I need advice...I think I've created a monster

Lately Jake has been throwing massive tantrums in his high chair. He's become so fussy about eating.

He'll only eat certain things - when he feels like it. And he refuses to try anything new. We just had a huge meltdown at lunchtime and he ended up going down for his nap without eating anything. He chugged his bottle and screamed when it empty, so I KNOW he was hungry. But I made him three different meals - all things that he's eaten before with no problems - and he refused them all.

This is becoming such a bad habit with him. I know it's partly my fault because I've been offering him a second option for awhile now when he didn't like/want his first option.

But how do I undo the damage? Do I keep sending him to bed hungry? (Which is what one of my BTDT Mom friends suggested) Do I just give him what he wants all the time?

What about the tantrums? He'll sit there and thrash around. If I leave the room, he instantly stops. If I say "ok lunchtime is over" and take him out, he'll throw himself on floor and scream - because of course he is still hungry.

Is this just a phase? How long of a phase?

He used to be such a good eater... I don't know what happened...but I'm getting very tired of this.

Re: I need advice...I think I've created a monster

could it be teething?

Antonio did this to me a couple of times last week. He barely ate anything all day! I managed to get a jar or two in.

I noticed his canines were coming in.

He is usually a picky eater so when he was refusing his favorites like cheese and banana I knew something was wrong.

I would go with the flow and let him eat what he wants for a couple of days. It should pass.

Honestly I would never let my child go to bed hungry at this age. Offer him a couple of choices and as long as he eats something I would be okay with it.

When they are teething or sick they don't have the energy to chew.

Re: I need advice...I think I've created a monster

We had been going through something similar to that with my daughter. We put the high chair away and started using a little table and chair with her that we can push under our kitchen table when done. It's working better for us in the sense of tantrums but stinks because she gets up and walks around more while eating. As for the meal thing- we have the same issue here. IMO it's them asserting their independence in a way. Usually in the end she winds up eating cereal. That seems to be what she wants. But for example she was SCREAMING for pizza on Thursday. So I relented and we went and got pizza. I was eating pasta. She had 4 bites of her pizza and then decided she wanted my pasta. Once she had a few pieces of pasta it was back to cereal. Wish I had more advice I am hoping it's a phase too.

Re: I need advice...I think I've created a monster

I haven't been thru this yet, but we have alot of feeding issues because of my DD's severe food allergies, so I know my time will come.

What my sister's (all moms) and other BTDT moms have all told me is to offer 1 choice, and if they don't want it, they go bed to bed hungry.

's It sounds like your doing the right thing.... I would probably do the same.

Re: I need advice...I think I've created a monster

I know I'll get flamed for this, but, here goes. When my girls were little, my mantra was "I am not a diner". You eat what I put in front of you. I never forced them to eat what they truly didn't like. If they refused to eat, they went without. I wasn't beating myself up trying to get them to eat. I couldn't force feed them and didn't try. Eventually, they ate. Take it from some one who has been there, they are not going to starve. This is a battle of wills. I wasn't about to negotiate with a 1 and 1/2 year old. After a few times of going without, they caught on pretty quickly and problem solved. Both are grown women now and none the worse for wear.

Re: I need advice...I think I've created a monster

I think that if he doesn't eat what you made for him, he should go to bed. Eventually he will realize that he needs to eat what you made for him or he will get nothing else.
I had the same problem with my 7 year old. He was a really good eater when he was a toddler and somehow he became very picky with his food. I gave in to him and only made things he liked, well now I have a VERY picky eater. The older he gets, the worse he has become. He gets mad when I don't make something he wants and to this day I have to fight with him to eat. Now that he is older, he realizes that I am no longer giving in, he ends up eating what I made. But, I always have to fight with him.
My suggestion is to nip it in the butt, don't give in to him...it will only get worse.
I will not make the same mistake with my little one.

Good luck

Re: I need advice...I think I've created a monster

it is definately a phase. For what its worth (but I also have a picky eater). I give him choices of his favorites and then make him whichever he asks for.

