Lucas had a really bad day (UPDATE - DH spoke with the teacher)

The same little girl bit him yesterday...not once but twice

My first question to the teachers was did he bite back and I am proud to say the answer is no But he was hurt and cried We've been very conscious of his biting (although he only had the one incident at daycare) and anytime we saw him go at us (always playful) with his mouth open we did the 'no biting...no hurting' thing. I knew he was in a good place when he had his huge temper tantrum with me this weekend and never once opened his mouth towards me.

But then this happens and I really don't know what to feel...so please talk this through with me. I don't blame the child...Lucas could do the same exact thing to her for all I know today. They are kids...it happens...I totally get that. But at the same time I'm kind of upset that it happened twice by the same child in one day...with the same teacher (she comes in to help) all three times. But I don't even know how to react. Maybe it's not such a big deal. But DH is livid because when Lucas bit her he was placed in the crib and teachers down the hall could hear him crying. The little girl (we get incident reports) was not placed in her crib but rather she and Lucas were "spoken" to about sharing.

I don't know...it's too personal, you know? I don't know if I should be upset or let it go...what do you think?


FINAL UPDATE

The director and teacher called me back to let me know that DH must have misunderstood the conversation this morning. Lucas was not placed in a crib (this time) nor separated from the group but the biter was separated. They assured me that Lucas was in no way punished (this time) or treated differently as a result and they apologized for the confusion. I apologized for the misunderstanding buy not my reaction...the head teacher said she totally understood how DH could have misunderstood and in playing back the conversation in her head felt she was unclear. She did tell him both children were separated so DH is not in complete trouble

I feel better that I spoke up for Lucas. I let too much slide for myself but I can't for him...it's such an impressionable time for him. I am so proud of him for not biting back and I don't want that to go unnoticed by us or by daycare.

I removed the original update from DH to be fair to daycare since they made every effort to clear this up. Hopefully everything is okay going forward.

Message edited 6/25/2008 3:38:18 PM.

Re: Lucas had a really bad day

I think if they punished Lucas by putting him in the crib, that same should go for the other child...I would honestly speak to them about why the 2 situtations were handled differently

poor lucas

Re: Lucas had a really bad day

Posted by stephanief

I think if they punished Lucas by putting him in the crib, that same should go for the other child...I would honestly speak to them about why the 2 situtations were handled differently

poor lucas

Re: Lucas had a really bad day

Posted by stephanief

I think if they punished Lucas by putting him in the crib, that same should go for the other child...I would honestly speak to them about why the 2 situtations were handled differently

poor lucas

Re: Lucas had a really bad day

I agree with the PP speak to them and see why the situations were handled so differently...dosent seem right

sorry your little guy is having a rough time with this girl!

Re: Lucas had a really bad day

Why wasn't she punished?

Jesus my friend I swear to God I would find out who her mother is and I would be dealing with her direclty as the school isn't..


LORD grant you STRENGTH bc this is not easy xooxoxoxo

Re: Lucas had a really bad day

I totally agree with the above posters. I'd talk with the teacher and find out why.

Re: Lucas had a really bad day

Poor Lucas... That's wonderful that he is isn't showing signs of wanting to bite! What a good boy....

BUT why in the world wasn't she punished? Something needs to be done before she breaks the skin or something. Can you call a meeting? Find out if this little girl does this at home?

Re: Lucas had a really bad day

Poor Lucas - I would def. be upset too and try to get to the bottom of it all.

Re: Lucas had a really bad day

Oh, Ang... I'm sorry!

I would talk to the head teacher (I think you said it was a teacher who comes in to help all three times). Explain your concern about why the incidents were handled differently. I'd make sure they know that you understand that Lucas could have very well been the biter, but you want to discuss why these incidents were handled differently and how they will be handled in the future if this happens again (with either child being the biter/bitee). If you are not satisfied with the head teacher's reponse, I'd talk to the director.

Re: Lucas had a really bad day

Ang, the great thing is that he did not bite...but I bet this is not the first time she has bitten him...and I bet you that she is the reason why Lucas bit someone in the past...kids tend to imitate each other. I would seriously speak to the teachers and let them know how seriously upset you are about this and how this needs to be resolved. Maybe they'll set up a meeting with the girls parents to try to get to the bottom of her biting. In any event, big to Lucas!

