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ChrisDee
My Girls
Member since 11/06 9543 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: Is an apology valid if it is followed by an explanation?
I think that there is a FINE line between an explanation and a justification of your actions. If the person receiving the apology feels that you are justifying, then I could see them NOT accepting.
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Posted 4/19/11 2:46 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
Long Island's Largest Bridal Resource |
Superkat
More a stranger than a friend
Member since 5/06 9730 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Is an apology valid if it is followed by an explanation?
I think an explanation with an apology is fine. Explanations can help avoid hurt feelings and misunderstandings in the future. It all depends on the context of the explanation. In this case, I think it is fine and helps.
Remember: "Seek to understand, then to be understood"
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| Posted 4/19/11 3:07 PM |
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gina409
TWINS!
Member since 12/09 27635 total posts
Name:
g
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Re: Is an apology valid if it is followed by an explanation?
Posted by CouponKT
I think an explanation is much better than just a "sorry"  kind of response.
ita
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| Posted 4/19/11 3:09 PM |
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MrsG823
Just call me Mommy.
Member since 1/11 5570 total posts
Name:
S
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Re: Is an apology valid if it is followed by an explanation?
Posted by Babymakin
Posted by julesrbf
Agree with PPs. With the explanation it helps me to understand where it was coming from - usually in a situation like that the worst part is not really understanding why the person is angry and on the attack.
A stock "sorry" doesn't mean much to me.
I agree.
Totally agree
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| Posted 4/19/11 3:17 PM |
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Re: Is an apology valid if it is followed by an explanation?
I think that is actually a well thought out and well worded apology. It sounds like someone put a lot of effort into providing a nice apology and accepting some of the blame for the situation - I see nothing wrong with it!!!!
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| Posted 4/19/11 3:19 PM |
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DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
Name:
DiamondMama
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Re: Is an apology valid if it is followed by an explanation?
An apology is an apology. I think it is okay to explain yourself w/i an apology. Some may view it as making excuses--but IMO it is worse not to accept an apology then to worry about the delivery.
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| Posted 4/19/11 3:37 PM |
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MrsFrizzle
<3
Member since 9/09 4628 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: Is an apology valid if it is followed by an explanation?
I agree that anyone who is now in the position to need to say sorry deserves to have their side heard but I hate apologies that come with "buts". To me that's not an apology, just say you're sorry and if anything give a reason why you're sorry. I much more appreciate an apology that is just that and followed by a can we talk about it after. I am more than willing to talk about the situation after that and will be much more receptive to hearing the other person's side.
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| Posted 4/19/11 4:21 PM |
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bobby769
LIF Infant
Member since 7/10 253 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is an apology valid if it is followed by an explanation?
I don't mind an explanation as long as the explanation isn't a justification.
Just a plain old sorry doesn't cut it for me though.
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| Posted 4/19/11 4:36 PM |
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seaside
LIF Adult
Member since 6/08 3101 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is an apology valid if it is followed by an explanation?
I think it makes it worse if they "explanation" implicates the person you're apologizing to as a cause of whatever you did wrong.
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| Posted 4/19/11 4:47 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is an apology valid if it is followed by an explanation?
 Weird. I think I would be more likely to accept an apology WITH an explanation rather than without.
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| Posted 4/19/11 5:04 PM |
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rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
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Re: Is an apology valid if it is followed by an explanation?
That's not an apology. That's an excuse. An apology is simply "I didn't intend for you to feel hurt and I am sorry."
Explanations happen while you are still discussing and rehashing. If you really feel contrite you do not need to caveat your apology.
Message edited 4/19/2011 5:23:27 PM.
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| Posted 4/19/11 5:22 PM |
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LightUpOurLife
Totally in love
Member since 8/06 12785 total posts
Name:
Bonnie-Jean
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Re: Is an apology valid if it is followed by an explanation?
Posted by MrsPJB2007
I think it's good....it's saying "I'm sorry....and this is why I got upset." Kind of like they are trying to clear the air vs just saying "I'm sorry" and there is no real closure to the issue.
I agree with this. DH however just wants to hear sorry. He doesn't want anything else tied to it. I think his way is him being 100% right and I honestly feel that most of the time NOBODY is 100% right.
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| Posted 4/19/11 6:21 PM |
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MsSissy
xoxoxo
Member since 3/07 39159 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is an apology valid if it is followed by an explanation?
Posted by AnxiousPants
"I'm very sorry for the hurtful things that I said. I felt attacked, and sometimes we all say things out of anger. I know your intention may not have been to attack, but sometimes the perception is different by the one of the receiving end."
