Moving w/o Family

Has anyone relocated without having any family around? Pros? Cons?

Re: Moving w/o Family

I moved from NY to Portland Oregon leaving all of my family behind. I knew no one in PDX besides my husband, his family and his small group of friends.

Initially I loved it b/c it felt like a vacation. I didn't have to deal with the hussle and bussle of NYC, I had a beautiful home for what I paid for a studio co-op in NY. I spoke to my family and friends all the time.

Then the holidays came, birthdays, Mother's day, Father's Day and then funerals and it hit me that I no longer wanted to miss those times with my family. My husbands family could never compensate for my own, they are just not close enough.

You do get used to it tho. I'm used to it now and it's been 2.5 years. I would rather live her then there but, I don't think I will ever get over the guilt of leaving them.

Message edited 7/7/2010 6:35:00 PM.

Re: Moving w/o Family

We did it four years ago. We moved from NY to Georgia. All of our family and friends are in NY. We knew no one down here. It was a leap of faith for a better life. We sold our home in NY and got the heck out of dodge. My husband worked in NYC, he left at 5am and walked in the door around 8pm. It was not the life we wanted for the future and for our kids.

Pros: my husband works closer to home and has normal hours.
Everything down here is about family and it is great
We are not in the middle of family drama anymore
We have made great friends and tend to be closer to them because we do not have family to lean on.

Cons:
We have no support. We have two kids and they are with me all the time. I take them to the doctor, the OB, the mall, etc. We never have date nights because my DH does not trust babysitters and we have no family help.
(Friends have offered but accepting help like that from friends is A LOT harder than from family)
Birthdays are just the four of us. We are used to a lot of family celebrating and getting together for cake. It does not bother my DH or my kids but it bothers me.


In our case the pros out weigh the cons by a mile. We love our life down here and love the friends we have made. The first time I ever set foot in Georgia was to go house shopping. It was just something that we knew/hoped would work out and it did ten fold. There are so many transplants down here it is ridiculous. I knew very few true southerners.

Good Luck with your decision.

Re: Moving w/o Family

Re: Moving w/o Family

DH and I are in this boat right now. We visited San Diego last year and both fell in love with it there. We both know that it is the place we belong to live, it offers everything we've always wanted. DS was born 3.5 months ago though and we feel like it would be so unfair to both DS and our friends & family to pick up and move so far away. Yes, we would be happier with the lifestyle in San Diego, but DS wouldn't have his aunts, uncles, cousins, grandma, etc. nearby for his birthdays, school plays, holidays....

Re: Moving w/o Family

I also moved from NY to CO and have been here for 1 year 1/2. All of our families and friends live in NY. We also did it for a better life. Definitely no regrets. Here in CO they have alot of hourly drop-in child care centers. DH and I sometimes drop the kids off so we can either go out to dinner or the movies. That helps alot since we have no one to watch the kids.

Pros: weather is not as bad as people think, no humidity, a great place to raise a family, lots of outdoor activities, beautiful mountain views, people are friendly, everything is so affordable, and I can just keep adding on to the list.

Cons-miss my family and friends

Re: Moving w/o Family

ny to nc.

first time down here for me was in a moving truck.

dh checked it out, thought we would like it, that was it.
did not know anyone.

i was not going to be a commuting mother. i did not care where we ended up as long as i could stay at home.

Re: Moving w/o Family

Thanks everyone. I feel like I keep having to make this decision.

We just moved back to NY from SC in April. DH's old job offered him an amazing promotion. I can't find a job here. I was coping with not having a teaching job and then we found out our housing situation is going to change in the next few months.

So if we stay in NY, we will have to find an apartment to live in that takes dogs.

If we move down south, we will have our house back but DH will have to find a job. But, the accounting market isn't very good in Charleston.

We don't know what to do. Everytime we get comfortable with accepting our situation we reach another fork in the road.

If we move back to SC, we won't have anyone. My inlaws sold their house there and are back living here and have no intentions of moving for at least 2 more years while my BIL finishes high school.

Re: Moving w/o Family

We moved to NC when I was pregnant with DD.

We wanted to have affordable housing, we wanted shorter commutes for the sake of our little family. We gave up easy access to family (quick dinners ovefr at moms, birthday hoopla, etc). I'm sad that my DD will not grow up living near her cousin (she's the same age).

We have been fortunate in that the inlaws and my mom come down fairly often. They will all likely retire here-one day.

Also, a very good friend and her family just moved down.

It's hard sometimes, but 3 years and 2 kids later we still think we made the right choice.

Re: Moving w/o Family

We moved from LI - NC in June, 04

I cried leaving my mom's house in NY

BUT, about 1 1/2 years after we moved here, my mom moved to GA (4 hour drive) and my IL's moved to charlotte

my mom now lives in NC (15 minutes away - same for IL's) and my sister lives 2 hours away

we love it here and have NO regrets. we will need to move to a larger home in the next 2 years but we can probably get into a nice home for under 200k

Message edited 7/7/2010 10:49:25 PM.

