I love smart kids

Last night DH and I went out to a Hibachi restaurant and we sat across the grill from a family. It looked like a mother and her daughter (about 9 or 10 years old) with the daughter's friend and the mother's boyfriend. The adults were drinking sake and vodka tonics.

The daughter looked at her mother and said "But Mommy, you are driving tonight." I smiled and said to myself "Smart kid." I thought maybe the mom would have said "You know honey, you are right." Instead she tried to explain to the child that one bottle of sake was equivalent to half a glass of wine and that two bottles of sake was like drinking one glass of wine and that is no big deal. She also said they would be shopping and would "walk it off" before they got back into the car. Truth is, it probably isnt a big deal, but trying to justify alcohol intake and equivalency to a child is idiotic IMO. They don't give the wine tasting class until the senior year of college lady!

I am not a drinker by choice. I also know drinking is an adult behavior and parents drink in the presence of children which is fine. But when a kid calls a parent out on it, I have to have a sense of pride for the child. I was really impressed with this girl.

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I never understood trying to rationalize drinking to a young child. I would think the same as you, smart kid!!!!

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I actually had no problem with the fact that the mother and b/f were drinking. That is what adults do. But the kid noticed the mother, who was driving, had more than one drink and could possibly become impaired. Looks like the child showed better judgement.

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So, what should the ADULT mother have done ?? Apologize to the 10 year old child and put her drink down ?? -

I agree it was smart of the kid to speak up to her mother, and obviously the mother is doing something right if the kid is comfortable enough to say something to her Mom -

However, I don't see the issue here - 10 years old IS old enough to explain to a child that one glass of wine (or 2 glasses of saki equaling 1 glass of wine - kids can do math - ) is going to be out her system in an hour and there is nothing to worry about -

If she was downing a bottle, that's a different story -

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I disagree. While a 10 year old is old enough to understand math equivalence, they are not really old enough to understand alcohol tolerance. (Perhaps THAT is the word I should have used in the OP instead). The woman also had someone else's child with her and THAT would bother me.

It is obvious to me that her child had some alcohol education and expressed concern especially since the mother was driving. Had they been inside their own home having dinner, it would be a completely different story. Nobody would be at risk.

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I respect your opinion, but I disagree. -

But I'm also looking at it from a different angle - I see WAY too many kids who have complete control over their parents - The Mother is the adult.
I am sure there are WAY too many adults who don't make the right choices, particularly with their children in the car, however, IF this woman went out for dinner and had one glass of wine, she would be perfectly capable to drive home an hour or 2 later -

There is no need for her to put her glass down b/c her 10 year old told her she should - Again, IF she was drinking responsibly -

But that is a matter of opinion and parenting, I have friends who would NEVER even pick up a drink in front of their kids, and others who don't see a problem with it -

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This child was definitely respectful and I understand your viewpoint.

I just wish she didn't harangue the chef to sing "Who let the dogs out!"while he was chopping onions. The last thing I needed was Hibachi Thumbs for dinner

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Posted by Goldi0218

This child was definitely respectful and I understand your viewpoint.

I just wish she didn't harangue the chef to sing "Who let the dogs out!"while he was chopping onions. The last thing I needed was Hibachi Thumbs for dinner

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Posted by MarisaK

Posted by Goldi0218

This child was definitely respectful and I understand your viewpoint.

I just wish she didn't harangue the chef to sing "Who let the dogs out!"while he was chopping onions. The last thing I needed was Hibachi Thumbs for dinner

Ummmmmmmmmm, - Are you SURE she only had ONE drink ???
Wait, the kid, or the mother made the poor guy sing ??

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Posted by Goldi0218

Posted by MarisaK

Posted by Goldi0218

This child was definitely respectful and I understand your viewpoint.

I just wish she didn't harangue the chef to sing "Who let the dogs out!"while he was chopping onions. The last thing I needed was Hibachi Thumbs for dinner

Ummmmmmmmmm, - Are you SURE she only had ONE drink ???
Wait, the kid, or the mother made the poor guy sing ??

The kid wanted the chef to sing and the mother didnt stop her. The mom seemed miffed that he didn't make a volcano out of the onion and had no idea what a bean sprout was.

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Wow, that's pretty disturbing. I see all points on this one but parents should set an example and how many of us have seen someone who can justify and rationalize how much they drank in regards to driving. The example should be set that even if you think you're okay to drive you might not be and it's probably the "better choice" to stop. Personally I would not drink and drive with children in the car, especially other peoples children.