This works, but does nothing for my long term plan to get him to eat what I cook. So its by no means a perfect plan.

Re: I need advice...I think I've created a monster

The same thing happened to us with Joseph. He went from eating anything & everything to barely eating.

We did the same thing - make him other food when he wouldn't eat the first one. He would say "Chicken Nuggets." I would make them & then he didn't want them.

Finally I came to my senses. I served dinner - whatever we were having. He didn't have to eat but that was his only choice but he had to sit there while we ate because meals are family time. He always made up for it at the next meal.

I know it's hard to send him to bed without dinner - especially if he's going to get up in the middle of the night hungry. When he would, I would say, " I know you're hungry you need to eat more dinner."

One thing that worked - When DH took over meals, he would have Joseph "help" him cook. Even if it was putting something on a tray. Ok he also taught him to break eggs when he was 19 months old which I wasn't thrilled about. When we ate it, we would compliment him & say "You made this? Good job."

I hope you get the old Jake back. That new Joseph was a real PITA at dinner time (still is)

Re: I need advice...I think I've created a monster

Did you try keeping him busy during meals? If we can figure out what toy or book interests Jesse at that moment, we can get him to eat almost anything. We're basically distracting him so he doesn't realize he's eating something different. Of course, it means we have to feed him instead of him feeding himself, but he's always been thin and a picky eater, so I figure I'm getting food (and different types of food) into him, so it works for us. And I try to wait until he's hungry - not just because it's time to eat. He seems more willing to eat what we give him when he's hungry. Good luck!

Re: I need advice...I think I've created a monster

Well, you know my daughter - so, you know we've encountered this battle quite a few times. Alex is the queen of meal-time temper tantrums. A few of the methods we've employed thus far, that seem to work:

First, instead of concentrating just on Alex at mealtimes, we make it "family" mealtime. We all sit down together and eat together. First, it distracts her from picking at her food. Second, I"ve noticed she's DEFINITELY a social eater, and is much more inclined to eat if we're eating. Third, we share what we are eating with her- get her involved, so to speak.

Second, if she starts to have a meltdown or a tantrum, I remove her tray from her, take her out of the high chair and put her on the floor. She usually melts even further But I ignore it. Eventually she runs out of steam, starts playing or what not, and then signs to me that she's hungry, so I try again. Usually the second round, she's more inclined to eat.

Third, we give her her own bowl and utensils. I know, I know, simple, right? We used to just put her food on her tray and she would eat with her hands. For some unknown reason, when we started using a bowl that sticks to the tray, with her own utensils, she seems much more into the whole routine. I think maybe because she sees herself more as a grown-up - who knows, as long as it works!

For a while there we were running around serving her 3-4 different items. It got to the point where we realized that she would keep saying no until we relented by giving her something less than healthy for dinner - something sweet - like yogurt and fruit. It dawned on me that this was becoming a pattern, so that night we refused to give in, and even put her to sleep without dinner. Yes, she woke up about an hour earlier, STARVING, so we fed her then, but she learned quickly.

Good luck!

Re: I need advice...I think I've created a monster

Re: I need advice...I think I've created a monster

Thanks everyone - I think I know what I have to do, as hard as it may be. I just didn't think it would be at 19 months that it would come to this. I could see myself explaining it to a 3 year old, just not a 1 1/2 year old!

Maathy - you are so right - it is a battle of wills at the moment. For one thing, he doesn't fight Daddy nearly as much as he fights me - because he knows Daddy won't give in as easily as Mommy. He also ASKS for what he wants instead of what I'm offering - so that should've been my first clue that he knows all too well that he's manipulating me.

Who knew they were so smart at this age?

Beth - I've done everything you've done - the eating utensils, the sitting down to eat together (which we don't do nearly enough - especially during the hectic work weeks) and they all do help. I guess this is where the whole "consistency is key" thing comes in.

Thanks again everyone!

Re: I need advice...I think I've created a monster