Re: Moving w/o Family

We have lived upstate (3+ hours away) for the last 3 years. We came here because my DH got a job here. Luckily, I was able to get a teaching job here.

For me, it has gotten better with time, but it is still difficult at times. I had no friends or family in the area and to be honest, I still do not know many people here. My family is pretty close-knit and it can be difficult to miss family events.

Re: Moving w/o Family

I have been away from my entire family for 17 years now...I went to a college 4 hours away in PA and then I moved to Boston...although I have a big family (I am one of 5 children) we are not super close (typical Irish family), I still only talk to them once a week for a little while. Its hard...I feel like I have been a loner all my life, I have always had a hard time making female friends...DH and I got married a little over a year ago, I was lucky that his family is really accepting of me and we have dinner with them usually every Sunday. I have finally found a few good female friends..so its gotten easier...but it is hard...I think about when we start having kids i wont have my parents around as much as I like...but I didn't have my grandparents around a lot either...I always wonder if it would have made a big difference.

Re: Moving w/o Family

Yes..Dh & I moved from Brooklyn to PA to buy our first home. We are about 1hr 5min to bensonhurst where MIL lives and 1 1/2hr to my parents in canarsie. But we were pretty much an island of our own. I knew one girlfriend that lived in the area, but its not like they came and helped us or hung out much.

Pros..i dont live 3 blocks from mY MIL anymore. Cons..coordinating holidays can be a pain in the ***.

It was the best decision we made and we still drive into brooklyn every 2 - 3 weeks to see MIL and my mom is at my house now 2nites a week to watch DS.

Its hard at first when you don't know anyone, but you'll make friends with neighbors. I dont regret our decision one bit.

Re: Moving w/o Family

We moved from MN to NY almost five years ago.

Pros:
We had to move for DH's career and it's paid off.

We got to live in the city for 2 years which we loved. Proximity to NYC and all the East Coast has to offer is nice too.

Not involved in family drama. We don't need to visit 15 houses on Christmas and Easter.

Cons:
High cost of living.

We are always traveling back home so much of our vacation time (now DH's since I'm a SAHM) is spent seeing family and places we've seen a billion times before.

We miss out on a lot of family events and birthdays. I wasn't too sad about that until we had kids.

Re: Moving w/o Family

DH and I were planning on doing this last year until out of nowhere he got a job in NY with a 65% pay increase, so needless to say we are still in NY. But we were planning on moving to FL where our immediate family was still in NY and he had cousins in FL but they were about an hour to two hours away.

I think in the end if DH's new job didnt pop up out of nowhere the move would have been good. Its a different lifestyle out of NY, the cost of living is amazing and its not stress 24/7. AND I think for those raising kids its better to. Sure you may not see the family as much but things work out....we were planning on buying a 3bedroom house this way our fam could visit and had a guaranteed room whenever they wanted to come by.

Re: Moving w/o Family

Moved to NYC with to suitcases and a carryon. I knew only one person, the guy I was dating. That fell apart 3mo later.

No job offerings
No references
No family

I LOVED IT

I always missed home and now I'm back in San Antonio after 10yrs in NY. It was an experience I'm glad I took the chance on. I guess it's tough but I've always been the self-reliant type. I don't need to see my Dad daily, weekly, monthly. That's what phones are for. Holidays and stuff well I didnt care since I was living the life they wanted for me.. new and exciting.

Re: Moving w/o Family

Posted by smiles

We did it four years ago. We moved from NY to Georgia. All of our family and friends are in NY. We knew no one down here. It was a leap of faith for a better life. We sold our home in NY and got the heck out of dodge. My husband worked in NYC, he left at 5am and walked in the door around 8pm. It was not the life we wanted for the future and for our kids.

Pros: my husband works closer to home and has normal hours.
Everything down here is about family and it is great
We are not in the middle of family drama anymore
We have made great friends and tend to be closer to them because we do not have family to lean on.

Cons:
We have no support. We have two kids and they are with me all the time. I take them to the doctor, the OB, the mall, etc. We never have date nights because my DH does not trust babysitters and we have no family help.
(Friends have offered but accepting help like that from friends is A LOT harder than from family)
Birthdays are just the four of us. We are used to a lot of family celebrating and getting together for cake. It does not bother my DH or my kids but it bothers me.

n our case the pros out weigh the cons by a mile. We love our life down here and love the friends we have made. The first time I ever set foot in Georgia was to go house shopping. It was just something that we knew/hoped would work out and it did ten fold. There are so many transplants down here it is ridiculous. I knew very few true southerners.

Good Luck with your decision.

Message edited 7/8/2010 2:03:16 PM.