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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
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D
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Re: My baby got hurt and my boss kinda made me feel guilty for calling in sick. Am I wrong? Kinda long.
I don't know. I kind of think your DH should have been able to handle it on his own and you could have gone in for just the morning.
However, I think when you look back on today, in the big picture, you aren't going to regret missing work, but you might regret not being there the first day your DD was hurting.  This working mom gig is a tough one.
ETA: Situations like this are the reason I don't say too much about my personal life at work. If the didn't know your DH was home, would the boss have been as annoyed about you calling in?
Message edited 5/19/2009 12:15:02 PM.
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Posted 5/19/09 12:04 PM  |
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lovemy2boys
LIF Adult
Member since 10/07 3915 total posts
Name:
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Re: My baby got hurt and my boss kinda made me feel guilty for calling in sick. Am I wrong? Kinda long.
Posted by eddiesmommy
I dont get why DH cant stay home with her either and based on it being a new job, your boss knowing your DH was home and having to attend an event today with other people depending on you, I wouldve left DH with DC and at least went in for the morning event. JMO.
I hope your DC feels better soon, poor thing!
ITA
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| Posted 5/19/09 12:05 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
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Re: My baby got hurt and my boss kinda made me feel guilty for calling in sick. Am I wrong? Kinda long.
From an employer's perspective, I completely agree with your boss. Unless your husband is incapacitated, there was no reason why you needed to stay home today. Given that you have only been there 2 weeks, I have to say that it would be a huge red flag to me.
As a mom, we always want to be the one to be there. I get that - I've been there. When DH is on his furlough (my DH is Local #3 too), he has to step up to the plate - and you have to let him.
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| Posted 5/19/09 12:07 PM |
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Violet
content
Member since 7/06 1860 total posts
Name:
Mama :)
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Re: My baby got hurt and my boss kinda made me feel guilty for calling in sick. Am I wrong? Kinda long.
I don't think your wrong, you feel your baby needs you, so you made a choice. Family should always come first. But being new at the job, it probably doesn't sit well with the boss 
Sorry if I sound rude, but why can't your DH handle DD by himself? Unless he is physically incapable of handling a 18months old (ie, he's hurt etc), I don't see why he can't take care of your DD, and you have to put in the position of calling out sick at your new job.
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| Posted 5/19/09 12:10 PM |
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peabody
Love green icing!!!
Member since 5/05 4691 total posts
Name:
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Re: My baby got hurt and my boss kinda made me feel guilty for calling in sick. Am I wrong? Kinda long.
Posted by mooshyboo
I agree ~ my child would come first (your boss was probably upset because the other girls called in last week) but things happen & he should understand (I am sure he will get over it ~ if not talk to him tomorrow & kiss a little tushy) If something happened to my son I would have to be there (my husband is fully capable but just not mommy)
I hope your dd feels better soon!
I totally agree.
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| Posted 5/19/09 12:19 PM |
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munchkinbugs
My little loves!
Member since 1/06 8093 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: My baby got hurt and my boss kinda made me feel guilty for calling in sick. Am I wrong? Kinda long.
I guess because I know that I have a strong work ethic, I feel I will prove that to my boss. Since DD was born I have called out sick a total of 3 times (including today) and I was paid out 3 weeks of unused vacation from my last job. So, I know that I will work hard for him and help his business be successful. The problem is, the nature of this job, sometimes timing isn't always perfect. She may come down with a high fever one day and I will have an important appointment that I will HAVE to reschedule. It's going to happen.
The timing, between myself and the 2 other girls, is not good. But I felt the need to be home with my baby. Maybe that makes me a bad employee. But I made my priorities clear to my boss from the day he hired me. She doesn't have a cold. She has, possibly, a broken foot and cannot stand on her own. She needs to be nurtured and taken care of, and my DH may be capable, and he is. But I am the best person to care for her at this point.
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| Posted 5/19/09 12:30 PM |
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Xelindrya
Mommy's little YouTube Star!
Member since 8/05 14470 total posts
Name:
Veronica
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Re: My baby got hurt and my boss kinda made me feel guilty for calling in sick. Am I wrong? Kinda long.
