Re: If your child were being bullied

Speaking from someone on the inside, if you aren't getting though to the teacher, then you keep going to the top. No administrator wants the superintendent getting your call. Trust me.

Re: If your child were being bullied

I honestly don't know how I would handle the situation (my DD is only 3.5) but I know my first instinct would probably be to want to rip the mean kid to shreds.........which of course, I would NEVER do but I know I would be just be devastated to hear that my DD was being hurt by another kid. I would probably go to the parents, the teacher, anyone and everyone to protect my child. That little bully would be sorry he messed with my little girl.

Honestly, I DREAD my DD starting school next year, dread it. She is so sweet and trusting right now and so untainted by the big world out there, it would just kill me to see her upset or afraid or have her feelings hurt. I am just not looking forward to any of it, I pray she just fits right in and kids just leave her alone. Wish I could keep her with me forever.

Re: If your child were being bullied

I need to start building bail-fund savings acct.

Re: If your child were being bullied

There is a boy in my son's class who is really, really not all there. I don't know what is wrong with him exactly, but he is not 100%, nor is he 50% for that matter. He has been repeatedly tormenting all the chidlren in his class up untill a few months ago, when his parents finally started giving him some pills that seemed to have calmed him down. Before he was on on meds and things got a litlte bit better, my son, who has been a victim of the little monster's antics more than once, had permission to hit, but only in self-defense. After complains to the teacher and the school administrations did nothing, I downright told him that the next time the little idiot tries to torment him, he has my permission to send him flying. Never came to that though, the boy was put on meds shortly after. He still pulls things from time to time, but at least it's not physical anymore.

With my daughter, who is 5, there has been a few very mild cases: she has very curly hair and a few girls in her class have been making comments that her hair looks stupid and are not nice. My daughter has been coming home pretty upsent about that. Having gone through the same thing all my childhood, I finally got fed-up with that song and told her that it's the other girls whose hair is just plain, straight and boring and they all look the same, and they are just jealous of her beautiful curls because she is so unique. I am not a big fan of bringing down others to make youself feel good but I felt like that was the only course to take. And what do you know: it worked!

Basically, I believe in aggressive approach. People **** with you because they think they can get away with it. Best to show them right away it ain't so!

Re: If your child were being bullied

Posted by WhatNow

Basically, I believe in aggressive approach. People **** with you because they think they can get away with it. Best to show them right away it ain't so!

Re: If your child were being bullied

Message edited 6/3/2012 2:43:15 AM.

Re: If your child were being bullied

Message edited 6/3/2012 2:43:40 AM.

Re: If your child were being bullied

My 5 year old doesn't have a mean bone in his body.
He is so excited to start school.
It would crush me to have some little prick make him feel badly. I am being told he will grow out of it..but I hope none of his peers pick up on it before then.
He would be moved out of that school asap.

Re: If your child were being bullied

I teach my son to try to work things out on his own and not always go running for someone to bail him out of situations. If he finds his words are not effective and are not changing the unwanted behavior, then he is to tell the teacher and ask for help. Of course, if I felt the teacher/school wasn't handling the situation appropriately, I would have no problem jumping in. I want my kids to know they can always count on me, but I also want them to have the self confidence to know they can handle hangs on their own too. I don't want to run to their rescue over every little thing. I want to teach them to stand up for themselves. I hope that doesn't come across as mean, I'm just not into coddling my kids or keeping hem in a bubble.

Re: If your child were being bullied

There were a couple of boys who were bothering my DD this year and I wasn't sure what to do because I couldn't tell if it was general 3rd grade teasing or considered 'bullying'. They take bullying very seriously at the school and to be honest I think the kids are quite saturated with anti-bullying curriculum. This is why I wasn't sure if the general boys teasing girls (my DD) was something that needed to be addressed or "normal".

The first couple of times she told me she didnt like what they were saying, I told her to ignore them, maybe they like you cause that's what boys do when the like girls, and I told her she can also tell them that's not nice and walk away. Then, I told her she can tell the adults in charge at the school (happens at various day school and after school situations). I also asked her if she wanted me to call the school.

