Is my family right?

I could use some advise. My daughter is almost 2. She is our only child. Most of my friends do not have children yet. However, we visit other friends and friends with children once every month or so. My husband works night and watches my daughter during the day. I'm a teacher and have her after work, weekends, holidays, etc. She is not in a day care right now, although we are looking into it for September. I have some family members who think that my daughter is "suffering" because she is mainly around me and my husband and not many other children her age. I get super defensive and upset whenever they bring this up. When I do, I have to hear "Stop being so sensitive" from them. I'm really getting sick of it. They make me feel like I'm a failure. I'm really doing the best that I can..... I could use some advise.

Message edited 4/8/2015 1:27:11 AM.

Re: Is my family right?

There are pros and cons to everything. But right now your pros outweigh the cons IMO. Less illness not being in daycare, less chance to learn horrible bratty behaviors from other children, gets to spend time with parent all day, you 100% know who goes on during her day and who is caring for her, and at that age they play independently anyway. I say keep doing what you are doing and next year maybe enroll her a couple of hours a week in a 3 year old program. Best of both worlds.

Is my family right?

You will get many different opinions. My DS is in daycare and has learned more than he would ever know being at home.

I have the complete opposite opinion as the above poster but our opinions don't really matter. Do what you feel is right.

Re: Is my family right?

The only opinion that matters is yours and DH.

Your family members probably mean well but she is your child and you do what the two of you feel is right.

Re: Is my family right?

I was in a similar situation as far as my son having a lack of interaction with other kids. When he turned 2, I enrolled him in a 2 1/2 hour, 2 day a week nursery program and I was really happy I did. Now he is in a 3 year old program. At times, I still feel like his play skills are immature and he can be very shy around other kids but I definitely feel like school helps him. My son is with family all week with the exception of the time he is at school. I feel very fortunate with my arrangement. Obviously, you and your DH know what's best for your child but seeking out opportunities for your child to interact with other kids will be good too.

Is my family right?

We have a son who is 22 months and i think it helps to put them in some type of play group. Regarding opinions from others, dont let it bother you as your the parent and you will do what you feel is right. Anytime a friend or family member offers their opinion, i tell them point blank that it means nothing to me and that i was never seeking their approval in the first place. This usually shuts them up and they know not to cross me the next time:)

Message edited 4/8/2015 6:20:01 AM.

Re: Is my family right?

You can't win because I have heard the opposite of what people are telling you. Some people would tell me that they would NEVER put their child in daycare and how could we do that to her??
Bottom line. ..people are opinionated aholes. You do what works for you and tell them to go scratch.
next time they bring it up tell them you will gladly put her in daycare if they will foot the bill.

Message edited 4/8/2015 6:34:51 AM.

Re: Is my family right?

There is no way your DD is suffering. Children don't even develop cooperative play skills until 3years. If you wanted to get her out of the house, around other kids, take her to the free library programs, take her to the kids section of Barnes and nobel or sign her up for some classes. We did my gym and music together. I would immediately halt this conversation when it comes up with relatives, walk out of the room if you need to.

Re: Is my family right?

I agree take her to library programs or sports/gymnastics/music programs on the school holidays, summers, and weekends. My DH had my son during the day 2 days a week and he went to a babysitter with other children 3 days a week. Then on the days DH had him he started a 1/2 day preschool. My DH won't do above mentioned activities as he says they are all moms, so he takes him to school now 3 1/2 days a week and then he does babysitter 2 days a week. I am also a teacher, and we do library programs on breaks, as well as karate at night and soccer on saturdays. DS is 3.

ETA: Looking back, I think it is so wonderful that your DD will have this time and bond with DH.

Message edited 4/8/2015 7:28:56 AM.

Re: Is my family right?

She is in no way "suffering".Take her to the playground, library, indoor play places, children's museum, maybe enroll her in a 2 or 3 day class for a few hours. That is PLENTY of social interaction. DD learned ABCs, counting, colors, shapes, and is a social butterfly being at home with me(and doing social activities I mentioned). Kids don't really play too much with each other until 3ish anyways, they mostly sit next to each other playing by themselves.

Is my family right?

I'm in a sahm and for me, it was very important to always get my dd out at least once a day. Socialization at this age is such a huge part of their development. Dd is not in daycare as I'm home with her but we do the following
Gym class
Nursery school (started as mommy and me at 15 months and at 18 months became drop off, 2 hours a day twice a week)
We have done music class
Library classes
Group swim class

Plus we are part of a moms group I started on meet up and have tons of friends and play mates through that. We have multiple play dates a week. Dd has adtual friends that she gets excited to see and play with. Screams their names when she sees them.

As long as your dh gets out with her during the day, that's what is important.

Is my family right?

I agree with the others. My ds has been in daycare since he was 9 weeks old, he's 5 months now. I, personally feel that it has been great for him. Has he gotten colds? Yes, but his immune system is so strong now. He plays with friends, gets TONS of attention, and learns a lot. Would I lovd to be home? Yes, but that's not our reality. And if I were I would still probably do something each day to get him socialized, maybe even where I can have him with someone else sometimes so he gets used to other caregivers.

