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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Mom or friend?
Posted by MommyAgain
Posted by KateDevine
Posted by prncsslehcar
I will never be her friend and I will always be her mom. I see tons of issues as a teacher with parents who think they are their child's friend. Two of my students asked me the other day if I was their friend and my answer was, "NO, I am your teacher. I can be friendly with you, but I will never be your friend." They were quite offended by that, but to me, a friend is your equal. Ava and any of my students are not my equals.
Yeah...I disagree.
Of course I want Christopher to respect me as his mother and this might be a little hard because he is a boy, but I want to be his friend as well.
My mother is one of my best friends, always has been. Be it because she was a teacher and she could relate to me and my friends, or be it genetics (my grandmother WAS my best friend) I would love, love, love to have that relationship with my child.
I don't think it has anything to do with equals, I think that sometimes parent let their children take advantage of them (my SMIL does this with her kids) and that isn't being equal at all, nor is it being a friend....
ita..my ds doesnt think he is my equal even the slightest, in fact i remind him daily that im the adult, and he is the child lol..BUT i have seen him through ALOT of hard times, and to be honest, he has seen ME through very hard times as well, without even knowing it most of the time, so he never carried my burdens...we are each others rock, and id have it NO other way.
Well, we all do what we think is right, and while I want my daughter to come to me with everything and I love her like nothing else in this world, I'm NOT her friend. Even now, I do not consider my mother my friend and we are as close as two people can be. There's just a boundary there, in my opinion, that will never be crossed with my mom and with me and Ava. I think we all define friend differently, as well. Some people might look at me and my mom and think we're great friends, but when it comes down to it, a friend serves a much different purpose than a mother and vice versa, in my opinion.
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Posted 11/22/09 4:19 PM  |
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munchkinbugs
My little loves!
Member since 1/06 8093 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: Mom or friend?
Now, her mom.
When she's grown, hopefully her friend.
Message edited 11/22/2009 4:22:10 PM.
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| Posted 11/22/09 4:21 PM |
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KateDevine
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Member since 6/06 24950 total posts
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Re: Mom or friend?
Posted by prncsslehcar
Well, we all do what we think is right, and while I want my daughter to come to me with everything and I love her like nothing else in this world, I'm NOT her friend. Even now, I do not consider my mother my friend and we are as close as two people can be. There's just a boundary there, in my opinion, that will never be crossed with my mom and with me and Ava. I think we all define friend differently, as well. Some people might look at me and my mom and think we're great friends, but when it comes down to it, a friend serves a much different purpose than a mother and vice versa, in my opinion.
I actually think this is the crux of this debate, it seems we all have different definitions of the word "friend"..
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| Posted 11/22/09 4:24 PM |
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Diana712
RIP my beloved Brother Richard
Member since 5/07 6710 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Mom or friend?
Posted by KateDevine
I actually think this is the crux of this debate, it seems we all have different definitions of the word "friend"..
I agree with this.. I consider myself a very good friend and I think I am going to treat my daughter with that same feeling. I am always honest with my friends. If I feel they are doing something totally wrong I tell them and discourage there behavior.. I also live by example and I hope my daughter see's the good in me and trys to live the same way.. And if my daughter see's me doing something foul I would hope she would tell me how she feels. So what do you call this Mother/friend. I think being a mother IS being a friend???
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| Posted 11/22/09 4:37 PM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Mom or friend?
See, I think that all those things aren't you being a friend, they're you being a good person, know what I mean? To me, I discuss things with my friends that I would never discuss with my daughter or my mom. I joke with my friends in a way I would never joke with my mom or daughter. I also have a much more laid-back relationship with my friends that just has a different feel than the relationship I have with my mom. I know that with my mom, there are some things I am not at liberty to discuss with her. She's still my mom. I would never discuss my sex life with her, nor would I want to hear about hers. I don't want to know about the things she did as a teenager and I don't want her knowing a lot of the things I did. I don't want to know about her personal marital problems with my dad and I don't want her knowing all the details of my marriage. There's a boundary there. Of course we do talk about the everyday marital issues, but I'm sure there's things in her relationship with my dad that are deeply personal that she talks to her sisters about and I talk to my sister instead of her. I don't know, there's just a different interaction with my friends as compared to my mom. Granted I'm closer with my mom than any other friend, though. So go figure. Now I'm just confused
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| Posted 11/22/09 4:45 PM |
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saraH
happy birthday sweet kate!
Member since 5/05 16555 total posts
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I know that God exsists, I held her in my arms...
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Re: Mom or friend?
