Mom/Mil childcare drama, please help! (mini update on pg 2)

Someone please help me, because as usual I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown....

A little background: On Mon and Tue my MIL watches DS from 6am-11am, and my mom watches him from 11am-3:30pm. The rest of the week DS goes to daycare.

Here is the situation:

On Tuesday my MIL calls me at work to say:

The baby is so funny, we were talking about playing hockey and I asked-Did you play hockey with mema (my mom) yesterday, and he said "no,mema sad" She went on to say she asked him about several different activities and all he kept saying was that mema was sad.

I of course was irritated by this; unsure of why she was questioning my son on what he did with my mom, however I blew it off, knowing my MIL.

When I went to pick DS up from my moms house that day, she expressed how hurt she was and that MIL shared the same story with her; as if she was questioning her on what she does with the baby during the day. She also added in that the baby didnt want to go to my moms house that day.

Now- 1st of all DS is 2, while I dont say he lies- he does tell stories. He has told me all sorts of off things about MIL but I never question her because I trust her and know my son is well taken care of.

Also- there are plenty of mornings DS cries he doesn't want to go to MIL house, AGAIN I don't share that with her- because nothing good could come of that- just hurt feelings...at 2 years old- sometimes its better to just stay where we are, playing with our toys than to go see grandma...

PS- I waited a few days and decided to call MIL on it tonight.

I was so calm, and relaxed and just expressed how uncomfortable I was with her playing 50 questions with my son, I also added how hurt my mom was, which in turn hurt me.

Mil went off, on how she is sick and tired of me and my mother, that my mother says hurtful things to her all the time (which I doubt but who knows) and she wasnt playing 50 questions, she was simply talking with her grandson.

I asked her why she felt it necessary to tell my mom why DS didnt want to go to her house, she denied telling her that. (which I dont believe because she has told me that DS didnt want to go there on many occasions)

My MIL closed the convo. with telling me that if I want to punish her even more by taking away her babysitting, then fine- she'll continue to see her grandson every other friday by appointment and said "Is my son there? You tell me son to come to my house NOW!" and hung up.

Of course my DH didnt go- but knowing him isnt going to get involved either way.

The simple solution here is to just take DS to daycare 5x's/week BUT I dont want to do that to him since i think its special for him to spend time with his grandmothers...

Im tired of always justifying myself to her, Im tired of always being made out to be the bad guy, and whether or not my mom is right or wrong she is my mother and it hurts to see her hurt.

Please help me! I feel like my life is in such a rut right now, and I have nowhere to turn

Message edited 5/17/2008 8:08:50 AM.

Re: Mom/Mil childcare drama, please help!

Oh man, Mariss, I'm sorry

Honestly, I'd put him in daycare full time. Tell her that it is him that he needs the structure and a constant "school" routine.

I understand that it is important to spend time with the grandmothers, but maybe watching him isn't the best idea anymore.



ETA: What the HE11 is she trying to do by telling you to tell DH to go there? That is BS if you asking, and not cool, AT ALL!

Message edited 5/15/2008 6:47:18 PM.

Re: Mom/Mil childcare drama, please help!

is there anyway for one to watch him for the whole day monday and the other grandma gets him all day tuesday - so they don't have to run into each other?

Re: Mom/Mil childcare drama, please help!

Posted by ziamaria

is there anyway for one to watch him for the whole day monday and the other grandma gets him all day tuesday - so they don't have to run into each other?

Re: Mom/Mil childcare drama, please help!

Posted by KateDevine


ETA: What the HE11 is she trying to do by telling you to tell DH to go there? That is BS if you asking, and not cool, AT ALL!

Re: Mom/Mil childcare drama, please help!

will the daycare rate be the same for you if it's 5 days versus the 3? if you can swing the extra days, i'd say put him in and then ur mom can watch him when you want her to, and mil will schedule appointments

Re: Mom/Mil childcare drama, please help!

Posted by ziamaria

will the daycare rate be the same for you if it's 5 days versus the 3? if you can swing the extra days, i'd say put him in and then ur mom can watch him when you want her to, and mil will schedule appointments

Re: Mom/Mil childcare drama, please help!

Posted by Princessmaris

Posted by KateDevine


ETA: What the HE11 is she trying to do by telling you to tell DH to go there? That is BS if you asking, and not cool, AT ALL!

Thats what Im saying..

Tell my son to come here now... Um OK lady he is married to me- what do you think he is going to go have a !itch out Marissa fest with you?

Re: Mom/Mil childcare drama, please help!

I am so sorry you are going through this.
I was also going to suggest putting your DS in daycare Full Time.
Maybe DS can see your mother and MIL on the weekends or when he gets home from daycare?

