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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Mom or friend?
Which one will you be?
I'd like to think that DD will think of me as a friend, but know that I'm her mom. I want her to be able to talk to me, but to have her gf's to talk to about things too.
For me, I know my mom is my mom and I've never seen her as a friend. And that works for us. It's the same with my sister and my mom.
Thoughts?
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Posted 11/22/09 12:47 PM  |
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Mere09
So Dam* Lucky
Member since 10/08 6368 total posts
Name:
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Re: Mom or friend?
If I could somehow get the same relationship that I have with my Mom, with my daughter when she grows up, I would be so happy!
I think relationships kinda change over time with your parents. When I was young, my Mom was my Mom. I knew I could go to her with big problems, but for the most part I just shared stories and advice with my friends. But now that I'm an adult, my Mom is absolutely my best friend. I talk to her about EVERYTHING.
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| Posted 11/22/09 1:20 PM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Mom or friend?
I will never be her friend and I will always be her mom. I see tons of issues as a teacher with parents who think they are their child's friend. Two of my students asked me the other day if I was their friend and my answer was, "NO, I am your teacher. I can be friendly with you, but I will never be your friend." They were quite offended by that, but to me, a friend is your equal. Ava and any of my students are not my equals.
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| Posted 11/22/09 1:33 PM |
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Diana712
RIP my beloved Brother Richard
Member since 5/07 6710 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Mom or friend?
All I can say is I am praying to God my DD does not do to me what I did to my poor Mother. I was a very bad child.. I can only say that I have been trying to make this up to her ever since I grew up and realized what a wonderful friend/mother she always was and still is,, and how blessed I have always been.. She has always somehow been both and thats what I plan on doing.. I plan on respecting my DD just as I would a dear friend and teaching her manners and respect etc.. as a mom should..
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| Posted 11/22/09 1:41 PM |
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Hofstra26
Love to Bake!
Member since 7/06 27915 total posts
Name:
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Re: Mom or friend?
I think being your DC's "friend" comes later in life when you're done raising them so to speak. I think it's hard to be the friend and be the mom at the same time. It's like trying to be the bad guy and the good guy all at once. It doesn't work. That being said, I 100% think you can be a great mom and have a great relationship with your DC and not be their friend. I am close with my mom but I wouldn't have considered her a friend when I was younger and in my teens. Now we are best friends. 
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| Posted 11/22/09 1:46 PM |
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ME75
Member since 10/06 4563 total posts
Name:
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Re: Mom or friend?
MOM
then friend....
my mother always made it clear she was my mother when i was a teen,,,etc.
i thought she was mean for that-but looking back it is the best thing she could have done. i really respected her. i needed a mom and today she is both since i am adult. i plan on approaching it the same way with my DC.
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| Posted 11/22/09 2:08 PM |
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Peainapod
Peanuts are here!
Member since 1/09 13591 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Mom or friend?
I would want to be a MOM until she was older, then be her friend. Older meaning college age.
My mom was always a mom first and then as i got older and into my 20's and now she's my best friend.
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| Posted 11/22/09 2:21 PM |
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ddunne2
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 4189 total posts
Name:
Doreen
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Re: Mom or friend?
Always her mother, but hope to also be her friend when she becomes a mother herself.
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| Posted 11/22/09 2:25 PM |
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MommyAgain
lovemygermies
Member since 6/08 3195 total posts
Name:
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Re: Mom or friend?
Im both to my 11 year old ds, and plan on being both to my dd and ds2..my ds comes to me with EVERY secret, anything he needs to talk about, hes ONLY sensitive and lets his guard down with me..we talk about girls, and drugs, and sex very openly and hes not afraid or embarrassed to be real with me..on the other side, he respects me more than anyone else in his life..and he is my best friend ever.
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| Posted 11/22/09 2:32 PM |
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nicrae
He's here!
Member since 12/06 9289 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: Mom or friend?
Posted by Mere09
If I could somehow get the same relationship that I have with my Mom, with my daughter when she grows up, I would be so happy!
I think relationships kinda change over time with your parents. When I was young, my Mom was my Mom. I knew I could go to her with big problems, but for the most part I just shared stories and advice with my friends. But now that I'm an adult, my Mom is absolutely my best friend. I talk to her about EVERYTHING.
I could have written this word for word! I hope my DD has the kind of relationship with me that I have with my mother!
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| Posted 11/22/09 2:32 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: Mom or friend?
Posted by prncsslehcar
I will never be her friend and I will always be her mom. I see tons of issues as a teacher with parents who think they are their child's friend. Two of my students asked me the other day if I was their friend and my answer was, "NO, I am your teacher. I can be friendly with you, but I will never be your friend." They were quite offended by that, but to me, a friend is your equal. Ava and any of my students are not my equals.
I completely agree with this.
I respected my mom & shared with stuff but it was clear she was my mom. Even when I was in high school, I saw the friend moms & thought how much better off I was that my mom had drawn that line.
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| Posted 11/22/09 2:35 PM |
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KateDevine
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Member since 6/06 24950 total posts
Name:
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Re: Mom or friend?
