Jealousy - i hope i dont get flamed for this..... sorry so long

Ok, my DD has been a difficult child since birth. Never really seemed that happy. She is happier now, but the happiness does not outweigh the grumpiness. I always tell her that life isnt so bad, that mommy and daddy love her. But, she obviously doesnt understand that...lol.

Well, since she is grumpy a lot i feel like she isnt developing the way an 8 1/2 month old should. I know they have their own schedule for when they develop, but it seems like babies her age are more advanced. Anyway, i feel the reason she isnt reaching certain milestones could be because i feel like i always hold her. She still doesnt roll over, doesnt make any attempt to try to crawl when she is sitting, she still doesnt feed herself (not even puffs and she loves them)....nevermind pulling herself up. She basically just sits. but that doesnt last long because in 10 mins she is whining and then the whining turns into crying.

She also has total stranger anxiety and now seems like she is getting separation anxiety. Nobody can hold her except me, DH and grandparents. When people see her i kid with them and say "dont talk to her, she will cry". Even when i walk out of the room she starts up.

Dont get me wrong, she does smile when she is happy and does laugh, she just doesnt laugh a lot.

I guess the point of my post is that, i feel like i get a bit jealous of other people when they talk about their milestones, etc. I am truly happy for their DCs but deep down inside when i see a happy baby and a baby that is crawling, etc. i get a bit envious.

I really love my DD to death and couldnt imagine life without her, but the few hours that i spend with her is just pure exhaustion and sometimes frustration. I get excited to home from work to see her but she is so cranky.

this post isnt meant to be a ***** session about my DD, i just get worried and frustrated sometimes about it. Please dont flame me for this post also. I really am happy for other people, i just want my little girl to realize that life isnt so bad. It would make it easier for her and me.

Re: Jealousy - i hope i dont get flamed for this..... sorry so long

my brother was like that, a total crank- he did eventually grow out of it...
i'm sorry you're feeling blue..

Re: Jealousy - i hope i dont get flamed for this..... sorry so long

My nephew is the same way when my sister is not around him. He is starting to out grow it.

Re: Jealousy - i hope i dont get flamed for this..... sorry so long

Why would anyone flame you for this??

I assume you are a FT working mom. Who watches her during the day? Do you think by the time you get home from work she is just cranky and tired? Perhaps she is not napping well or adjusting well from being away from you when you are at work? Has the Dr. said anyting about her not reaching her milestones? If not, then I wouldnt worry, babies do things at their own pace.

Sorry for all my questions I am trying to figure out the scenario.

Re: Jealousy - i hope i dont get flamed for this..... sorry so long

Well, I can certainly relate. Most of the old-timers on here know my story - my daughter has been a fiesty, crankly little devil since the moment I went into labor.

She had colic for 6 months straight - cried all the time, and had to be held all the time. I don't think it's related at all, but she also didn't start crawling until close to 10-11 months, and wasn't pulling herself up until around that time as well. She started walking I think around 13 months.

She was, and can still be, one GRUMPY little baby. Very high maintenance - I think the PC term is "spirited". There's a reason why our nickname for her for a year was "grumpmeister"

I've learned two valuable lessons in all of this. One is to accept her for who she is, and be proud of her, in all her grumpy glory. I try to take things less seriously, and try to have a sense of humor about it. For a long time, I was SO jealous of parents of easy, happy children, and couldn't help but blame myself. I read a good book about raising spirited children - in it, the author says that life will get much easier the sooner you accept that this is your child's personality, and not a reflection of your parenting style. Once you accept that, you can have more of a sense of humor about it, and appreciate it for what it is.

Second. It gets better. A LOT BETTER. Granted, Alex can still be awfully grumpy (she cried last night, for no reason, for about 20 mins). But, my god, what strength of will, determination, spirit, fire in the belly and character on that little kid! It's hard as hell on the parents of a spirited child, but these are the kids that go out into the world blazing new trails. And, I've said it before, and will say it again, as hard as it is now, think about it this way - this kind of strength of spirit wil lserve these little girls SO well as they make their own path in this world as adults.

Hang in there

Re: Jealousy - i hope i dont get flamed for this..... sorry so long

Im sure its a rut and things will get better, and your dd will one day just surprise you with all her milestones ...

Re: Jealousy - i hope i dont get flamed for this..... sorry so long

I may have one in the making. Hoping she doesnt but from what I have seen in similar babies they tend to grow out of it "most" of the time.

Re: Jealousy - i hope i dont get flamed for this..... sorry so long

Since you've mentioned she's not making milestones, smiling at people, etc, and you don't think she's developing as an 8-1/2 month old should, I would consider calling Early Intervention.

Separation anxiety is normal at virtually every age. Some kids are fearful of strangers more than others, but since you discussed milestones maybe getting that looked at would give you some peace of mind.

Message edited 10/11/2007 12:42:42 PM.