Re: Mom/Mil childcare drama, please help!

i think i read 3/4 of this post and decided i would put my kid in daycare 5 times a week

Re: Mom/Mil childcare drama, please help!

Posted by Princessmaris

Posted by ziamaria

will the daycare rate be the same for you if it's 5 days versus the 3? if you can swing the extra days, i'd say put him in and then ur mom can watch him when you want her to, and mil will schedule appointments

I already pay for 5 days a week- so yes, it will stay the same...

Re: Mom/Mil childcare drama, please help!

I would do the daycare for him, less stress in your life with MIL!!

Re: Mom/Mil childcare drama, please help!

I'm sorry...she sounds like a major trouble maker. I would definitely limit her babysitting time. No good can come of her doing this all the time.

Re: Mom/Mil childcare drama, please help!

Daycare full time, Marissa. Your mom will make sure she gets to see him and if MIL is nice to you, she'll get to see him too.

Re: Mom/Mil childcare drama, please help!

IMO I would bring your son to daycare or just have your Mom watch him those 2 days

Re: Mom/Mil childcare drama, please help!

I don't know your MIL and I don't even know her! I give you a lot of credit for standing up to her! Could you bring RJ to daycare on those two days and your mom can come and get him at the same time she would normally watch him?

Re: Mom/Mil childcare drama, please help!

I don't know what to do.

Even solving the childcare issue, the woman sat on the phone and told me she is sick of me and sick of my mother, and proceeded to trash talk my mom...

She went on to say she "is sick and tired of being reminded that DS is my son,- she knows, but DS is her grandson." What; does that entitle her to question me? Or question anyone else who cares for him?

Re: Mom/Mil childcare drama, please help!

I'm sorry but I would just nicely say "Ok, well, you don't have to worry about me or my mom anymore because (DC) is now in day care FT".
You can see him on weekends, if you want..Call First.

Again. I'm sorry you are going through this.

Re: Mom/Mil childcare drama, please help!

We use to have an "open door" thing for the weekends... but since I work FT the last thing I wanna do on my days off is spend time with my ILS or give my DS to them...

On the weekends I wanna spend time with my son and DH ALONE...

KWIM?

Re: Mom/Mil childcare drama, please help!

I would put him in daycare full time and not deal with the drama. He can see your mom and MIL on weekends on your schedule. Good Luck

Re: Mom/Mil childcare drama, please help!

OMG MARISSA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think you know the right thing to do here. Put him in daycare FULL TIME. Your MIL and her rude comments need to stop now. Bad mouthing your mother and getting mad at you, when you have every right as a parent to question ANYTHING you want, is ridiculous!! Why is she getting so bent out of shape over a question?
I've ALWAYS told you and you know that this woman will never have any respect for you. Close that open door poilcy with your MIL. She needs to call now to schedule time to see her grandson. You mom...give her the open door policy.

I think this is disgusting, the way she treats you and her son. I cannot believe that she is badmouthing your own mother either. This just shows her level of maturity.

I don't think you need someone so negative in RJ's life right now. I don't care who she is...

Please let us know what happens.

AND for you dh not going over to his mom's house.

What does he have to say about this? Is he going to call her and talk to her?

Message edited 5/15/2008 10:18:38 PM.

Re: Mom/Mil childcare drama, please help!

Maris, i didnt see all this until this AM.
First off, get RJ in FT.
Putting him in ft doesnt not exclude anyone from his life, it just makes things easier while you are working. Also, he is 2 now...what is she going to feed into him when he is 5? Your MIL seems to have MAJOR problems with your mom (jealousy or whatever). I also commend you for trying to do from mil house to mother. I personally would have never. Its all day or no days. What a bad transition.

Re: Mom/Mil childcare drama, please help!

I am so sorry. I understand that you want him to bond with grandmas, but perhaps try the 5 days a week, since you are already paying. It is not fair what she is doing and your poor son is stuck in the middle.

Re: Mom/Mil childcare drama, please help!

I would put RJ in full time!!! Let MIL make an appointment on Fridays to see him.

I know someone suggested letting your mom pick him up at day care to watch him the rest of the afternoon...I wouldn't suggest that. That would drive MIL crazy (I know that sounds good ) but do you really need that headache?

Re: Mom/Mil childcare drama, please help!

With what she has said to you, I wouldn't have her babysit anymore. Let her schedule a time to see RJ every week or every other week. Honestly, this whole thing is impacting you, which in the end means it is impacting RJ. Look how upset you are! Kids definitely know when there is tension so why allow her to creep into your emotions and make you a wreck. Just take control of the situation and tell her that there has been a change in plans. You need to do this for the welfare of your SON! Who does she think she is anyway?!?!?!