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stepherg
LIF Toddler
Member since 5/05 444 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Need to vent...stress of baby/marriage
I just got into a huge fight with my husband and need to talk to someone about it. I need to go to the store today to pick up some food because we are having his family over for dinner tomorrow...well...last night we went to a party and since we couldn't find a sitter, we went to the party in shifts and of course I got the 1st shift and then came home at 10:30pm so he could go for the remainder. It was at his sisters house. He got home at 6:30am!! He partied all night long and has been sleeping all day. I'm exhausted and have tried to take a cat nap, but everytime my eyes close the baby starts crying (he's having an off day). ANYWAY...I have only had 4 nights off since the baby was born 8 weeks ago...1 he had to care for the baby because I was in the hospital having my gallbladder removed and the other 3 my mom came to help me after surgery. SO... I go upstairs and he's been asleep since 2pm!!! I made some nasty comment about "must be nice" and he flipped out on me. I know that it was nasty of me to say, but I am so tired right now and feel like it's always up to me to go get the baby and sooth him..and I NEVER get to have a couple extra drinks and feel like crap the next day because it is ALWAYS me taking care of the baby.
We just said some nasty things back and forth and I told him I feel like a single mom which flipped him out but honestly - I mean it. I am going out to the grocery store now...I would have taken the baby, but he has stacked 6 gallon bottles of water in front of the stroller in the truck and it's raining and chilly and I don't want to take the baby out in it.
Thanks for listening. We still have not resolved the issues...It seems like when he watches the baby (rarely) I always thank him profusely ....but why should i? He's the father!!
UGH!
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Posted 10/22/05 6:00 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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antoinette
boy mamma
Member since 5/05 2975 total posts
Name:
Antoinette
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Re: Need to vent...stress of baby/marriage
I feel your pain- dh just recently started taking more interest in caring for the baby. I feel as though my life has changed drastically since the baby has come and his minor adjustment at best. He continues to go out and have fun but I never do- all thebaby care lies on my shoulders the only time he watches the baby is when I have to work- once a week on sundays and even then he usually brings the baby to his brothers house to watch football. I never ever get a break for myself and its very fustrating but at the same time I love being with the baby and Ive become so attached to him and vice versa-- at 4 months I can already feel the strong bond. I have no advice as I am going thru the same thing 
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| Posted 10/22/05 6:10 PM |
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justthe4ofus
I hate hypocrites!!!!!
Member since 5/05 6905 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need to vent...stress of baby/marriage
Posted by antoinette
I feel your pain- dh just recently started taking more interest in caring for the baby. I feel as though my life has changed drastically since the baby has come and his minor adjustment at best. He continues to go out and have fun but I never do- all thebaby care lies on my shoulders the only time he watches the baby is when I have to work- once a week on sundays and even then he usually brings the baby to his brothers house to watch football. I never ever get a break for myself and its very fustrating but at the same time I love being with the baby and Ive become so attached to him and vice versa-- at 4 months I can already feel the strong bond. I have no advice as I am going thru the same thing
I could have written a lot of this myself! You are not alone and I sent you a FM
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| Posted 10/22/05 6:31 PM |
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momAGAIN
so outrageous
Member since 7/05 3853 total posts
Name:
TJ
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Re: Need to vent...stress of baby/marriage
THIS WAS SOOOOOOOOOOOO MY FH !!!! when our daughter was a newborn he very rarely helped it took me totally snapping for him to realize it! BUT that didnt last for lobg. she just turned a year and just the other day we were watching tv and she started crying he looks at me and says the baby is crying , so i looked at him and said yeah???? and he finally got up and got her!!! we are expecting in March so we will seeif he is any different ---doubt it!!!!!!! , you are not alone!!!!!!
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| Posted 10/22/05 9:09 PM |
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dee7772
My Loves
Member since 5/05 4852 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need to vent...stress of baby/marriage
I just want to send you some hugs.