The apology has not been "accepted" because it came with an explanation.
What do you think?
So you felt attacked.
Reacted to it.
And the person isn't accepting YOUR apology or reasoning behind it?
I think your apology was fine. And JMO, it sounds like they need to apologize as well. A simple.."sorry, I didn't realize I was coming off that way". Would smooth things over faster than "I'm not accepting your apology"
And to answer the question. I wouldn't have an issue with an explanation following an apology.
Message edited 4/19/2011 6:38:10 PM.
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| Posted 4/19/11 6:35 PM |
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WenRC
Happiness is...
Member since 4/11 1253 total posts
Name:
Wendy
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Re: Is an apology valid if it is followed by an explanation?
it depends if the explanation sounds like an accusation.
I, personally, am a mush and would accept any explanation.
ETA: I once explained to an ex friend (by e-mail) the reason I was distant was that I felt used by her. A few days later (apparently she discussed with her SO) she responded pretty much saying "isnt that what friends are for"... I couldn't accept that, so we are no longer friends.
Message edited 4/19/2011 10:27:58 PM.
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| Posted 4/19/11 10:25 PM |
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Goobster
:)
Member since 5/07 27557 total posts
Name:
:)
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Re: Is an apology valid if it is followed by an explanation?
Posted by MySunshine
I think it's valid, that's the way I apologize. If you're getting my apology, I want my side to be heard as well.
ita
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| Posted 4/19/11 10:40 PM |
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Momma2Be
Mommy of an angel
Member since 10/09 5911 total posts
Name:
Dina
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Re: Is an apology valid if it is followed by an explanation?
I agree with the PP that sometimes an apology that is followed by an explanation can come off as a justification. I don't mean to sound harsh as I do not know the specifics of your situation, I only speak from my own personal experience. I once had someone who verbally attacked me so viciously that I seriously considered getting a restraining order (threatened my life on numerous occasions). We were estranged a few years and he recently apologized but his apology contained an explanation. I was very turned off by his "apology" and have not accepted it.
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| Posted 4/19/11 10:43 PM |
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Zebes-JD
LIF Zygote
Member since 4/11 13 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is an apology valid if it is followed by an explanation?
It seems like the person on the receiving end of the apology heard
"I'm sorry BUT you caused me to do the thing I'm sorry for"
Which goes back to your question about perception. I know that's not what you meant, and as a third party, your apology seems fine, but as the hurt person on the other end of the conversation, maybe not so much.
Communication is a tricky thing.
Sometimes both parties just have to accept there was an impasse and move on... because sometimes it's hard to articulate what you meant, or correct what you said with what you meant to say because you can't take back what you actually said.
Sorry you and this person seem to be ships in the night at the moment, but I"m sure if you're important to each other, this will blow over 
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| Posted 4/19/11 11:29 PM |
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emilylives
biking
Member since 12/09 2163 total posts
Name:
Emily
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Re: Is an apology valid if it is followed by an explanation?
Posted by Zebes-JD
It seems like the person on the receiving end of the apology heard
"I'm sorry BUT you caused me to do the thing I'm sorry for"
Which goes back to your question about perception. I know that's not what you meant, and as a third party, your apology seems fine, but as the hurt person on the other end of the conversation, maybe not so much.
Communication is a tricky thing.
Sometimes both parties just have to accept there was an impasse and move on... because sometimes it's hard to articulate what you meant, or correct what you said with what you meant to say because you can't take back what you actually said.
Sorry you and this person seem to be ships in the night at the moment, but I"m sure if you're important to each other, this will blow over
I think this is really well put.
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| Posted 4/20/11 12:03 AM |
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leighdvm
My golden boys!
Member since 3/06 4419 total posts
Name:
Michele
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Re: Is an apology valid if it is followed by an explanation?
Posted by rojerono
That's not an apology. That's an excuse. An apology is simply "I didn't intend for you to feel hurt and I am sorry."
Explanations happen while you are still discussing and rehashing. If you really feel contrite you do not need to caveat your apology.
Nicely worded -- ITA
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| Posted 4/20/11 7:29 AM |
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twicethefun
Loving life
Member since 7/06 4088 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is an apology valid if it is followed by an explanation?
I thought the explanation was a good one and I think it was wrong the person did not accept it. How rude.
I just wanted to add that I like the way the person said "I felt" Its important not to blame the other person by saying "you attacked" but rather by saying "I felt attacked."
Message edited 4/20/2011 8:12:07 AM.
