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Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision
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GraciesMom
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 1636 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision
Posted by itsbabytime
Posted by nycgirl
I can't work part time in my career. I may have loved part time, but it just isn't possible.
For me, personally, a big factor is that I will have 2 girls. I hope to be a great role model. I fully expect them to achieve academically & career-wise as much as their brother: I'm in the same career as my husband. We bring home equal pay when you count up time spent at work, retirement, risks & benefits. I'm proud to be advancing in my career even while I'm pregnant with my 3rd.
I hear this often from FTWM. I would like to say that as a SAHM I feel EXACTLY the same way. I feel there is no better role model for my daughter to have then me being home taking care of my family. I left an extremely lucrative career as an attorney. I had big career dreams and was on the perfect path. Then I saw what that life looked like. What a successful woman attorney looked like from the eyes of her children. I went to school for many years post college and was at the top of my class. I have absolutely zero regrets. This is my place now - I brought these children into the world and I feel I owe it to them to give them the absolute best. I am involved in their daily lives, in their school etc. I am everywhere. There is nothing more rewarding than this. Nothing more rewarding than seeing my kids face light up when they see me in school, etc. I agree with the above poster who said you can't have it all - sorry you can't. Anyone that tells themselves that is kidding themselves. I have had many children in my DS's class where I volunteer all the time tell me they wish their mom was like me. FTWM you are not there so you don't see the other side. You don't see the countless moms that are the class moms, present at every event at school, doing lunch duty etc. Your not there at the activities etc. So, don't feel that YOUR way is the only way to be a role model. A lot is sacrificed when you are a FTWM. I would be so proud to see my DD follow in my footsteps. I would much rather see her raise my grandchildren then strangers. At the end of the day your career can give two shits about you - but, your family will cherish you and that is truly what is important in life. You only get one life and this part of it will be over in the blink of an eye. You only get one chance to be there. You can work your whole life. I could go on and on but, I will just leave it at this. I just wanted to put this out there.
I am sorry, I try never to post on threads that can potentially cause drama (I actually FMd the OP with my advice when she originally posted the question) but your post infuriates me. Most of my friends are stay at home moms. I am a full time working mom of 3, lucky enough to work from home a few days a week. I repsect my friends that chose to stay home and they respect me as a working mother. I have a very successful career and guess what, I am in the kids classes as much if not more than my friends that stay at home. I have never missed a practice or a game, a school event, etc. I "have it all" in my opinion. It is possible and more importantly, it is not a competetion! If I didnt have kids would I put in more hours, of course, but I manage to work around my children. They are my priority. Do I feel pulled at times, of course I do. But I get it done, because as my husband would say, you chose to work, so I figure it out. Work when the kids are in bed, use vacation smartly, schedule meetings around my kids schedules, etc. Your post comes across as being extremely judgemental. I think its wonderful that you chose to be a stay at home mom and that it makes you happy. What it doesnt make you is a better mother than me or any other working mother. Also did you stop for a minute and think to yourself that maybe some of the working moms in your kids class have no choice but to work? I dont ever want to feel like I need to justify to anyone why I work (my choice) not sure why you feel the need to justify why you dont.
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Posted 6/1/15 5:06 PM  |
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itsbabytime
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 9644 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision
Posted by GraciesMom
Posted by itsbabytime
Posted by nycgirl
I can't work part time in my career. I may have loved part time, but it just isn't possible.
For me, personally, a big factor is that I will have 2 girls. I hope to be a great role model. I fully expect them to achieve academically & career-wise as much as their brother: I'm in the same career as my husband. We bring home equal pay when you count up time spent at work, retirement, risks & benefits. I'm proud to be advancing in my career even while I'm pregnant with my 3rd.