Posted by babybug631
I know I am kind of enabling him, but DH just isn't as good at taking care of her. She has been mostly my responsibility from the beginning. He can handle her in the afternoons. But he just gets nervous with her and doesn't now what to do with her. I just feel like I would take better care of her. Maybe that's me just being an overprotective mother.
When I look back at it now, and it's too late now, but I could have gone to the event this morning and came home early.
I really just didn't want to leave her this morning knowing that she is in pain.
You poor thing!
It must really hurt to choose to walk away from a hurt child to go to 'work' 
So far I haven't had to do this.
But this is something that i know I will have to do sooner or later.. (rather later).
My opinion is.. I would have gone to work. I would have TOLD my boss about how lucky it is your hubby was home but you were a wreck that you had to leave her.. but YOU felt bad for him given the other two girls situation. I'd have called my hubby HOURLY even if i had to use the excuse of going to the bathroom! Id build some super duper brownie points on this one!
It just bites we have to make these choices at all..  but that's the life of a working mom, eh?
Sounds like you see where your boss was coming from and deep down you know you probably could have gone to work but you made your choice. Its hard to justify its the wrong choice when its the one that means spending time with your baby!
That's My $0.02
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| Posted 5/19/09 12:42 PM |
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: My baby got hurt and my boss kinda made me feel guilty for calling in sick. Am I wrong? Kinda long.
Posted by babybug631
I guess because I know that I have a strong work ethic, I feel I will prove that to my boss. Since DD was born I have called out sick a total of 3 times (including today) and I was paid out 3 weeks of unused vacation from my last job. So, I know that I will work hard for him and help his business be successful. The problem is, the nature of this job, sometimes timing isn't always perfect. She may come down with a high fever one day and I will have an important appointment that I will HAVE to reschedule. It's going to happen.
The timing, between myself and the 2 other girls, is not good. But I felt the need to be home with my baby. Maybe that makes me a bad employee. But I made my priorities clear to my boss from the day he hired me. She doesn't have a cold. She has, possibly, a broken foot and cannot stand on her own. She needs to be nurtured and taken care of, and my DH may be capable, and he is. But I am the best person to care for her at this point.
I think we have all given you our opinions. This seems to be something that you should be explaining to your boss, if needed
I hope your dd feels better
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| Posted 5/19/09 12:43 PM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: My baby got hurt and my boss kinda made me feel guilty for calling in sick. Am I wrong? Kinda long.
Well the fact of the matter is, you called in sick. Whether you should have or not doesn't really matter at this point. I would just make it a point to be very appologetic to your boss and explain how terrible you felt at the idea of leaving DD home in so much pain without her mommy. Tell him you felt bad about it as the day wore on and you truely didn't realize how important it was to him that you attend this meeting. Just make sure he realizes that you weren't trying to take advantage of the situation and thatr your position with the company is important to you. KWIM
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| Posted 5/19/09 12:49 PM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: My baby got hurt and my boss kinda made me feel guilty for calling in sick. Am I wrong? Kinda long.
I think you made the right decision for you at the time!! And going forward, knowing what you know now, maybe next time leave her with DH. They really will be fine together (unless of course he was COMPLETELY inept and i'm sure that isn't the case)...
You made a quick decision that was best for you at the time. You aren't someone who has chronically called out sick or taken advantage of a new job...just prove yourself going forward which it sounds like you already do, and don't think twice about this situation. It is always hard to be put on the spot like that and your gut instinct was telling you to stay with her for this incident...I don't blame you one bit
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| Posted 5/19/09 12:54 PM |
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kerrycec03
Mom of 2 beautiful boys!!
Member since 6/06 13519 total posts
Name:
Kerry
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Re: My baby got hurt and my boss kinda made me feel guilty for calling in sick. Am I wrong? Kinda long.
Posted by shamrock124
Posted by babybug631
Now, I just started my job 2 weeks ago. My boss preaches "family first" and all that. He knows DH is home right now (he's an electrician and has to take a certain amount of time every year). But I can't leave her with him by himself. I want to stay with her today and then my mom is going to help on Wednesday and my MIL on Thursday. Hopefully Friday she will be feeling well enough that DH can handle her on his own.