But like the others said, no one else's opinion matters other than yours.

Re: Is my family right?

They are wrong for trying to enforce their parenting styles on you and harassing you. I can understand saying it once and then letting it go.

However, there is no right or wrong. Do what you believe and makes you feel comfortable. I'm in the camp that thinks kids should be in something at 2 -2.5 yrs old. I'm very liberal when it comes to my kid leaving my kid though. Some feel children should stay home until kindergarten. I don't think either way is going to damage your child.

I do feel some kids need that social interaction, my DS being one of them. He's all over the place and needs to be entertained or busy all day, even at 6.

Re: Is my family right?

I think that people should just mind their own business. You are doing nothing wrong! Your daughter is 2! Kids don't even play together at that age - they parallel play. She will have plenty of time to socialize. Do you take her to the park where there are other children? Maybe sign her up for a music class or gymboree? In my opinion that is more than enough socialization at that age.

Re: Is my family right?

I'm a SAHM and my DD was pretty much home with me exclusively until she started Kindergarten and she adjusted to school flawlessly, made lots of friends, and is doing great. Her being home with me for five years didn't negatively affect her in any way., I taught her A LOT at home, we did lots of fun things together and as she got a little older I took her to a few dance classes, farm classes, play classes, art classes, and more...........just for fun, not because it was necessary. In all probability, she would've been just fine without them.

Just because your child isn't in daycare or a formal learning setting does NOT mean they won't turn out okay. Nothing wrong with daycare, but it wasn't too long ago that the only place kids were until they started school was home. And we all turned out okay without daycare, structured playdates, and all of these other classes kids are enrolled in today.

Everyone does the best they can with their kids so don't let anyone tell you what you're doing is wrong if it feels right for your family. I didn't send my DD to preschool, people thought I was insane but I felt it was unnecessary. Ultimately, I did what I thought was best for my kid and in the end I made the right choice...........for her. Do what is right for your child and your family and who cares what anyone else has to say about it, everyone is an "expert"..........especially when it's not their kid.

Message edited 4/8/2015 8:34:54 AM.

Re: Is my family right?

I stayed home & didn't go back to work until after a year. Now my mother watches my dd & it's perfect because I do not have to worry about her. In a daycare setting, I would be extremely worried about strangers watching my child but that's my opinion. If I didn't have a choice, then I would just have to use a trusted daycare & hope I made the right choice. There's plenty of non-daycare activities and I did take her to mommy & me once a week.

Re: Is my family right?

Here is the thing. What everyone else on this thread does or did in regards to staying home with their children, full time daycare, part time library classes, nursery schools etc is not the point.

I am sure we can have a debate on the benefits of daycare vs the benefits of children being home with their parents all day long and it won't change YOUR situation.

The point is, it is YOUR decision and you have to do what is best for you.

And as far as feeling like a failure- please don't. You are not a failure for raising your child as you see fit and in a manner that works for you!


Your family needs to mind their own business. If they don't, you need to tell them that you are no longer discussing this matter.
If they continue ignore them.
Just stare into space and don't respond.
Or change the subject.
They will eventually get bored and move on.

As a parent you have to learn quickly to be confident in your decisions. Confident and strong.
Whether it be the decision NOT to breastfeed, the decision to go back to work or stay home, the decision on vaccines, etc.
You need to be confident that only YOU know what is best for your child and family. And when you have that confidence, nobody can bother you or make you feel like a failure anymore.

Message edited 4/8/2015 9:00:06 AM.

Re: Is my family right?

My advice would be to stop listening to them. DS is 4 and is currently in Pre-k. Last year he went to nursery school 2 days a week. Before that he was watched and continues to be watched by my father while I work. He is bright, loving, playful...everything a child should be. He was not at a disadvantage not being with other children. In my opinion I think it was an advantage because he speaks like a child who is older than he is, knows how to behave like an older child. Don't get me wrong he acts up as most children his age do but there are things he has learned being with adults the majority of the time that he wouldn't have if he had been in day care. I had better peace of mind knowing that a family member was taking care of him when I couldn't.

Is my family right?

My advice.... stop being so sensitive and listening to people's opinions. The opinions will be positive or negative, and it is never a win win situation. At the end of the day, this is your child, and you need to do what is best for all of you.

Re: Is my family right?

She hasn't had interaction with other kids yet? An she's 2?

Wow game over



Don't worry what other people say
Do what's right for you and your family

Re: Is my family right?

Re: Is my family right?

Re: Is my family right?

Message edited 4/8/2015 9:43:31 AM.

Re: Is my family right?

Re: Is my family right?

Posted by anonymoususer

She hasn't had interaction with other kids yet? An she's 2?

Wow game over



Don't worry what other people say
Do what's right for you and your family