Is this a "spoiled child"

First time mom, DD is almost 5 months. Personally, I do not like to let her cry too long depending on the cry. I never let her cry herself to sleep as my DH will do. Just doesn't sit right with me.

I tried to follow the parenting of responding to a cry so baby will be secure in surroundings and her parents.

SOOO, my DD has a temper big time. If not picked up her cry escalates and she stiffens her body with legs straight out. She has tears and once picked up she takes a few minutes to calm down. She doesn't like the car seat/stroller straps and screams like crazy. Walks are a challenge.

So, while in the store, I wheel her around and she is ok . SOmetimes, she begins to scream and I take her out of the stroller to carry her. She likes to be carried and look around. I am concerned that I might be spoiling her because she knows I will pick her up if she cries/screams. Am I setting myself up for spoiling? I am afraid that as she gets older, she will pull this screaming intentionally to get what she wants. How do you deal with this?

Is this a

I'm kind of dealing with the same thing at the moment with my DS who is almost 6 months. So far I've just been trying to distract him by handing him a different toy or singing a song instead of picking him up (this is while he's home and playing but wants me to pick him up or hold him). Sometimes if I'm in the middle of something, I'll let him cry for a minute or two and just tell him it's ok, mommy will come get you in a minute.

As far as bedtime, I'm at a loss. I'm resisting doing CIO because I feel like he's too young and it would be heartbreaking for me to hear him scream for too long. I'm having the same issue as you - I don't know if I'm doing the right thing or if I'm spoiling him. Sorry, I don't have any real advice - just wanted to say you're not alone!

Re: Is this a "spoiled child"

My DD will be 4 months on Thursday, and I've been worrying about the same thing. Even when she was a newborn, my mom would tell me that it's okay to let her cry a little before picking her up, because she would get used to being picked up all the time. I had read that you couldn't spoil a newborn, but now that she's out of the newborn stage, she definitely has seemed to learn that if she cries, mommy will pick her up. It makes it impossible for me to get anything done after work when I'm home with her, because she doesn't want to be put down anywhere. She won't stay in her bouncy seat anymore, and twists her whole body trying to get out, but will stay in it nicely at my MIL's and at daycare, so I know she saves that behavior just for me! She wants to be held upright all the time, or have face-to-face interactions constantly..which I love, but sometimes I need to get things done!

As a child psychologist, I would say that it is learned behavior, and we need to let our kids cry a little bit so that they don't learn that crying always gets them what they want. As a mommy, it's really hard. Right now, I try to give her the attention and upright carrying when I can, before she starts crying for it, so she knows that she can get it without crying. However, if I need to do something, like try to cook, and cannot hold her, I will let her cry until it is feasible for me to give her my attention. I will go over to her and give her a pacifier, or give her a few seconds of face-to-face time, but not pick her up right away.

Is this a

nope.. can't spoiled them under 6m IMHO. I carried her with me all the time and never let her cry. She's very independent now and never had any issues 'letting go'.

For me, I figure they only want you for so long.. then they grow up and now she doesnt like me holding her like that at all. Honestly after about 15m she doesnt even like us to carry her. She wants to walk. So cuddle times are all gone.

*shrug*

Re: Is this a "spoiled child"

I dont think you can spoil an infant. My DS will be 5 months next week, so around the same age. He acts the same way. I think some of it is the start of separation anxiety.

We are like the only culture that forces our children to cry them selves to sleep while alone in their own rooms. And ride in strollers and car seats where they can't see us.

Get a baby carrier for the stores. Its 9 million times easier than a stroller anyway.

If shes like 2 and screams to get what she wants, thats different. But not at this age.

Re: Is this a "spoiled child"

Message edited 10/9/2012 10:03:01 AM.

Re: Is this a "spoiled child"

Is this a

As PPs said, you can't spoil them that young.
jax1023 has some good points. Get an Ergo or a Beco carrier.

Everyone always told me I spoiled DS. "He's never gonna let you put him down.....He'll never go to sleep on his own....etc."
Well, now he's 3, and I already have to chase him down for a hug, and he never wants me to hold him. :(
He goes to bed on his own, and is totally independent.
I think he is so independent because he knows we will always be there, and respond to his needs.

