I really need some reassurance that I am doing the right thing for T...re:school

Talia is having a tough time with the transition. She has only gone two days so far...but today they called me to come get her early..she was crying the whole time.

I personally feel it is normal, it is an adjustment. She is ALWAYS with me and that is the only thing she knows. I feel it might take another week or so for her to get comfy.

My mom on the other is pressuring me that she thinks Talia is too young, and that she is telling me she isn't ready - yadi yadi.

She is making me feel like a bad mom in a way - like I am forcing T into something bad.

My answer to her was to give me the benefit of a doubt that I know what is right for her. So she backed off a bit.

If Talia doesnt adjust after a bunch of classes I would reconsider my decision to send her, but as of now I think what is going on is normal....am I off base?

Message edited 9/19/2007 12:37:27 PM.

Re: I really need some reassurance that I am doing the right thing for T...re:school

Two days is a short amount of time for her to adjust. I would give her more time to discover all the fun things about school.

Re: I really need some reassurance that I am doing the right thing for T...re:school

Re: I really need some reassurance that I am doing the right thing for T...re:school

Sarah has severe stranger anxiety, so we decided to start her in school this year. She won't talk to most people and usually bursts into tears if they say hi.

My next door neighbor is a kindergarten teacher and told me that it's for the best that we try to work this out while she's young. She always has a kid or two who cries on the first few days, but they usually can get them over it. She had one boy 2 years ago that cried every day until February, and then in 1st grade until January. She said it was heartbreaking.

Re: I really need some reassurance that I am doing the right thing for T...re:school

I agree with you but would add more time in. Because she's only going 2 days a week, I would give it a 3 week transition until she gets that you're coming back & that this is what she does.

If she were going 3 days, I would say within 2 weeks, she should adjust.

Re: I really need some reassurance that I am doing the right thing for T...re:school

I also wanted to add that Joseph told me that his classmate was crying the other day in school. He told Joseph to leave him alone when he asked what was wrong. Then he told the teacher it was because he missed his mommy.

Joseph said he was going to tell him to have his mom kiss his palm like we do so he can feel her kisses.

The boy is in first grade.I was surprised that this didn't get worked out in kindergarten but then realized that he went to a 2.5 hour kindergarten where attendance wasn't mandatory.

I completely agree with Cathy that the earlier you work this out, the better off she'll be.

Re: I really need some reassurance that I am doing the right thing for T...re:school

I started Jack in a toddler program just as he turned 2 and he had a rough transition. His teacher told me that it is considered normal if it takes as long as 6 weeks to adjust. And it did take a long time but when he finally did adjust then I had the opposite problem....he cried when it was time to go home!

Just give it time and she will do fine.

Re: I really need some reassurance that I am doing the right thing for T...re:school

I think you're doing the right thing. You're right to give her some more time. I hope it gets easier soon.

Re: I really need some reassurance that I am doing the right thing for T...re:school

We are going through the same exact thing right now. We signed Jake up for 2 days a week. Last Tuesday was his 1st day and he cried the whole time. The school called to tell us to come 10 minutes early to pick him up. Yesterday was his 2nd day and once again cried the whole time. We got the phone call again and picked him up early. He goes back again tomorrow. He is also very very shy, won't speak to anyone he does not know. It breaks my heart to see him crying and I leave him, but I am hoping he gets used to it. I figure I will give it until next month and see how he does before I make a final decison on wether to pull him or not. BTW - Jake will be 3 in November.

Re: I really need some reassurance that I am doing the right thing for T...re:school

Is she a Tues,Thursday Kid Vs. Monday,Wednesday, Friday

For Jack it was highly recommended to me to start him on the MWF rotation because it was an easier adjustment since he wouldn't have long weekends to deal with. He is 27 months and cries for about 50 seconds when I turn around and leave until he sees my car pull out of the parking lot and then is perfectly fine. He did have a transitional problem the first week or so when they would change buildings for music class but he got over that real fast.

Is she crying the whole time? or just for a little bit.. If she is crying the whole time I might reconsider that it may be a bad fit for her and another school or maybe starting mid year might be better for her.

I hope she adjusts quickly for you, I'd give her about a month. Another thing that helped us out. Was Dh bought Jack fish as a "school gift" now before he goes to school and when he comes home he gets to feed his Fish :) and when he pees on the potty without accidents for a few days then he gets to add a new fish. Luckily he is obsessed with fish...

Re: I really need some reassurance that I am doing the right thing for T...re:school

DD is now 19 months and we started sending her to daycare when she turned 18 mos. For the 1st month she would cry and cling when it was drop off time. Each day would get progressivly better and better. The tears would be less and less and then all of a sudden she would walk in there with a smile and run to other kids.

Each child is different in terms of how long it takes them to adjust.

Re: I really need some reassurance that I am doing the right thing for T...re:school

It's TOTALLY normal. Even though Alex has been in school full-time since 3 months, she STILL has a hard time transitioning to a new teacher or a new class. Usually it takes about a week for her to adjust, but because T is going part-time, I'd give it 2-3 weeks.

Think about it this way - could you imagine trying to make this transition for the first time when she goes to Kindergarten? Better to do it now while she's more flexible and adaptable - I PROMISE - give it a few weeks, and she'll start to LOVE school with all her little friends. It doesn't mean she won't give you a hard time with the drop off (I recommend having hubby do it - that's how we've always managed), but once you're out of sight, she'll have a blast.

