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Bops
My 3 wishes
Member since 12/07 13625 total posts
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In a god-parent pickle .....
Long story short, we chose my SIL and her DH as DD's god-parents...They moved from NY to PA, and never joined a new parish....
Our church is asking for a sponsorship letter to their parish...My SIL called them to explain and said she got a very "unfriendly" to put it lightly, woman at the rectory...SIL made all her sacraments at the church DD is being christened at and got married there as well...Problem being is they are not registered there ( when I asked the woman what exactly that "meant" - she said - they do not receive " envelopes" )
She also said that her DH has to have made his confirmation, which I just found out- he did not  ...
The rectory ( after I went down there), looked up my SIL and saw that she did indeed make all her sacraments there and said she would be ok- but now my BIL is an issue  The woman in the rectory was a nightmare to talk to, very very unfriendly...
One of the reasons we chose them is because we really wanted it to be a couple- now I guess we are going to need to find a new god-father ( all by April 5th !!!)...I feel bad for him, and now I feel strange asking a "replacement" KWIM ???..I'm hoping somehow something will work out...A few people I have spoken to have said that being confirmed is not mandatory to be a god-parent and ironically my BIL is god-father to his niece, so I guess the church she was christened at was not as strict....
Anyone else encounter anything similar ???
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Posted 2/10/09 11:47 AM  |
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waterspout4
My loves
Member since 5/06 19150 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: In a god-parent pickle .....
Could you do it in another church? Many churches only ask that one Godparent be confirmed, or even Catholic.
Could he get confirmed in time? WOuld he want to?
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| Posted 2/10/09 11:50 AM |
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2BEANS
wow time is going fast.
Member since 9/07 16106 total posts
Name:
Tina
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Re: In a god-parent pickle .....
My church didnt ask for any proof on the Godparents. Just asked if they were catholic or christian. They did however ask me if I was a parishner of the church and if I received "envelopes".. meaning donates to their church.
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| Posted 2/10/09 11:51 AM |
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SuzyQ
Mama to 3!?!?!?
Member since 7/06 8069 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: In a god-parent pickle .....
It sounds like your whole family is pretty well connected to this parish. This woman at the rectory is taking her job much too seriously.  That is so ridiculous that she's being such a PIA about such a happy occassion. Can you go "above" her to the priest and talk to him about how much you want SIL's DH as godfather and what a terrific man he is, etc?
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| Posted 2/10/09 11:51 AM |
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2BEANS
wow time is going fast.
Member since 9/07 16106 total posts
Name:
Tina
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Re: In a god-parent pickle .....
Posted by SuzyQ
It sounds like your whole family is pretty well connected to this parish. This woman at the rectory is taking her job much too seriously. That is so ridiculous that she's being such a PIA about such a happy occassion. Can you go "above" her to the priest and talk to him about how much you want SIL's DH as godfather and what a terrific man he is, etc?
You can always contant the the dioceses.. they are above that lady.
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| Posted 2/10/09 11:53 AM |
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waterspout4
My loves
Member since 5/06 19150 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: In a god-parent pickle .....
Now that I think back (It's only been a year, but I have mommy brain). The church we were parishoners of, wouldn't do baptisms. They had just gotten a new pastor and they didn't want to overwhelm him in his first few months. 
Yes, how dare we ask a Priest to give a SACRAMENT. 
Anyway, we went to another church and got it done there.
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| Posted 2/10/09 11:53 AM |
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Bops
My 3 wishes
Member since 12/07 13625 total posts
Name:
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Re: In a god-parent pickle .....
Posted by waterspout4
Could you do it in another church? Many churches only ask that one Godparent be confirmed, or even Catholic.
Could he get confirmed in time? WOuld he want to?
Unfortunately, we really want to use the church we have ...We were married there, my DS was baptised there etc....So its more of a sentimantal thing I guess....A matter of fact, my DH and all 6 of his siblings went to catholic school there- so you would think they "might' make an exception, but not at all  ...
I was thinking about him getting confirmed, but I don't think we really have enough time...he works F/T and it would be a lot to ask probably, even if we did have a little more time - he would have to join a parish really quickly in PA and I can't see that happening....Ughhh- I never would have anticipated this being as he was already a god-father, I assumed everything would be OK !
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| Posted 2/10/09 11:55 AM |
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Bops
My 3 wishes
Member since 12/07 13625 total posts
Name:
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Re: In a god-parent pickle .....
Posted by SuzyQ
It sounds like your whole family is pretty well connected to this parish. This woman at the rectory is taking her job much too seriously. That is so ridiculous that she's being such a PIA about such a happy occassion. Can you go "above" her to the priest and talk to him about how much you want SIL's DH as godfather and what a terrific man he is, etc?
Thats what my DH said, maybe we can speak to the priest....When I say she was "unfriendly" I'm really giving her more credit than deserved...I thought I was on candid camera or something with the way she was acting- She even snapped at one of the other office women for helping her find my SIL's baptismal records - I mean - went totally off on her ...I was like  
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| Posted 2/10/09 11:58 AM |
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SuzyQ
Mama to 3!?!?!?