So I was supposed to cover this networking event this am with 2 other reps from the company. I called him this am to let him know I had to stay home today and he was kind of snippy with me. Probably because he knows DH could stay with her and I choose to stay home.
Based on the above statement, I think you were wrong to call in sick. Your DH is perfectly capable of handling the care of your DD and you had a responsibility to your boss and the other reps. I would be very disappointed in an employee that did this knowing that the child's father was available to care for that child.
I hate to say this, but I agree. Being your DH is home, your boss probably did find it a little odd that you had to also be home. Plus, you are still a new employee and is these economical times, your boss probably thinks he could get somebody else like that.
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| Posted 5/19/09 1:06 PM |
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stickydust
Now a mommy of 2!!!
Member since 4/06 3164 total posts
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Re: My baby got hurt and my boss kinda made me feel guilty for calling in sick. Am I wrong? Kinda long.
Posted by nrthshgrl
From an employer's perspective, I completely agree with your boss. Unless your husband is incapacitated, there was no reason why you needed to stay home today. Given that you have only been there 2 weeks, I have to say that it would be a huge red flag to me.
As a mom, we always want to be the one to be there. I get that - I've been there. When DH is on his furlough (my DH is Local #3 too), he has to step up to the plate - and you have to let him.
ITA with this! (except my DH is not in a union). But I think sometimes DH needs to be allowed to do it one his own. Even though he won't take care of DC exactly the way we would he will do just as well in his own way. Sometimes we have to surrender control if the situation is not an emergency/life threatening.
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| Posted 5/19/09 1:10 PM |
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jellybean78
:)
Member since 8/06 13103 total posts
Name:
Mommy
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Re: My baby got hurt and my boss kinda made me feel guilty for calling in sick. Am I wrong? Kinda long.
Posted by kerrycec03
Posted by shamrock124
Posted by babybug631
Now, I just started my job 2 weeks ago. My boss preaches "family first" and all that. He knows DH is home right now (he's an electrician and has to take a certain amount of time every year). But I can't leave her with him by himself. I want to stay with her today and then my mom is going to help on Wednesday and my MIL on Thursday. Hopefully Friday she will be feeling well enough that DH can handle her on his own.
So I was supposed to cover this networking event this am with 2 other reps from the company. I called him this am to let him know I had to stay home today and he was kind of snippy with me. Probably because he knows DH could stay with her and I choose to stay home.
Based on the above statement, I think you were wrong to call in sick. Your DH is perfectly capable of handling the care of your DD and you had a responsibility to your boss and the other reps. I would be very disappointed in an employee that did this knowing that the child's father was available to care for that child.
I hate to say this, but I agree. Being your DH is home, your boss probably did find it a little odd that you had to also be home. Plus, you are still a new employee and is these economical times, your boss probably thinks he could get somebody else like that.
ITA. Since your DH is already home with DC and your boss knew that it looks really bad that you had to take off too. I would try to go in half a day.
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| Posted 5/19/09 1:12 PM |
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butterfly20
Party of 5 - 2015
Member since 4/06 7390 total posts
Name:
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Re: My baby got hurt and my boss kinda made me feel guilty for calling in sick. Am I wrong? Kinda long.
i agree with the majority. If it were me i would have gone to work. All the companies I've been at have in their manual how sick & vacation time shouldnt be taken in the first 6 months...
The father should be capable of taking care of a sick baby(unless he's home because he is sick). If daddy can be home with the baby then that gives you sick days to take when he isnt home.
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| Posted 5/19/09 1:46 PM |
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Re: My baby got hurt and my boss kinda made me feel guilty for calling in sick. Am I wrong? Kinda long.
Posted by Bxgell2
Posted by babybug631
I know I am kind of enabling him, but DH just isn't as good at taking care of her. She has been mostly my responsibility from the beginning. He can handle her in the afternoons. But he just gets nervous with her and doesn't now what to do with her. I just feel like I would take better care of her. Maybe that's me just being an overprotective mother.
I think we've all felt that way at one time or another, in varying degrees, whether it be leaving baby with daddy, your mom or a grandparent.