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My son is very cognizant of everyone's alcohol consumption. When people come over for supper and have wine, he will say to them "Are you driving? If you are, you should have apple cider instead!" He's such a smart cookie. And it usually works very well too! Most of my friends will not drink if they are driving when he is around because he has been taught that you do not drink even one glass of wine and drive. The exception is if I have a party and there are a lot of people drinking. In instances like that he usually isolates people that he really loves - and checks up on them.

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I am one of those adults who gets drunk on half a glass of wine or a little bit of beer and feels the impairment immediately. No joke. So what works for some, may not be the case for others. Mind you, I am not anti-alcohol at all. I don't like it all that much and just prefer not to bother. I am the chick who goes to the wineries and eats the cheese and crackers!

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With another persons child in my care I would not have a drink just to avoid any "mommy mrs. B had beers at dinner" BUT with just my own kid/kids, I will not hesitate to have one drink at dinner in their presence.

I do agree, that kid is smart and it's nice to see :)

However....I also feel that I am an adult and I can use my own judgement and not everything has to be explained to a child...a simple "one drink is allowed for mom, no more than that" will be my explanation.

I feel sometimes parents overthink everything these days. It seems that way in my opinion...

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I don't have kids yet - So I am extremely anxious, and overly cautious when it comes to them - I'm the one at the party who follows the kid around the coffee table and makes sure he doesn't crack his head on anything ...
I would be nervous to drive w/ someone else's kid in the care while I was dead sober ........so forget about having a drink or 2 -

But really, if I'm at a party or a BBQ at someone's house - I am NOT interested in thier 7 year old lecturing me on drinking and driving - that is NOT cute, it's not endearing, it's bordering on obnoxious ! I don't need to be put in my place by a child ! -

I don't know why this thread is irking me so much -

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I hope more kids turn out like that girl. Yes the "rule of thumb" is that one drink is absorbed in one hour, but everyone is different. On the rare occasions that either DW or I drink, the other one drives. We don't take any chances. I think it makes it hard for a 10 yo to say "Here are the rules, but then here are the exceptions that I'm using..." Justifying a bad behavior is still doing a bad behavior. Adults can drink all they want, but not if they are driving.
A recent report came out that said 13,500 people died last year because of drunk drivers. Luckily, I have never had anyone close to me die because of a drunk driver, but I have absolutely no tolerance whatsoever with drinking and driving.

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Maybe it's the teacher in me, but I think that seems like a great teaching moment for the mother. Instead of explaining why it's ok to have a drink and then drive....which the daughter will most likely remember and could cause her harm one day....as a mother, I would have told the daughter she was right, thanked her for caring about me, and stopped drinking.
Even though the mother is an adult and can drink when she wants to - I think she should be more concerned with setting the right example for her daughter, rather than enjoying a drink with dinner.

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First of all... to the little girl.
I don't think the mother dealt with it appropriately, but she certainly could have done a worse job at explaining it. I've heard worse excuses, trust me.
As for how I would personally handle it, I would have told my own daughter, "You're right, honey, while one drink won't make it illegal for me to drive, the safe thing to do is have Daddy drive home." Or whatever. Something to that effect. That being said, JT and I have an agreement that only one of us drinks when we're out so the other one can drive. We feel strongly about that and will teach Ava that the person drinking shouldn't be driving.
I think that at that age, it should just be cut and dry. If you drink, you don't drive. There should be no teaching inbetween on that subject as far as I'm concerned.

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Had there been another adult who was able to drive, I wouldnt have blinked an eye and this post would probably not exist. The other adult had 5 vodka tonics in less than an hour's time.

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I don't see any indication that the girl was being rude or that she was giving a lecture at all. She reminded her mother that she was driving. And you never know - it may have been coming from a previous bad experience with her mother drinking and driving.

I have 2 kids. I have taught them that it is NEVER acceptable to drink 'even a little bit' and then get behind the wheel of a car. I have taught them that it is NEVER okay to get in a car with someone who has had ANYTHING to drink. They learn what they see, they live what they learn. I pray to God that my kids grow up and remember these lessons.

ETA: Personally, I have no problem with my kid asking someone he cares about if they are driving after he notices that they are consuming alcohol. He is learning about the world around him and he has a legitimate concern because you know what? He may be in a car being driven somewhere at the same time as that person who had 2 or 3 glasses of wine.

Message edited 8/21/2007 12:49:44 PM.

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