Member since 7/06 8069 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: In a god-parent pickle .....
Posted by Bops
Posted by SuzyQ
It sounds like your whole family is pretty well connected to this parish. This woman at the rectory is taking her job much too seriously. That is so ridiculous that she's being such a PIA about such a happy occassion. Can you go "above" her to the priest and talk to him about how much you want SIL's DH as godfather and what a terrific man he is, etc?
Thats what my DH said, maybe we can speak to the priest....When I say she was "unfriendly" I'm really giving her more credit than deserved...I thought I was on candid camera or something with the way she was acting- She even snapped at one of the other office women for helping her find my SIL's baptismal records - I mean - went totally off on her ...I was like
In that case, I'm SURE the pastor/priests have heard complaints about her before. I would definitely talk to him and see if you could get him to make the same exception most other churches seem to make. I know our church never asked for any proof of any sacraments. They trusted our honesty. You would think most churches would be happy to welcome a new member and wouldn't make it so hard on new parents who certainly have enough going on as it is.
I hope it works out for you. 
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| Posted 2/10/09 12:03 PM |
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mtnmama
Member since 5/06 4794 total posts
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Message edited 1/21/2010 9:57:30 AM.
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| Posted 2/10/09 12:11 PM |
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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!
Member since 5/06 14562 total posts
Name:
Marisa
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Re: In a god-parent pickle .....
here's the general rule re: dealing w/ the Catholic Church -
If you 'donate' enough money, they'll let you have Jewish Godparents if you want to !!
I'd fight them on it, it's absolutely ridiculous
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| Posted 2/10/09 12:18 PM |
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Sassyz75
Turning a new page
Member since 5/05 9731 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: In a god-parent pickle .....
it seems as if all parishes have different requirements... if you are connected to your parish, I'd speak with the priest directly.
as for confirmation- the earliest they'd do it is easter vigil- but if he hasn't been attending RCIA they wouldn't do it- he would have to join RCIA and they do the confirmation sometime in May- which probably doesn't help you out.
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| Posted 2/10/09 12:30 PM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: In a god-parent pickle .....
This woman at the church is getting nasty with you over a technicality, or a title.
If I remember correctly, a "godparent" has to be a confirmed Catholic in good standing with the church. Some churches require you to get a letter from your pastor stating that you are in good standing in the church, some don't. When I was godmother to my nephew, I had to get one. When I baptized my son, about a year ago, all I had to do was give the godparents' names and state that they were confirmed.
If your SIL's DH was not confirmed, but was baptized in any Christian faith, he can be a Christian witness. I don't know if his name will go on the certificate or not (from what it sounds like with this church, it is possible that it won't) but no one is going to know the distinction between him being your child's godfather or a Christian witness to the ceremony unless you tell them. My nephew's uncle was not a confirmed Catholic, but he was still referred to as godfather or godparent in the ceremony and as far as anyone knows, he is the godfather.
By the way, I am pretty sure this is all spelled out in the literature the church gives you to prepare for the sacrament. I am probably one of the few people who actually read the booklet.  If I were you, I would keep SIL and her DH, let the church call him whatever they want, and know in the end, if you refer to him as your child's godfather, so will everyone else. 
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| Posted 2/10/09 1:06 PM |
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mtnmama
Member since 5/06 4794 total posts
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Message edited 1/21/2010 9:57:48 AM.
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| Posted 2/10/09 1:10 PM |
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Re: In a god-parent pickle .....
Did they try to get a letter from their church in PA? When DH was my nephews Confirmation sponsor he needed something signed from our church. We went to the rectory after one of the sunday masses. The preist met with him and signed the card. He didn't look anything up to see if we were registered.
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| Posted 2/10/09 1:14 PM |
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want2beamom
Love my boys soooo much!!!
Member since 8/06 10164 total posts
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True love doesn't end with happily ever after...
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Re: In a god-parent pickle .....
didn't you say that they got married in the church? if they allowed that, I don't understand why they wouldn't allow this...
I would call up and speak with someone else.
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| Posted 2/10/09 1:14 PM |
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mtnmama
Member since 5/06 4794 total posts
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Message edited 1/21/2010 9:57:07 AM.
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| Posted 2/10/09 1:15 PM |
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kelsept
LIF Adolescent
Member since 12/07 833 total posts
Name:
Kelley
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Re: In a god-parent pickle .....
Is this Infant Jesus? Honestly, that is tough..i thought one had to be and one didnt..
It is soo important to me to raise DD catholic but my DH's Brother is not confirmed either..he wants him to stand as Godfather...
Sometimes i feel they get a little too strict. My whole family was raised catholic, went to catholic school etc but even when i was baptised one of my godparents is catholic and the other not...hmmm..interesting..i better look into that..we might have problems too
Message edited 2/10/2009 1:22:52 PM.
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| Posted 2/10/09 1:18 PM |
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mcl916
my two loves
Member since 10/06 5133 total posts
Name:
Megan
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Re: In a god-parent pickle .....
