I'm feeling very overwhelmed

Don't get me wrong. I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to stay home with Bella for the past 6 months and am sad that I have to go back to work in September. But lately, I feel that if I don't get a break soon I am going to completely lose it. I feel like it is me, me , me all the time. I make her meals, I clean up her spit up( and poop), entertain her, etc. DH is gone 12 hours a day and by the time he comes home she's either in bed or getting ready for bed. He doesn't have to deal with everything I have to deal with on a daily basis. Even when he is off, he has me there as a back up, so he never takes care of her alone.
He can come and go as he pleases. How do think it makes me feel when he goes and plays softball 2 times a week or goes and hangs out with work friends. He makes an effort to get home early to play softball but never to get home to relieve me.

I also feel that all I am is a mom. DH and I never spend any time together. I feel like I have to beg him for affection and when I try to have a conversation, he completely tunes me out. He says I'm being ridiculous, that he loves me more than ever. But if I feel this way he obviously isn't doing a good job of expressing his feelings towards me.

I really wish my mom lived closer or I had a close friend who could give me some time to myself. I know I sound selfish, but I don't want to get myself so overwhemed, I take it out on my DD. What I'm feeling has nothing to do with her.

Sorry to vent. Thanks for listening.

Re: I'm feeling very overwhelmed

You don't sound selfish at all. You sound completely the opposite of selfish! It is important for you to get some "me time". I would talk to your DH and maybe sign up for a class (pilates or something) on a weekly basis just to get yourself out of the house alone.

Re: I'm feeling very overwhelmed

Boy I could have written this myself.
It is so rough at night now putting the 2 down. They have been staying up later and Matthew is harder to get down now.
Last night we let him cry himself to sleep.

This week has been good, he has been home a lot. I dont mind so much the day it is the night time. He used to NEVER see them. I feel like a single mom most of the time.

You do need time to yourself....I know I get very overwhelmed with the 2 of them

Message edited 7/12/2007 10:24:24 AM.

Re: I'm feeling very overwhelmed

Oh no, no, no. That is unacceptable in my book. He is her father and he should be taking care of her as much as possible when he's home. I don't care if he works 23 hours a day. In our house, it's fair-share. We both work full-time and have busy lives, but we both do our fair share with Ava, and neither of us come and go as we please. It's not right.
I think you need to plan a day with your friends and leave him home with DD to really get the full sense of what you do.
I am sure that JT and I are so equal as parents because he stays home with her all day, so he knows what it takes to raise a child and not be a sideline parent. I really feel that dads need to have the "full experience" to understand what moms do all day. I say give him the full experience and then try to talk to him about it again.

Re: I'm feeling very overwhelmed

I understand where you are coming from. Sometimes I dont get to eat, let alone take a shower or even go to the bathroom. Between taking care of DS (who doesnt nap, he takes maybe 2 or 3 20 min. power naps during the day), cleaning the house, laundry, cooking and my business I feel like I have no time for me and no time to do anything. DS goes to sleep by 9ish and DH goes to bed around 11 and I usually stay up for a couple of hours to answer e-mails and just watch TV just to wind down. I dont want to complain about it b/c this is what I wanted, to be a SAHM mom, and my son is such a GOOD baby but I just feel like I am being spread so thin. I feel like it would be easier for me to go back to work b/c than at least DH and I would share the house chores. I do everything myself b/c I feel bad even asking DH for help being he works all day and "I am home". I got so frustrated yesterday when I was vaccuuming b/c the vaccuum was not working right, the dogs were barking, the baby was crying b/c he wanted me to hold him, I literally threw the vaccuum out the back door onto my patio. Than I called DH and told him he isnt allowed to touch the vaccuum anymore b/c he breaks everything and than hung up. Sometimes I feel like I just lose it. DH came home and was like that is a nice lawn ornament we have (the vaccuum broken in our backyard).

