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TheDivineMrsM
2 girls 4 me!
Member since 8/08 7878 total posts
Name:
Mama mama mama....
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Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision
Can you find something in your field on LI? Or part time? With two in school you could actually WAH without hiring help, so that could offset a pay cut.
I wish I had a WAH option, or one of those 5-minute commutes. Trekking into the city every day sucks, but the drive is the only thing I'd change. I was a SAHM for almost three years, and I know that's not for me long-term. I was raised by a SAHM and she was always super busy (but there were four of us). But I prefer contributing financially, and I like my job (most of the time). I personally wouldn't quit working.
Message edited 4/28/2015 9:31:59 PM.
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Posted 4/28/15 9:31 PM  |
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ohbaby08
Winter is Coming
Member since 10/07 1718 total posts
Name:
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Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision
I worked full time up until my son was 18 months and then was voluntarily laid off. I stayed home for almost 2 years and in that time also had my daughter. I have to say, those 2 years were great, but also very lonely. I went back to work part time when my daughter was 6 months old. I only work 15 hours a week (3 days), but it gives me some adult interaction and additional income.
Right now, my son is in 1st grade and my daughter is in nursery school. Once she is in kindergarten, I will probably work the additional 2 days. I get out at 2pm, so I am still home to meet the school bus/do homework. It feels like the best of both worlds right now because I can still do "mom" things, but also have a "work" life.
It is by no means a "career" like I had before, but it works for us right now.
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| Posted 4/29/15 12:33 PM |
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jennyg
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/05 633 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision
I have gone through similar emotions and actually have been a FTWM, a SAHM and now a WFHM. I just want to say that you probably have way more options than you think. Here's my story:
When my kids were little (two under age 3) I commuted into the city and had 1-2 nights where I didn't get home until after 8pm. I was miserable but was also moving up and getting promoted. Turns out, I didn't care and seeing my kids was way more important! I asked to leave my management role and they were able to find me a staff position including taking Fridays off.
Fast forward another year and it felt like the right time to stay at home full time. When I finally told my boss, they offered to give me an even more part time role and work 2 days a week in the city. I ultimately turned it down but sometimes you just don't know what you are worth until you say you are leaving.
I was a SAHM for almost 3 years, had my 3rd child in that time and enjoyed not being on anyone's schedule but my own. It was eye opening for me and I"m SO glad I did it. However, I knew after about a year, it wasn't a long term situation for me. I missed working and felt like a big piece of me was missing.
Fast forward to my situation now. My old company hired me back but now I work from home 5 days a week. There are a few days of travel per month but it is truly the best of both worlds. I'm home for my kids, can do my work on my own time, still have time for the gym/laundry/cooking etc.
Don't be afraid to ask for what you think will give you the best balance or make you the happiest right now. Situations change and you won't know until you ask for what you want. Good luck!!
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| Posted 4/29/15 12:56 PM |
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VickiC
Rocking the party
Member since 5/05 4937 total posts
Name:
Vicki
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Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision
I worked FT until DS was almost 2. My husband is a musician so he was doing gigs at night/weekends and teaching at the local college a few days a week, so he was the primary care giver for the most part.
My husband got a FT job in NYC working in theatre so, I went PT and I WFH as well. I only go in to the city where my office is 2-4 times month depending on what I have going on. with my job, I can absolutely work from home with minimal issues. I think they actually get more out of me because I can log on from home after DS is in bed to work on a deadline, and weekends too if I have to. For us, this has been the best thing to ever happen for us. I still have my job, and I get to be home to do lots of mom things 2 days a week. We are all a lot less stressed out now that I'm home more often as well. I can run errands on my days off, I do laundry while I'm working during the day and can start dinner at a reasonable time instead of rushing through it at 6:30 or 7pm when I used to come home. I don't see this changing at all and would like to keep it this way as long as my company allows me to do this.
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| Posted 4/29/15 1:41 PM |
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bella321
Blessed!
Member since 3/09 1952 total posts
Name:
Kristy
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Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision
Needless to say, it's a sensitive and unique call to everyone's family.