Re: Lucas had a really bad day

Posted by stephanief

I think if they punished Lucas by putting him in the crib, that same should go for the other child...I would honestly speak to them about why the 2 situtations were handled differently

poor lucas

Re: Lucas had a really bad day (UPDATE - DH spoke with the teacher)

Okay...I would be mad. why did they get the same punishment? Taking toys is a natural thing that all kids do...and he is so young and will learn to share

Thats NOT the same thing as BITING and should NOT receive the same punishment

sorry....but I am mad

Re: Lucas had a really bad day (UPDATE - DH spoke with the teacher)

Re: Lucas had a really bad day (UPDATE - DH spoke with the teacher)

Ang - do you remember how upset I was when Thomas was 9 months and just started crawling and the head teacher told me that Thomas doesn't like to share and he doesn't like to give the toy back either!! I was SO upset. He was 9 months!! He couldn't possibly know how to share! I asked his ped about that and she laughed! She was like - he's not going to share! He doesn't even understand cooperative play. I felt better after that...

Re: Lucas had a really bad day (UPDATE - DH spoke with the teacher)

Who knew life could be so complicated for a little one in daycare! You must be so upset for many reasons. I hope things get resolved quickly. Hang in there

Re: Lucas had a really bad day (UPDATE - DH spoke with the teacher)

I had the same kind of incident with my DS. He and another little boy wanted to play with the same toy and the other boy bit him. The provider told me what happened when I picked him up and showed me his arm. I was upset but knew that these things happen. Then I got home and during his bath I found a terrible bite on his other arm (almost through the skin) and one on his leg. At this point I was PIZZZED! I called her to tell her because I knew he wasn't being watched if she didn't see these. Within 2 weeks I changed providers. I struggled with how I felt because I knew the little boy had a problem venting his frustation but at the same time my DS was not being protected.
Not wanting to share and biting are natural phases for toddlers but one can be more dangerous and detrimental than the other. The only thing you can hope is that the little girl has good parents like you and your dh and that the providers keep a real good eye on all the kids.

Re: Lucas had a really bad day (UPDATE - DH spoke with the teacher)

gosh, it is still unsettling for me. First, they should be consistant and have a policy which dicates "consequences/punishment" for a biter. I use those terms loosely since we're talking about 1 year olds. And they should be enforced consistantly and equally.

But I do not agree that Lucas received the same punishment for not sharing as she did for biting. To me that would make me upset. I'm glad you guys spoke to the teacher, but I probably would speak to the director anyway just to clarify their rules on behavior issues.

You're such a great mother...i love the way you really do take these things seriously, don't get automatically defensive, and commit to work on the things he needs to work on. Even when it seems as if he is being provoked and isn't doing anything any 1 year old wouldn't do, you know. Bravo to you

And I'm sure I'll be tapping into your expertise in a few months when my DS does these same exact things

Re: Lucas had a really bad day (UPDATE - DH spoke with the teacher)

Re: Lucas had a really bad day (UPDATE - DH spoke with the teacher)

Awww, poor Lucas!

I hope today is better.

Re: Lucas had a really bad day (UPDATE - DH spoke with the teacher)

I'm sorry that happened to Lucas.

I've posted before on biting and the way it was handled at Andrew's old day care. He was bitten 5 times by the same little girl. Their policy is 3 bites and you're out of the center permanently. They call home after the first one, keep a log of the biter's behavior. The biter is put on leave after bite #2 and after a 3rd bite, that's it.

With our situation, the girl who bit Andrew for the 3rd time was allowed to come back after a temporary leave (they didn't see bite #2 so they didn't officially count it!). She bit Andrew after 10 minutes of being there and they called her parents to come pick her up -- and she bit him AGAIN b/c they weren't separated after that first incident that day.

I hated the way this center handled things. I hope things get better for you.

Re: Lucas had a really bad day (UPDATE - DH spoke with the teacher)

Message edited 11/22/2010 12:30:07 PM.

Re: Lucas had a really bad day (UPDATE - DH spoke with the teacher)

I really dont think taking a toy and biting are on the same level!!! biting is def. way worse and deserves more action...stealing a toy is something that he needs to be talked to and explained that he should not be doing it and maybe a smaller punishment like time out in a different part of the play area for a min or 2!

Re: Lucas had a really bad day (UPDATE - DH spoke with the teacher)

Ang, I am NOT comfortable with them disciplining Lucas for taking a toy! Here's why- besides the fact he suffered the natural consequence of that by being bitten, he was doing a very age appropriate behavior that should have been redirected as he was doing it, not after he was bitten and then punish him further. Don't they know anything about child development???? And even the reactive approach of putting him in the crib teaches him nothing about communicating!!!! If anything it can teach him the crib is a punishing place! I am not happy with them!!!!

Re: Lucas had a really bad day (UPDATE - DH spoke with the teacher)