if you live far away from your family(especially SAHM)

I am just curious , how do you manage with kids not having any family around to help out (and can't afford a babysitter) .

I mean things like going to the doctors, or going out to the movies or a date night with your DH or DW.

My Dh and I are looking to buy a place, and I am pretty sure we are going to move farther away from his family(at least hour or so) , they are really great help, especially my MIL and I can't imagine not having any help.
How do you do it?



Thanks

Message edited 7/27/2008 3:47:55 PM.

Re: if you live far away from your family(especially SAHM)

I am not a SAHM but I do have a circle of friends who I ask for help when I need it. I have one friend in particular who will have my son pretty much anytime, and a lot of my other friends offer, I just never take them up on it.

Don't be afraid to ask people for help if you need it!

Re: if you live far away from your family(especially SAHM)

You just do what you have to do.

I had a doctors appointment on Tuesday and I had both kids with me. A 3yo and an 8 month old. It wasn't the greatest situation but you learn to manage.

As far as a night out, it rarely happens. We can afford a babysitter but we have not found anyone we feel comfortable with. When family visits they normally offer to watch the kids one evening and let us go out. We maybe go out 2x a year. Again, it is a sacrafice we have to make. I love my life now and even though it stinks to be away from family the good outweighs the bad.

My husband and I usually take turns staying home with the kids so the other can go out with friends. It helps to keep us both sane.

Re: if you live far away from your family(especially SAHM)

I hated it...

There wasn't anyone around, and in Vegas... people are in and out of there faster than you change your panties so the friend thing... I mean a real true friend was next to impossible to find.

Moral of the story..... I hardly ever went out.... and when I did go out, it was with Miss Kristina.

Re: if you live far away from your family(especially SAHM)

I have some friends who help now and then, but they all work during the day, and none live closer than an hour from our house, so it's not often.

Frankly, it's hard. Very hard at times, though I also have health problems that make me very tired at times. DH and I did not go on any dates from December until July, when we saw my parents. We would like to find a babysitter, but we are new in our town and have been leery about leaving him with osmeone we do not know at all. But we may have to do it soon since not doing anything fun together seems to be putting a big strain on our marriage. The one good thing I've found is a parent center in town that has drop-off babysitting twice a week. They seem good with the kids, and DS likes it there, plus I think it's important he spend time with people other than DH and myself. So I leave him there once a week usually and try to schedule doctor's appts or errands during that time.

If we had to do our choice of town over, I may have tried for NJ and lived near my sister. She works also, but she would have helped out on weekends. She's pretty far though, so I haven't asked her for help yet.

I'm not saying don't do it, but it is hard. especially if DH works a lot and you basically are the sole caretaker many days. So think hard about it.

Re: if you live far away from your family(especially SAHM)

I am lucky. My DH gets to go to every doctors appointments we have. So we go as a family to every appointment.

We only go out as a family unless we are visiting family. So we don't go on dates

There are days where I need a break and wish we had family to help but its not too bad. Its the only way I have ever had it so I can't compare and I don't know what I a missing out on.

Re: if you live far away from your family(especially SAHM)

I have every other Friday off, so we try to schedule things those days, so one of us can watch both DC. Otherwise, DW takes them with her. We've had one date night with just the two of us since DS was born 5 years ago.

"Movie night" is popping in a DVD after DC go to bed....

Re: if you live far away from your family(especially SAHM)

WE DON'T.

Dr Appts: made for DH day off during the week and either the kids stay home with him or we all go.

food shopping: either I ask DH to pick it up since he works right next door to the grocery store OR we all go as a family.

Movies: HAHAHA

We have one couple that watches 1 of the kids every once in a blue moon, but it's rare.

We normally save and save and save if we want to go out "out".

Re: if you live far away from your family(especially SAHM)

I know I have posted this before, but I belong to a babysitting circle, we have a bank of tokens and we exchange them for babysitting. It costs 1 token for an evening out and 2 tokens if you stay out past midnight. We have an email list and we send it around asking if anyone can babysit and thats how we get out in the evenings. We don't do it all that often, but its a great system, its free and we all can rely on each other!