DS are 2 and 5. I've been SAH since day one. There are undoubtedly magical moments in all those "firsts." but, especially in the winter, some very isolating times.
I WAH while I had just DS. It was stressful to manage a baby all day (and night, depending on DH's work schedule) and then have to sit in front of a computer for several hours at night. I tried to keep up when DD was born but I was dead tired at night. I couldn't function with 2 kids by myself all day and then WAH.
Now, I'm SAH with hopes to WAH when both kids are in school full time. Whether or not I can find a position that is accommodating is another story!
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| Posted 4/29/15 4:10 PM |
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alli3131
Peanut is here!!!!!!
Member since 5/09 18388 total posts
Name:
Allison
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Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision
I WFT in the city. I could never be a SAHM. I'm just not wired to do it. I love working and would love to work on LI but I would take a huge pay cut...like 1/2 of what I am making.
My company did just announce a flex time policy. And a very loose policy and basically its up to you and your manager to set the parameters of it. So my manager knows I want to work 2 days from home....I already leave early to get my DS 2 days anyway so I would actually get more done if I worked at home those days. So as of July 1 I will be working form home 2 days for a trial period. we will review how it is working out after 3 months and make any adjustments necessary.
I used to work full time at home before my son and I do have it say it's not easy. You have to be disciplined and have a work space. It is very easy to get distracted. I got myself into a routine and then getting up and going into the office in my house became just like going into the actual office without the long commute.
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| Posted 4/30/15 9:04 AM |
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Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision
I used to work full time at a large law firm in the city -- frequent late nights, travel, etc. When I moved to LI from the city, after DS was born, I was able to work from home 1-2 days a week, but the days I went into the office were long, the commute wore on me, and travel, client visits, deadlines and pressure were always in the picture. I was unhappy and felt like I wasn't really doing my best on any front (work or family).
I left my law job in 2010 when my DS was about 19 months old. I struggled with the decision because my job was very financially lucrative, and I had even at my firm for almost 9 years. I had a lot of social ties there, and had built up a good reputation with my clients and bosses. I also had a lot of my identity wrapped up in being an attorney.
Going into real estate was the best thing that ever happened to me. There were definite financial trade offs, and a period of adjustment. I also knew that I wanted to work in some capacity... I like adult interaction and earning my own money. But I found something that is very flexible -- I love my work and it gives me personal satisfaction. But my DS is now 6 and in kindergarten, and I am his class mom, I'm joining the PTA board, I take him to his sports , play dates, etc. I've gotten to know other parents, and I can't lie - it's nice to be able to grab lunch or coffee with another mom during the day.
I think the key to making such a big move -- at least for me -- is keeping in mind that no situation is perfect. And there are always be trade offs with any decision. Gaining more flexibility or time at home is likely going to mean losing something else (financially, prestige, etc). You have to prioritize what you want most at the current time and try to make that happen, even at the expense of other things. Also, it's hard to achieve perfect balance... Even now, I have weeks when work is busy and I have to miss out on some things with DS.
I think it also helps to have a plan B or backup plan before you make a change. For me, I left my firm on good terms and had enough contacts in the legal works that I knew I could go back to practicing law if I needed or wanted to. Having that at the back of my mind really gave me the courage to make a change.
Good luck with your decision. I think the best decisions are usually the ones that were hardest to make. There's definitely no right answer. It's really just about you, your family, your happiness.
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| Posted 4/30/15 10:21 PM |
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hunnybunnyxoxo
this is what it's all about
Member since 11/07 3321 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision
ugh, good luck with your decision!
I work full time in the city and live in NJ. I get home around 7:15 or so.
My dd is in Kindergarten and I feel like such a failure at times b.c I am very far removed from school stuff. she does her homework in afterschool, thank goodness!!
I worry that when she enters the more challenging grades begins having tests and projects, how in the world am I going to manage it with me getting home so late? My dh picks up the kids from school/nursery school at 6pm, so it's not like he is getting home much earlier then me. Some days he starts dinner.