Posted by prncsslehcar
I will never be her friend and I will always be her mom. I see tons of issues as a teacher with parents who think they are their child's friend. Two of my students asked me the other day if I was their friend and my answer was, "NO, I am your teacher. I can be friendly with you, but I will never be your friend." They were quite offended by that, but to me, a friend is your equal. Ava and any of my students are not my equals.
Yeah...I disagree.
Of course I want Christopher to respect me as his mother and this might be a little hard because he is a boy, but I want to be his friend as well.
My mother is one of my best friends, always has been. Be it because she was a teacher and she could relate to me and my friends, or be it genetics (my grandmother WAS my best friend) I would love, love, love to have that relationship with my child.
I don't think it has anything to do with equals, I think that sometimes parent let their children take advantage of them (my SMIL does this with her kids) and that isn't being equal at all, nor is it being a friend....
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| Posted 11/22/09 2:36 PM |
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MommyAgain
lovemygermies
Member since 6/08 3195 total posts
Name:
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Re: Mom or friend?
Posted by KateDevine
Posted by prncsslehcar
I will never be her friend and I will always be her mom. I see tons of issues as a teacher with parents who think they are their child's friend. Two of my students asked me the other day if I was their friend and my answer was, "NO, I am your teacher. I can be friendly with you, but I will never be your friend." They were quite offended by that, but to me, a friend is your equal. Ava and any of my students are not my equals.
Yeah...I disagree.
Of course I want Christopher to respect me as his mother and this might be a little hard because he is a boy, but I want to be his friend as well.
My mother is one of my best friends, always has been. Be it because she was a teacher and she could relate to me and my friends, or be it genetics (my grandmother WAS my best friend) I would love, love, love to have that relationship with my child.
I don't think it has anything to do with equals, I think that sometimes parent let their children take advantage of them (my SMIL does this with her kids) and that isn't being equal at all, nor is it being a friend....
ita..my ds doesnt think he is my equal even the slightest, in fact i remind him daily that im the adult, and he is the child lol..BUT i have seen him through ALOT of hard times, and to be honest, he has seen ME through very hard times as well, without even knowing it most of the time, so he never carried my burdens...we are each others rock, and id have it NO other way.
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| Posted 11/22/09 2:44 PM |
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Re: Mom or friend?
MOM, i will never be a pal...
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| Posted 11/22/09 2:49 PM |
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Charly
LOVE!
Member since 5/05 12578 total posts
Name:
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Re: Mom or friend?
Posted by ddunne2
Always her mother, but hope to also be her friend when she becomes a mother herself.
ITA. My mother was always my mother growing up. She demanded respect, but if I needed a shoulder to cry on I knew she was there. I knew if I did something wrong there would be consequences, but I knew she'd always love me.
It wasn't until I became a mother that I could call her a mom and my best friend. At this point in my life I can tell her just about anything. I look forward to chatting with her several times a week. She's always there for me and my family if we need her (and vice versa.)
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| Posted 11/22/09 2:56 PM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Mom or friend?
mom then friend
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| Posted 11/22/09 3:06 PM |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: Mom or friend?
See, I know she's my mom because of the way she talks to me.
She just comes right out and tells me what I should do/say in a certain situation.
Like the situation with disney, which is a non-issue at this point, but something recent. I was talking with her on it and she said, just tell her to go somewhere else. She was right and it worked itself out.
Now, my MIL on the other hand, would tell me "oh, I'll talk to her for you." Like she was my friend. She would want to feel like she helped.
I feel there is a huge difference there.
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| Posted 11/22/09 3:36 PM |
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KateDevine
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Member since 6/06 24950 total posts
Name:
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Re: Mom or friend?
Posted by saraH
See, I know she's my mom because of the way she talks to me.
She just comes right out and tells me what I should do/say in a certain situation.
Like the situation with disney, which is a non-issue at this point, but something recent. I was talking with her on it and she said, just tell her to go somewhere else. She was right and it worked itself out.
Now, my MIL on the other hand, would tell me "oh, I'll talk to her for you." Like she was my friend. She would want to feel like she helped.
I feel there is a huge difference there.
Well...from these details, I would see that as more a difference in their personalities..
My mom would tell me exactly what to do in a situation and would never involve herself in anything....
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| Posted 11/22/09 3:44 PM |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: Mom or friend?
Posted by KateDevine
Posted by saraH
See, I know she's my mom because of the way she talks to me.
She just comes right out and tells me what I should do/say in a certain situation.
Like the situation with disney, which is a non-issue at this point, but something recent. I was talking with her on it and she said, just tell her to go somewhere else. She was right and it worked itself out.
Now, my MIL on the other hand, would tell me "oh, I'll talk to her for you." Like she was my friend. She would want to feel like she helped.
I feel there is a huge difference there.
Well...from these details, I would see that as more a difference in their personalities..
My mom would tell me exactly what to do in a situation and would never involve herself in anything....
