Need advice - Not having a baby shower

I was going to have a baby shower but unfortunately I just lost my mom to cancer. I am completely heartbroken. Even though she was sick her passing was quick and very unexpected.

I am now 5 months pregnant with my first child. My mom was going to throw the shower for me. I have no sisters, no aunts I am close with, and my MIL just died less than 2 years ago.

I have wonderful friends who want to throw me a shower and a husband who would do it in a heartbeat....but I can't bare the thought of having one and my mom not being there.

I plan to register because I know people will want to buy us stuff.

My question is....how would you handle preparing for the baby??? I assume people will buy us stuff after the baby has arrived. Should I just start buying all the big items now?

What are the absolute necessities at this point?

Re: Need advice - Not having a baby shower

I am so sorry to hear about your mom. I am sure your going to get a ton of gifts before & after the baby is born. Registering is a great idea so ppl will know what to get you. As for the bigger items you don't need too much right away. You will need an infant car seat, furniture for the baby to sleep like a crib, and a stroller frame for the car seat. You might want to get a pack & play to use as a place for the baby to sleep early on/and to change. HTH.

Re: Need advice - Not having a baby shower

i dont have much advice but just wanted to send out hugs. i lost my mom to cancer as well a few months ago. i'm sorry you had to go through this. good luck with everything.

Re: Need advice - Not having a baby shower

Re: Need advice - Not having a baby shower

I am so sorry for your loss!

I agree with the PP who said you don't really need too many of the big things right off the bat. I would say get the crib, infant car seat, car seat stroller frame or stroller and then get some of the smaller things. You can also wait until closer to your due date to buy things to see what you get ahead of time.

Re: Need advice - Not having a baby shower

So sorry to hear that!

I am not having a shower either- for personal reasons.

I got a lot of pressure to regsiter anyway because immediate family wants to buy me gifts regardless.

I am going to register for the big ticket items that are absolutlely necessary- like car seat, snap n go, some bottles, etc.

So I will see what I end up with before the baby comes and whatever else we need that is an absolute necessity we will just buy on our own.

I want the bare minimun anyway- as we dont' have a lot of space to store walkers, high chairs, exersaucers etc that we wont' be using right away.

Message edited 2/17/2010 2:38:57 PM.

Re: Need advice - Not having a baby shower

I'm so sorry for your loss...

I did not have a shower when I was pregnant with DD.

We bought the bare minimum necessities prior to her birth (crib/pack and play/car seat/snap and go and swing)

Nothing was brought into my house either until I had given birth to DD. It was all put together by the time I got home with her.

Re: Need advice - Not having a baby shower

I'm so sorry for your loss!



I'm sure your friends will ask u or your DH where u registered and will send u "stuff" before the baby is born.

U can always wait until a month or two before the baby comes and then see what you've received so far.

You'll definitely need a lot of smaller things like bottles, blankets, diapers, etc.

Maybe u could start looking for sales and buying things here and there? That's what I've been doing, but obviously for different reasons (super small families and not a lot of friends).

Re: Need advice - Not having a baby shower

Posted by mrskparetta

Posted by firstbun

I was going to have a baby shower but unfortunately I just lost my mom to cancer. I am completely heartbroken. Even though she was sick her passing was quick and very unexpected.

I am now 5 months pregnant with my first child. My mom was going to throw the shower for me. I have no sisters, no aunts I am close with, and my MIL just died less than 2 years ago.

I have wonderful friends who want to throw me a shower and a husband who would do it in a heartbeat....but I can't bare the thought of having one and my mom not being there.

I plan to register because I know people will want to buy us stuff.

My question is....how would you handle preparing for the baby??? I assume people will buy us stuff after the baby has arrived. Should I just start buying all the big items now?

What are the absolute necessities at this point?

i can sort of relate, having lost my father when i was 19. though it isnt the same as loosing a mother when you are expecting, loosing a parent in general is so tough.

i remember planning my wedding and thinking back to all the things I wasnt going to do because my dad wasnt going to be there, i realized that he would have wanted me to do them and so I did!

i guess what I am trying to say is, if your mother was planning a shower, or if she intended to plan a shower, i think you should have one. she would have wanted it and she will be there in spirit! You deserve it and if your kind friends and DH want to plan one, let them

FM if you need to talk

Re: Need advice - Not having a baby shower

So sorry to hear about the pain you're going through. I can not imagine what its like to be in your shoes. I think if your friends want to throw you something you should let them. It could be something casual and small and they dont have to make a huge deal about it. It's not fair for you to buy all your own things! But if you'rr really set on not having anythign I would worry about diapers, wipes, a bathtub and a place for baby to sleep (wether it be a bassine, or a playpen or a crib) for the first few weeks.

Re: Need advice - Not having a baby shower

So sorry for the loss of your mom. I can't even imagine how difficult that is. I had a friend who didn't have a shower last year because her husband was very ill, and she requested not to have a shower. However, she registered and all of us sort of just dropped off gifts as few weeks before the baby was born. I think registering for the big ticket items you want and even some small stuff gives the people who are close to you an idea of things you like.

Re: Need advice - Not having a baby shower

I am so sorry to hear about your mom, my heart goes out to you . I'm sure your mom wants you to continue having a shower. If yo really dont want one, maybe have your friend spread the word that your registered so you can get the items for your baby.

I wish you the best