I am really frightened.
Our weekends are already kind of jam packed with errands and cleaning and church, and eventually, I am going to have to allocate time to do more school work.
I would LOVE to work part time. My husband owns his own business so at times its feast or famine. plus all the health benefits are through me.
It is necessary for me to work b.c we need the stable income.
If I were you in your shoes, and DH's income can cover all the bills etc. then I would def quit the city gig. I think I would at first be a full time stay at home mom and then eventually, pick up an easy part time receptionist or admin asst job.
good luck! but if you can be more "there" for your kids, I think you should consider it. School is not what it used to be, I feel like the parents have to be way more involved academically then our parents ever were.
I am probably going to have to spend money on tutors to help get the job done with studying and projects.
good grief.
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| Posted 5/11/15 10:48 AM |
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JDubs
different, not less
Member since 7/09 13160 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision
I used to work in the city years ago but now could never do it having kids, I just wouldn't be able to do the long days. I switched careers and took a job on LI, my pay is a lot less but I like that I can work 830-430 or 9-5 (a standard 8 hour day vs. long hours I would be in the office at my old job on top of the train commute) and be home quicker. Plus I get more vacation time now and my boss is flexible with me in case I need to leave early/come in late if something happened w/ DS. I can't afford not to work unfortunately. That being said I wish I could work PT to get the best of both worlds, being able to spend more time w/ the kids but still making some money and just giving myself a routine to get out of the house. Good luck whatever you decide!
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| Posted 5/12/15 1:41 PM |
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LIfamer
LIF Zygote
Member since 1/14 17 total posts
Name:
tate
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Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision
it is a hard decision to make. i struggle with the decision at least once a week. should i just stay home, or should i go back full force - because the balancing act is hard for me.
i work part time, and have 2 kids, 4 & 1, and it's so hard. but i want to keep the momentum going at work. i don't want to loose that.
i feel like i have the best of both worlds, but its a lot of work to find a nice balance because i inevitably bring work home in my mind, and vice versa. but i am doing what i can. money is good, so it affords slightly more to our lifestyle. i enjoy my work too, so that helps. sometimes i enjoy it more than being home with the kids. but it's hard work balancing it all. we have different things different days, but i think once they are in school at the same time, it will be easier. so i'm hanging in there, and keeping myself in the game, even though i feel i might be slightly less productive because i have little kids. thankfully my employer is a family person & gets it, so there is a lot of flexibility, and a 20 minute commute. it all aligns too well for me to not give it a go.
i wish you ease in the planning & making decision process. it's a toughie.
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| Posted 5/22/15 3:11 PM |
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myminions
LIF Toddler
Member since 2/14 454 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision
Ladies .. not trying to be snarky or negative ... but when you have kids ...you really can't have it all. There really is no true work / life balance. You are always sacrificing something. Hopefully you are sacrificing for the things that mean MOST to you.
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| Posted 5/26/15 10:24 PM |
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nycgirl
Angels!
Member since 3/09 7721 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision
I can't work part time in my career. I may have loved part time, but it just isn't possible.
For me, personally, a big factor is that I will have 2 girls. I hope to be a great role model. I fully expect them to achieve academically & career-wise as much as their brother: I'm in the same career as my husband. We bring home equal pay when you count up time spent at work, retirement, risks & benefits. I'm proud to be advancing in my career even while I'm pregnant with my 3rd.
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| Posted 5/27/15 2:00 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision
Posted by nycgirl
I can't work part time in my career. I may have loved part time, but it just isn't possible.
For me, personally, a big factor is that I will have 2 girls. I hope to be a great role model. I fully expect them to achieve academically & career-wise as much as their brother: I'm in the same career as my husband. We bring home equal pay when you count up time spent at work, retirement, risks & benefits. I'm proud to be advancing in my career even while I'm pregnant with my 3rd.
I love this answer.
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| Posted 5/27/15 6:45 PM |
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itsbabytime
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 9644 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision
Posted by nycgirl
I can't work part time in my career. I may have loved part time, but it just isn't possible.