I hear this often from FTWM. I would like to say that as a SAHM I feel EXACTLY the same way. I feel there is no better role model for my daughter to have then me being home taking care of my family. I left an extremely lucrative career as an attorney. I had big career dreams and was on the perfect path. Then I saw what that life looked like. What a successful woman attorney looked like from the eyes of her children. I went to school for many years post college and was at the top of my class. I have absolutely zero regrets. This is my place now - I brought these children into the world and I feel I owe it to them to give them the absolute best. I am involved in their daily lives, in their school etc. I am everywhere. There is nothing more rewarding than this. Nothing more rewarding than seeing my kids face light up when they see me in school, etc. I agree with the above poster who said you can't have it all - sorry you can't. Anyone that tells themselves that is kidding themselves. I have had many children in my DS's class where I volunteer all the time tell me they wish their mom was like me. FTWM you are not there so you don't see the other side. You don't see the countless moms that are the class moms, present at every event at school, doing lunch duty etc. Your not there at the activities etc. So, don't feel that YOUR way is the only way to be a role model. A lot is sacrificed when you are a FTWM. I would be so proud to see my DD follow in my footsteps. I would much rather see her raise my grandchildren then strangers. At the end of the day your career can give two shits about you - but, your family will cherish you and that is truly what is important in life. You only get one life and this part of it will be over in the blink of an eye. You only get one chance to be there. You can work your whole life. I could go on and on but, I will just leave it at this. I just wanted to put this out there.
I am sorry, I try never to post on threads that can potentially cause drama (I actually FMd the OP with my advice when she originally posted the question) but your post infuriates me. Most of my friends are stay at home moms. I am a full time working mom of 3, lucky enough to work from home a few days a week. I repsect my friends that chose to stay home and they respect me as a working mother. I have a very successful career and guess what, I am in the kids classes as much if not more than my friends that stay at home. I have never missed a practice or a game, a school event, etc. I "have it all" in my opinion. It is possible and more importantly, it is not a competetion! If I didnt have kids would I put in more hours, of course, but I manage to work around my children. They are my priority. Do I feel pulled at times, of course I do. But I get it done, because as my husband would say, you chose to work, so I figure it out. Work when the kids are in bed, use vacation smartly, schedule meetings around my kids schedules, etc. Your post comes across as being extremely judgemental. I think its wonderful that you chose to be a stay at home mom and that it makes you happy. What it doesnt make you is a better mother than me or any other working mother. Also did you stop for a minute and think to yourself that maybe some of the working moms in your kids class have no choice but to work? I dont ever want to feel like I need to justify to anyone why I work (my choice) not sure why you feel the need to justify why you dont.
I'm actually not the one justifying anything. If you read your post you are the one that sounds like you are trying to justify that you "have it all." Sorry, but none of us have it all. I don't and you don't either. I have given up a lot in one sense and you have in the other. I'm sorry you don't see it that way but, it's reality. I NEVER said I was a better mother than you or any other working mother. And, frankly, I don't think I am. You sound like a fabulous mom. I have friends that work and having amazing careers and they are amazing moms as well. I wasn't trying to come off as judgmental. My only point was that we are ALL role models. A SAHM is a role model in one way as a working mom is a role model in another way. NEITHER is better. We EACH have things we do "better" than the other. What I put out there is the WHY of a SAHM being a role model. We have all read in this thread and the countless others in the past how FTWM's are role models but, no one has ever posted the other side that I have seen. I'm sorry if it offended you. At the end of the day we all have to do what we can live with and live a life we can be proud of. And, again, my point was that if my DD wanted to go to medical school and then give up her career to be home with her kids I would NEVER say she was less of a role model, I would NEVER say she was wasting her education, her talents, etc. all things that have been posted on here. I would be super proud. On the other end of it, I would be proud of her if she DID want to stay with her career. And, she wouldn't have to think twice because I would be right there to help her!
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| Posted 6/1/15 5:29 PM |
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Sash
Peace
Member since 6/08 10312 total posts
Name:
fka LIW Smara
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Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision
Posted by stinger
]
Nice honest post!!!