Truth is, though, your husband will never gain the confidence he needs and deserves as a father, until you loosen the ropes and give him a chance. He might not do things exactly the way you would, but that doesn't mean it's necessarily the wrong way. As long as she's loved and taken care of, that's all that matters. I think it would really benefit your mental health, your husband's perspective on parenting and your daughter's bond with her daddy, if you let go of the reigns a little.
I know it's frightening, but the reward is worth it, I promise
ITA!! When DS was an infant I was always behind DH to see what he was doing. Then I would get annoyed and change what he did when he wasn't looking. I realized that I was in the wrong. While it might not be how I would do it, things got done and my DS was alive, well and happy. You really need to give him a chance. Another thing is that he needs to learn how to handle her. Things that work for you might not work with him. So he has to learn what works and what doesn't. My kids are much better for my DH and I think with me it's because their a power struggle between DS and me. I need to learn to not even have that but have no clue how to stop it. My DH doesn't have that problem.
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| Posted 5/19/09 2:01 PM |
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KartveliT
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Member since 1/08 8363 total posts
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Re: My baby got hurt and my boss kinda made me feel guilty for calling in sick. Am I wrong? Kinda long.
First , I am sorry your DD got hurt and she is in pain and I hope she feels better soon.
I understand exactly how you feel and why you decided to stay home.
My DH is great with DD and he is such a good help, he can take care of her on his own just fine . BUT in a similar situation I am pretty sure I would have done the same thing, and believe me I am an extremely responsible person with a very strong work ethic and I have gone to work really sick (as long as it was nothing contagious) just bc I didn't want to call in sick.
You know your family(DH/DD) better than anyone else and you decided to do what felt right to you.
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| Posted 5/19/09 2:01 PM |
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Disneygirl
Disney cruise bound!
Member since 5/05 8126 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: My baby got hurt and my boss kinda made me feel guilty for calling in sick. Am I wrong? Kinda long.
I understand why you did it but I think you realize being a new employee you aren't making a great impression on your boss. Had you been there for years then this probably would have been a non-issue but the only thing that's hurting you in this situation is that you have only been with the company for 2wks.
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| Posted 5/19/09 2:26 PM |
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CaseyGirl
Mommy to 3 Boys :)
Member since 5/05 19978 total posts
Name:
Jen - counting my blessings...
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Re: My baby got hurt and my boss kinda made me feel guilty for calling in sick. Am I wrong? Kinda long.
Posted by KateDevine
I do think you were wrong in this situation.
Your DH can handle your DD, and he has to learn to handle your DD. There is no reason why he can't stay home with her at this point.
I know that family comes first, but since your DH is home, you are leaving a new job in the lurch at this point when there IS someone at home to care for DD
I completely agree....
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| Posted 5/19/09 2:45 PM |
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2BEANS
wow time is going fast.
Member since 9/07 16106 total posts
Name:
Tina
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Re: My baby got hurt and my boss kinda made me feel guilty for calling in sick. Am I wrong? Kinda long.
It sounds like he was more fustrated b/c of all thats going on with the other staff too, so I wouldnt take it personally.
My head tech is a mom and says family first too.. but if I happen to call in b/c of one of my dds was ill the same day as a coworker called out sick for themselves.. she kinda gets silent.. not b/c of me, just b/c shes trying to think of what shes going to do next.. coverage wise.
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| Posted 5/19/09 2:57 PM |
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adeline27
LIF Adult
Member since 5/06 3121 total posts
Name:
Angela
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Re: My baby got hurt and my boss kinda made me feel guilty for calling in sick. Am I wrong? Kinda long.
I agree too. I totally understand you wanting to stay home with DD but at the same time you didn't have to and I can see why your boss acted the way he/she did.
Sounds like looking back you could have gone (as you stated previously) so maybe you just overreacted being that this was your daughters 1st big injury.
Not sure why you told your boss about DH being home if your not going to take advantage of that.
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| Posted 5/19/09 3:03 PM |
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twicethefun
Loving life
Member since 7/06 4088 total posts
Name:
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Re: My baby got hurt and my boss kinda made me feel guilty for calling in sick. Am I wrong? Kinda long.