For me, personally, a big factor is that I will have 2 girls. I hope to be a great role model. I fully expect them to achieve academically & career-wise as much as their brother: I'm in the same career as my husband. We bring home equal pay when you count up time spent at work, retirement, risks & benefits. I'm proud to be advancing in my career even while I'm pregnant with my 3rd.
I hear this often from FTWM. I would like to say that as a SAHM I feel EXACTLY the same way. I feel there is no better role model for my daughter to have then me being home taking care of my family. I left an extremely lucrative career as an attorney. I had big career dreams and was on the perfect path. Then I saw what that life looked like. What a successful woman attorney looked like from the eyes of her children. I went to school for many years post college and was at the top of my class. I have absolutely zero regrets. This is my place now - I brought these children into the world and I feel I owe it to them to give them the absolute best. I am involved in their daily lives, in their school etc. I am everywhere. There is nothing more rewarding than this. Nothing more rewarding than seeing my kids face light up when they see me in school, etc. I agree with the above poster who said you can't have it all - sorry you can't. Anyone that tells themselves that is kidding themselves. I have had many children in my DS's class where I volunteer all the time tell me they wish their mom was like me. FTWM you are not there so you don't see the other side. You don't see the countless moms that are the class moms, present at every event at school, doing lunch duty etc. Your not there at the activities etc. So, don't feel that YOUR way is the only way to be a role model. A lot is sacrificed when you are a FTWM. I would be so proud to see my DD follow in my footsteps. I would much rather see her raise my grandchildren then strangers. At the end of the day your career can give two shits about you - but, your family will cherish you and that is truly what is important in life. You only get one life and this part of it will be over in the blink of an eye. You only get one chance to be there. You can work your whole life. I could go on and on but, I will just leave it at this. I just wanted to put this out there.
Message edited 5/30/2015 8:15:51 PM.
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| Posted 5/30/15 8:08 PM |
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bella321
Blessed!
Member since 3/09 1952 total posts
Name:
Kristy
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Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision
Posted by itsbabytime
Posted by nycgirl
I can't work part time in my career. I may have loved part time, but it just isn't possible.
For me, personally, a big factor is that I will have 2 girls. I hope to be a great role model. I fully expect them to achieve academically & career-wise as much as their brother: I'm in the same career as my husband. We bring home equal pay when you count up time spent at work, retirement, risks & benefits. I'm proud to be advancing in my career even while I'm pregnant with my 3rd.
I hear this often from FTWM. I would like to say that as a SAHM I feel EXACTLY the same way. I feel there is no better role model for my daughter to have then me being home taking care of my family. I left an extremely lucrative career as an attorney. I had big career dreams and was on the perfect path. Then I saw what that life looked like. What a successful woman attorney looked like from the eyes of her children. I went to school for many years post college and was at the top of my class. I have absolutely zero regrets. This is my place now - I brought these children into the world and I feel I owe it to them to give them the absolute best. I am involved in their daily lives, in their school etc. I am everywhere. There is nothing more rewarding than this. Nothing more rewarding than seeing my kids face light up when they see me in school, etc. I agree with the above poster who said you can't have it all - sorry you can't. Anyone that tells themselves that is kidding themselves. I have had many children in my DS's class where I volunteer all the time tell me they wish their mom was like me. FTWM you are not there so you don't see the other side. You don't see the countless moms that are the class moms, present at every event at school, doing lunch duty etc. Your not there at the activities etc. So, don't feel that YOUR way is the only way to be a role model. A lot is sacrificed when you are a FTWM. I would be so proud to see my DD follow in my footsteps. I would much rather see her raise my grandchildren then strangers. At the end of the day your career can give two shits about you - but, your family will cherish you and that is truly what is important in life. You only get one life and this part of it will be over in the blink of an eye. You only get one chance to be there. You can work your whole life. I could go on and on but, I will just leave it at this. I just wanted to put this out there.
Love this! As SAHM, I would support and encourage DD to be FTWM, PTWM or SAHM. Everyone needs to choose their own path.
