Mommies:if YOU are an only child, or if you plan on only having one child, can you answer a question for me?

So DH and I are "discussing" whether or not to try to have another (our DS is 2). We always planned on having more than one child, but honestly I am having (and have always had) a very difficult time with motherhood. It is way more overwhelming and stressful than I ever thought possible, and I am in my late 30s so I just don't know if I can do this again. However, I don't think i want DS to be an only child. DH and I both loved growing up with many siblings, and also, when DH and I are gone, I just really want DS to have a brother or sister that he can share memories with.

I'd love your thoughts on this. Thanks.

Re: Mommies:if YOU are an only child, or if you plan on only having one child, can you answer a question for me?

Well, I firmly believe that a happy mom makes a happy child. So, if having another child is going to make life even more difficult for you, then I wouldn't do it. I'd enjoy your DS.

My DS will be an only child most likely and I do not feel like I am doing him a disservice at all. Yes, it is great to have siblings, but it isn't the only reason to have more kids, you know?

Re: Mommies:if YOU are an only child, or if you plan on only having one child, can you answer a question for me?

I'm an only child, and there are really good and bad points on both side of the argument..when I was younger all I wanted was a sibling, I felt like I was the only one in my classes that didn't have a sibling and definitely felt like a bit of an outsider, but as I got older, I loved it, not only was I getting all the attention from my parents, I definitely grew into someone very very independant and it definitely gave me a very strong personality...I know only children that have grown up to be the total opposite of this, but its all about parenting, and that goes for only children and siblings...
But I agree with the PP a happy mother equals a happy child and I think as long as you're happy DC will be fine, and will love the attention from you and DH!!!

Re: Mommies:if YOU are an only child, or if you plan on only having one child, can you answer a question for me?

sorry to crash, but I am not a mother yet but I am a only child so I think I can give you my POV.
As a PP said, it is good and bad, the good part is that the parents can provide the best and all of them for the kid which I am very gratefull as I know that if I had siblings I wouldnt had as many oportunities. the bad, my parents always (always!!) expect me to be the best of the best in every area. Another thing is that I always wish I had a brother or sister but my parents made sure that I was had cousins around to play or even go to the beach with me etc. Now that I am old I sometimes wish that I had siblings to share the issues and problems involving my parents, in a certain way, another phone# my mother can call to complain other than mine lol...

But again as PP said, a happy mom makes a happy child so do whatever is better for you and your family.

Re: Mommies:if YOU are an only child, or if you plan on only having one child, can you answer a question for me?

Are you close with your family?

I ask this because I am an only child but grew up with my cousins around me all the time. They are like my siblings. I never ever felt alone or slighted. We still go on huge family vacations together.

My parents couldn't have any more children and I never gave not having a sibling a second thought!

Re: Mommies:if YOU are an only child, or if you plan on only having one child, can you answer a question for me?

If it helps at all, I am not an only child but often times wish I was.

Having siblings doesn't necessarily mean they will get along and be the best friends we all hope.

I agree with the happy mom theory. You need to do what is right for your family and if that means only one kid, so be it, there is nothing wrong with that. Many of my friends are very happy only children.

I'm going to give it another go, I hope to have a second (MAYBE a third), but that's because I feel it is right for our family. It doesn't mean it is right for every family. Good luck whatever you decide

Re: Mommies:if YOU are an only child, or if you plan on only having one child, can you answer a question for me?

I hated being an only child...as a child I felt lonely even though I had cousins etc and now as an adult..its hard to be the only one my mom relies on. ( I have a foster sister who I consider now a real sister and half sisters and brother through my Dad, but its a bit different) ...

But it didnt devestate me or anythign where I Am now upset over it.

I think you should do whats right for you.

Re: Mommies:if YOU are an only child, or if you plan on only having one child, can you answer a question for me?

I question this all of the time! I don't have an anwer. I have a SS so DD has a sibling but he is 9 yrs older. I had somewhat of a rough time adjusting to motherhood also and financially I don't know if another one is in our future. However, I am on the opposite end and since DD is so demanding, I have guilt about having a baby. Crazy I guess but thats me.

Re: Mommies:if YOU are an only child, or if you plan on only having one child, can you answer a question for me?

I consider myself an only child because my younger brother died of Leukemia when I was 5.

I didn't mind at all that I was the only one. My parents were too afraid to have another child.

Re: Mommies:if YOU are an only child, or if you plan on only having one child, can you answer a question for me?

I am not an only child but have had thoughts of only having 1 child. The thing that deters me is something you already said...when DH and I are gone I want there to be someone who my DS feels understands what he is going through.

When my mom died havign my brothers was the greatest blessing...first I didnt have to feel the burden of everythign on my own, and more importantly I felt like I had someone to remember with and someone who would always welcome my family for a holiday or birthday etc...I love having family.

I just dont want DS to ever feel alone. But you have to do what is right for you and your family, there is nothing worng with only having one child. My cousin has 2 brothers but really they arent very useful in most ways, but I know her daughter who is an only child is growing up with a very strong support systems of cousins that she will always have people to rely on.

Re: Mommies:if YOU are an only child, or if you plan on only having one child, can you answer a question for me?

there's good and bad to everything. personally being an only child was lonely as a child and it is a lot of responsibility as an adult (caring for sick parents and grandparents, etc.). but i always was everyones main focus and i still am ( that is also good and bad.)

honestly you have to do what is right for you as a family. your ds will be happy if mommy is happy.