Re: Jealousy - i hope i dont get flamed for this..... sorry so long

Posted by nrthshgrl



Since you've mentioned she's not making milestones, smiling at people, etc, and you don't think she's developing as an 8-1/2 month old should, I would consider calling Early Intervention.

Separation anxiety is normal at virtually every age. Some kids are fearful of strangers more than others, but since you discussed milestones maybe getting that looked at would give you some peace of mind.

Re: Jealousy - i hope i dont get flamed for this..... sorry so long

Re: Jealousy - i hope i dont get flamed for this..... sorry so long

Re: Jealousy - i hope i dont get flamed for this..... sorry so long

Every child is different. I know several babies that didn't seem to do anything milestone wise until they were close to a year old and then boom!!! Remember a lot of kids don't have any interest in crawling. As for the crankiness I have no advice. Some babies are just high needs.

Re: Jealousy - i hope i dont get flamed for this..... sorry so long

im so sorry you feel this way sending some hugs your way. and when i met her see seemed perfectly normal to me and she has a beautiful smile try not to worry yourself too much she is going to surprise you in the best possible way she will just do it in her own time. im here if you want to talk xx

Re: Jealousy - i hope i dont get flamed for this..... sorry so long

Posted by Bxgell2

Well, I can certainly relate. Most of the old-timers on here know my story - my daughter has been a fiesty, crankly little devil since the moment I went into labor.

She had colic for 6 months straight - cried all the time, and had to be held all the time. I don't think it's related at all, but she also didn't start crawling until close to 10-11 months, and wasn't pulling herself up until around that time as well. She started walking I think around 13 months.

She was, and can still be, one GRUMPY little baby. Very high maintenance - I think the PC term is "spirited". There's a reason why our nickname for her for a year was "grumpmeister"

I've learned two valuable lessons in all of this. One is to accept her for who she is, and be proud of her, in all her grumpy glory. I try to take things less seriously, and try to have a sense of humor about it. For a long time, I was SO jealous of parents of easy, happy children, and couldn't help but blame myself. I read a good book about raising spirited children - in it, the author says that life will get much easier the sooner you accept that this is your child's personality, and not a reflection of your parenting style. Once you accept that, you can have more of a sense of humor about it, and appreciate it for what it is.

Second. It gets better. A LOT BETTER. Granted, Alex can still be awfully grumpy (she cried last night, for no reason, for about 20 mins). But, my god, what strength of will, determination, spirit, fire in the belly and character on that little kid! It's hard as hell on the parents of a spirited child, but these are the kids that go out into the world blazing new trails. And, I've said it before, and will say it again, as hard as it is now, think about it this way - this kind of strength of spirit wil lserve these little girls SO well as they make their own path in this world as adults.

Hang in there

Re: Jealousy - i hope i dont get flamed for this..... sorry so long

Oh, gosh I can so relate to you! I feel as if I have almost the same situation. My son will be happy for one minute and then all cranky for seemingly no reason. Sometimes I can "tease" him out of it, but the better mood won't last long -- he will be back to whining or crying within minutes. Also, at the tender age of only 14 months I feel as if I am already in the terrible 2's. He is stubborn and strong willed and has already begun throwing himself on the floor and screaming when I tell him "no" and he doesn't want to hear it or wants to continue doing whatever it is he shouldn't be doing (putting toys in the dog's water bowl, touching the stove, going into the garbage, etc).

I totally understand how you feel because I too look forward to seeing him after a long day at work and to come home to a cranky baby is just not fun. Like you, the few hours I have with him in the evening leave both me and my DH exhausted and in grumpy moods as well. The worst part is that 90 percent of the time my mom (who usually watches him during the day) will shrug and say "I don't know, he was FINE all day." I don't know if I should believe her or if she is just trying to make me feel as if she is "better" than me at watching him.

I just keep hoping he will outgrow it and be happy more of the time.

Hang in there

Re: Jealousy - i hope i dont get flamed for this..... sorry so long

Bryan was this way until we got him on a definite nap schedule. it really impacts his moods big time. He was very cranky from day 1 but has turned into such a loveable mush and i feel that the turnaround is due to really strict sleeping habits.

Re: Jealousy - i hope i dont get flamed for this..... sorry so long

Jen you are making me so sad

Paige is beautiful and she never seemed "behind" to me. Lots of babies don't crawl at all. Hannah wasn't doing much but sitting at her age. She just recently, very recently, started pulling up and cruising. It's very hard to not compare our children to others, but they really do all develop differently.

As for her grumpiness, I've never really seen it but of course you would know better than me. As Beth said, you just need to accept her for who she is. Hannah doesn't really smile much. Everyone at daycare says she has a poker face and calls her "miss serious" all the time. She's always been like that. She's definitely not one of their favorites, because she's not all smiley and cutesy. Our best friends son is in her class and he is mr. personality. They all love him. It's hard as a mother to see the favoritism and accept that your child isn't "the favorite" but it is what it is.