Finally, after a few more times of her complaining and her clearly being uncomfortable around these boys, I called the parent coordinator and the afterschool director and they both addressed the boys and the situation immediately. My DD is sensitive, so it was a tough call of what to do, but, since it was bothering her a lot I'm glad I spoke to the school.

Re: If your child were being bullied

Ugh. This is a good question. I was reading the bullying post yesterday and wondering how am I going to handle this years from now when DD gets older! Just as everyone else said I would do what it takes to make it stop. But then you think, will that make the bullying worse? Will they pick on her more bc Mommy got involved?

A couple years back my bro had this kid in his class, he's a 4th grade teacher. This kid got suspended, yes suspended in 4th grade bc he was drawing pictures of him killing other students and my bro, the teacher! So scary. That goes beyond bullying. But I feel like things need to be taken more seriously in schools now a days.

Re: If your child were being bullied

Posted by lipglossjunky73

Speaking from someone on the inside, if you aren't getting though to the teacher, then you keep going to the top. No administrator wants the superintendent getting your call. Trust me.

Message edited 6/3/2012 7:52:28 AM.

Re: If your child were being bullied

Re: If your child were being bullied

It depends on the kid, the nature of the teasing and who is doing the teasing.

Example.. Robbie was being teased last month. Robbie is a super confident kid (borderline arrogant) and the teasers were his friends. They kept saying that he shaved his legs and it really made him angry. So I first asked him how he handled it. He said that he had told them several times to stop, let them know it bothered him a lot and had shot back his own retorts about their smooth legs... but they kept at it. I asked if he wanted me to get involved and he said no. A few days later he asked what I could do to help it stop so I suggested that I would talk to their teacher and have her give a quick reminder to the class that bullying INCLUDES joking when it hurts feelings. He agreed with this plan as long as his friends didn't get in trouble. I spoke ot the teacher and asked her not to isolate anyone because they were all friends and I genuinely didn't believe they were trying to be hurtful.. they were just being kids. She spoke to them, the message was received loud and clear. They actually asked Robbie if the teacher was talking about them and he told them she was. They said they were only kidding, he said they should have stopped when he told them and life went back to normal.

Now.. that's ROBBIE. As I said, Robbie is very confident and secure in who he is. He is also very straight forward and will tell Rob and I anything and everything without hesitation. He also never BELIEVES anything negative that anyone says about him, he simply rejects the possibility that he's anything less than attractive, smart, funny and good at everything.

NOAH (my younger son) is super sensitive, a bit shy and a lot less confident. He gets called "little" fairly often in school. He's almost 9, but he's barely 4 feet and he's only 50lbs which makes him smaller than a lot of the kindergarten kids.. and he is almost in 4th grade! At the beginning of the year this just DEVASTATED him. He would come home and be soooo sad. We would ask him what was wrong and he just wouldn't say. Finally - after threatening to ask the teacher what was happening in school - he told us that people make fun of him for his height. We told him that WE were both little in school too. We both grew and even though neither of us are TALL, we are happy with our height. We assured him that if people were saying he was 'little' it was probably not meant to hurt him, they were kids and were simply stating fact because he IS little. And then we played a game where we talked about all the benefits to being little (he could fit in places other people couldn't, he could run fast, he was agile, if zombies were coming he could get the best hiding spaces). It was really just a matter of getting him 'okay' with the actuality that he really was small. Now he embraces it. He thinks it's funny when he stands next to Jack (the tallest kid in the grade) and he doesn't mind people identifying him as small.. and as an added benefit he was able to help his friend (another tiny guy) be more okay with his own littleness.

But if they encounter MEAN teasing and nasty kids.. I don't know. I like to believe that I've build my kids tough enough to understand that some people are just asssholes.. but I just don't know. I do believe that if they have problems they will come to us and we will come up with a plan of action then.. but most important is just making sure that every single day they know they CAN come to us and that we ARE on their side and that they are SPECTACULAR no matter what anyone else says.

Message edited 6/3/2012 8:14:41 AM.

Re: If your child were being bullied

I believe that aside from any psychological issues, bullying starts at the home level.