And it's not just that, she almost never gets involved when me and my sister fight. Doesn't happen so much anymore, but when it did, she wouldn't say anything.
I want to be like that for my kids.
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| Posted 11/22/09 4:02 PM |
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dooodles
When you wish upon a star
Member since 5/05 11997 total posts
Name:
Because 2 people fell in love
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Re: Mom or friend?
Posted by Hofstra26
I think being your DC's "friend" comes later in life when you're done raising them so to speak. I think it's hard to be the friend and be the mom at the same time. It's like trying to be the bad guy and the good guy all at once. It doesn't work. That being said, I 100% think you can be a great mom and have a great relationship with your DC and not be their friend. I am close with my mom but I wouldn't have considered her a friend when I was younger and in my teens. Now we are best friends.
I agree. I read your words and could picture my sister with her 16 year old daughter. My sister has always been MOM and they are slowly adding a bit of friendship into the mix. I envision them forming a stronger friend bond when my niece goes away to college and then it flourishing from there.
That is what I hope for as well with both of my daughters
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| Posted 11/22/09 4:09 PM |
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Kelly9904
Mommy to 2 amazing little boys
Member since 5/05 9306 total posts
Name:
Kelly
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Re: Mom or friend?
Posted by Hofstra26
I think being your DC's "friend" comes later in life when you're done raising them so to speak. I think it's hard to be the friend and be the mom at the same time. It's like trying to be the bad guy and the good guy all at once. It doesn't work. That being said, I 100% think you can be a great mom and have a great relationship with your DC and not be their friend. I am close with my mom but I wouldn't have considered her a friend when I was younger and in my teens. Now we are best friends.
I agree with this. My mom and I became friends when I was in college. Before that she was my mom, because she had to be to raise me to be the adult I am. I have seen people who are too much "friends" with their kids and IMO in those situations is has led to the blurring of the line in whose the adult and who is the child.
Now as a parent I respect my mom so much more because she chose to take the harder path and not be our friend when we need a parent more so. I think she understood when the transition could be made. She died when I was 25 and she was one of my best friends at that point in my life.
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| Posted 11/22/09 4:09 PM |
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KateDevine
*
Member since 6/06 24950 total posts
Name:
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Re: Mom or friend?
Posted by saraH
Posted by KateDevine
Posted by saraH
See, I know she's my mom because of the way she talks to me.
She just comes right out and tells me what I should do/say in a certain situation.
Like the situation with disney, which is a non-issue at this point, but something recent. I was talking with her on it and she said, just tell her to go somewhere else. She was right and it worked itself out.
Now, my MIL on the other hand, would tell me "oh, I'll talk to her for you." Like she was my friend. She would want to feel like she helped.
I feel there is a huge difference there.
Well...from these details, I would see that as more a difference in their personalities..
My mom would tell me exactly what to do in a situation and would never involve herself in anything....
And it's not just that, she almost never gets involved when me and my sister fight. Doesn't happen so much anymore, but when it did, she wouldn't say anything.
I want to be like that for my kids.
I guess I see "friend" differently then.
My mother would NEVER get involved with my sister and I and our disagreements, whether it was when we were 14 and 16 or 27 and 29....
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| Posted 11/22/09 4:10 PM |
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Tah-wee-ZAH
Kisses
Member since 5/05 15952 total posts
Name:
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Re: Mom or friend?
Posted by prncsslehcar
I will never be her friend and I will always be her mom. I see tons of issues as a teacher with parents who think they are their child's friend. Two of my students asked me the other day if I was their friend and my answer was, "NO, I am your teacher. I can be friendly with you, but I will never be your friend." They were quite offended by that, but to me, a friend is your equal. Ava and any of my students are not my equals.
EXACTLY!!!
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| Posted 11/22/09 4:13 PM |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
Name:
I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: Mom or friend?
I should edit that, because I don't rememeber a time when she got involved.
We are 34 and 35 now and she will still stay out of it.
Like, I wanted to invite my sister's IL's for christmas at my house. My sister said no, she was going to see them on christmas eve and 2 days was too much.
So fine, it's my house, but I don't need to annoyed with me over it.
When I told my mom, she said the same thing. Not that she would talk to her or she would work it out, you know? Does that make sense?
It's not about my mom and MIL, specifically. KWIM?
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| Posted 11/22/09 4:16 PM |
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MamaB17
Back for baby #3
Member since 5/09 4065 total posts
Name:
N
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Re: Mom or friend?
Mom. I like the idea of my child being able to come to talk to me, and I plan to facilitate communication from a very earl age. I want them to know I am here for them no matter what. That doesn't mean I am their friend. My mom had this policy growing up no matter what you could call her & she would come pick you up no questions asked. She would pick you up, and bring you home, and that was it she would leave you alone. Until the next day. I liked that sense of security knowing I could go home, no matter what, and not have to talk right away, or be asked questions, or yelled at. Of course that came the next day, or days, but it was nice having that. I plan to be like this also. I just hope we can always communicate well.
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| Posted 11/22/09 4:17 PM |
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