You are not alone by any means. When I was working I used to say "I can't wait to be home with the baby and hang out all day in my pj's". Now, I wish I could wake up in the morning, take a shower, do my hair and make up and get dressed up and feel good about myself instead of feeling like an old maid. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side.

ETA: DH does help me out when he gets home and especially on his days off he kind of gives me the "day off". I just feel bad asking him to do anything b/c I feel like it is all my responsibility. But DH is so good, he doesnt feel that way at all. I just try to take on too much myself, but that has always been my personality.

Message edited 7/12/2007 10:33:05 AM.

Re: I'm feeling very overwhelmed

You are not being selfish for wanting time to yourself or alone time with DH. When I was home with the boys, I'd go out when DH came home from work. Even if it was to Starbucks or Target. It was nice to just get out of the house for at least 30 min to an hour. I also get my hair done twice a month on Sat, so DH is home alone with them for a few hours.

Re: I'm feeling very overwhelmed

Tell your husband you need more help! And if he tells you you're being ridiculous (after you smack him upside the head) leave him alone with HIS child for a few hours - not even a full day. Let him experience what you go though on a daily basis. Make him understand that you need help. He can't figure it out on his own if you don't tell him!

Re: I'm feeling very overwhelmed

You need to join an activity that gets you out of the house. You will begin to builid up so much resentment against DH... it won't be healthy.

or...

hire someone to come one day a week for a few hours.

Sorry you feel this way. My DH travels all the time for work and I am alone all the time... I completely understand.

Re: I'm feeling very overwhelmed

I'm sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed. It's all bound to catch up sometime! On DH's day off you really should do something for yourself. The summer will go quickly so make sure you try to take advantage of it now.
I hope DH understands that you can't do it on your own. You are only human and everyone has a breaking point.

My DD goes to bed early (6:30) so I could always watch DD for you in the evening. I know that's probably not as helpful as during the daytime but you could at least catch a breather. I could try to have the girl together one day....I don't worry about Bella as much as I do my needy DD. If my DD would only let me put her down for more than 2 seconds, things would be great!

Hang in there. Your vacation is just around the corner and you will have a wonderful time as a family!!!!

Re: I'm feeling very overwhelmed

Take advantage of the time DH is home to get out on your own...even if its just for a walk, a manicure, a coffee, whatever. You need time to yourself.

Is there anyone at all that can watch her while you and DH get out at least once a month...a neighbor maybe?

Re: I'm feeling very overwhelmed

Re: I'm feeling very overwhelmed

Vent away that is what we are here for You are not selfish! I think many if not all moms feel overwhelmed at one time or another

Message edited 7/12/2007 11:44:29 AM.

Re: I'm feeling very overwhelmed

Re: I'm feeling very overwhelmed

U are not being selfish at all..

U need time alone. I know how u feel i feel that sameway.

When dh comes home he rather hangout with his friends some night and it hurts cause i can't go out by myself.

I wish i had family here or friends to i don't so it sucks.
That just want to go my other friends here have friends.

It is hard. I know your pain.

When i come to Ny the end of this month we need to GTG.

Re: I'm feeling very overwhelmed

My little guy is only 2 months and I totally understand what you are saying. My DH is gone 12 hrs a day. DH has from about 7pm-10pm with him. My DH has been great about making sure that I get time to myself. Usually, on Sat nights I get a girl's night out for a few hours. At first it was really hard for me to go out. I felt like I was abandoning my child. Then I realized that it's not only good for me. It's good for my DS and DH to have time by themselves. Maybe you can discuss having something similar. As far as time together. That is tricky. Anytime we have relatives in town we take the opportunity to let them babysit and we go out. They love it and so do we!!