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| Posted 5/30/15 8:20 PM |
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MegZee
My bunny
Member since 5/06 8777 total posts
Name:
Meaghan
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Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision
Posted by itsbabytime
Posted by nycgirl
I can't work part time in my career. I may have loved part time, but it just isn't possible.
For me, personally, a big factor is that I will have 2 girls. I hope to be a great role model. I fully expect them to achieve academically & career-wise as much as their brother: I'm in the same career as my husband. We bring home equal pay when you count up time spent at work, retirement, risks & benefits. I'm proud to be advancing in my career even while I'm pregnant with my 3rd.
I hear this often from FTWM. I would like to say that as a SAHM I feel EXACTLY the same way. I feel there is no better role model for my daughter to have then me being home taking care of my family. I left an extremely lucrative career as an attorney. I had big career dreams and was on the perfect path. Then I saw what that life looked like. What a successful woman attorney looked like from the eyes of her children. I went to school for many years post college and was at the top of my class. I have absolutely zero regrets. This is my place now - I brought these children into the world and I feel I owe it to them to give them the absolute best. I am involved in their daily lives, in their school etc. I am everywhere. There is nothing more rewarding than this. Nothing more rewarding than seeing my kids face light up when they see me in school, etc. I agree with the above poster who said you can't have it all - sorry you can't. Anyone that tells themselves that is kidding themselves. I have had many children in my DS's class where I volunteer all the time tell me they wish their mom was like me. FTWM you are not there so you don't see the other side. You don't see the countless moms that are the class moms, present at every event at school, doing lunch duty etc. Your not there at the activities etc. So, don't feel that YOUR way is the only way to be a role model. A lot is sacrificed when you are a FTWM. I would be so proud to see my DD follow in my footsteps. I would much rather see her raise my grandchildren then strangers. At the end of the day your career can give two shits about you - but, your family will cherish you and that is truly what is important in life. You only get one life and this part of it will be over in the blink of an eye. You only get one chance to be there. You can work your whole life. I could go on and on but, I will just leave it at this. I just wanted to put this out there.
It sounds like you are very happy with your choice to SAH-and that is awesome. But telling FTWMs that strangers are raising their children, and that our children are not getting the absolute best, and that no one can have it all, you come off pretty unedudated for someone who was so good at school 
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| Posted 5/31/15 9:02 PM |
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MegZee
My bunny
Member since 5/06 8777 total posts
Name:
Meaghan
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Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision
Oh and as the mother to two DDs....I want them to grow up HAPPY....(and educated)....so they can work FT/PT/SAH - whatever they choose for their life...
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| Posted 5/31/15 9:09 PM |
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itsbabytime
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 9644 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision
Posted by MegZee
Oh and as the mother to two DDs....I want them to grow up HAPPY....(and educated)....so they can work FT/PT/SAH - whatever they choose for their life...
Obviously we all want our children to be happy - working mom or stay at home - we all love our children dearly and want the best for them. I apologize if what I wrote was offensive to you. That said, let's be honest, every single time one of these threads pops up (and they have been for years) they are always condescending to stay at home moms. I merely put the other side which has just as much validity. Moreover, what I wrote was my opinion. I have no clue what it has anything to do with being educated or uneducated. You don't have to agree with me but I think it's only fair that we put both sides of the coin in this debate. No one tip toes around us stay at home moms when responding to these threads.
Message edited 5/31/2015 9:21:54 PM.
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| Posted 5/31/15 9:21 PM |
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MegZee
My bunny
Member since 5/06 8777 total posts
Name:
Meaghan
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Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision
Posted by itsbabytime
Posted by MegZee
Oh and as the mother to two DDs....I want them to grow up HAPPY....(and educated)....so they can work FT/PT/SAH - whatever they choose for their life...