I see the difference between being a mom and being a friend.
And while I do think it's possible to be both, I'd much rather be DD's mom. I don't need her to tell me everything. I feel like I want her to have her space and her place to vent about me.
I see a huge difference between my mom and my mil. And my mom and my sister's mil. My mom and her MIL both know that they are the mom's.
I feel like my MIL doesn't know that she is just my MIL and not a friend. While I would never tell her that to her face, there are times when I don't "chat" with her or gossip about whoever.
And again, it's not about my mom or my mil, it's just who I know so that's why I bring it up.
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| Posted 11/22/09 4:57 PM |
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Diana712
RIP my beloved Brother Richard
Member since 5/07 6710 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: Mom or friend?
Posted by prncsslehcar
See, I think that all those things aren't you being a friend, they're you being a good person, know what I mean? To me, I discuss things with my friends that I would never discuss with my daughter or my mom. I joke with my friends in a way I would never joke with my mom or daughter. I also have a much more laid-back relationship with my friends that just has a different feel than the relationship I have with my mom. I know that with my mom, there are some things I am not at liberty to discuss with her. She's still my mom. I would never discuss my sex life with her, nor would I want to hear about hers. I don't want to know about the things she did as a teenager and I don't want her knowing a lot of the things I did. I don't want to know about her personal marital problems with my dad and I don't want her knowing all the details of my marriage. There's a boundary there. Of course we do talk about the everyday marital issues, but I'm sure there's things in her relationship with my dad that are deeply personal that she talks to her sisters about and I talk to my sister instead of her. I don't know, there's just a different interaction with my friends as compared to my mom. Granted I'm closer with my mom than any other friend, though. So go figure. Now I'm just confused
I am confused also because you are right I do not want to discuss my sex life or hear about my mothers either.. BUT on the other hand if my 15 yr old daughter or son is having SEX I want to hear about it sooooo now what?????
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| Posted 11/22/09 4:57 PM |
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Metsmomma
Happy Winter!
Member since 1/09 5351 total posts
Name:
Renee
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Re: Mom or friend?
Posted by prncsslehcar
I will never be her friend and I will always be her mom. I see tons of issues as a teacher with parents who think they are their child's friend. Two of my students asked me the other day if I was their friend and my answer was, "NO, I am your teacher. I can be friendly with you, but I will never be your friend." They were quite offended by that, but to me, a friend is your equal. Ava and any of my students are not my equals.
ITA!! well said!
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| Posted 11/22/09 5:08 PM |
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lakadema
LIF Adult
Member since 5/08 1180 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: Mom or friend?
Having been an 8th grade teacher, I have seen way to many "friend" moms and I know that is what I do not want to be at all. I'm not your friend, I'm your mom. I think that when DS becomes an adult I would be more his friend than his parent because he doesn't need much parenting.
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| Posted 11/22/09 5:26 PM |
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AnnBrunoXO
2 Girls For Me!
Member since 5/05 4377 total posts
Name:
MaMMa
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Re: Mom or friend?
Mom and friend - I will always be their mother - right now our mission is to nurture, console, discipline and guide them down the right path. As my children grow - I would also hope they don't only see me as a mother but as a friend. I would love to have my children confide in me, ask me for advice and feel like they can trust me and come to me for anything.
Message edited 11/22/2009 6:05:01 PM.
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| Posted 11/22/09 6:04 PM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Mom or friend?
I will be her mom above all else
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| Posted 11/22/09 6:05 PM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Mom or friend?
Posted by lakadema
Having been an 8th grade teacher, I have seen way to many "friend" moms and I know that is what I do not want to be at all. I'm not your friend, I'm your mom. I think that when DS becomes an adult I would be more his friend than his parent because he doesn't need much parenting.
same here, well said
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| Posted 11/22/09 6:06 PM |
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DiamondGirl
You are my I love you
Member since 7/09 18802 total posts
Name:
DiamondMama
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Re: Mom or friend?
Well I am not a mom yet.
With my own mother I NEVER considered her a friend as a child or teenager bc she was my mom--she was not one who "wanted to be my friend".
Once I got older, after college we became friends. Now that I am married and looking to start my own family--we have things in common. I consider my mom one of my closest friends. I would talk to her about almost anything--ie: I would never discuss my sex life with my mom  --other than that we talk about everything.
I hope to have this sort of relationship with my kids one day.
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| Posted 11/22/09 6:55 PM |
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rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
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Re: Mom or friend?
The younger years are trickier. I am a mother to my sons. They trust me and know I am looking out for their best interest.. but there is no mistaking the fact that I am their mother - NOT their buddy.
