Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

I had posted a few months back that I'm in a bridal party for my future sil. We get a long great. I really love her and I'm so happy for my brother. My issue is the dress she choose is awful. I'm a plus size girl and all her other bridesmaids are size 0 and 2. Also all the other girls have little to no chest I have a very large chest. The dress is strapless low cut and pleated! Pleated and plus size do not mix in my book. I expressed my concerns and originally she said she wanted all the girls in the dress. My brother felt bad and he told me to add straps if I wanted that his future wife was ok with that. Well I got the dress now and it's worse than I thought! My mom, grandmother and dh all think it looks awful on me. Dh said it looks like a paper bag! Even adding straps won't help. My chest is spilling out and I'm very uncomfortable in it. My mom suggested I just wear it for the ceremony and than get someone else for the reception. I'm even considering ordering another bridesmaid dress in the same color just a different style. I want to approach my fsil and my brother but I want to hear what others think first. Should I just suck it up and be uncomfortable all day?

ETA- my moh changed for my reception into a pant suit because she isn't a dress girl and I didn't care but I'm really easy going and stuff like that doesn't bother me.

Message edited 4/22/2014 1:10:26 PM.

Re: Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

honestly, as the bride, i would want you to be comfortable! but not everyone is like that. they get really hung up on the "look" of the wedding and the pictures.

i think what you came up with is very reasonable. same color, different dress.

Re: Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

Omg, I know exactly what you mean about pleated dresses. I'm of average build, but my hips and butt are so wide that pleats make it 1000 times worse!

Maybe you should tell her that it looks awful on you and ask if you can get a different dress in the same color. Explain how you don't feel comfortable and it is just plain unflattering for your body type.

Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

If it looks awful and you are uncomfortable in it, I would most certainly bring it up to the bride. I'm sorry but I don't care if it's the bride's day or not. I'm not spending 12+ hours looking and feeling like sh*t for anyone.

Message edited 4/22/2014 1:15:36 PM.

Re: Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

I would talk to the bride and explain how you feel, and ask if she would mind if you selected a different style dress that you would be more comfortable in but in the same color...

Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

Id bring it up with photos. But yes... I'd let her know but it is her day and in the end I guess I'd suffer through it (unhappily).

Sorry

Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

I personally wouldn't The last weeding I was in the dresses were not nice. It was super short and I literally could not bend over the entire day.....which was hard since I had an 18month old in the wedding and had to pick him up....I had to have my DH hand him to me.

I never once mentioned it to the bride and I knew it was going to be an issue the minute we tried in the dresses.

When i sign up to be in a wedding I know I could be in BM dress hell!!! You take the good with the bad.

Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

That's a hard situation.

Part of me says suck it up and the other side says no one should be made to feel uncomfortable for any reason.

If it's truly bothering you (and I totally get it) then I would suggest changing after the ceremony or a new dress entirely.

I never understood the matchy matchy look ... If I were got married again.. I would totally pick one color and have all the girls pick their own dresses that they love.

Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

Maybe your brother could talk to her and say "Hey, I saw the dress on my sister and she was not comfortable in it, nor did it fit her right what can we do to help her out?"


ETA:

I wish brides to be would get a flash forward of themselves in 5 years and realize all this matching this, matching that, table scape this, tablecloth that doesn't mean a damn in the grand scheme of things. I wish someone would've told me that! I would've saved on a lot of unnecessary stress!

Message edited 4/22/2014 1:27:36 PM.

Re: Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

Wear it and suck it up. It is going to stress her out if you want a different dress (maybe if you were the MOH it would be fine, but not a bridesmaid).

It will cause unnecessary drama and friction. She may want you to wear it for the reception also (at least until all members of the bridal party have been introduced). I'd just deal with it; it is her day. Sorry, just my opinion.

Re: Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

Re: Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

If you're that close with her, you should definitely bring it up.

I would feel horrible if one of my bridesmaid was self conscious or uncomfortable.

FWIW, I let my BMs all pick their own dress for that reason.

Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

Tough one. Maybe ask her if you can bring it to a tailor to alter it slightly? Maybe they can give more coverage by adding material to the top. As far as the pleating, IMO you just have to deal. If that's her style, you have to go with it whether it suits you or not.

Message edited 4/22/2014 1:40:34 PM.

Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

I agree with PP..maybe there's a way to alter it so that it will at least be comfortable...as a bride, we ended up in the same dress,but it truly did work for the girls and we all went to try it on...only one girl's wasn't right, but that was due to her alterations, not the dress itself..

Re: Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

I'm plus size and have been a bridesmaid 8 times. I totally get it. Did you talk to the seamstress at the bridal salon? They can work wonders with alterations so you're not spilling out as much. I wouldn't order a different style dress unless you're the maid of honor.

Re: Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

i would have the bride go with your for a fitting - or if you have it at your house i would try it on for her. call/email her saying "hey i have the dress i think maybe a jacket will make it look more flattering (or something) can you come by to take a look and tell me your opinion" and leave it at that
i doubt she is going to tell you to purchase a new dress in the same color to wear that instead...but i would tell her youre going to get something else to wear at the party.

i hate to say it, but its her day. i know many brides that had girls in inappropriate dresses for their body types all because they wanted them to match...same dress, same hair, same jewelry etc.
to each his own...i told my girls to go buy a long black chiffon dress and so far they have all been able to re-wear them to other events.

Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

I'm sorry I'm in the suck it up category and see how they can alter it. The last dress I had to wear was horrendous on my body type and made me look like an Oompa Loompa but I just got spanx and the best strapless bra I could. In pics I looked horrible but it is what it is.

Re: Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

I can't imagine anyone would be OK with someone in their bridal party being as unhappy as you are with this dress. I'd tell her how you feel. Why would any one want pictures of a member of their bridal party looking so awful? I really don't get it. Hopefully it can be altered or you can purchase a different, more flattering gown. Good luck.

Message edited 4/22/2014 1:54:13 PM.

Re: Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

With my dress they were able to take the extra material from the bottom and add more to the top so my girls werent hanging out. I would also ask your brothers opinion. tell him how you feel and maybe even try it on for him so he can see it and then maybe he will tell his future wife about it. It doesnt hurt to at least ask and express your feelings. I would say you will wear it for the wedding but I wanted to show you how it looks on me and im not comfortable with the way my chest is falling out and I want to make sure your ok with that much chest out on your day? Im sorry but brides need to be more understanding. No need for bridesmaids to be sad.

Message edited 4/22/2014 1:54:37 PM.

Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

The dress my sister choose for everyone looked awful on me. I put on another dress and it flattered me so well that she said I didn't have to wear the other dress. I guess because I am the MOH it didn't matter so much that way I was different from the other girls but I would totally be understanding if something didn't look well on someone and they wanted a different style dress.

I think you should show her what you look like in the dress. This way she can see that you don't feel comfortable in the dress.

Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

I would speak with her but FIRST I would talk to the seamstress, see what they think they can do... Often times they can work miracles into making the dress look amazing.

Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

Can you post a link to the dress? Maybe we can all put our heads together and help you come up with a solution.

Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

You should show her a pic of you in it and also pics to other dresses in the same color and fabric. She *should* realize that her photos will look better with you in something that fits right.

Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

wrong acct oops

Message edited 4/22/2014 2:18:35 PM.

Is this rude? Bridesmaid related?

Have you gone to a seamstress to have it fitted? I would get a good strapless bra and go for a fitting. I have a large chest as well and they generally can work wonders. I wouldn't bring it up to FSIL unless you have done this and it still looks terrible. HTH! GL!