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Lanabean
Yoginis
Member since 11/05 9202 total posts
Name:
Lana
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I'm just beside myself about this move to Chicago thing
his boss needs to know by the end of the week and we'd need to leave by Feb. There is no guarantee this new position will even be a success....I love my home, being near my family--never mind that if we do want to have a baby, there's no way I would want to without being near our families. To me, family is everything. Money isn't all that when you have no one near you. Let me say again, we do really well--money isn't the issue. I love my job and my freelance writing.....oh, I was in tears last night. We're just at a standstill.
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Posted 10/28/06 8:47 AM  |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
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Re: I'm just beside myself about this move to Chicago thing
it sounds to me like you've already decided that you don't want to go. have you expressed that to your DH? if the opportunity has no guarantee for success, how can they expect him to uproot himself and his wife? 
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| Posted 10/28/06 8:49 AM |
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Lanabean
Yoginis
Member since 11/05 9202 total posts
Name:
Lana
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Re: I'm just beside myself about this move to Chicago thing
Posted by SweetestOfPeas
it sounds to me like you've already decided that you don't want to go. have you expressed that to your DH? if the opportunity has no guarantee for success, how can they expect him to uproot himself and his wife?
I have told him, but I don't want him to miss a chance and resent me. He won't go if he knows I'm unhappy....but then I don't want to chance unspoken resentment. My mother says that's what marriage is about, compromise, and he married me knowing how family oriented I am. I shouldn't have to change, but neither should he, so now it's just....weird.
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| Posted 10/28/06 8:52 AM |
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nov04libride
big brother <3
Member since 5/05 14672 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: I'm just beside myself about this move to Chicago thing
Awww Lana  What a tough decision! 
ETA: I wouldn't make a move if they don't know if the position will be a success. You're uprooting everything! If he wants a change, can he change firms?
Message edited 10/28/2006 8:58:59 AM.
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| Posted 10/28/06 8:55 AM |
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sami
So very blessed!! Thank u !!
Member since 8/06 6524 total posts
Name:
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Re: I'm just beside myself about this move to Chicago thing
WOW ... Everything happens for a reason
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| Posted 10/28/06 8:59 AM |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
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Re: I'm just beside myself about this move to Chicago thing
Posted by LRusso
Posted by SweetestOfPeas
it sounds to me like you've already decided that you don't want to go. have you expressed that to your DH? if the opportunity has no guarantee for success, how can they expect him to uproot himself and his wife?
I have told him, but I don't want him to miss a chance and resent me. He won't go if he knows I'm unhappy....but then I don't want to chance unspoken resentment. My mother says that's what marriage is about, compromise, and he married me knowing how family oriented I am. I shouldn't have to change, but neither should he, so now it's just....weird.
well you said it all in the above statement. moving would make you miserable, and as much as you think he would resent you for "holding him back", he would not want to live with the guilt of uprooting you both and taking you away from your job and your family.
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| Posted 10/28/06 8:59 AM |
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Lanabean
Yoginis
Member since 11/05 9202 total posts
Name:
Lana
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Re: I'm just beside myself about this move to Chicago thing
Posted by nov04libride
Awww Lana What a tough decision!
ETA: I wouldn't make a move if they don't know if the position will be a success. You're uprooting everything! If he wants a change, can he change firms?
The thing is, he just applied to schools for his MBA. He had plans here. I feel like his boss is trying to *force* him to stay on with his firm....
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| Posted 10/28/06 9:02 AM |
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LisaI
Momma's Little Beans
Member since 1/06 3923 total posts
Name:
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Re: I'm just beside myself about this move to Chicago thing
Would you be ok with him trying it on his own for 6 months to see if this is the place to be and the firm to stay with? DH and I were apart for 4 months while he was living in GA and I on LI deciding if that was the place to stay and grow. It worked out GA was the best place for us and no regrets.
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| Posted 10/28/06 9:04 AM |
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KLSbear
LIF Adult
Member since 1/06 1908 total posts
Name:
Karen
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Re: I'm just beside myself about this move to Chicago thing
Is this a small company? It sounds very strange that they would put that kind of pressure on you to relocate with just a week to decide (or have you been stalling on the decision for several weeks?)
Aside from the family issues which sound like a strong argument for not moving, consider the following.
What have they offered in the way of relocation or severance? If you don't go will he just get a standard 2 weeks? (I was offered 4 months pay and continuation of health benefits for a full year in a similar situation)
Did they pay for you to go spend time in Chicago to check out the neighborhoods you'd be able to afford to live in that are within a commute of his new job? Is there a relocation bonus? Are they covering all costs of relocation? What if your house doesn't sell - will they buy the house from you? (many larger companies do that) You don't want to be stuck with 2 mortgages though if you do move you may want to rent your place here instead, in case you decide in a year you want to come back. They should be giving you the chance to see if Chicago is an area you would want to live.
It sounds like a shaky proposition when you say there is no guarantee of success - you're always seeing cautions to check out the financial stability of a company before accepting an employment offer. If it fails, where will that leave you? Do you have substantial savings or will you be in Chicago with no means to move back.
