IVF consult today....

So I had my IVF consult today and everything went fine....our chances are really good, got all the answers to my questions....went over the whole procedure (although after reading so much on here I feel like I could have run the consult)...

Only problem is, DH is SOOOOO not on board! He is very religious (me, not so much....more like not at all) and he is incredibly hesitant to do IVF because of the left over embryos that we hopefully will never have to use.

I don't even know where to go from here but I hate fighting with him right before the holidays....yet at the same time, I think he is being completely unreasonable and I don't want to give in on this one...

Any suggestions?


Oh...on a side note... because i'm super mature....I bought the ingredients to make a dinner that he cant stand.... TAKE THAT!!

Re: IVF consult today....

Lol your dinner comment really made me laugh out loud! Honestly I feel like guys take longer to come around sometimes. I went through this with my husband, not that he's religious but my husband had to learn to get over the embarrassing part of it and realize that it's ok to accept help. I think for some guys they don't want to admit that help is needed, it makes them feel like less of a man or something. I have had plenty of fights with DH but I stood my ground each time. I just simply explained to him that I am not willing to let precious time slip through our hands just because he's embarrassed. Obviously your situation is different but I would just express to your DH how much this means to you in your life. That's what I did and then I dropped the subject for 2 months and one day out of the blue he approached me and said "I think we should go for treatment, I don't wanna wait anymore". Thankfully my DH is fully on board now, sometimes they just need a little time. I know it's frustrating but just hang in there. GL!

Re: IVF consult today....

I understand exactly what you are saying and it is frustrating. I didn't want to tell my MIL about going through IVF because of her strong religious feelings.

You can always ask the Dr. if they can start you on a lower dose of meds so you won't produce too many follicles. You go in often for monitoring so I don't think this would be a problem and they can tweak your dosage along the way. You always lose follicles along the journey depending on how many they retrieve, how many are actually mature, how many fertilize then how many make it through the fertilization process. I had 11 retrieved, 9 were mature, 7 fertilized and although all 7 made it to day 5, I transferred 2 and NONE made it to freeze (I have unexplained infertility and have passed all tests so far so I'm not sure what happened but this apparently happens to many girls on here). There is the possibility that you won't have any embryos left to freeze after the procedure.

I think you both need to weigh the chance of having a baby with the help with the religious beliefs. It is not easy but some of us cannot have kids without IVF.

IVF consult today....

I would give him some time. I'm sure he'll come around. And in the meantime I'm sure itll be a good break for you too - then start fresh. I know it's easier said than done!!

Re: IVF consult today....

PGD weeds out the embryos that are genetically normal. The ones that have genetic abnormalities are extremely unlikely to implant or will likely cause a miscarriage. That way you won't have frozen embryos that would not make a baby anyway.

IVF consult today....

To be perfectly honest you may have nothing to freeze. We are unexplained, did Ivf twice and both times we had nothing to freeze and I now have my beautiful dd that I wouldn't have changed anything for. With that said, if you do have embryos to freeze you can transfer them for your 2nd and/or 3rd child. The chances of having that many to freeze, if any at all is slim.

Re: IVF consult today....

IVF consult today....

If his concern is the left over embryos, he might have nothing to worry about. After 2 fresh IVF cycles we only had 2 to freeze. Both IVFs didn't work and we had transferred two embryos and now we just transferred the 2 frozen ones. If this FET works and we get preg I don't even have anything left over for a second child. If this doesn't work then we have to start all over again. Remember they only freeze the very best. Chances are you will be lucky to get 2 to freeze. Yes there are some rare people out there that have lots to freeze but that is rare. You can be on a lower dose of meds if you want less possible embryos. When I was on a lower dose for IVF 1 I only had 5 mature eggs. GL with your DH hopefully he will come around.

IVF consult today....

Men take IVF very personally as a pp said. My DH had a hard time dealing with it and accepting it. Even now with a baby on the way, he has difficulty.

As for the religious aspect, I would say to do some research about options IF you do have extras. As others said, some might not even make it to freeze. 2 of our cycles resulted in zero making it to freeze. If they do make it to freeze, it will make round 2 easier. Also there is always the option of embryo donation.

Good luck!

Re: IVF consult today....

My suggestion would be to talk about his concerns with the doctor.... If you didn't do that at the initial consultation, schedule a follow up- if he doesn't like the answers, try and find a doctor who does understand and can explain things to him. There is compromise in this.

I'm not super religious (I'm a Christmas Eve and Easter Sunday church goer, and mostly because my grandma is 86 so I drive her) but I don't really like the idea of having left over embryos discarded at all. Or really freezing them either to be honest. If I were the only one making decisions, I think I would go the adoption route, and still may in the future, but my husband is soooo not on board with that. So.... I told my doctor how sad the idea of left over embryos makes me, and we are going to try Mini IVF and probably transfer more than one embryo if we can, to minimize the possibility of "leftovers."

In mini IVF, you take less medications, and so you produce less follicles. There will be less eggs to fertilize, and once the eggs are fertilized, we can make the decision on how many to transfer. We probably wouldn't transfer more than two, but there will be a lower chance of having any left over. Like others on here said, it seems like there aren't always any extra embryos... If there are left over, you can freeze them to use later. There is another option, we were told, that If you have embryos left over that you will not use for some reason, rather than discarding them, they can be transferred on a day in your cycle when they are unlikely to implant.... If your insurance covers infertility they may cover the transfer, if not, it is something he may want to pay for? There is also the option of donating left over embryos to other couples.... That is a huge decision, but also a huge gift.

There are other things that I've read are options for people who have religious concerns, like if he is uncomfortable with the method used to collect the specimen, there is a condom the clinic can provide to collect during sex.... So maybe he will feel better if he knows you two are working with a doctor who understands his feelings and will work with you two.

If all else fails, keep making dinners he doesn't like until he gives in! I may try that myself when my husband starts complaining when they take 1 vial of blood from him, meanwhile taking 10 from me!! Haha!

Re: IVF consult today....

IVF consult today....

I had 28 eggies harvested on retrieval day. I thought wow, I'm going to have a ton left over. Only 1 made it to freeze...

IVF consult today....

You can decline to freeze. Would he be okay with that? Negative is you would have to go through whole process again for baby two, but if this is what it takes to get DH on board, I would do it.

Re: IVF consult today....

Thank you so much for all of your responses. I really appreciate the info about possibly reinserting on a cycle day where they are highly unlikely to implant as I believe it would put his mind at ease!

While I know that there are not always eggs to freeze and that mini IVF would decrease the amount of eggs, we are completely OOP and financially it doesn't make sense to try to decrease our egg production because in the end, I don't really want to have to do a retrieval more then once....

Hopefully we have enough to implant 2 and freeze maybe only 1 or 2.... that would be ideal, but we will see

Thank you again for all of the feedback! :) I start BC today so we will see where this cycle goes. Hopefully 2014 is a better year for us all!!