Re: Mommies:if YOU are an only child, or if you plan on only having one child, can you answer a question for me?

Both DH & I are only children...I cannot imagine making Sydney an only child too because there is no other family (besides future children of cousins). I didn't mind being an only child - it was lonely on trips...but my parents usually brought one of my cousins with us when I was younger. I had a lot of friends and family around.

My husband on the other hand had a much lonelier childhood - he grew up with older parents in Manhattan and didn't have many friends or family his age. He just told me "it sucked".

You have to do what is right for you...

Re: Mommies:if YOU are an only child, or if you plan on only having one child, can you answer a question for me?

I LOVED being an only child as a child- got tons of attention, love, tons of activities... definitely got to do a lot of stuff that couldn't be done if there were more children.

However, now? Not so much. Now that my parents are getting older, it would be nice to share the burden with another sibling and have a sibling that identifies with me, that I can vent to, etc... when my mom dies, it will just be me up there.. I won't have anyone that feels the same as I do and that makes me sad....

As an adult, I'm jealous of sibling relationships of others NOW, adult-to-adult... as a kid, it wasn't a big deal.

Re: Mommies:if YOU are an only child, or if you plan on only having one child, can you answer a question for me?

I am an only child and have always wished I had one or more siblings. I did not grow up around cousins, so didn't have children to play with other than friends at school. At family events where there were other kids (ones that were not close to my family) I always felt like an outsider. They all had brothers or sisters and I just wanted to be with my parents because I felt like an outsider. I actually think that now that I am older, I wish I had a sibling more than ever. I wish I had someone to share family obligations and such, I wish my DD could have aunts, uncles and cousins (FH has one brother who has 1 son, but they live far away and aren't close), and I just generally wish I had family close in age. I went through a divorce about 5 years ago and at that time, I also really missed having a sibling. My friends at the time were also his friends, and I really wished I had someone close in age that was just on my side who I knew would be there for me no matter what. All that said, however, you really do need to do what's right for you and your family. Also, as much as I always miss having a sibling and envision this great relationship with a sibling, not all brothers and sisters get along or are close.

Re: Mommies:if YOU are an only child, or if you plan on only having one child, can you answer a question for me?

I am an only child. I was dead set on having one kid and that was it. But the more and more I thought about it, I realized that I wanted a brother/sister for Jared. I thought about when my parents die one day, I am going to be all alone. I know I will have my dh and my kids but I have no other "family" to be with. Plus I wanted my son to have someone close in age, that would be his best friend for life.

Re: Mommies:if YOU are an only child, or if you plan on only having one child, can you answer a question for me?

Posted by Sassyz75
As an adult, I'm jealous of sibling relationships of others NOW, adult-to-adult... as a kid, it wasn't a big deal.

Re: Mommies:if YOU are an only child, or if you plan on only having one child, can you answer a question for me?

I am an only child and it really never bothered me until I was older and I remember my mother saying one day (this was before I was married or had children) when me and your father are gone.. you will have no one.. and in that moment I really realized how alone I would be without them.. we aren't close to any of my cousins or aunts and uncles so that statement was totally true for me... I have to say that I am soooo happy that my twins have each other.. I wanted them to have a sibling and never to feel that if my parents are gone i am alone feeling..

But.. if motherhood isn't your thing I would totally say don't have another for the sake of.. You child will adjust.. and I am sure won't dwell over being an only child for the rest of their life.. like me they will make a family of their own.

Re: Mommies:if YOU are an only child, or if you plan on only having one child, can you answer a question for me?

Is there any way you can get a little help, like a nanny?

Re: Mommies:if YOU are an only child, or if you plan on only having one child, can you answer a question for me?

I'm an only child. Although siblings may have been nice, I was loved and am very happy being an only.

Re: Mommies:if YOU are an only child, or if you plan on only having one child, can you answer a question for me?

DH is an only child, and we will most likely have an only child, too, since we'll have to adopt to have a child.

DH had no problem being an only child. he always had a lot of friends in his neighborhood to play with growing up. i think it made him more social, too because he wanted people to play with, so he was always initiating conversations with people/playdates for himself LOL . and now as an adult he has an extremely close group of friends ( most of who are only children) so that is his "family". he does say that now that his parents are getting older, he wishes there was somebody else to kind of help out and share that burden... but, i mean, even if he had a sibling, the sibling could have passed away before his parents... you just never know!
i agree with whoever said that you shouldn't have another one just for the sake of having another one. motherhood is not for everybody... and you REALLY have to do whats best for yourself and your sanity!

Re: Mommies:if YOU are an only child, or if you plan on only having one child, can you answer a question for me?

Not an only child but my kids are 5 years apart. I didn't decide to try until my oldest was almost 3 and then it wasn't so easy.

An older friend said something to me that just clarified the situation in my head. She told not to think so much about how hard it would be to get pregnant or the difficulties a second child might present but, to instead envision what I wanted my family to look like 5-10 years from now. For some reason that just clicked in my head and it was clear that for me, I really wanted/needed my daughter to have a sibling if it was at all in my power.

Good luck!!!

Message edited 1/12/2009 11:37:33 AM.