Also consider other employment opportunities - is DH in a very specialized position or would he be in demand by other companies in the area?
It's never an easy desicion. Kudos to you for being willing to explore the option with him when, in your heart, you don't want to go. Consider all the pluses and minus above - it might help tip the scales and help both of you see the full "opportunity" in another light.
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| Posted 10/28/06 9:05 AM |
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lorich
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Member since 6/05 9987 total posts
Name:
Grammie says "Lora Gina"
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Re: I'm just beside myself about this move to Chicago thing
Reading this totally made a huge knot in my stomach...I can only imagine what you're feeling.
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| Posted 10/28/06 9:05 AM |
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SweetestOfPeas
J'taime Paris!
Member since 3/06 32345 total posts
Name:
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Re: I'm just beside myself about this move to Chicago thing
Posted by LRusso
Posted by nov04libride
Awww Lana What a tough decision!
ETA: I wouldn't make a move if they don't know if the position will be a success. You're uprooting everything! If he wants a change, can he change firms?
The thing is, he just applied to schools for his MBA. He had plans here. I feel like his boss is trying to *force* him to stay on with his firm....
if that is the case, I honestly don't see how he can possibly take this opportunity. not only would he be forcing you to change your life completely, but so would he - and he's go plans for himself. he probably just needs a few days to digest the enormity of it all. but honestly, it doesn't sound like he's going to go for it.
hang in there
Message edited 10/28/2006 9:13:28 AM.
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| Posted 10/28/06 9:13 AM |
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luvsbob4603
To a healthy 2013
Member since 5/05 21840 total posts
Name:
To a brand new year to a healthier me
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Re: I'm just beside myself about this move to Chicago thing
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| Posted 10/28/06 9:15 AM |
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lorich
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Member since 6/05 9987 total posts
Name:
Grammie says "Lora Gina"
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Re: I'm just beside myself about this move to Chicago thing
Posted by SweetestOfPeas
Posted by LRusso
Posted by nov04libride
Awww Lana What a tough decision!
ETA: I wouldn't make a move if they don't know if the position will be a success. You're uprooting everything! If he wants a change, can he change firms?
The thing is, he just applied to schools for his MBA. He had plans here. I feel like his boss is trying to *force* him to stay on with his firm....
if that is the case, I honestly don't see how he can possibly take this opportunity. not only would he be forcing you to change your life completely, but so would he - and he's go plans for himself. he probably just needs a few days to digest the enormity of it all. but honestly, it doesn't sound like he's going to go for it.
hang in there
Very good point.
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| Posted 10/28/06 9:18 AM |
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Kate07
Feel better my little guy!
Member since 5/05 4476 total posts
Name:
Kate
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Re: I'm just beside myself about this move to Chicago thing
Posted by LRusso
The thing is, he just applied to schools for his MBA. He had plans here. I feel like his boss is trying to *force* him to stay on with his firm....
Well I think if this is thre case, a move wouldn't make sense.
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| Posted 10/28/06 9:20 AM |
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cat1977
LIF Infant
Member since 7/06 175 total posts
Name:
Catherine
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Re: I'm just beside myself about this move to Chicago thing
wow lana, i hopr you dont have to move, especially since you dont want to, i remember last year my dh was talking about living in PA, now i know it sounds like im a baby, but i was open to visiting well once we visited the are he thought he wanted to live i cried the whole way home, its so deserted so far from family even a grocery store, i know you can get more for your money , but i am too very family oriented, and would have been miserable, i told him i would drive him crazy out there, well it just wasnt for me, anyway, i hope you can work this out, im sure if he sees how upset you would be, he wouldnt want that, also u said he was starting to have new plans here , school wise, good luck
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| Posted 10/28/06 9:28 AM |
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Lanabean
Yoginis
Member since 11/05 9202 total posts
Name:
Lana
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Re: I'm just beside myself about this move to Chicago thing
Posted by KLSbear
Is this a small company? It sounds very strange that they would put that kind of pressure on you to relocate with just a week to decide (or have you been stalling on the decision for several weeks?)
Aside from the family issues which sound like a strong argument for not moving, consider the following.
What have they offered in the way of relocation or severance? If you don't go will he just get a standard 2 weeks? (I was offered 4 months pay and continuation of health benefits for a full year in a similar situation)
Did they pay for you to go spend time in Chicago to check out the neighborhoods you'd be able to afford to live in that are within a commute of his new job? Is there a relocation bonus? Are they covering all costs of relocation? What if your house doesn't sell - will they buy the house from you? (many larger companies do that) You don't want to be stuck with 2 mortgages though if you do move you may want to rent your place here instead, in case you decide in a year you want to come back. They should be giving you the chance to see if Chicago is an area you would want to live.
It sounds like a shaky proposition when you say there is no guarantee of success - you're always seeing cautions to check out the financial stability of a company before accepting an employment offer. If it fails, where will that leave you? Do you have substantial savings or will you be in Chicago with no means to move back.