I would have gone to work. In fact I have been in similar situations ((not broken foot but other serious health issue) and had to let my dh take care of my child. It was hard tolet go of the power and responsibilty but I had to do it. I realized it was more my problem then dhs. He learned quickly wwhat had to be done and appreciates me more for it. He has a really close relationship with my children and although he is not mommy, he certainly is a great daddy.
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| Posted 5/19/09 8:16 PM |
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rojerono
Happiest.
Member since 8/06 13803 total posts
Name:
Jeannie
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Re: My baby got hurt and my boss kinda made me feel guilty for calling in sick. Am I wrong? Kinda long.
I hope your little one feels better soon!
I do get it. I am really understanding with our employees when they call in.. however if this is how you started a job with me, I would probably store it in the back of my mind that you were probably going to be unreliable. Kids get hurt and sick fairly often and I'd be thinking that I better keep you off important projects and it would likely effect how quickly you advanced in position and salary.
BUT.. it's still early enough for you to do some damage control. I'd make every effort to be a total rockstar for the rest of the new employee probation period so that this becomes a distant memory and and isolated incident.
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| Posted 5/19/09 8:43 PM |
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Ang-Rich
Beyond Compare
Member since 5/05 17988 total posts
Name:
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Re: My baby got hurt and my boss kinda made me feel guilty for calling in sick. Am I wrong? Kinda long.
The day has come and gone and while my opinion is that you should have gone to work - that's pretty much pointless now.
What I do want to add and echo to the comments already made is that there is a fine line in terms of work-life balance. Yes, your child comes first when they need you most but you have a responsibility to your job - to get the work done and follow through on obligations. Regardless of how hard it is to leave your child - and believe me when I say that we all struggle with this - you have to really take the decision apart...remove the emotion each and every time. If your husband, or any trusted care-giver, is available you have to honestly consider that before immediately calling out. It's hard - and it never gets any easier but with time you start to understand the priority levels. Your decisions become clearer - just never easy.
A few weeks after I started my job I found out I was pregnant. I knew I wanted the pregnancy and I knew I needed (and wanted) my job. I quietly handled my morning sickness...pushed myself out of bed and worked my backside off to make a great first impression. I put in 100% at all times and without minimizing how supportive my boss and team are...I have to say that that first impression was a good one...it built upon my reputation as a hard worker. I made the all the decisions...and all the sacrifices. I continue to do so. I want and need my job and when my son is sick I take turns with my husband. I understand that overwhelming need to grab your child, hold them tight and nurse them back to good health but I also understand that I made the decision to work (out of need or want I made it) and there is only so much I can be excused for.
We've all hit this fork in the road and can remember the first time we had to choose between our child and our job so please, please, please don't take this as a "talking to" it's meant to be a "we understand and want to make this easier for you"
Right or wrong - who is to say. We all know what we have or would do in our own situations but that's not yours. Regardless, you acted out of love and that is very clear.
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| Posted 5/19/09 9:06 PM |
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MommyAgain
lovemygermies
Member since 6/08 3195 total posts
Name:
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Re: My baby got hurt and my boss kinda made me feel guilty for calling in sick. Am I wrong? Kinda long.
im going to have to say, that i TOTALLY understand why you made the desicion you did, and i will also say that NO JOB for me anyway was ever important enoug to keep if it meant showing my child i couldnt be there for them
i do think your dh should learn to take care of her by himself, BUT with that being said..my dh CAN, and i STILL wouldve called out the very next morning too..
being a mother to me was always more important to me then my career..and believe me, my career was VERY important to me..i would NOT have been able to focus at all if my child was home the first day with a broken foot without me..
ill also add, that i think its VERY possible for you to just work your azz off now, and show them why they hired you in the first place..
i have NEVER in my life been fired, i have made the top salary in my last 3 companies, and i also happen to have had an excessive amount of absences from all three of them..due to health reasons on my part, and things having to do with my ds..
the reason ive stayed and always have been an amazing asset to my company was because i was able to get done in less days/hours DOUBLE what most of my coworkers were getting done in a 40 hour week..it was a no brainer for my bosses who made ALOT of money off me.
i say, keep your priorites in check..and be solid in your decisions..dont look back now, just make sure you make your mark there!!
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| Posted 5/19/09 9:14 PM |
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