I think I created a monster....

I know some people say 3 months is too young to be spoiled, but I have no doubt that she is.
She has reflux so we held her all the time, I never let her cry for a second if I could help it. Now she wants to be held while she sleeps, she has no ability whatsoever to put herself to sleep and wants to be walked around to fall asleep.
She gets hysterical if she does not get what she wants immediatly (no matter what it is, I don't even mean food or diaper change or basics)
I have no idea how to handle this. I am so completely exhausted.
She is sometimes happy and in a good mood, but mostly she cries so much.

I feel stupid even posting this- but need some support before I lose it.

Re: I think I created a monster....

I really don't think you've spoiled her. At 3 months Miranda was just starting to come around. I don't remember exactly when it started but for the most part we can put her down awake (very drowsy but awake).
Can you start with that? A soothing bedtime routine and put her down when she starts that open/close eye thing? That's how we started. We would pick her up if she cried, calm her and put her back down awake. The key was sticking with putting her down awake. We do this for naps and bedtimes and I would say 95% of the time it goes smoothly.

Are you certain her reflux meds are working? Is she still on Zantac? Is her dose high enough for her weight? Zantac didn't work for Miranda. Her crying never stopped and when we switched to Prevacid she did much better.

I really don't think cognitively she gets the action produces a response idea yet. If she's that unhappy I personally believe that something is probably bothering her.

Re: I think I created a monster....

Re: I think I created a monster....

Re: I think I created a monster....

I know that I am in the minority when I say that I do believe that babies can indeed be spoiled early on. And I know how hard it is not to spoil them. I don't know if your DD is spoiled though. She might just be overtired or be a "high-needs" baby.

You shouldn't feel stupid posting this at all. Many of the new mommies on this board of gone through this and you definitley need support and more importantly...rest! You might need a break too...maybe you can get your DH to stay with the baby for a few hours so you can go out and get some time for yourself.

I don't have much advice to offer you but I can certainly offer you lots of hugs!

Re: I think I created a monster....

Seeing as I can only type with one hand as I am in the exact same situation as you...I can;t put Noah down for one minute, if I do...he SCREAMS the house down! I would love to tell you more, but can't put the baby down.

Re: I think I created a monster....

Re: I think I created a monster....

I'm so sorry you are having such a hard time. I went through the same thing with Kevin around 4 months. I was beside myself with the fussing and crying. I was desperate for help, thinking I was doing something wrong.

I hope its just a phase your little one is going through. I know it will get better. Hang in there!

Re: I think I created a monster....

I 110% believe that a 3 month old CANNOT be spoiled. She is crying because that is her only way of communication when something happens that she does not like. Who doesn't want to cuddle all day long? Of course she cries. You are caring for your daughter..plain and simple. You are NOT spoiling her, you are giving her the love and attention that she needs.
If you need to put her down for a bit to get something done, then put her down for a bit. She may cry for a bit..because she is telling you that she likes being held better, but she will not get hurt or anything. At somepoint she will see that she can have fun in a swing or bouncey and that you will be right back.

Re: I think I created a monster....

Message edited 3/7/2006 12:23:52 PM.

Re: I think I created a monster....

I abslutely think a 3 month old can be spoiled, but it is more like learned comfort, they know how wonderful it is to be close to Mom and they get upset when out of reach, i held all 3 of my kids non-stop and by 3 months they would go nuts if they did not get their way. babies are smarter than you think they can grasp lots! keep in mind tgat she is also a GIRL and I swear that hormones make a difference, I think girks are dramatic and needy right from the beginning, my girls always have been, while my son is so easy going.

Message edited 3/7/2006 12:30:57 PM.

Re: I think I created a monster....

I am in the same exact situation as you. DS is 5 months old and my life is getting all the more consumed by him by the minute. I love him and WANT to hold him and play with him but I am slowly beginning to see that it's driving me crazy. He will not go to sleep on his own - does not nap longer than 30 minutes and does not sleep thru the night. Whether I "spoiled" him or he just likes the way things have been, I think it's one in the same. I just can't do it anymore. And is that fair to him to just say, oh, well, mommy's had it so you have to get used to a new routine now? I don't think so. Can I listen to him cry for 5 minutes much less 20 to try CIO? Hardly.

