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Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision

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MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!

Member since 5/06

14562 total posts

Name:
Marisa

Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision

I KNOW this is not something anyone 'else' can decide for me .........but I'm SO SO conflicted I'm just looking for others' perspective and experience.

My boys are 6 and 4 ......and it's becoming more and more difficult for both DH and I to be in the city all week. I feel like now is when they need more of my attention - homework, and socially and sports and all of this 'other' stuff

I spent so much time being so concerned with not being "that" woman in the office who had kids and suddenly asked to work PT, or WAH, or couldn't go on a business trip, etc etc. - I still worked a strict 8:30 - 4:30 schedule, bringing my laptop home and logging on late when really necessary (a major project or deadline) but overall, my job is a fair 9-5 type of deal. I'm not curinc cancer or saving the world ........but I'm also, despite my best efforts, not seeming to move up any more either. I've noticed none of our higher management have children, and most, aren't even married.

So, I'm at a point where I'm thinking, if I'm never really going to get to where I wanted to be career wise anyway .........WHY am I killing myself? WHAT am I trying to prove to myself (I couldn't care less what other people think of me aside from my husband and kids) Wouldn't my life and my family's life be better if I got over my ego and stayed home for them? Could I do it?

I don't like the idea of relying on DH 100% financailly - it's just not who I am. I think that is the most difficult part of this for me - I can't wrap my head around not bringing in a significan't amount of money - My paycheck pales in comparison to his, but only in comparison to his ........I am afraind to give that up.

I don't know - I'm all over the place.

For those who WAH a few days a week, did it help your sainty? Did it make a difference? How did you approach that w/ your boss?

For those who stay home, and I do NOT mean this to be snarky at all - but once the kids are in schoot FT, what do you during that day? I mean, I can think of 100 things I could get done, but once they house is clean and organized and my head is no longer in 10 different places .........what do I do? Does the day go by quickly? Do you volunteer at school, go the gym? I'm genuinely asking .........no judgement at all !!

Sorry this is so long !!

Posted 4/27/15 10:04 AM
 

GraciesMom
LIF Adult

Member since 7/05

1636 total posts

Name:

Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision

Going to FM you.

Posted 4/27/15 10:38 AM
 

ali120206
2 Boys

Member since 7/06

17792 total posts

Name:

Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision

I have no advice but, I hear you. I was speaking with my friend the other day about how it gets so much harder as they get older! She said people told her that in the beginning but, she didn't believe it.

I work in the city 4x a week and home 1x. Like you, I try not to be "that" woman but, it's hard. I feel it's hard to give my job or my family 100% at any given time. I sat back earlier this year and decided it's time to try to find something closer to home so I"m currently exploring to see if I can have the best of both worlds.

Good luck with your decision.

Posted 4/27/15 10:54 AM
 

MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!

Member since 5/06

14562 total posts

Name:
Marisa

Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision

Thank you both! Chat Icon

Posted 4/27/15 11:02 AM
 

stinger
LIF Adult

Member since 11/11

4971 total posts

Name:

Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision

I would look for a position that is similar to yours but closer to home. I think it's important for women to stay in their careers and in the work force unless you and your DH really want you to be a SAHM. Nothing against being a SAHM I was one for 6 years. However, cutting the commute with help alot. I work 8:30 to 4:30 with a 10 min commute and generous PTO and great retirement plan. I am able to take time off for some school days off and events. Kids are not in after school sports just weekend activities. I agree that work should not take away from family time!!

Good luck!

Posted 4/27/15 11:48 AM
 

Hofstra26
Love to Bake!

Member since 7/06

27915 total posts

Name:

Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision

I stopped working when I had kids and immediately became a SAHM and now that my DD is 6 and in school I do agree with you in that it gets busier. Between school obligations, getting her off and on the bus, parties, play dates, dance class, Daisy Troop, etc. etc. etc. I feel like I ALWAYS have something going on. I do give credit to working moms because I don't know how they are able to juggle it all, I'm home and it feels like a lot for me sometimes.

I can only give you my perspective and obviously we're all different but I'm very happy being home. I don't miss working AT ALL and while I sometimes miss the extra money I'm 100% okay (as is DH) with relying on him financially. But we're both on the same page when it comes to our finances so it makes it easier, he's NEVER made me feel weird about not working nor has he ever given me a hard time about spending money. For our family it's the BEST decision because I'm here for whatever the kids need without any worries about scheduling and DH is free to go to work without having to stress about anything at all home. It's the best set-up for us.

