Mom-to-be looking for advice from BTDT Moms

I am 19wks pregnant and due May 29th with our first baby.

One of my closest friends is getting married on July 6th (Friday) in Malibu. I am in the bridal party - or at least I agreed to be before we found out we were expecting. My friend doesn't expect me to be at the wedding since our baby will be about 7 weeks old, but I really want to be there. Right now I am thinking that I could fly out to California on Thursday, attend the wedding on Friday, and fly home on Saturday - and DH would stay home with the baby and my mom or MIL could help out. If it matters, I do plan to breastfeed and was thinking I could pump in advance and leave a supply while I'm away.

Some friends have said that I'm not being realistic - and that it will be REALLY hard to leave a 7wk old baby for 2 days. Is this true? I just feel so badly about missing the wedding (even though she understands completely) - and I've already had to decline her bachelorette party in Las Vegas in April. Also, since a lot of her friends/family are out of town, they are going to have the bridal shower on July 5th (the day before the wedding) which I would also miss.

Am I being unrealistic to assume that I can attend this wedding?

Re: Mom-to-be looking for advice from BTDT Moms

i went to a local wedding when DS was 6 weeks old. i loved getting out of the house, but i left him with my ex-MIL who called us after 2 hours yelling at us to come home. not saying that would happen to you. i'm just saying as much as you will want to get away, sometimes it's better to be close by. IMO

Re: Mom-to-be looking for advice from BTDT Moms

There's no way I would have been able to travel that far when DD was 7 weeks old. IT's hard to know if you'll be ok with leaving or not. You would def. have to pump like a maniac to get enough milk to leave for 2 days if you plan on EBF.

IT's definitely a personal decision, but I will say that once your DC is born, there is no feeling bad for not doing things, they instantly become the most important thing in your world.

Re: Mom-to-be looking for advice from BTDT Moms

That's definitely a tough one. I went to a wedding in CT when DS was one month old and it wasn't a big deal, but that was much closer and we weren't away overnight.

You should also consider the possibility of going past your due date. I know it's not common, but it's possible to go up to two weeks late. So then you'd only have a 5 week old.

However, I think if you really really want to go and your DH is fine with you going then you'll find a way to make it work.

Re: Mom-to-be looking for advice from BTDT Moms

That's a tough one. DH and I went together to a christening when DD was 6 weeks old and my sister watched her. We were away from her for 4 hours. I was a wreck the entire time; I didn't have any fun at all because I was so nervous. I didn't think that DD was in danger or was unhappy or anything, but being a 30 minute drive away from her was really stressful.

Whether you go or not, I do think you're being unrealistic about leaving 3 days' worth of bottles for her, though. For the first 6 weeks practically all you do is have your DC at your breast - many babies eat every two hours at first. You'll find time to pump one or two bottles a day if you really try. But you will realistically need 8 bottles a day, times 3 days - that's 24 bottles. That's about as much as I pumped in my first 2 months.

Re: Mom-to-be looking for advice from BTDT Moms

I had DS this past April and had a wedding in Florida in June, and I cancelled because I couldnt leave DS. Between my DS having colic and the night feedings, I felt bad leaving DH alone with him because DS was a handfull at that time. Also, I had blood pressure issues post pardum and didnt feel right for months after he was born.

Honestly, you wont know until after you have your DC. If I was healthy and DS didnt have colic and slept through the night, I dont know I might have gone to the wedding. It seems like your friend is understanding, is there any way that she will let you make a last minute decision?

Re: Mom-to-be looking for advice from BTDT Moms

I was living in Utah and flew to Ny for a weekend when dd was 2 months. Dh stated with her by himself. I went to a friends 30 th best friend. I did not bf so it was different. Dh was a little stressed when I got back but it was fine.

I had a blast. It was so fun to get away. I felt. NOrmal again. I am not the norm though. A lot of people wouldn't do it!

Re: Mom-to-be looking for advice from BTDT Moms

Message edited 12/30/2011 6:53:12 PM.

Re: Mom-to-be looking for advice from BTDT Moms

I couldn't travel in any way at 7 weeks pp...had csection and would not have felt up to it, I wouldn't promise it, but go if you can at that point..jmo

Re: Mom-to-be looking for advice from BTDT Moms

There's no way that I could have done that. I think what another poster said was a really good point. What happens if you deliver late and wind up with a c section? I really couldn't do much for the first couple of months since my incision hurt so bad. There is no way I could have taken such a long flight that soon.

Re: Mom-to-be looking for advice from BTDT Moms

Every mom is different and I don't think you will know how you'll be until your LO is here.
That being said, I did not breastfeed and would have LOVED for 2 nights away when DD was 7 weeks. If you're feeling up to it I think it will be good for you to get away.

Re: Mom-to-be looking for advice from BTDT Moms

I wouldn't have been able to do it, let alone while BFing. I'm not saying it's impossible...all depends on the person. But at 7 weeks I could barely get out of the house to do errands...forget going on a trip across the country. But if you do end up going, I think you'll really enjoy yourself.

Re: Mom-to-be looking for advice from BTDT Moms

The first time I left DD for 30 hrs when she was 12 weeks old. She stayed with my mom when we went to a wedding in NJ. I would not have been able to do it much earlier. It is hard enough just BF in the beginning that I can't imagine pumping enough to leave a baby at 7 weeks.

Re: Mom-to-be looking for advice from BTDT Moms

If you are going to be EBF then yes, I do think it's unrealistic unless DH and DC go with you. Even if you are emotionally ready, which in my case I was not at 7 weeks old (but of course everyone is different), like a PP mentioned, it is going to be EXTREMELY difficult to have 3 days worth of pumped milk that early on.

Re: Mom-to-be looking for advice from BTDT Moms

I definitely could not have gone away when DD was 7 weeks old. When she was 6 weeks old I left her for 4 hours and that was hard enough. I also EBF and even though I pumped everyday, I don't think I really started building a freezer stash until she was about 2 months.

Re: Mom-to-be looking for advice from BTDT Moms

I would have been able to and probably would have been running out the door! I would have enjoyed a few nights of sleep and hanging out with my friends. That being said, I know it would have been hard on DH since mine were not STTN at that point. If I were to go, I would have made sure that we had some family to come by and help.

ETA: I did not BF so I would not have had those isses.

Message edited 12/30/2011 8:59:14 PM.

Re: Mom-to-be looking for advice from BTDT Moms

I was in my friends wedding 18 days after delivering DD via repeat c/s in Boston. We live in NJ. My parents and DH came with me. I was able to drive up (DH drove) and DD was basically kept in another room with my family so she was not near a lot of people. I think you could do it if you had help from your DH and your mom/dad. At 7 weeks I am not sure I would want to fly. That is my only issue with the scenario. Perhaps some other moms have flown with tiny babies and can comment on that part of your issue.