Re: I'm feeling very overwhelmed

Posted by prncss

Oh no, no, no. That is unacceptable in my book. He is her father and he should be taking care of her as much as possible when he's home. I don't care if he works 23 hours a day. In our house, it's fair-share. We both work full-time and have busy lives, but we both do our fair share with Ava, and neither of us come and go as we please. It's not right.
I think you need to plan a day with your friends and leave him home with DD to really get the full sense of what you do.
I am sure that JT and I are so equal as parents because he stays home with her all day, so he knows what it takes to raise a child and not be a sideline parent. I really feel that dads need to have the "full experience" to understand what moms do all day. I say give him the full experience and then try to talk to him about it again.

Re: I'm feeling very overwhelmed

Re: I'm feeling very overwhelmed

I'm home for the summer and I honestly feel like all I do is pick up toys all day long! My husband also works till late and plays softball twice a week.

My advice would be try to get out at least once a day. Just get dresses and go...they day always seems easiers when we get out.

Re: I'm feeling very overwhelmed

I could have written some of that myself too. Especially since Softball seems to come first in my house as well

Lately when DH gets home, I just hand him DS and go out..even to the food store, I just walk really really slow

Just to get out for 1/2 hour helps a lot.

Re: I'm feeling very overwhelmed

I know, it is tough. I am convinced that even the people that we *think* have the "best" marriages go through their rough patches like this. EVERYONE feels this way at one point or another. They have to.

Why don't you tell him one day "tomorrow I am going out at 6:00 and you are watching the baby." Don't ask. Then find a friend to go and have dinner with.

Re: I'm feeling very overwhelmed

I am feelign the same way right now and DH is only 3 weeks. I am so used to being on the same schedule as DH and going to work. Its just so different for me.

Re: I'm feeling very overwhelmed

Thank you so much for all the support. You don't know how much it means to me.

I never realized how many people are feeling the same way. I feel like I need to be superwoman and then when I can't meet that expectation, I've let myself down.

I have made an appoinment to turn in my GC for a full day of beauty tomorrow (I've been holding onto this thing since January). DH will watch Bella all day long without me. He needs to see how hard it actually is.

Thanks for all of your offers to meet up. I plan on taking you all up on your offers.

Again. thanks for all the support!!!

Re: I'm feeling very overwhelmed

Posted by Lucky

I'm sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed. It's all bound to catch up sometime! On DH's day off you really should do something for yourself. The summer will go quickly so make sure you try to take advantage of it now.
I hope DH understands that you can't do it on your own. You are only human and everyone has a breaking point.

My DD goes to bed early (6:30) so I could always watch DD for you in the evening. I know that's probably not as helpful as during the daytime but you could at least catch a breather. I could try to have the girl together one day....I don't worry about Bella as much as I do my needy DD. If my DD would only let me put her down for more than 2 seconds, things would be great!

Hang in there. Your vacation is just around the corner and you will have a wonderful time as a family!!!!

Re: I'm feeling very overwhelmed

Posted by jinglemommy

Posted by angelbear217


I really wish my mom lived closer or I had a close friend who could give me some time to myself. I know I sound selfish, but I don't want to get myself so overwhemed, I take it out on my DD. What I'm feeling has nothing to do with her.

Sorry to vent. Thanks for listening.

Well I can't give you time to yourself bc my ds is the same age as your dd but if you ever want to gtg and maybe walk and talk I wouldnt mind! i could have written your post myself. I think it is natural to feel that way. I find that as long as I go out during the day for a little then we are ok. Even if it is just a quick walk around the neighborhood.

Oh yeah and to help with the cleaning. i asked for a roomba for my bday! W T F i asked for a vacuum for my bday?!?!

Re: I'm feeling very overwhelmed

You sound like me. I wish we lived closer- especially since our babies are the same age. I have a DH who works from HOME and I still full time mom all the time. When I get upset, like him being away for our anniversary, he doesn't even answer me.

I know exactly how you feel- its so isolating. I explained to DH that he gets to come and go as he pleased, play golf anytime he wants and I just need some me time. I am going to get a haircut today and I am leaving the baby. I think you need to just carve out some time and just do it. I started to lately and its working.