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| Posted 4/20/11 8:08 AM |
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Goldi0218
My miracles!
Member since 12/05 23902 total posts
Name:
Leslie
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Re: Is an apology valid if it is followed by an explanation?
An apology, IMO, is when a person says:
"I am sorry that I hurt you."
as opposed to
"I am sorry IF I hurt you."
Any justification is an excuse as PPs have said.
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| Posted 4/20/11 9:33 AM |
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MrsS6510
2 girls?!?!?
Member since 9/10 3318 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: Is an apology valid if it is followed by an explanation?
Posted by BJandDan
Posted by MrsPJB2007
I think it's good....it's saying "I'm sorry....and this is why I got upset." Kind of like they are trying to clear the air vs just saying "I'm sorry" and there is no real closure to the issue.
I agree with this. DH however just wants to hear sorry. He doesn't want anything else tied to it. I think his way is him being 100% right and I honestly feel that most of the time NOBODY is 100% right.
Story of my life. I ALWAYS add an explanation and then DH gets even more mad because he thinks I'm trying to justify my actions.
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| Posted 4/20/11 9:36 AM |
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Pumpkin1
LIF Adult
Member since 12/05 3715 total posts
Name:
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Re: Is an apology valid if it is followed by an explanation?
Posted by MrsS6510
Posted by BJandDan
Posted by MrsPJB2007
I think it's good....it's saying "I'm sorry....and this is why I got upset." Kind of like they are trying to clear the air vs just saying "I'm sorry" and there is no real closure to the issue.
I agree with this. DH however just wants to hear sorry. He doesn't want anything else tied to it. I think his way is him being 100% right and I honestly feel that most of the time NOBODY is 100% right.
Story of my life. I ALWAYS add an explanation and then DH gets even more mad because he thinks I'm trying to justify my actions.
I think these two examples show exactly why apologies shouldn't include explanations because the only purpose for an explanation is to make the offending party feel better by trying to pass some of the blame onto the offended party. IMO, say you're sorry and leave the explanation for later.
Message edited 4/20/2011 9:44:16 AM.
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| Posted 4/20/11 9:43 AM |
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GoldenRod
10 years on LIF!
Member since 11/06 26792 total posts
Name:
Shawn
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Re: Is an apology valid if it is followed by an explanation?
Posted by Pumpkin1
Posted by MrsS6510
Posted by BJandDan
Posted by MrsPJB2007
I think it's good....it's saying "I'm sorry....and this is why I got upset." Kind of like they are trying to clear the air vs just saying "I'm sorry" and there is no real closure to the issue.
I agree with this. DH however just wants to hear sorry. He doesn't want anything else tied to it. I think his way is him being 100% right and I honestly feel that most of the time NOBODY is 100% right.
Story of my life. I ALWAYS add an explanation and then DH gets even more mad because he thinks I'm trying to justify my actions.
I think these two examples show exactly why apologies shouldn't include explanations because the only purpose for an explanation is to make the offending party feel better by trying to pass some of the blame onto the offended party. IMO, say you're sorry and leave the explanation for later.
To me, if you just say "Sorry" without an explanation, I get offended. To me, I feel like your internal dialog is really saying "I'm sorry... I have to do this stupid apology, when it's obviously your fault..." or "I'm sorry.... you think I even need to apologize"
If you don't even TRYto explain why you're sorry, then I don't believe it....
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| Posted 4/20/11 10:00 AM |
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jerseypanda
Life is good.
Member since 1/07 9164 total posts
Name:
Amanda
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Re: Is an apology valid if it is followed by an explanation?
Posted by GoldenRod
If you don't even TRYto explain why you're sorry, then I don't believe it....
I think your statement right here really hits the nail on the head for me.
I believe when giving an apology, you need to state WHY you are apologizing. If you just start and end with "I'm sorry" it's not quite enough.
Ex: I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings.
I'm sorry that I ate the leftover food in the refrigerator that you were planning on eating.
I'm sorry that I said hurtful things to you.
But that is where it needs to end. If you proceed to go further and tell me why you did what you did, then I don't feel like you are really apologizing, you are justifying.
Ex: I'm sorry that I hurt your feelings. You did actually say mean things to me also and I felt attacked.
I'm sorry that I ate the leftover food in the refrigerator that you were planning on eating but I was really hungry.
I'm sorry that I said hurtful things to you but my buttons were really being pushed.
For me, that is where the difference lies.
Message edited 4/20/2011 10:22:14 AM.
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| Posted 4/20/11 10:21 AM |
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