Is anyone else the 1st to have kids out of friends?

I just went to a bridal shower of a close friends and I have to say it really depressed me a little bit.

All of my friends (IRL) are just getting engaged, married and buying houses etc. and I did that 3 years ago and now have a baby.

I find it very isolating and lonely at times. DH and I find that no one calls us to do anything anymore and sometimes I feel like it is a struggle to find stuff to talk about with some friends.

Just wondering if there is anyone else in the same boat.

Re: Is anyone else the 1st to have kids out of friends?

We were the second out of our close circle of "original" friends, if that makes sense. While we're still friends with our childless friends, we've gotten closer with friends who DO have kids.

Do you have any not-as-close friends who have kids, that may be in the same situation as you and would want to GTG?

Message edited 5/30/2009 5:20:08 PM.

Re: Is anyone else the 1st to have kids out of friends?

Yes DH and I are in the same boat. I find it to be very depressing as well. I am very happy and love all the accomplishments we have made especially at such a young age, but i do feel like we never see our friends anymore. They say they dont call because they know we are busy with the baby.. but come on give us the chance to say yes or no. I find its hard to find friends now as well cuz baby is sooo young.

Re: Is anyone else the 1st to have kids out of friends?

I have two groups of friends. In one group, all but one guy is married and/or married with kids. We are all pretty much on the same page, with the exception of one couple who seem a little disturbed that the kids now outnumber the adults.

My other group - which is really just my two closest friends from college and their SOs - have no kids or husbands. Lately I've been feeling really left out, not fitting in, etc. They have been taking last minute trips together, getting together all of the time, etc. and haven't been calling me at all. One of them has yet to even meet DS and he is over 6 months. I know we are just in different stages of life, but I hate that they sometimes make me feel like I'm in the wrong for settling down and having babies.

Hang in there!

Re: Is anyone else the 1st to have kids out of friends?

We don't have too many friends with kids either. We should get together!

Re: Is anyone else the 1st to have kids out of friends?

I agree 100% but I am lucky to have YOU

Re: Is anyone else the 1st to have kids out of friends?

I have 3 close girls friends one is married the other 2 not married None have kids we are the only ones with kids, its usually just us.

Re: Is anyone else the 1st to have kids out of friends?

Posted by CJMommy

I agree 100% but I am lucky to have YOU

Re: Is anyone else the 1st to have kids out of friends?

I was the absolute last to have kids in my circle of friends. They all had them really young, in their early 20's, and I didn't even get married until I was 29! We did grow apart, but I have some awesome friends now, with kids the same age and we all have things in common.

Re: Is anyone else the 1st to have kids out of friends?

sort of... a lot of our friends are married, but only 2 have kids. however we did lose touch with a lot of our friends who are still single or just dating. they don't call us... but we don't call them either. it's hard.

Re: Is anyone else the 1st to have kids out of friends?

All of DH's friends have kids and we RARELY hear from them.

I am the first of my circle to have kids and I feel on both sides that WE are always the ones making suggestions/plans to do stuff.....maybe I WOULD hear a lot less from them if i didn't call...

I am definitely afraid though, that when my friends DO have kids that I might not see them as much......

Re: Is anyone else the 1st to have kids out of friends?

It is definitly different to get together with our circle of friends, since some are married, some aren't. Some are divorced, some have kids and some don't.
I find that my DH is most comfy hanging out with our one set of friends who is married with kids. Other than that, our other friends who have kids but are single he really doesn't like to do anything with and the ones who dont have kids its just hard to get together to do things with.

Re: Is anyone else the 1st to have kids out of friends?

Happened to randomly stumble on this board

Just wanted to say I can sort of relate......... When I got engaged to my DH, I was the first of my friends to get engaged. A lot of my friends appeared to still be in the "college mindset" and weren't at all interested in settling down with a guy. For a while I felt like it was hard to have conversations about life because we just could NOT relate to each other!

Now that some years have gone by and I'm married over a year, my friends have caught up! One is married and one is engaged to be married in a year...... and another is hoping to move in with her boyfriend ...........

Give it time, the rest of them will catch up! Just know that you did what was right for you and that you made some of the best decisions of your life! I know I did!!

Re: Is anyone else the 1st to have kids out of friends?

yes but im only 23 and none of my friends are married or even close to it. i do find that a lot of my friends that were there before the baby arent anymore

Re: Is anyone else the 1st to have kids out of friends?