They have to be shown that kind of behavior. Show that intimidation and taunting can hurt others, and that a certain degree of pleasure can be derived from that behavior. And if it doesn't start at the home level and it's a reaction to something the child is lacking at the home level, then we need a Parent Intervention Plan too

Re: If your child were being bullied

Posted by lipglossjunky73

Posted by Ookpik

My DD, 7, is a constant target for bullying. She's autistic, you see and clearly the weakest one in her class. She loves everyone and wants desperately to fit in.
That said, she's been through the wringer: sexually abused, verbally bullied, physically bullied. All at the ripe age of 7.
I'm extremely on top of things with her. She's a high-functioning autistic and I'm teaching to hold her own.
The principal knows us quite well. I've been at the school many times (don't ask me about the police) and the teacher is well aware. She has an aide, who is also aware. But at the end of the day, teachers, aides, etc. don't always have their eyes on my kid. I teach her to WALK AWAY. We do a lot of role play at home and practice different scenarios. We've taught her to tell the teacher immediately if she feels like she's being bullied. And last case resort-with the new laws in place, there's always the threat of a lawsuit.
Best advice I can give: Be present-at the school and for your child. Make sure they know they're not in trouble for telling you what's going on (some kids threaten kids for telling), and believe and back your child up.

Wow!!!!! You sound like an amazing mom!!!!! Your daughter is so lucky to have you advocating for her!!!!!

Re: If your child were being bullied

Depends on how old the kids are.

Elementary school, I'd go straight to the teacher VIA EMAIL. If nothing was done, I'd have a meeting with the principal & follow up with an email cc'ing the teacher. After that I'm emailing the superintendent & forwarding all previous emails.

In my opinon, you can call & have a meeting but email is documentation.

I'm grateful that my kids' school (so far) really tries to push anti-bullying agendas. They encourage other kids to stick up for the weaker kids & report bullying.

From my experience, you can try to bolster your kids' self esteem, have him involved in group activities to make friends, etc all you want. Some little sh1t can take that all away from them - and once group mentality sets in, it's really hard to stop it. The mother bear part of me wants to threaten the POS that does it but in the end, it makes it worse.

Re: If your child were being bullied

I was bullied in school, this is way back in the 80's and my awesome mother pulled me out of school when they didn't act on it. She fought with the superintendant to either sort it out or put me in a different school, and lo and behold, they found a place for me at a different school. I believe this was 5th grade. My mom is a fighter and I hope I could do the same for my kids if we ever were to reach that point.

Re: If your child were being bullied

I have ZERO tolerance for bullying. If it were happening to my sons, I would sure as hell talk to the parent of the child doing it...or I would raise hell at the school if it didn't stop.

I ALREADY see signs of it happening. This past year, there were 2 kids in Johnnys pre-k class who were bullies..one was a girl actually, which you don't really expect at 5 years old. She picked on kids, screamed in their face that she hated them and quite a few times pushed Johnny as he was walking outside...I not only talked to the teacher, but her mother as well..the explanation i got from the mom? "oh she has 2 older brothers at home, so she's learned to be tough". Yeah lady, that still doesn't cut it for me. As soon as the teacher was informed by several parents, it all stopped. She wasn't aware how bad it was getting..one little boy was refusing to come to school because of her!!

I HATED seeing people bullied in school. Kids can be so mean, and it definitely starts at home..parents are either not aware because they aren't around, or they are bullies themselves. UGH. God help the person who bullies my child.

Re: If your child were being bullied

I B!tched

I told the director of the school a LONG and very ANGRY conversation since she KNEW the bullying was going on but never told us about it.

I found the mom and told her I found it 'not right' that her daughter was making fun of mine for not being a princess and throwing sand in her face. She said "kids.." seriously?

I hounded the director, the teacher, the assistants. YOU Will open your Motha f'ing eyes and watch. When she got pushed off the table a few weeks later I was down right furious. I wanted to throw up I was so angry. Next thing you know, AJ has a shadow. In between she'd been coming home without her braids and/or pig tails.

Found out Sofia took them.

The teachers said they were playing dress up. Really then why does Sofia have her hair up and my daughter looks like cousin it? Where are the pigtails. “Oh we don’t know, maybe she left them out for the birds to eat” oh gimme a BREAK.