We have a bunch of kiddies who just started in Alex's class, and most of them are having the same difficulties as Talia. The teacher told me that Alex goes up to each and every one of them to comfort them with a hug and a kiss when they get upset

Hang in there!

Re: I really need some reassurance that I am doing the right thing for T...re:school

I think you need to give it a few more days..

Re: I really need some reassurance that I am doing the right thing for T...re:school

I think you should keep her in. She will eventually began to make friends and realize you are coming back for her. i taught pre-school for several yrs and had a mom pull their child out in the first couple of weeks thinking he was too young. She brought him back the next year, a full year later, and he did the exact same thing. It's seperation anxiety. You will have to make the break at some point.

Re: I really need some reassurance that I am doing the right thing for T...re:school

Thanks for the support.

She is actually in a MWF program but between the holidays and her being sick she missed a few days.

Re: I really need some reassurance that I am doing the right thing for T...re:school

I think you need to do what you feel most comfortable with...

RJ cried for 2 weeks straight- go through some of my posts- it was awful!!!!!!!

Now- he cries everyday when its time to go home, because he wants to stay...


I would give it a week or 2- if you dont see an improvement then pull her out and try again next year- but at this point, I dont think you have give her enough time to "adjust" KWIM?

Re: I really need some reassurance that I am doing the right thing for T...re:school

Re: I really need some reassurance that I am doing the right thing for T...re:school

First of all, you are doing the right thing for your child because you know her best and would never compromise her best interest. Second of all, I'm actually really annoyed for you that they called you to pick her up. That's completely unacceptable as far as I'm concerned. That's just sending the wrong message to me. And trust me, we have Nursery school through 8th grade in my school, and I am right next to nursery and pre-K and I've heard it all from small tears to throw-your-whole-body-on-the-floor-and-scare-the-other-children fits. And they would never think to send that child home. Not that you were asking about that, but still. I'm annoyed about that.
As for your mom, is she MY mom? There's nothing I do that is right. I got Ava off the bottle with NO problem, and my mother was SNEAKING THEM TO HER! She was telling me how mean I am for taking it away Can you believe that? I just want to smack our moms sometimes. Don't listen to her, this is a case where she should not be judging.

Re: I really need some reassurance that I am doing the right thing for T...re:school

Re: I really need some reassurance that I am doing the right thing for T...re:school

I am a preschool teacher.

You are NOT doing the wrong thing. You know your child better than anyone else. I feel that if you truly felt she wasnt going to get used to it, then you would pull her out. Does she go consecutive days? Thats a big thing.

You are right though..give it some more time. I have seen children go from crying all day to thriving in the preschool setting...even little, little ones. I would say if she doesnt get used to it in one month (since she only goes 2 days) then she is not ready. Remember to have faith in the mother you are..I am sure you wouldnt put your child through something she is not able or ready to handle. Stick to your guns and see what happens. Worst case scenario..shes not ready and you wait another year.

Re: I really need some reassurance that I am doing the right thing for T...re:school

I enrolled Jacob in a daycare type program two days a week.. MOnday and Friday. He goes for only 3 hours. The first 2 weeks were horrific. The teacher said he sobbed the whole time. Wouldnt eat, wouldnt play, and wouldnt let the teacher put him DOWN!

She said to give it 2 weeks, and if he didnt adjust then it was prob best to pull him out. Mainly b/c honestly she could not hold my toddler for 3 hrs straight when she had a daycare to run. That just wouldnt be right either. It was so hard on ME...i was freaking out every mon and fri.. but then he started showing signs of improvement, and by the end of the 2nd week, he was totally and completely fine. He still cries at drop off for like 15 seconds.. then he walks off and starts playing.

I am grateful b/c his speech also started improving since being there, and I couldnt be happier. So I think you should give her 2-3 weeks...I know its hard, but she'll come around..

Re: I really need some reassurance that I am doing the right thing for T...re:school

Re: I really need some reassurance that I am doing the right thing for T...re:school

This seems pretty nornal to me.

When I was a camp counselor I had a 4 year old who cried the entire first week. Every day! The first day, the whole time. The second day the whole time minus 20 minutes. The third day- the whole time minus 1 hour.

Well of course wihtin two weeks it went down to not crying at all. At the end of the 8 week session, he was so popular and loved it and didn't want camp to end.

Kids need time to adjust. I think just a few days is too little time to tell. Plus, I think if you wait a year- it may get a little harder (another whole year of being with you).

Re: I really need some reassurance that I am doing the right thing for T...re:school

Hayley goes M&W for 3 hours a day. She does ok when I leave (its only been 4 days..lol). My friend enrolled her DD in Hayley's class and all she does is cry when my friend leaves. My friend kisses her goodbye and leaves. She maybe cries for another minute or 2 and then she is ok. Hayley's school has "Huggers"...ladies hired by the school to go into classrooms to sooth crying children.

I would keep trying another few weeks. She has only been there a few times. If after a few weeks she is still hysterical then I would consider taking her out. You know your DD best..don't listen to your mom

Message edited 9/20/2007 8:32:00 AM.