Thank you!
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| Posted 6/1/15 6:10 PM |
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GraciesMom
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 1636 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision
Posted by itsbabytime
Posted by GraciesMom
Posted by itsbabytime
Posted by nycgirl
I can't work part time in my career. I may have loved part time, but it just isn't possible.
For me, personally, a big factor is that I will have 2 girls. I hope to be a great role model. I fully expect them to achieve academically & career-wise as much as their brother: I'm in the same career as my husband. We bring home equal pay when you count up time spent at work, retirement, risks & benefits. I'm proud to be advancing in my career even while I'm pregnant with my 3rd.
I hear this often from FTWM. I would like to say that as a SAHM I feel EXACTLY the same way. I feel there is no better role model for my daughter to have then me being home taking care of my family. I left an extremely lucrative career as an attorney. I had big career dreams and was on the perfect path. Then I saw what that life looked like. What a successful woman attorney looked like from the eyes of her children. I went to school for many years post college and was at the top of my class. I have absolutely zero regrets. This is my place now - I brought these children into the world and I feel I owe it to them to give them the absolute best. I am involved in their daily lives, in their school etc. I am everywhere. There is nothing more rewarding than this. Nothing more rewarding than seeing my kids face light up when they see me in school, etc. I agree with the above poster who said you can't have it all - sorry you can't. Anyone that tells themselves that is kidding themselves. I have had many children in my DS's class where I volunteer all the time tell me they wish their mom was like me. FTWM you are not there so you don't see the other side. You don't see the countless moms that are the class moms, present at every event at school, doing lunch duty etc. Your not there at the activities etc. So, don't feel that YOUR way is the only way to be a role model. A lot is sacrificed when you are a FTWM. I would be so proud to see my DD follow in my footsteps. I would much rather see her raise my grandchildren then strangers. At the end of the day your career can give two shits about you - but, your family will cherish you and that is truly what is important in life. You only get one life and this part of it will be over in the blink of an eye. You only get one chance to be there. You can work your whole life. I could go on and on but, I will just leave it at this. I just wanted to put this out there.
I am sorry, I try never to post on threads that can potentially cause drama (I actually FMd the OP with my advice when she originally posted the question) but your post infuriates me. Most of my friends are stay at home moms. I am a full time working mom of 3, lucky enough to work from home a few days a week. I repsect my friends that chose to stay home and they respect me as a working mother. I have a very successful career and guess what, I am in the kids classes as much if not more than my friends that stay at home. I have never missed a practice or a game, a school event, etc. I "have it all" in my opinion. It is possible and more importantly, it is not a competetion! If I didnt have kids would I put in more hours, of course, but I manage to work around my children. They are my priority. Do I feel pulled at times, of course I do. But I get it done, because as my husband would say, you chose to work, so I figure it out. Work when the kids are in bed, use vacation smartly, schedule meetings around my kids schedules, etc. Your post comes across as being extremely judgemental. I think its wonderful that you chose to be a stay at home mom and that it makes you happy. What it doesnt make you is a better mother than me or any other working mother. Also did you stop for a minute and think to yourself that maybe some of the working moms in your kids class have no choice but to work? I dont ever want to feel like I need to justify to anyone why I work (my choice) not sure why you feel the need to justify why you dont.
I'm actually not the one justifying anything. If you read your post you are the one that sounds like you are trying to justify that you "have it all." Sorry, but none of us have it all. I don't and you don't either. I have given up a lot in one sense and you have in the other. I'm sorry you don't see it that way but, it's reality. I NEVER said I was a better mother than you or any other working mother. And, frankly, I don't think I am. You sound like a fabulous mom. I have friends that work and having amazing careers and they are amazing moms as well. I wasn't trying to come off as judgmental. My only point was that we are ALL role models. A SAHM is a role model in one way as a working mom is a role model in another way. NEITHER is better. We EACH have things we do "better" than the other. What I put out there is the WHY of a SAHM being a role model. We have all read in this thread and the countless others in the past how FTWM's are role models but, no one has ever posted the other side that I have seen. I'm sorry if it offended you. At the end of the day we all have to do what we can live with and live a life we can be proud of. And, again, my point was that if my DD wanted to go to medical school and then give up her career to be home with her kids I would NEVER say she was less of a role model, I would NEVER say she was wasting her education, her talents, etc. all things that have been posted on here. I would be super proud. On the other end of it, I would be proud of her if she DID want to stay with her career. And, she wouldn't have to think twice because I would be right there to help her!