Posted by steph7308

yes but im only 23 and none of my friends are married or even close to it. i do find that a lot of my friends that were there before the baby arent anymore

Re: Is anyone else the 1st to have kids out of friends?

Re: Is anyone else the 1st to have kids out of friends?

We were the second amongst our friends to get married and the first to have children. Many of our friends are now getting married. Actually we still have a lot of single friends too. I think pp in NY just get married and start families later.

I became very close to a friend who shared the pregnancy journey with me. She is a somewhat new friend but now I talk/hang out with her more than anyone else. We have a lot more in common than my other friends who aren't married with kids.

Re: Is anyone else the 1st to have kids out of friends?

Sort of the first or everyone lives far away!!

Re: Is anyone else the 1st to have kids out of friends?

We were the first ones to have a baby in our group of friends and three years later, we're still the only ones with a child. Our theory was that life would only change as much as we wanted it to. We didn't want to stop going out dinner with our friends or away for the weekend or to a carnival in the summer, etc., so we didn't stop those things. We just took Ava everywhere. And I mean everywhere. And we made the phone calls to people to do things, and eventually they realized that we had not changed and that we didn't want to be sitting home all the time just because we had a kid. Were there some things that we didn't do because of Ava? Sure, but not much. I think because we made the effort, everyone realized having a kid wasn't the end of our social life.
In fact, we have had several friends tell us that they never wanted children before because they didn't like the thought of being home bound all the time, but once they saw how we were with Ava, they changed their minds on having kids
I thank my outlook on raising a child in a group of childless friends on one of our childless friends, actually. He told us about his sister who backpacked through Europe with her husband and her 5 month. I kept thinking, geez, if they could backpack through Europe, I can keep Ava out a bit late and go out with our friends.
HTH!

Re: Is anyone else the 1st to have kids out of friends?

Oh boy can I relate! This is actually something I've been thinking about & feeling the impact of a lot lately. I started my family very young (DD at 18, married at 20, & DS at 21), so most of my friends my own age are just graduating & not even considering families. It's like we're in totally different worlds. I have stayed the closest with friends that are 3-5 years older than me because they are closer to being where I am. My best friend is 3 years older & she's engaged & getting married in the fall. I have no friends with kids yet & even when I do, their kids will be a bit younger than mine as my DD is almost 4 already. I feel like I will always be at a different stage than everyone else. I feel like my kids suffer for it to because there aren't any little friends around for them. I also feel like I don't fit in with the people who do have kids the age of my kids because I am younger & I don't have my own home, etc.

Re: Is anyone else the 1st to have kids out of friends?

Posted by dani731

Posted by steph7308

yes but im only 23 and none of my friends are married or even close to it. i do find that a lot of my friends that were there before the baby arent anymore

Same here although I am about to be 25 soon. Most of my friends are still club hoppin & I SOO passed that stage.

Re: Is anyone else the 1st to have kids out of friends?

We are the first out of our close friends... this makes going out with "the group" more challenging. So I decided that I needed to make an additional group of friends who can relate to being a parent...

I made a really nice group of friends from childbirth class and my pediatrician's office (he has infant mtgs each week). We walk every week together and we are having our first BBQ with the husbands next week.

Having this "other" group of friends is really nice so I hope all of the husbands get along as well as the moms do.

Re: Is anyone else the 1st to have kids out of friends?

That was me. I had Robbie and none of the people I hung out with regularly had any kids. I felt left out a lot - everyone stopped asking me to go out and do things because they knew I would need to find a sitter and if I did I still couldn't drink.

It was weird for a while.. but they ALL fall like dominos sooner or later
It has an upside too.. Robbie was spoiled beyond all reason because people LOVE buying baby things when they don't have babies of their own to buy for. And when they all start falling like dominos in the pregnancy chain (and they will) - you become the go-to! And sooner rather than later you will find that instead of being left out of late suppers and last minute trips to the races - you are in the thick of playdates, kid friendly bbq's and every fair and festival known to mankind.

Re: Is anyone else the 1st to have kids out of friends?

In my circle of friends - yes. In DH's- no. ITA that it is hard with my friends, and it can be awkward at times.

Re: Is anyone else the 1st to have kids out of friends?

I definitely feel that in the past few months that my daughter has been here....it has become awkward with some of my friends. I have only one friend who has a child...everyone else is childless. She and I have become closer as a result. I hope it doesen't stay like this forever with some of my friends. I hope with time and as my daughter gets older things will change.