As they get older, I hope that I am able to inject some more friendship into the mix. It will depend on their level of maturity and - to be honest - my ability to really understand that there are some things that you can't control.
My mom and I become 'friends' after she had done the job of raising me. At some point she realized that I was a woman and that I was responsible for all of my own decisions. I know it was difficult for her to sometimes watch me make mistakes and get hurt and do stupid things.. but even though she knew she couldn't protect me anymore she was always there to comfort me. I'd outgrown skinned knees.. but I knew she was still there to soothe my grown up boo-boos. I don't think you ever really outgrow the need for a Mommy.
I guess that's kind of what I want too. I want to be able to let my sons live their lives - but still be enough of a friend that they can trust me when they need someone to talk to and to help comfort them.
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| Posted 11/22/09 7:46 PM |
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partyof6
b nice like u want ur kidz 2
Member since 7/06 7752 total posts
Name:
jeannine
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Re: Mom or friend?
I am a parent and they tt me...I will be their "friend" when they are older. I feel a friend means they can do whatever theyt want.
My job is to guide them in life right now. I feel friends do not do that. Moms do
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| Posted 11/25/09 9:25 AM |
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partyof6
b nice like u want ur kidz 2
Member since 7/06 7752 total posts
Name:
jeannine
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Re: Mom or friend?
Posted by DiamondGirl
Well I am not a mom yet.
With my own mother I NEVER considered her a friend as a child or teenager bc she was my mom--she was not one who "wanted to be my friend".
Once I got older, after college we became friends. Now that I am married and looking to start my own family--we have things in common. I consider my mom one of my closest friends. I would talk to her about almost anything--ie: I would never discuss my sex life with my mom --other than that we talk about everything.
I hope to have this sort of relationship with my kids one day.
I wish I read this first, this is me!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| Posted 11/25/09 9:26 AM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: Mom or friend?
Mom.
I think this is similar to the debate about "is your DH your best friend?" For me, husband, parent, sibling are all different relationships than what I have with a friend. I just consider them more complicated relationships (in good and bad ways) and a different thing altogether.
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| Posted 11/25/09 9:41 AM |
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neener1211
:-)
Member since 4/07 22952 total posts
Name:
J
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Re: Mom or friend?
Posted by Hofstra26
I think being your DC's "friend" comes later in life when you're done raising them so to speak. I think it's hard to be the friend and be the mom at the same time. It's like trying to be the bad guy and the good guy all at once. It doesn't work. That being said, I 100% think you can be a great mom and have a great relationship with your DC and not be their friend. I am close with my mom but I wouldn't have considered her a friend when I was younger and in my teens. Now we are best friends. 
Same here.
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| Posted 11/25/09 9:42 AM |
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JennZ
MY LIFE!!
Member since 8/05 25463 total posts
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Re: Mom or friend?
MOM. I see it to many times Moms being friends leads to trouble. And I rule this roost. DH on the other hand, probably friend.
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| Posted 11/25/09 9:43 AM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: Mom or friend?
I am DS' mom. I need to guide him through his years growing up. That does not mean I will not be friendly and love him. We play together and we have fun. I don't call myself a friend for having fun with my child. I call myself a loving nurturing mother. Children need guidance. They learn from adults about limits, right from wrong. That's parenting!
I don't think because I am not his "friend" that I don't think DS would trust me. Trust does not just happen between friends. And nothing guarantee that a child would confess to either a mom or a friend.
I hope both DH and I make our family environment as a trusty place that you can rely on. Not because we are his friends but because we are here to love him, help him, be there for him. That we only have his best interest in mind. I think the environment created is what is condusive to trust.
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| Posted 11/25/09 9:43 AM |
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MrsDrMatt
Live and RUN like a Ninja!
Member since 5/06 3104 total posts
Name:
MrsDrMatt
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Re: Mom or friend?
mom only
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| Posted 11/25/09 10:10 AM |
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ReiRei13
Life is Good!!
Member since 1/08 6460 total posts
Name:
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Re: Mom or friend?
Posted by Hofstra26
I think being your DC's "friend" comes later in life when you're done raising them so to speak. I think it's hard to be the friend and be the mom at the same time. It's like trying to be the bad guy and the good guy all at once. It doesn't work. That being said, I 100% think you can be a great mom and have a great relationship with your DC and not be their friend. I am close with my mom but I wouldn't have considered her a friend when I was younger and in my teens. Now we are best friends.
ITA 100%
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| Posted 11/25/09 10:13 AM |
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