In my opinion, "having it all" is completely objective and in my opinion, I do have it all. Having it all to ME is having the opportunity to have a career and family, while having it all for others might be the opportunity to be able to stay home. Others might think its not possible to have it all. Whatever our choices in life, as women we should support eachother.
I agree that we are all role models for our daughters whether we work FT, PT or SAH. That should be the focus. We should all support eachother whatever choices we make as mothers and support our daughters in the decisions they make as mothers.
I was offended (more so for all the moms that wish they could be in their children's classrooms) when you said. "I agree with the above poster who said you can't have it all - sorry you can't. Anyone that tells themselves that is kidding themselves. I have had many children in my DS's class where I volunteer all the time tell me they wish their mom was like me. FTWM you are not there so you don't see the other side. You don't see the countless moms that are the class moms, present at every event at school, doing lunch duty etc. Your not there at the activities etc. So, don't feel that YOUR way is the only way to be a role model. A lot is sacrificed when you are a FTWM." While it might not have been your intent to offend, you did just that.
In the end, it is a very personal decision. We should support eachother in that decision, withhold any judgement and keep in mind that there are probably many SAHM and FTWM that would probably love to trade spots.
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| Posted 6/1/15 7:38 PM |
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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision
Posted by stinger
I would look for a position that is similar to yours but closer to home. I think it's important for women to stay in their careers and in the work force unless you and your DH really want you to be a SAHM. Nothing against being a SAHM I was one for 6 years. However, cutting the commute with help alot. I work 8:30 to 4:30 with a 10 min commute and generous PTO and great retirement plan. I am able to take time off for some school days off and events. Kids are not in after school sports just weekend activities. I agree that work should not take away from family time!!
Good luck!
I agree with this. I would stay in the workforce, but move to LI or move into a job where you can WAH
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| Posted 6/3/15 10:06 AM |
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DRMom
Two in Blue
Member since 5/05 20223 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision
FYI-right now I WAH and also spend lots of time at school. I am in sales so as long as I put up numbers no one questions where I am or what I am doing. I have actually had kids say to me, I wish my Mom would come to school and I tell them, Im sure your Mom would love to be here. Im lucky that I have a job that is very flexible but not everyone has that. Why dont you draw a picture to give your Mom when you see her. I bet she'd love it! It takes a village. WAH, FTWM, SAH who cares. We are all doing our best.
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| Posted 6/3/15 10:20 AM |
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JennP
LIF Adult
Member since 10/06 3986 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: Need Advice / Opinions / Experiences re: FT vs. WAH vs. SAHM Decision
Posted by DRMom
FYI-right now I WAH and also spend lots of time at school. I am in sales so as long as I put up numbers no one questions where I am or what I am doing. I have actually had kids say to me, I wish my Mom would come to school and I tell them, Im sure your Mom would love to be here. Im lucky that I have a job that is very flexible but not everyone has that. Why dont you draw a picture to give your Mom when you see her. I bet she'd love it! It takes a village. WAH, FTWM, SAH who cares. We are all doing our best.
I just wanted to say thank you on behalf of all the working moms with no flexibility to work from home. That is so kind of you to support other families like that - I got teary eyed reading that.
Your last two sentences really sum it up.
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| Posted 6/5/15 1:07 PM |
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| Pages: 1 2 [3] |
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