurt. I think the easiest way is to invite just the girls or just the boys. I do not think you have to invite the whole class as it does get ridiculous. We invite just the girls. Of course if you don't want to do 10 kids or so. Why not just pick 3 or 4 kids your child is closest to be it in or out of school and just do something very special with them.
Btw don't think the kids don't know. My daughter comes home and knows when the boys are having a party even if she isn't invited.
I don't think it's mean at all. I tell my DS that he has to be friendly with everyone at school, but he does not need to be friends with everyone. Not all kids are going to be friends. Not all kids are going to be invited to every party. That's life.
So you think it is acceptable and nice to invite say 9 out of 10 or out of 11 boys just bc that one child or two doesn't play a lot if you are inviting the majority of the same gender? See I tell my kids the same thing but I also teach them about excluding and hurting people. I can certainly see your point if you were to say invite 4 or 5 kids but to invite 9 out of say ten boys where one or two are excluded does seem mean. From what I hear from the teachers and friends who are teachers, kids talk about their parties and the kids do know who is doing what and who went.
In my area people do not do this and think it is not nice from conversations I have had with others. IMO it is different from inviting say 5 kids total in a class of 24. But around here people don't exclude one or two kids, they have all invited all one gender or whole class, or done something with a total of say 3-4 kids from school. They just don't do things where one or two are left out. Interesting.
Where did she say she excluded one or two? I don't see anyone saying that at all! Most kids are not friends with EVERY single kid in the class, or even 3/4 of them. We invited 4 out of 20. It is what it is. I think parents make a bigger deal about it than the kids. It's so ridiculous. Invite who you are friends with and call it a day! Sorry can't fix quotes!
Message edited 4/6/2014 10:33:29 AM.
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| Posted 4/6/14 10:32 AM |
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