Obviously we all want our children to be happy - working mom or stay at home - we all love our children dearly and want the best for them. I apologize if what I wrote was offensive to you. That said, let's be honest, every single time one of these threads pops up (and they have been for years) they are always condescending to stay at home moms. I merely put the other side which has just as much validity. Moreover, what I wrote was my opinion. I have no clue what it has anything to do with being educated or uneducated. You don't have to agree with me but I think it's only fair that we put both sides of the coin in this debate. No one tip toes around us stay at home moms when responding to these threads.
I guess I haven't been around on threads that are condescending to SAHMS. You are certainly entitled to your opinion but im not sure how you can say that we all want the best for our kids yet us FTWMs let strangers raise our children andThe kids at school want moms like you and not moms at work.
At the end of the day, as long as the kids are happy and the parents are happy, no one else's opinion really matters.
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| Posted 5/31/15 9:35 PM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision
This is my perspective from a PTWM to why I decided to go back to work Full Time.
I got laid off while I was in school getting my Masters Degree. I am currently a part-time work mom, teaching in the evening 1-3 days a week. It lasted longer then it should because my resume gap made it harder for me to get back and I got complacent. My busiest times are after I pick up DS. Homework and rushing activities such as karate, dance or track. Although, I still had the issue FTWM have in regards to being able to take him to things because my classes are at night and schedule changes every 8 weeks. So DH will sometimes have to do it for me for the two months. His hours vary but he can for the most part get out at 3:30 or 4pm if I need him to.
To be honest, I'm a sh!tty housewife lol. I don't cook everyday. During the day I will workout, food shop, clean and maybe cook. Wash clothes twice a week. I get my hair, nails and other maintenance done during the day. I may have to go on campus to tutor or work with my students. I've been doing it for several years and I knew I needed to get back to work. I'm not a Susie homemaker, I don't want to be in the PTA or volunteer at school functions. I'm not a play date type of mom. Over the past year my son did get into acting and was cast in a show on a lucky break. He enjoys it but I started to realize this isn't who i was or wanted to be. A Stay at home mom/stage mom.
So I just got job and going back to work full time in the city. I will also still keep my job as professor. I know it's going to be extremely hard as I was working part time when I got my son. But I'm excited and really need to do this. I'm just hoping to be organized, rely on my DH to hold down the fort and maybe get a sitter/nanny to assist with DS if need be. Tweak his activities so I can be involved still.
Also it's perfectly ok for a FTWM to say they want to set an example for their kids or be role models. That does not devalue a SAHM, in the same way a SAHM feels they are setting role model for their kids. Kids say anything at the moment. There are kids my nieces school that thinks it's awesome that my sister works and made comments when she went there on career day. I don't think it's fair to throw comments around like that, it's very offensive. There are pro and cons to both, it's a matter of what benefits the needs of you and your family!
Message edited 6/1/2015 9:59:17 AM.
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| Posted 6/1/15 9:56 AM |
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itsbabytime
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 9644 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision
Posted by Sash
This is my perspective from a PTWM to why I decided to go back to work Full Time.
I got laid off while I was in school getting my Masters Degree. I am currently a part-time work mom, teaching in the evening 1-3 days a week. It lasted longer then it should because my resume gap made it harder for me to get back and I got complacent. My busiest times are after I pick up DS. Homework and rushing activities such as karate, dance or track. Although, I still had the issue FTWM have in regards to being able to take him to things because my classes are at night and schedule changes every 8 weeks. So DH will sometimes have to do it for me for the two months. His hours vary but he can for the most part get out at 3:30 or 4pm if I need him to.
To be honest, I'm a sh!tty housewife lol. I don't cook everyday. During the day I will workout, food shop, clean and maybe cook. Wash clothes twice a week. I get my hair, nails and other maintenance done during the day. I may have to go on campus to tutor or work with my students. I've been doing it for several years and I knew I needed to get back to work. I'm not a Susie homemaker, I don't want to be in the PTA or volunteer at school functions. I'm not a play date type of mom. Over the past year my son did get into acting and was cast in a show on a lucky break. He enjoys it but I started to realize this isn't who i was or wanted to be. A Stay at home mom/stage mom.