So I told AJ if anyone pushes her, yells at her or hurts her she MUST tell the teacher. She’s been good with that and I made it clear to my own daughter that her hair WILL come back the way it went to school and if anyone tries to change that, tell a teacher. So much so a teacher tried to redo her hair (the assistant was bored, it was after school) and AJ said “My mama said no one takes my hair down… no”

I have a very strong suspicion we won’t be invited to Sofia’s birthday party.

Did I tell you my daughter is 3 and the other girl is 4? ugh too early for this crap. The bullying in our school is due to girls must be princesses. Because as sofia said "My mama says I'm a princess because I'm pretty and wear a dress" where as my daughter does not wear skirts often (she does just not often).

grr

Re: If your child were being bullied

Depends on the situation and times are different now...

but 31 years ago when I was being bullied in Kindergarten, the same kid would never let me play with the train and he would push me and take the train. My dad told me to hit him back next time. I did and we became best friends.

I see nothing wrong with "hitting back" when it comes to bullies.

Re: If your child were being bullied

I think as a parent anything that even borders on harming or potentially harming your kid is the stuff nightmares are made of.
Add to that the fact that you might not *know* about it, or might not find *support* to stop it, and well, my primal mommy urges go WILD.

My little guy is 3 and goes to daycare for 6 hours a week. I notice occasionally he has picked up some less than lovely behavior - and I work HARD to extinguish it. Just run of the mill crap, I'm certain a daycare peer introduced it to him, but he KNOWS at this point it will not be tolerated.

He's already enrolled in TaeKwonDo classes 3x week, not that that's an antidote but bullies generally do pick on someone they consider "weaker" be that physically, emotionally, or intellectually. So I'm hoping the combination of discipline and confidence they espouse there will be an asset to my kid's psyche.

At this age though I feel I have to be vigilant about BOTH sides of the bully coin - not just being harmed but his ability to hurt OTHERS as well - be that physically or emotionally. 3yos can hurt feelings too, even if they don't understand the implications. So we talk a LOT nowadays about how something makes me/him/others FEEL.

My heart goes out to the moms and dads who've dealt with this head-on. I actually FEAR my own reaction if this became my reality and the school/parents turned a deaf ear. I would/will get the message across and let's just say the legalities of the matter would not be my first priority.

Re: If your child were being bullied

Of course it depends on the level. But I would involve as many people as possible. I would make A LOT of noise. Teacher, Principal, other parents, PTA, etc if that didn't work, cops, media, shame on you , lawyer, DA, etc. I would try my hardest NOT to go to jail

I will try my hardest to teach my boys to be kind, loving, confident, thoughtful human beings, but they will also be in some form of martial arts as soon as they can walk so if all that doesn't work, they will be able to put the bully in a choke and make his as# pass out.

Message edited 6/4/2012 9:45:17 PM.

Re: If your child were being bullied

I would first talk to the teacher every day for a week. Then the principal, then the superintendent. Especially in this climate, I might call Newsday and see if they were interested in a story. I'm not screwing around.

Re: If your child were being bullied

I am constantly telling DS not to let anyone be mean to him or anyone else. That I want him to tell the teacher if someone is mean to him and if they keep doing it to stand up for himself and anyone being bullied.

Once last summer 2 slightly older kids at the pool were being mean to DS, he wanted to play tag with them and they said he could, but then kept changing the rules on him so he didn't stand a chance. DH and I sat back and watched for a while and then DH told him to ask the kids if his dad could play so DH played and out smarted the 2 little shits!

Last week at baseball a kid on DS' team was hitting all the other kids on the head with his mit. He hit my DS who told him not to do that, then he did it again so DS hit him back, then the kid threw his glove at DS at which time I got up and went and stood there. The glove missed DS and it ended there. Later on I was standing there and the kid hit him on the head again and I spoke up and told him to cut it out.

DS will be 6 this summer and is shy so I feel I need to give him the tools he needs to handle things himself. I always try to let him resolve things himself, but I have no problem speaking up and coaching DS on how to react. I want him to go to the teacher or tell and adult first, but if that doesn't help I want him to defend himself and anyone else being bullied. That's just me.