Joseph is on Zantac too for the AR. And I kept him in my bed once we diagnosed the AR because I caught him choking and turning blue on spit up once when he was 6 weeks old. Can I get him out of it now? No.

So, what's the answer?? I don't know. Ask A and they say one thing - Ask B and they say another. Then you get DH who asks the guys at work and all of a sudden he has all the answers.

I'm sorry I took over your post and vented - and on top of that I don't have any advice for you. Only, I'm in the SAME boat so if you need to talk I'm here

Re: I think I created a monster....

Stephanie, I am with you 100%... good to know there's people out there in your boat huh? Its what gets me thru some nights. Jacob i believe is a "high needs" baby. Hes not THAT bad with the sleep thing.. but he still sleeps in his car seat. If i put him in the crib for any longer than 20 min he screams his head off. And i go to him. He stops crying the minute i pick him up. At night I give him a bath, massage, then rock in the glider while giving him a bottle. He usually drifts off while eating or is close to it when i put him down and he will go to sleep. Again, in the car seat. He also has reflux, and sometimes i dont know if he is crying in pain, or crying cause he wants to be held. My mother in law says he is spoiled, but i just dont know.

He is on zantac 3 x a day and the dr had given him prevacid as well as the zantac together. I saw a horrid change in him when he started the prevacid. CRYING ALL THE TIME! I believe it was too much medication for his delicate system and so i stopped the prevacid without telling the dr. I saw a 90% improvement in him the very next day. No more screaming all day long.

I am still battling the gas problem with Jacob, and he will only sleep from 9pm-1am straight thru. Then he's up at 1, 3, 4:30, 5am..etc.. its total maddness!!!!! And he's farting to beat the band...so i know thats the problem. There are times when i can put him down in a bouncer or play gym for tops 25 min and he is content,, then he starts whining, and crying... and i cant always pick him up. Its really hard with a high maintence baby. Sometimes when i hold him he doesnt want me sitting down, he wants to be walked around the room too and i am just too tired. So i overpower his crying with singing the Star Spangled Banner (dont ask me why) and for some reason me singing louder than his crying shuts him right up. I know what you are going through, and I know when Jacob is 4-5 months old i am going to have to use the CIO method for sleeping in his crib. I am so not looking forward to it, but I hafta do what i hafta do. I too am hoping for a new baby by the 5 month mark. 3 months? Not happening.... hang in there sweetie...

Re: I think I created a monster....

Posted by jcndd

I am in the same exact situation as you. DS is 5 months old and my life is getting all the more consumed by him by the minute. I love him and WANT to hold him and play with him but I am slowly beginning to see that it's driving me crazy. He will not go to sleep on his own - does not nap longer than 30 minutes and does not sleep thru the night. Whether I "spoiled" him or he just likes the way things have been, I think it's one in the same. I just can't do it anymore. And is that fair to him to just say, oh, well, mommy's had it so you have to get used to a new routine now? I don't think so. Can I listen to him cry for 5 minutes much less 20 to try CIO? Hardly.

Joseph is on Zantac too for the AR. And I kept him in my bed once we diagnosed the AR because I caught him choking and turning blue on spit up once when he was 6 weeks old. Can I get him out of it now? No.

So, what's the answer?? I don't know. Ask A and they say one thing - Ask B and they say another. Then you get DH who asks the guys at work and all of a sudden he has all the answers.

I'm sorry I took over your post and vented - and on top of that I don't have any advice for you. Only, I'm in the SAME boat so if you need to talk I'm here

Re: I think I created a monster....

I don't mean to say this to upset anyone but do you all notice a pattern in your young babies?

This is normal infant behavior. Once they get a little bit older I promise it will get better. As Michele stated crying is the only way they have to communicate with you. Once they start to really babble and eventually talk they can let you know exactly what is wrong. Remember that they spent almost 10 months in a really warm and snuggly place and then all of a sudden that place is gone. The more you follow their clues on what they need/want the happier your baby will be as he/she reaches into toddler hood. I swear it will get better.

Message edited 3/7/2006 12:48:35 PM.

Re: I think I created a monster....

Posted by Stacey1403

I don't mean to say this to upset anyone but do you all notice a pattern in your young babies?