So I just got job and going back to work full time in the city. I will also still keep my job as professor. I know it's going to be extremely hard as I was working part time when I got my son. But I'm excited and really need to do this. I'm just hoping to be organized, rely on my DH to hold down the fort and maybe get a sitter/nanny to assist with DS if need be. Tweak his activities so I can be involved still.
Also it's perfectly ok for a FTWM to say they want to set an example for their kids or be role models. That does not devalue a SAHM, in the same way a SAHM feels they are setting role model for their kids. Kids say anything at the moment. There are kids my nieces school that thinks it's awesome that my sister works and made comments when she went there on career day. I don't think it's fair to throw comments around like that, it's very offensive. There are pro and cons to both, it's a matter of what benefits the needs of you and your family!
This was only the point I was trying to make. The comments are thrown around in the reverse quite frequently. I was putting the other perspective out there.
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| Posted 6/1/15 10:17 AM |
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Millie3
LIF Adult
Member since 7/13 1280 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision
Posted by itsbabytime
Posted by nycgirl
I can't work part time in my career. I may have loved part time, but it just isn't possible.
For me, personally, a big factor is that I will have 2 girls. I hope to be a great role model. I fully expect them to achieve academically & career-wise as much as their brother: I'm in the same career as my husband. We bring home equal pay when you count up time spent at work, retirement, risks & benefits. I'm proud to be advancing in my career even while I'm pregnant with my 3rd.
I hear this often from FTWM. I would like to say that as a SAHM I feel EXACTLY the same way. I feel there is no better role model for my daughter to have then me being home taking care of my family. I left an extremely lucrative career as an attorney. I had big career dreams and was on the perfect path. Then I saw what that life looked like. What a successful woman attorney looked like from the eyes of her children. I went to school for many years post college and was at the top of my class. I have absolutely zero regrets. This is my place now - I brought these children into the world and I feel I owe it to them to give them the absolute best. I am involved in their daily lives, in their school etc. I am everywhere. There is nothing more rewarding than this. Nothing more rewarding than seeing my kids face light up when they see me in school, etc. I agree with the above poster who said you can't have it all - sorry you can't. Anyone that tells themselves that is kidding themselves. I have had many children in my DS's class where I volunteer all the time tell me they wish their mom was like me. FTWM you are not there so you don't see the other side. You don't see the countless moms that are the class moms, present at every event at school, doing lunch duty etc. Your not there at the activities etc. So, don't feel that YOUR way is the only way to be a role model. A lot is sacrificed when you are a FTWM. I would be so proud to see my DD follow in my footsteps. I would much rather see her raise my grandchildren then strangers. At the end of the day your career can give two shits about you - but, your family will cherish you and that is truly what is important in life. You only get one life and this part of it will be over in the blink of an eye. You only get one chance to be there. You can work your whole life. I could go on and on but, I will just leave it at this. I just wanted to put this out there.
Yes. ALL mothers are role models for their children, not just working mothers. I have boys and hope they are successful enough so their wives can do whatever the heck they want, SAH , work full time or part time 
I also agree, there is no such thing as having it all. Something needs to be sacrificed, only so much time or money at everyone's disposal.
Message edited 6/1/2015 11:11:47 AM.
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| Posted 6/1/15 10:54 AM |
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stinger
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 4971 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision
Posted by Sash
This is my perspective from a PTWM to why I decided to go back to work Full Time.
I got laid off while I was in school getting my Masters Degree. I am currently a part-time work mom, teaching in the evening 1-3 days a week. It lasted longer then it should because my resume gap made it harder for me to get back and I got complacent. My busiest times are after I pick up DS. Homework and rushing activities such as karate, dance or track. Although, I still had the issue FTWM have in regards to being able to take him to things because my classes are at night and schedule changes every 8 weeks. So DH will sometimes have to do it for me for the two months. His hours vary but he can for the most part get out at 3:30 or 4pm if I need him to.