Once my DS (he's only 2 right now) is in school F/T I will continue to stay at home because I feel like the kids will still need me to shuttle them around, get them on and off the bus, etc. Plus, at this point we really don't need the money anymore so I feel like why should I stress myself out and return to the work force? DH and I both feel it's important one of us be here F/T for the kids even once they are in school so I plan on staying a SAHM for a long, long time.............I'm not sure I will ever return to the work force to be honest. My plan, when they are both in school, will be to run all of my errands during the day, cook, clean, handle my appts, and focus on myself a little more finally by going to the gym regularly and maybe enjoy some of my hobbies a little more. I've given up so much of myself since having kids (as every mom does) so it will be nice to get some time back for me.

Like you said, only YOU can make this decision and while some people love being home and having all of their time be there own some people really do better when they have a career to focus on as well. It's not an easy choice but I hope you're able to figure out what is best for you and your family. Choose the thing that will make you the happiest and you can't go wrong. Good luck! Chat Icon Chat Icon

Message edited 4/27/2015 12:42:46 PM.

Posted 4/27/15 12:41 PM
 

Adri
Joy!

Member since 5/05

3116 total posts

Name:
A

Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision

SAHM here. DS is 9 and in 4th grade. When he is in school I go to the gym, I volunteer a lot in the school and run personal errands (shopping, dr's appointments, manicure, etc). Before I was tutoring spanish, so I dedicated time preparing classes and teaching. This year I don't have students, but I always find myself busy doing stuff.

Once I pick DS up from school at 2:40, I'm fully dedicated to his activities, taking him to the park if the weather is nice, after school activities, sports, and I help him with homework, which each year is becoming more difficult.

Good luck with any decision. I think there are pros and cons in any scenario, but at the end you will decide on what's best for you and your family Chat Icon

Posted 4/27/15 1:05 PM
 

BargainMama
LIF Adult

Member since 5/09

15657 total posts

Name:

Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision

My kids are in school all day, and I stay home. I don't have that many hours home "alone" though, since my DD is off to school at 9, and my son is home by 1:30. I volunteer for school functions, run errands, do volunteer work for Birthday Wishes (baking), do a lot of sewing and crafts, etc. I do get bored some days, but finding a job that works with the school schedule is challenging.

Posted 4/27/15 1:05 PM
 

busymomonli
Resident Insomniac

Member since 4/13

2050 total posts

Name:

Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision

FTW here. I have this thing about financial independence. When my mom was 45, my dad passed away and she was left with 5 kids and a house to care for. She only ever held a few part time jobs, mostly during holidays to help with presents. He did all the bills and she didn't even know how to write a check. She got his life insurance, but burned through it because she didn't know how to manage money and lost the house eventually. I vowed never to be in that position.

I like working, it keeps me sane. Without it, I feel like my brain is mush. It can be hard, but I think if you looked for something closer to home it would make it much more manageable. It may not get you to the corner office just yet, but when your kids are older you may want to pursue a more challenging position and by then you will have years under your belt. Not working at all will make it a bit harder to re-enter the work force.

It's a touch choice, but yours to decide. Just wanted to give my perspective.

Posted 4/27/15 1:22 PM
 

afternoondelight828
LIF Adult

Member since 1/13

3363 total posts

Name:
Afternoon

Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision

I have always worked fulltime BUT the big difference is that I work so close to home and the schools. I can't imagine going into the city.
If you can find a job close to everything, that might be the best bet for you. You can still bring home money AND be around for your kids when they need you.

Posted 4/27/15 1:42 PM
 

MarisaK
HELLO Manolo !!

Member since 5/06

14562 total posts

Name:
Marisa

Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision

Thank you all - I appreciate your perspectives !

Posted 4/27/15 1:52 PM
 

KarenK122
The Journey is the Destination

Member since 5/05

4431 total posts

Name:
Karen

Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision

I am a stay at home mom and have been since adopting my daughter. My circumstances are not really the norm but it has been working well for us. Since we adopted her I had always planning on quitting my job to stay home with her for a few months. After that I had planned on consulting with my old job from home. That never came to fruition though as she was diagnosed with autism and that basically took over all my free time. I left a very lucrative career. I was rising up and making more than my husband. I loved my job and everyone I worked with but I had to make a choice because my job was not "family friendly". I worked 16 hour days, stayed in the city 5 nights a week, sometimes I was unable to come home for weekends depending on the need. I was always on call. There was no way (in my mind) that I could continue to do that successfully and raise a family so I knew that that line of work for me was over. It was very hard for me to basically live off of my husband because I have never asked anyone for money from when I was 16 until we got DD at 37. It is still a little hard but I got use to it now. Now that my daughter is in school, I am very involved with the school. I am on district committees, the PTA board, work most of the school functions. I'm really busy. It's a rarity if I am home for a full day alone. I actually really love it and while I miss my career a bit, I just feel I'm at a different stage in my life now and this is making me happy. Ask me again in 5 years and I'm sure it will change : ).