Only one of the godparents have to be confirmed- that's the rule at my parish and I thought it was universal Technically you only have to have one sponsor (godparent).
Hope you're able to get this figured out, that lady sounds aweful.
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| Posted 2/10/09 1:19 PM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: In a god-parent pickle .....
Posted by cpanyc
Posted by dpli
If your SIL's DH was not confirmed, but was baptized in any Christian faith, he can be a Christian witness. I don't know if his name will go on the certificate or not (from what it sounds like with this church, it is possible that it won't) but no one is going to know the distinction between him being your child's godfather or a Christian witness to the ceremony unless you tell them. My nephew's uncle was not a confirmed Catholic, but he was still referred to as godfather or godparent in the ceremony and as far as anyone knows, he is the godfather.
But if he is a Catholic-which I believe she said he is, he has to be in good standing, he would not be able to just be a Christian witness.
Ahh, yes, you may be correct on that. I would have him either contact the last parish they lived in and explain the situation, or I would have him try to get a letter from a parish near where they live now.
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| Posted 2/10/09 1:22 PM |
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Bops
My 3 wishes
Member since 12/07 13625 total posts
Name:
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Re: In a god-parent pickle .....
Posted by architectnycity
Did they try to get a letter from their church in PA? When DH was my nephews Confirmation sponsor he needed something signed from our church. We went to the rectory after one of the sunday masses. The preist met with him and signed the card. He didn't look anything up to see if we were registered.
My BIL & SIL tried to register w/ their church in PA when he became god-father to his niece (ultimately they didnt end up needing the letter- different church , apparently not as strict ) and were told by the PA parish, that he would need to be a member for 6 months before they would issue one - p.s, go to xyz to pick up your envelopes ....
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| Posted 2/10/09 3:13 PM |
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Bops
My 3 wishes
Member since 12/07 13625 total posts
Name:
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Re: In a god-parent pickle .....
Posted by dpli
Posted by cpanyc
Posted by dpli
If your SIL's DH was not confirmed, but was baptized in any Christian faith, he can be a Christian witness. I don't know if his name will go on the certificate or not (from what it sounds like with this church, it is possible that it won't) but no one is going to know the distinction between him being your child's godfather or a Christian witness to the ceremony unless you tell them. My nephew's uncle was not a confirmed Catholic, but he was still referred to as godfather or godparent in the ceremony and as far as anyone knows, he is the godfather.
But if he is a Catholic-which I believe she said he is, he has to be in good standing, he would not be able to just be a Christian witness.
Ahh, yes, you may be correct on that. I would have him either contact the last parish they lived in and explain the situation, or I would have him try to get a letter from a parish near where they live now.
Yes, he will have to contact his old parish- he's just worried because "technically" he was never registered there (meaning never mailed in the envelopes)....and truth be told, if that is what being a member of the parish means- I'm not a member either  and its my dd who is being christened !
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| Posted 2/10/09 3:15 PM |
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Bops
My 3 wishes
Member since 12/07 13625 total posts
Name:
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Re: In a god-parent pickle .....
Posted by want2beamom
didn't you say that they got married in the church? if they allowed that, I don't understand why they wouldn't allow this...
I would call up and speak with someone else.
That was my thought too...I hate to say it, but it seems to all be coming down to the donation (it was a $500 mandatory donation to get married there )
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| Posted 2/10/09 3:16 PM |
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MommyAgain
lovemygermies
Member since 6/08 3195 total posts
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Re: In a god-parent pickle .....
Posted by cpanyc
Posted by MarisaK
here's the general rule re: dealing w/ the Catholic Church -
If you 'donate' enough money, they'll let you have Jewish Godparents if you want to !!
I'd fight them on it, it's absolutely ridiculous
What is ridiculous? It makes perfect sense what the issue is. Why would they allow a Catholic not in good standing-stand up to be a Godparent? The purpose of a Godparent is to make sure the child is being raised in the Catholic faith. It is a shame that he has not made his confirmation, but the rule is not ridiculous to those who believe in what it stands for.
ITA.. and not to start a riot but im a lil offended by the donation comments..."donations to the church" is in the bible people...its called tithing... i never understand how people can spend 25k on a wedding, 2 k on a Christening party, and then be upset the church asks for a donation for their services..
as far as your situation goes, maybe he could just be considered a "sponsor"? In my parish, you may have one Godparent, and one sponsor..
Message edited 2/10/2009 3:41:43 PM.
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| Posted 2/10/09 3:40 PM |
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want2beamom
Love my boys soooo much!!!
Member since 8/06 10164 total posts
Name:
True love doesn't end with happily ever after...
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Re: In a god-parent pickle .....
Posted by Bops
Posted by want2beamom
didn't you say that they got married in the church? if they allowed that, I don't understand why they wouldn't allow this...
I would call up and speak with someone else.
That was my thought too...I hate to say it, but it seems to all be coming down to the donation (it was a $500 mandatory donation to get married there )
that's terrible I would def. question it.
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| Posted 2/10/09 4:20 PM |
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