This is normal infant behavior. Once they get a little bit older I promise it will get better. As Michele stated crying is the only way they have to communicate with you. Once they start to really bable and iventionally talk they can let you know exactly what is wrong. Remember that they spent almost 10 months in a really warm and snuggly place and then all of a sudden that place is gone. The more you follow their clues on what they need/want the happier your baby will be as he/she reaches into toddlerhood. I swear it will get better.

Re: I think I created a monster....

Thank god they make them so cute huh?
Thats their saving grace!!!

Re: I think I created a monster....

I dont have much advice to offer but I wanted to let you know that I also went through the same thing. My DD would only sleep on MY chest, she would scream if I tried to put her in her bassinet. And would not fall asleep at all if anyone else had her. Needless to say it kind of stopped me from doing alot. But one day it was like someone flipped a switch, I guess around 3 months and she started sleeping in her swing for naps and all through the night in her bassinet.

So I guess the whole point of this was just to try to give you some hope that things will get better.

Re: I think I created a monster....

CheeChee - I'm 100% positive that Alex's gas rivaled Jacob's - it was TREMENDOUS, AWFUL and it kept Alex up through all hours of the night and during her naps. Just wanted to tell you that it *does* go away... eventually. Everyone (including our doctor) said it would go away at 3 months once her digestive system matured. Well, it didn't. But, it did start going away at 5 months, and now she hardly has any gas, and if she does, it isn't painful anymore. I'm convinced this explains why she started sleeping through the night recently...

It will get better!!

Message edited 3/7/2006 1:18:26 PM.

Re: I think I created a monster....

Re: I think I created a monster....

I'm no expert on this even with 3 children, but I just wanted to send you

Hang in there.. I would speak to your pediatrician or a professional on how to handle this. Good luck..

Re: I think I created a monster....

Posted by Bxgell2

CheeChee - I'm 100% positive that Alex's gas rivaled Jacob's - it was TREMENDOUS, AWFUL and it kept Alex up through all hours of the night and during her naps. Just wanted to tell you that it *does* go away... eventually. Everyone (including our doctor) said it would go away at 3 months once her digestive system matured. Well, it didn't. But, it did start going away at 5 months, and now she hardly has any gas, and if she does, it isn't painful anymore. I'm convinced this explains why she started sleeping through the night recently...

It will get better!!

Re: I think I created a monster....

I'll throw my two cents in. Andrew was colicky, so his first 3 months are a blur of holding him 100% of the time and living to make him stop crying.

When he outgrew the colic and up until he was 6 months old I held him and/or rocked him to sleep. Everyone said I was spoiling him but it was our routine and it worked.

I think what's stressing you is that a) you're exhausted and b) maybe she's having tantrum-like cries b/c she's come to expect this behavior of getting what she wants and always being held, etc.

I would say at 3 months, just to get some sanity I would carry him around in carrier so I could get some work done, get out of the house for a walk or whatever. And the older he got and he would cry b/c he just wanted something he couldn't have I would let him cry and he'd be on to the next thing.

I'm not a CIO fan (for us), and I won't let him cry if he's obviously distressed about something. But I will let him have that fussy cry b/c I've taken something away from him that he can't play with and that sort of crying never lasts long.

Re: I think I created a monster....

I would say that around the three month mark it's the end of the so called "Fourth Trimester" - and in general babies can be given a little more independence.

For example - do you have toys that can distract her, like on a bouncy seat, or a gymini? You can start by letting her play with them with you near by and slowly day by day giving her a little more distance.

It's ok if babies cry here and there - Im not talking about crying it out -but for me I don't jump at Talia's every whimper. Sometimes she is playing with a toy - or in her exersaucer and she whines/cries a bit - if I leave her be she is fine a minute later.

Between 3-4 months I think it is important to start to establish with your baby that you are the boss - even now Talia has a little fit when I won't give her something she wants (like something she shouldnt have - a fork or glass etc...) But it's too bad - Im the boss - I say she can't have it - I am setting little limits even though she is young - because believe me, she is learning it.

Anyway - after all this rambling my point is - now that she is three months - things can change a little - and she CAN now be spoiled - so maybe it's ok to make some changes.

Maybe you should talk to your pediatrician too?

Re: I think I created a monster....

If you feel something else is wrong, then call your doctor. I believe mom's always know.
I have always said this to myself...my baby will only be a small baby for a very short time so ups and downs. good and bad days there will be a time, in the not so long future, that I will miss this time. That has helped me get through many long days & nights.