To be honest, I'm a sh!tty housewife lol. I don't cook everyday. During the day I will workout, food shop, clean and maybe cook. Wash clothes twice a week. I get my hair, nails and other maintenance done during the day. I may have to go on campus to tutor or work with my students. I've been doing it for several years and I knew I needed to get back to work. I'm not a Susie homemaker, I don't want to be in the PTA or volunteer at school functions. I'm not a play date type of mom. Over the past year my son did get into acting and was cast in a show on a lucky break. He enjoys it but I started to realize this isn't who i was or wanted to be. A Stay at home mom/stage mom.
So I just got job and going back to work full time in the city. I will also still keep my job as professor. I know it's going to be extremely hard as I was working part time when I got my son. But I'm excited and really need to do this. I'm just hoping to be organized, rely on my DH to hold down the fort and maybe get a sitter/nanny to assist with DS if need be. Tweak his activities so I can be involved still.
Also it's perfectly ok for a FTWM to say they want to set an example for their kids or be role models. That does not devalue a SAHM, in the same way a SAHM feels they are setting role model for their kids. Kids say anything at the moment. There are kids my nieces school that thinks it's awesome that my sister works and made comments when she went there on career day. I don't think it's fair to throw comments around like that, it's very offensive. There are pro and cons to both, it's a matter of what benefits the needs of you and your family!
Nice honest post!!!
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| Posted 6/1/15 10:59 AM |
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HeyJude
LIF Adolescent
Member since 9/07 820 total posts
Name:
p
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Message edited 11/30/2015 9:54:35 AM.
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| Posted 6/1/15 1:21 PM |
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stinger
LIF Adult
Member since 11/11 4971 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision
Posted by itsbabytime
Posted by nycgirl
I can't work part time in my career. I may have loved part time, but it just isn't possible.
For me, personally, a big factor is that I will have 2 girls. I hope to be a great role model. I fully expect them to achieve academically & career-wise as much as their brother: I'm in the same career as my husband. We bring home equal pay when you count up time spent at work, retirement, risks & benefits. I'm proud to be advancing in my career even while I'm pregnant with my 3rd.
I hear this often from FTWM. I would like to say that as a SAHM I feel EXACTLY the same way. I feel there is no better role model for my daughter to have then me being home taking care of my family. I left an extremely lucrative career as an attorney. I had big career dreams and was on the perfect path. Then I saw what that life looked like. What a successful woman attorney looked like from the eyes of her children. I went to school for many years post college and was at the top of my class. I have absolutely zero regrets. This is my place now - I brought these children into the world and I feel I owe it to them to give them the absolute best. I am involved in their daily lives, in their school etc. I am everywhere. There is nothing more rewarding than this. Nothing more rewarding than seeing my kids face light up when they see me in school, etc. I agree with the above poster who said you can't have it all - sorry you can't. Anyone that tells themselves that is kidding themselves. I have had many children in my DS's class where I volunteer all the time tell me they wish their mom was like me. FTWM you are not there so you don't see the other side. You don't see the countless moms that are the class moms, present at every event at school, doing lunch duty etc. Your not there at the activities etc. So, don't feel that YOUR way is the only way to be a role model. A lot is sacrificed when you are a FTWM. I would be so proud to see my DD follow in my footsteps. I would much rather see her raise my grandchildren then strangers. At the end of the day your career can give two shits about you - but, your family will cherish you and that is truly what is important in life. You only get one life and this part of it will be over in the blink of an eye. You only get one chance to be there. You can work your whole life. I could go on and on but, I will just leave it at this. I just wanted to put this out there.
I do sort of get your point but I also see your opinion as a little narrow. I would feel bad for your DD if she has to be/chooses to be a FTWM and you look down upon that choice instead of supporting her or being proud of her.
I also think a person can work FT and balance being in their Childs school etc by NOT necessarily choosing a demanding competitive male dominated field such as Law. I have heard how that field is very tough for moms.
Lastly are my DDs teachers raising them because I leave them with them for 6-7 hours a day?! By your logic everyone should be homeschooling!
I know you don't mean this but your post can be interpreted this way.
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| Posted 6/1/15 1:47 PM |
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