Posted 4/27/15 2:11 PM
 

EricaAlt
LIF Adult

Member since 7/08

22665 total posts

Name:
Erica

Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision

I have a part time job I do at home. I go to the office every few months.
I did WFT up until DS1 was 3 years old and DS2 was shy of turning 1. I was one of those working moms that would wonder... what do the SAHM's do all day. Now, I don't know when I am free. LOL! I am all over the place.
DS1 is in kindergarten half day in the afternoon. I signed him up for K enrichment on Tues and Thurs mornings so I drive him there and back with DS2 tagging along. We come home in time to give them lunch and put DS1 on the bus. DS2 is in preschool M, W and F's. I take him those 3 days and take older DS with me.
Shopping, work from home between running the boys around, exercise, meet with friends, playdates, plan the next activities for the weekends, work on house, clean, laundry, etc.... all keeps me super busy. I am lucky I do make some money and I am at home.
Once in a while I miss going to an office, but very rare. It's not easy to work at home with the boys, but they're getting older and it's getting easier for them to entertain themselves. They're going to camp this summer and DS1 will be in school full time next year. I run them to sports as well.
I don't feel guilty anymore for "me" time or date night. I get to see my girl friends more often too. DH is home around 6PM and lucky he can help as well.
The job opportunity found me so I am so thankful. Is it a ton of money? No. It's enough to help for a little cushion. DH is super busy and working hard so I keep the boys busy and work.
Whatever you decide it's not the wrong answer.

Message edited 4/27/2015 2:30:09 PM.

Posted 4/27/15 2:29 PM
 

Millie3
LIF Adult

Member since 7/13

1280 total posts

Name:

Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision

I'm going to send you an FM. I had many of the same issues you are having now, can def relate

I will add this and it could be an industry thing. Start paying attention to the women and their careers in your company / rival companies. I started to realize the women were not getting very far, even if they deserved to. Men that were not deserving at all, IMO were climbing that ladder. It was very very discouraging, especially to watch women 15 -20 years older not making much more than I was.

Message edited 4/27/2015 3:08:21 PM.

Posted 4/27/15 2:56 PM
 

beachgirl
LIF Adult

Member since 7/05

7967 total posts

Name:
sara

Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision

I am a WAHM so I feel like I have the best of both worlds. I would be terrified to give up work and then god forbid something were to happen to DH and I would have to re enter the work force. i have worked all of my life so its ingrained in me. The only way I would ever give up work is if I were to win lotto and know that my family would be financially secure for the rest of our lives.

IF I was financially secure then i would give up work but I would have to do something other than clean my house all day every day. I would volunteer at my kids schools, have playdates every other day and volunteer in my community if my kids were all school going age. The reason I say that I could not clean my house every day is because I dont work fridays and if i spend it sorting out my house or cleaning I feel like it was such a waste of my day.

Good luck with your decision. I honestly dont know how you moms and dads who have to travel to and from work 5 days a week and deal with kids and homework and sports do it.Chat Icon

Posted 4/27/15 8:35 PM
 

Dolphinsbaby
My 3 little guys!

Member since 12/10

2943 total posts

Name:

Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision

I could not afford to SAH so I'm in a little different situation. But I did take a massive pay cut (less than half of my prior salary) to work at a job 10 minutes from my house with tons of flexibility and a lot of time off. But there's no way I could have continued to work my crazy hours and commute into the city. MIL watches my kids and she is usually standing in the door waiting for me at 5 when I get there (never mind if I hit 5 minutes of traffic, she says where were you?Chat Icon).

Posted 4/27/15 8:40 PM
 

2girls2love
LIF Infant

Member since 5/11

330 total posts

Name:

Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision

My dad passed away when I was 16 years old and watched my mom in her 50's work 3 jobs to survive. I learned a lesson from that experience.

After my twin daughters were born my husband suggested I stay at home. No way.... There's. no crystal ball - no one knows the future, I wasn't giving my career up.
I worked too hard and vested too much to walk away.
I'm very lucky, I'll be able to stop working in another 4 years and collect a pension. My daughters will be in third grade.
It's a very personal choice. Really only you can answer.

Posted 4/27/15 9:50 PM
 

waiting4ablessing
Love my kids!!

Member since 11/08

4351 total posts

Name:

Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision

I used to work full time 9-5 and then i had kids and realized that they are more important to me than a career. I talked to my boss about it and she worked with me on reducing my hours instead of losing me all together. Im now that mom that is in the office from 930-230 and emails come to my phone when i leave which works out wonderfully! I still feel like im contributing both to my family and to my company. I also like the feeling of having something that is mine and not always everything about the kids. I am lucky to have such an understanding boss and im so appreciative of my position. It also helps that my office is 12 mins door to door from my kids school.

