If you could would you rather adopt or take in a foster child? WITH POLL

A conversation DH and I were having last night. And we both stand on different sides of the fence. So opinions please. Feel free to elaborate.

Re: If you could would you rather adopt or take in a foster child? WITH POLL

Adopt.

My mom grew up across the street from a family (who were like family to her) who took in foster children. She said when it was time for the babies/kids to go it was incredibly sad b/c sometimes they would be there for a while. I can't imagine having a child for a while then having to give him/her up.

Re: If you could would you rather adopt or take in a foster child? WITH POLL

if we were to consider this, i think we would begin with foster to see how our family (children) responded. we would love to be able to adopt if all went well!

one day, maybe we will

Re: If you could would you rather adopt or take in a foster child? WITH POLL

Re: If you could would you rather adopt or take in a foster child? WITH POLL

Re: If you could would you rather adopt or take in a foster child? WITH POLL

I would adopt!

Re: If you could would you rather adopt or take in a foster child? WITH POLL

We had a foster child when I was about 19. He was actually my cousins son, she had when she was 15 and 3 years later, child services took him away. they placed him with us bc they'd rather place with family. he stayed with us for 3 years. I was like a mom to him (bc I was his mom's age and he was nervous around adults) The day he left was one of the saddest days of my life. His grandma (my aunt) got full custody and I sobbed like a baby for hours when he left. It was so hard, I felt like he was my child.

I'd do it again tho. We gave him opportunities he'd never have otherwise. He had learning issues, hearing issues, emotional issues. his mom couldn't provide the help he needed, and we did.

Giving a child a chance like that was amazing. He's 15 now and doing very well!

I'd adopt too if I could. I strongly believe that their are children out there who need someone to love them and maybe in the future if Dh & I can, we will help them.

Re: If you could would you rather adopt or take in a foster child? WITH POLL

DH and I looked at both.

We both started with the foster approach. We talked to our County program. I went to the mandatory seminar. We just never filed the application to be officially in their system.

In the end, we realized it was not for us. While you can adopt from foster, the % are really low and for older children.

Essentially the State really tries to place the children back to their original home. There is a process that a child cannot be in the foster program for more than a certain time (less than 2 years). The State is then required to start adoption proceedings. But family members do come forward and take the children.

It comes down to we wanted a child on our own and :

1/ not wanting a revolving door in our house because it would not be fair to DS

2/ I don't know if I would be capable of raising children and be OK being separated from them. I don't know if I have the strength. Maybe later in life.

3/ I really wanted my "own" children.


We are now going to go through the adoption process.


I strongly suggest you call your County on Foster care and ask Qs you might have. They do hold regular seminars (required in Nassau) before you even can apply. It's pretty comprehensive and there are Q&A,

Message edited 11/18/2010 8:49:21 AM.

Re: If you could would you rather adopt or take in a foster child? WITH POLL

Adopt.

I know a couple that had a foster child from birth. At 2 the mom came back and took her. The foster mother was devastated. I can't imagine going through that pain and always wondering when the child would be taken away from me.

Re: If you could would you rather adopt or take in a foster child? WITH POLL

My family did foster care for about 15 years. My little sister is adopted through foster care. We also had the opportunity to adopt other children that we had, but my parents felt they were too old to adopt anymore children. We still keep in touch with a few of them. And two of them come over with their adopted families on the holidays. They call my parents Grandma and Grandpa.

Foster care takes a lot of strength. You see children come from hell, and have to know that more than likely they will be with you for a short time and then return back to the hell that they came from. It is sad, but true. Parents rights are number one and children's rights come second. The stories I have about some of my foster brothers and sisters would bring you to tears.

That being said, I would love to be a foster parent and adopt through foster care. It is rewarding and foster children need good homes. I hope to be able to do it some day.

I also have 2 adopted brothers who were not adopted through foster care.

Re: If you could would you rather adopt or take in a foster child? WITH POLL

Honestly, DH and I are not selfless enough people to do either -

I admire anyone who can handle that

Re: If you could would you rather adopt or take in a foster child? WITH POLL

My father was adopted. He was raised like one of the mother's own. I'd adopt 100%

Re: If you could would you rather adopt or take in a foster child? WITH POLL

Growing up my family took in foster kids starting when I was in 3rd grade. It was very hard when they had to leave, but you have to look at the positive and hope the help you give them for that time helps them in their lives.

In the end my 3 sisters were all adopted thru foster care. It is not an easy road but DH and I will consider it posisbly when our own DDs are older and able to understand the process better. As adults you know what you are getting into. But I feel it is a lot harder for the bio kids to handle the adjustments.

Re: If you could would you rather adopt or take in a foster child? WITH POLL

To me, I could be wrong ....it's two different situations.

adoption - looking to add to your family.

foster - looking to offer a stable home to a child for a temporary situation.


I think fostering is an amazing thing to do. I just think it would be really hard to let them go and wonder how their life turned out.

Re: If you could would you rather adopt or take in a foster child? WITH POLL

Message edited 11/18/2010 10:10:47 AM.

Re: If you could would you rather adopt or take in a foster child? WITH POLL

I would adopt

Re: If you could would you rather adopt or take in a foster child? WITH POLL

DH and I have considered both especially since I have IF issues. My grandparents were foster parents for over 30 years and my Aunt was adopted through foster care. I'd like to think I have enough patients to deal with the foster care system and all that comes along with it. When our dd and other future biological children (hopefully) are older we may consider to becoming foster parents.

Re: If you could would you rather adopt or take in a foster child? WITH POLL

It would depend on the circumstance & how old the child is.

There is a little boy I know who's family isn't stable. DH & I spoke about - if it came down to it, I'd want the boy to move in with us to provide him with the stability he needs. I recognize that the boy is old enough that he would never give up hope on his own parents nor would they ever give him up for adoption. I would go into it considering that it is likely a temporary situation, helping out a little boy until his parents get their act together. In that case adoption probably wouldn't work.

If it were a younger child, I'd prefer adoption. I feel that the State's ultimate goal is to reunite families. What I consider neglect, they may deem as acceptable. I couldn't get attached to a child & give them back to an environment that is out of my comfort zone.

Re: If you could would you rather adopt or take in a foster child? WITH POLL

A friend of mine fostered a child and had a very difficult time adopting her. It took her 5 years before it was final and the system is a mess. She vowed to become an advocate and speak out for families trying to adopt foster children because it was an uphill battle and she was terrified.

With that said, I think fostering is great, but very difficult. Adoption would be my choice.

Re: If you could would you rather adopt or take in a foster child? WITH POLL

I would love to be a foster parent, I just don't know if I have the strength.

I choose adoption.

Re: If you could would you rather adopt or take in a foster child? WITH POLL

Re: If you could would you rather adopt or take in a foster child? WITH POLL

i had cousins grow up in foster care and bounced from one home to the next, given back to their mother, put back into care etc. I'd much rather adopt.

Re: If you could would you rather adopt or take in a foster child? WITH POLL

Re: If you could would you rather adopt or take in a foster child? WITH POLL

adopt.

Re: If you could would you rather adopt or take in a foster child? WITH POLL