Also consider other employment opportunities - is DH in a very specialized position or would he be in demand by other companies in the area?
It's never an easy desicion. Kudos to you for being willing to explore the option with him when, in your heart, you don't want to go. Consider all the pluses and minus above - it might help tip the scales and help both of you see the full "opportunity" in another light.
This is a huge, international company. DH is a specialist trader on the floor of the NYSE. In this case, the job would mean he is the head trader and in charge of all specialists at the Chicago firm--which will be new and just up and running.
His boss said he could go for a trial period. I said to him, "And what? If this doesn't work out then we've gone and sold our home?" So I think a trial would be possible for him.
I just can't help but feel that his boss is trying to keep him. Whereas, an MBA is his, and his own forever. He thinks that the MBA would lead him to this type of job anyway, and why would he want to miss the chance. Do you see the circle we're going in?
Thanks for all the kind words, guys....I can't even talk to him and my parents without crying. The weather is suiting my mood.
Message edited 10/28/2006 9:29:47 AM.
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| Posted 10/28/06 9:28 AM |
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Redhead
You Live, You Learn
Member since 5/05 31871 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: I'm just beside myself about this move to Chicago thing
Posted by LRusso
his boss needs to know by the end of the week and we'd need to leave by Feb. There is no guarantee this new position will even be a success....I love my home, being near my family--never mind that if we do want to have a baby, there's no way I would want to without being near our families. To me, family is everything. Money isn't all that when you have no one near you. Let me say again, we do really well--money isn't the issue. I love my job and my freelance writing.....oh, I was in tears last night. We're just at a standstill.
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| Posted 10/28/06 9:43 AM |
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Tine73
Member since 3/06 22093 total posts
Name:
*********
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Re: I'm just beside myself about this move to Chicago thing
Can you rent our your home and not sell it right away? Can his boss pay for housing in Chicago for awhile as a trial period?
It sounds like a great opportunity and they have lots of great schools out there incase your husband still wants to pursue an MBA.
If you do wind up moving it doesnt have to be forever. You can always come back.
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| Posted 10/28/06 10:05 AM |
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MrsBlueSash
Love my sailor
Member since 6/05 5793 total posts
Name:
Christian
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Re: I'm just beside myself about this move to Chicago thing
I'd go, but then again I love living in different cities and have lived in 3 states in 9 years. I'd love a chance to enjoy Chicago as more than a tourist.
ETA: I would move because I want to live in the city not for the job. If your plans include school where you are and that’s a definite than I don't think I would move.
Message edited 10/28/2006 11:03:13 AM.
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| Posted 10/28/06 10:59 AM |
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Tany
Becoming a different woman
Member since 5/05 24460 total posts
Name:
Tania
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Re: I'm just beside myself about this move to Chicago thing
I'm sorry mama, I hope you both can come up with the best choice for the both you.
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| Posted 10/28/06 11:11 AM |
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KPsquared
Member since 5/05 4663 total posts
Name:
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Re: I'm just beside myself about this move to Chicago thing
It sounds like you really do not want to go. Listen to your instincts.
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| Posted 10/28/06 11:18 AM |
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oops123
LIF Adult
Member since 8/05 2509 total posts
Name:
michelle
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Re: I'm just beside myself about this move to Chicago thing
Sorry you're going thru this...its a tough decision, but IMO why pick up & move &sacrifice if not for a better job&more $$$? If its going to be the same why have to deal w/the unknown...just stay here?
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| Posted 10/28/06 11:40 AM |
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megsm3
Life is Good!!
Member since 8/06 3867 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: I'm just beside myself about this move to Chicago thing
This is sooo tough - I totally understand you not wanting to hold him back but it has got to have your stomach in knots - i could not imagine leaving my family unless it was absolutely necessary - I hope everything works out Good Luck
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| Posted 10/28/06 11:42 AM |
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oops123
LIF Adult
Member since 8/05 2509 total posts
Name:
michelle
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Re: I'm just beside myself about this move to Chicago thing
oh sorry, didnt read your last post-it IS a better position... i think you need to really discuss if the move is worth it.
I know what your saying about family being so important. But some people feel that if theyre married-THATS the family that should be a 1st priority, especially if it gives your DH a chance to advance in his position. I'd still have a hard time with that,truthfully.
This is just one of many tests that all marriages experience,and in marriage its all about sacrifice-sometimes he'll do it, sometimes you have to!
good luck to you guys....you'll work it out!
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| Posted 10/28/06 11:48 AM |
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jenny
L O V E
Member since 4/06 2784 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: I'm just beside myself about this move to Chicago thing
Sounds like a great opportunity but it seems like the timing is off. I am assuming you are both young and have many years ahead of you. I would sit down and list my priorities. Based on what you said I would probably decline the offer and focus on finishing the MBA. Once that is done the opportunities will be endless.
I think it's a great opportunity but since you are young and don't have kids then I would get all the schooling done and then you could be free to go anywhere.
Good Luck!
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| Posted 10/28/06 11:51 AM |
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