In the end, the kids are more important to me than anything else. But if you can find a job that will work with your schedule, then i say its a win win.

Posted 4/27/15 10:40 PM
 

Goobster
:)

Member since 5/07

27557 total posts

Name:
:)

Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision

OMG. I am a SAHM and can't believe how much there is to do. Cooking, cleaning, shopping, run errands, etc. I do volunteer at school here and there when I can. Yes, it can get boring but so did "work" when I worked.

Posted 4/27/15 11:25 PM
 

nferrandi
too excited for words

Member since 10/05

18538 total posts

Name:
Nicole

Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision

I have a weird part time situation. I'm home during the day, then I work afternoons to evenings. My younger ds is still in pre-school, so I really only have 2.5 hours a day without him. It's enough time to go food shopping and throw in a load if laundry. Or go to the gym and run to the bank. He also gets PT and OT twice a week that we have to go to. And he has soccer on Fridays. I also try to cook it at least prep dinner before I go to work. Between taking care of my family and running a business, I feel like I never have free time. It will ease up a little next year once they're both in elementary school.

Posted 4/28/15 7:54 AM
 

steph4777
**************

Member since 5/05

11726 total posts

Name:
Stephanie

Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision

When we moved to the suburbs 3 years ago, I had a job that I traveled for at least 2x month and commuted into the city 1.5 door to door. It definitely took a toll on me and the family. I love working and I love what I do, but I knew something had to change. I also knew that being a SAHM is just not a choice I would make for me. I have WFH occasionally, but I don't think I can do it FT. I enjoy going into the office and connecting in person with co-workers.

I ended up looking for a job closer to home. It took a few months but I found something about 15 mins away. Even though DH still commutes into the city, our homelife is so much easier because I don't travel as much and I'm just getting home at a decent time. I love that I can go to their school to volunteer during lunch or just work from home when I need to.

Good luck!

Message edited 4/28/2015 11:05:27 AM.

Posted 4/28/15 10:58 AM
 

JandJ1224

Member since 6/06

5911 total posts

Name:
Jannette

Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision

I have been able to experience all three...

I quit my job when pregnant to stay at home. I loved being home with my baby.

At some point I started working PT from home and found that to be impossible. It was incredibly stressful as I was basically working a full workload while home with at that point 2 young kids. That was the worst option for me but my kids were small at the time and not in full time school. I found that I started to resent my DH. Like he got to have free time in the car commuting, crazy but that's how I felt.

I am currently working full time in a 9-5 job that is somewhat flexible, I drop my dd at school and get in around 9:30, home most of the time by 5:30. Most days I love working. My boss is great and allows me to be at events at the school so I'm very lucky.

I like being successful at work. Being home I felt like I wasn't living up to my full potential. I like the lifestyle that we have and the opportunities we can provide our children because of the money I earn. I also want to model for my girls that woman can be successful in business. I am lucky in that my mom helps with childcare and my husbands schedule rotates so they can usually cover extracurricular things before I get home. Next year both girls will be in elementary school and get home around 3:30 which really only leaves 2 hrs until I get home.

It is not an easy decision but I'm sure you will consider all options and choose the best solution for you and your family

Posted 4/28/15 11:32 AM
 

MrsProfessor
hi

Member since 5/05

14279 total posts

Name:

Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision

I left my job when DD started K in 2012. I do some freelancing and recently started working p/t 10 minutes from home. But on the days I am home with no paid work to do I am STILL very busy. There is always stuff to do- cleaning, laundry, etc. I did manage to get it done when I was a FTWM so I am not sure why I don't have more downtime. I guess we always find productive ways to spend our time and I have gotten to some bigger projects in the house that would have had to wait otherwise.

I am not sure what line of work you are in but I feel like there are so many ways for women to quit the 9 to 5 and still be as immersed in their careers as they want, on their own terms. WAHM.com is a great resource, and I know there are other similar sites. I bet it would not be too hard for you to go into some kind of business of your own where you have a better mix.

Posted 4/28/15 12:19 PM
 

HeyJude
LIF Adolescent

Member since 9/07

820 total posts

Name:
p

Message edited 11/30/2015 9:53:02 AM.

Posted 4/28/15 8:29 PM
 

schmora15
LIF Adult

Member since 9/08

2476 total posts

Name:

Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision

I enjoy working PT; it's the best of both worlds. I only work one full day and generally 2-4 hrs on the other days. Starting my own business was my solution. I also considered becoming a SAHM but realized it was only because I was not happy with my work situation at the time--crazy and unpredictable hours and what felt like no control over them.

Posted 4/28/15 8:51 PM
 
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