I'm here if you ever need to talk

Re: Jealousy - i hope i dont get flamed for this..... sorry so long

do u think she something is hurting her? teething, reflux, etc.?
i'd maybe see another ped about an early intervention rec.. not that there is any issues with her but she may benifit from it anyway and they may be able to help with some tips.

you sound like a wonderful mom, i hope things get easier for you guys!

Re: Jealousy - i hope i dont get flamed for this..... sorry so long

Posted by Bxgell2
I've learned two valuable lessons in all of this. One is to accept her for who she is, and be proud of her, in all her grumpy glory. I try to take things less seriously, and try to have a sense of humor about it. For a long time, I was SO jealous of parents of easy, happy children, and couldn't help but blame myself. I read a good book about raising spirited children - in it, the author says that life will get much easier the sooner you accept that this is your child's personality, and not a reflection of your parenting style. Once you accept that, you can have more of a sense of humor about it, and appreciate it for what it is.

Second. It gets better. A LOT BETTER. Granted, Alex can still be awfully grumpy (she cried last night, for no reason, for about 20 mins). But, my god, what strength of will, determination, spirit, fire in the belly and character on that little kid! It's hard as hell on the parents of a spirited child, but these are the kids that go out into the world blazing new trails. And, I've said it before, and will say it again, as hard as it is now, think about it this way - this kind of strength of spirit wil lserve these little girls SO well as they make their own path in this world as adults.

Hang in there

Re: Jealousy - i hope i dont get flamed for this..... sorry so long

Posted by LoveBeingMrsT

do u think she something is hurting her? teething, reflux, etc.?
i'd maybe see another ped about an early intervention rec.. not that there is any issues with her but she may benifit from it anyway and they may be able to help with some tips.

you sound like a wonderful mom, i hope things get easier for you guys!

Re: Jealousy - i hope i dont get flamed for this..... sorry so long

I really don't know what to suggest to you, except maybe talking to her pediatrician? Maybe her crankiness goes beyond just the basic baby crankiness.

Re: Jealousy - i hope i dont get flamed for this..... sorry so long

Posted by missrock

Posted by Bxgell2

Well, I can certainly relate. Most of the old-timers on here know my story - my daughter has been a fiesty, crankly little devil since the moment I went into labor.

She had colic for 6 months straight - cried all the time, and had to be held all the time. I don't think it's related at all, but she also didn't start crawling until close to 10-11 months, and wasn't pulling herself up until around that time as well. She started walking I think around 13 months.

She was, and can still be, one GRUMPY little baby. Very high maintenance - I think the PC term is "spirited". There's a reason why our nickname for her for a year was "grumpmeister"

I've learned two valuable lessons in all of this. One is to accept her for who she is, and be proud of her, in all her grumpy glory. I try to take things less seriously, and try to have a sense of humor about it. For a long time, I was SO jealous of parents of easy, happy children, and couldn't help but blame myself. I read a good book about raising spirited children - in it, the author says that life will get much easier the sooner you accept that this is your child's personality, and not a reflection of your parenting style. Once you accept that, you can have more of a sense of humor about it, and appreciate it for what it is.

Second. It gets better. A LOT BETTER. Granted, Alex can still be awfully grumpy (she cried last night, for no reason, for about 20 mins). But, my god, what strength of will, determination, spirit, fire in the belly and character on that little kid! It's hard as hell on the parents of a spirited child, but these are the kids that go out into the world blazing new trails. And, I've said it before, and will say it again, as hard as it is now, think about it this way - this kind of strength of spirit wil lserve these little girls SO well as they make their own path in this world as adults.

Hang in there

Thank you for your advice....

Re: Jealousy - i hope i dont get flamed for this..... sorry so long

You're not alone. My DD was an extremely difficult infant and pretty much cried for 7 months straight. It really does get better. My DD is still a spirited little devil and I have accepted that is part of who she is. She is not an easy going toddler and at times can be down right horrific, but as she grows I'm growing and learning as a parent. For us, once she started walking things really changed. She feels much more independent. I also recommend playgroups and other social settings for her fear of strangers. It really helped us.! Hang in there. You're not alone! If you ever want to talk FM me!!

Re: Jealousy - i hope i dont get flamed for this..... sorry so long

I'm sorry you are feeling this way.

sometimes i feel this way too- I feel Matty is so grumpy and whiny sometimes, I worry that he isn't more easy going and I feel bad that we can't make him happier. Sometimes he has good days, others bad- I don't really know what makes him in a certain mood. Hang in there, I'm sure once they are 2 or 3 years old it will all work itself out!

Re: Jealousy - i hope i dont get flamed for this..... sorry so long

No flames just lots of

I can relate. I have a child that I refer to as "very sensitive" but that often translates to mean "cranky pants." She has gotten better as she has grown. I hope the same will happen for you and that there will be more happy times than these tough times you are experiencing now.