Re: if you live far away from your family(especially SAHM)

You learn to deal but it can be tough at times. I take both kids with me to do most things or I just don't do it and learned to accept that. Here and there we get a night out - maybe once every 2-4 months. I go out with the girls after DH comes home when I do have a girls night but he gets home after 7 most days so that limits me (and I have friends who just don't understand this). If my boys went to bed early - then I would be more comfy leaving them with a babysitter (or trying to find one). But they go to bed 9/930ish and right now they are too young and too hard to be put to bed by a teenager/college student. Hopefully as they get older this will get easier. It is hard for my poor little ones schedule. It is always a mess since I have to wake him up at times to drag him out to take the older one to classes or camp and stuff.

Re: if you live far away from your family(especially SAHM)

I'm not saying don't do it, but it is hard. especially if DH works a lot and you basically are the sole caretaker many days. So think hard about it.


That's what I am afraid of the most. I mean I am already the sole care taker of DD most days, DH helps a lot when he gets home from work and on the weekends .
DH and I don't go out much any more ,but if we do want to do something or if I have a dr appt , my MIL is always there for us and we don't have to worry.
So I guess if we end up moving farther away things will change a lot.

Thank you everyone.

Message edited 7/28/2008 11:34:57 AM.

Re: if you live far away from your family(especially SAHM)

Recently I had to take dd with me to my annual GYN appointment. It was tough, but I brought the portable DVD player and it worked out ok. We do have 2-3 babysitters we finally found on sittercity.com so we do go out on date nights occasionally. We didn't find a sitter until DD was approx 16 months. before that we had a good friend and her FH living closeby so they watched her a few times so we could go out for our birthdays. But they were moving away so we found 2 babysitters we could use occasionally. It's worked out wonderfully. At first it was hard to leave DD, but she has such a great time playing with them and I think it's good for her to be around people other than DH & I.

Re: if you live far away from your family(especially SAHM)

Re: if you live far away from your family(especially SAHM)

I became a mom of 2under2 and moved 75 miles and OOS all in the same week. It was definitly an adjustment but you learn. I personally never depended on my family even when I lived 5 minutes from them. I guess since they worked. When I was back in NY and PG with my 2nd DS came to every dr.'s appointment until I was about 36 weeks because then my sister was home and we were actually staying with my parents for 4 weeks until we moved so it worked out then.
The last time I went to the OBGYN was on a saturday to put my IUD put in and DH was home and even then I still had the little one with me who was good and didn't make a peep.
Now that we are away with 2 kids and DH is so busy at work that he is back to working until around 8pm, I am with them all day and DH rarely sees them durning the week. I learned how to do everything with 2 in tow. We go and do our big foodshopping, we go to the mall, park etc. The only thing that DH has to come home early for is when the kids have a dr.'s appointment. DS hates the dr. and the last time I brought the 2 of them it was pure tourture for everyone in that room and I nearly broke down 3 times. So now one has to stay home.
I also drive everywhere alone with them. So I will take daytrips to NY to see family too.
In the past we have had one mom stay over night to be with the kids and that works out. Recentely we did fine a babysitter but it is hard to plan out when DH is working late. Although I think we are due for a night out alone soon
My best advice is to embrace the situation you are in and just take it a day at a time and you will survive

Re: if you live far away from your family(especially SAHM)

We moved back to LI for this reason, but we have also have a "trade" plan with our friends. They have a son the same age as ours, so we take their kids when they go out and they take our kids so we can go out. Then the kids get to play, so it's not bad to babysit them.

Re: if you live far away from your family(especially SAHM)

How do we do it?

We have NO family on LI. Closest is in NJ.

Doctors appt: I take DS with me. He enjoyed the OB last week banging the cabinets. We take evening appts so DH is back from work. We do Saturday morning appt when DH is off and I am at work

Going out: That has became a luxury. So we really don't or we take DS with us. That means off peak dining time so we don't "disturb" other patrons. Or pick kid friendly places.

Movies: those are now exclusively at home.