Re: Is this a "spoiled child"

Re: Is this a "spoiled child"

I don't think it's a matter of 'spoiling' as it is getting the baby used to a certain behavoir pattern - She screams her head off, you pick her up and carry her .....

If she's not in pain, not hungry, wet, etc ........and she's just crying b/c she doesn't want to sit in that stroller.....Well, IMHO, too damn bad! You need to get stuff done, she needs to sit in the stroller ......She sits, whether she wants to or not ......

Do you have her in the infant carrier? Maybe put her in the regular stroller so she's facing out into the world (so she can look around etc)

Re: Is this a "spoiled child"

Re: Is this a "spoiled child"

Hmm, kind of. My ds was the same way. Dh and I catered to him bc we never wanted to see him cry. He is a little spoiled (very demanding) even at 4 yo. My younger dc is the same way bc we won't let him cry either.

Mommy and daddy are supposed to spoil the kids right?

We did do CIO for both after they turned 2 yo ,

Message edited 10/9/2012 11:05:53 AM.

Re: Is this a "spoiled child"

Re: Is this a "spoiled child"

Re: Is this a "spoiled child"

I don't think you can spoil a baby.

Re: Is this a "spoiled child"

DS acts the same way. He just turned 7 months actual age 5 months adjusted age.

He doesn't mind the car seat sometimes, but when we are in a place too long he becomes antsy and I take him out to look around and he calms right down. Same thing in a restaurant so now we started traveling with his high chair (top part acts like a booster seat.) He loves it because he can look around and see everything and DH and I can enjoy our dinner!

I bring DS in the kitchen with me while i'm cooking or doing dishes. As logn as he can see me and he doesn't feel alone he's fine. Don't think your spoiling her. DS acts the same way!

Re: Is this a "spoiled child"

Re: Is this a "spoiled child"

She is still a baby! Pick her up and enjoy the snuggles!

I am a CIO mom. It worked for me and my children, however, I did not start it until they were close to a year old.

Re: Is this a "spoiled child"

Re: Is this a "spoiled child"

Re: Is this a "spoiled child"

5 months is still young. I don't think you are spoiling or setting up any bad habits at that age by holding them a lot, or not letting them cry.

I was lucky, in that both of my boys learned early on how to self soothe and fall asleep on their own, and I never had to do CIO or sleep training. My first baby loved to be in a stroller or carseat, bouncy seat, jumperoo, etc, after the initial 12 week fussy period.

My second baby ALWAYS wanted to be held. Even when he was 8 months or so, he would cry when I put him in the exersaucer, on the play mat, etc. Basically whenever I put him down, he fussed until I picked him up (except when he had to sleep, thank Goodness). He didn't like the car seat or stroller either.

But with the second baby, things are different, depending on how much older/independent the sibling is. My second DS had to cry for a few minutes when I put him down to change his big brother's diaper, help him get dressed, bathed, make him meals, etc. So gradually he got used to "hanging out" without me.

Oh- and at almost 2 1/2, he is still a snuggle-bug who loves to stop in the middle of playing and run and give me lots of hugs and kisses!!

Re: Is this a "spoiled child"

Re: Is this a "spoiled child"

Re: Is this a "spoiled child"

Thank you to everyone for your input. She knows that I am going to pick her up when she cries in a certain way. That's ok in my book. I hear many of the examples written...if you pick her up she will be spoiled. Let her cry. I just can't do it.

I do rock her to sleep and will continue to do so because it is soothing for her. She does put herself to sleep for naps and sleeps through the night in her crib.

Just now, I was doing dishes, couldn't get to her while crying and fell asleep. This is after trying to soothe her fussiness all day.

She is a wonderful child and will continue on with what I am doing. Thanks again.

Re: Is this a "spoiled child"

I'm so happy this was just posted because I too was recently told I am spoiling my 6 mo old. It was very helpful reading everyone's responses. Can anyone offer some insight if their DC is in daycare though? I worry that I can hold him, soothe him, etc when I'm with him, but I know in a daycare setting he can't always get that attention. Should I maybe adjust what I'm doing so he can adjust to daycare setting better?