I thought you were talking about my husband
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| Posted 10/22/05 9:28 PM |
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emilain
UNREAL!!!!!!!!
Member since 5/05 4457 total posts
Name:
Mama
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Re: Need to vent...stress of baby/marriage
I am at times right there w/ you Steph! I always feel like a single mother and I feel at times I have a babysitter rather than a Dad, it is really tough and I don't have any advice because I have been unsuccessful in getting my hubby to have more responsibility around here, but... because lots of us are paddling in the same boat w/ you! Hang in there, as Sal Jr gets bigger, it will be easier on you!
Message edited 10/22/2005 10:05:09 PM.
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| Posted 10/22/05 9:47 PM |
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MTTB
LIF Infant
Member since 10/05 227 total posts
Name:
Maria
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Re: Need to vent...stress of baby/marriage
Just wanted to give a big to let you know that I too understand what your going through. I don't really think men just quite understand. It actually feels so good to vent though, doesn't it?!
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| Posted 10/22/05 9:57 PM |
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Briannasmommy
Love her so much <3
Member since 5/05 15567 total posts
Name:
Christina
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Re: Need to vent...stress of baby/marriage
i just want to you give you some
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| Posted 10/22/05 11:50 PM |
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CaidensMommy
My 3 Miracles!
Member since 5/05 5777 total posts
Name:
Melissa
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Re: Need to vent...stress of baby/marriage
Wow... I thought you were talking about my DH also!  My son is almost 22 months old and it's still this way! I haven't been out once since my son born, but he goes out 3-4 times a week with the guys after his 2nd job. It's always just my and my son!
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| Posted 10/23/05 12:42 AM |
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stepherg
LIF Toddler
Member since 5/05 444 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: Need to vent...stress of baby/marriage
Thanks everyone! I actually just found my husband at 5:45am in the baby's room heating a bottle. I guess he feels bad. Hopefully he'll be pitching in a little more...we'll see though.
I appreciate your letting me vent. I'm sorry to hear that I'm not the only one who has this going on. It's tough on moms! I would like to balance everything too...AND be able to go out and get a little tipsy now and then and be able to rely on him to do a late night/early morning feeding too!
I suppose that I'm just gonna have some off days and yesterday was one! Thank goodness for this site or I'd lose my marbles!!
Thanks so much!
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| Posted 10/23/05 6:34 AM |
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ddunne2
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 4189 total posts
Name:
Doreen
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Re: Need to vent...stress of baby/marriage
My advice is that you have to tell them exactly what you need them to do. A general statement like "I wished you'd help out more" won't help. You need to say, I'll get up and do the 2 am feedind and then I need you to get up and do the 6am feeding." Specific instructions!
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| Posted 10/23/05 4:06 PM |
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BabyAvocado
Happy New Year
Member since 5/05 17334 total posts
Name:
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Re: Need to vent...stress of baby/marriage
Posted by ddunne2
My advice is that you have to tell them exactly what you need them to do. A general statement like "I wished you'd help out more" won't help. You need to say, I'll get up and do the 2 am feedind and then I need you to get up and do the 6am feeding." Specific instructions!
I totally agree with this.
The "must be nice" comment has gotten me and DH on the border of a couple of potentially nasty arguements but we quickly learned to stop ourselves, acknowledge each other and what we have done, and fairly divide up the rest of the tasks. It takes alot of work and compromise to handle this stuff and I'm sorry to say but it sounds like your DH is not doing his fair share.
I think that what has helped us is really forcing ourselves to look at what the other is doing/has done and appreciate it. And then, we specify who is going to do what next making sure to schedule a break in for both of us. I find that if I know that DH is going to take over the weekend morning feedings while I do the weekday morning feedings, I can handle it much better. I have my break to look forward to. And he has his breaks to look forward to. If I am going to go out Saturday afternoon and leave him with the baby, I make sure that I get up early Sunday, do the feeding, and then go get us breakfast, etc.
Things like that really show your partner that this is a combined effort. I'm sorry but I would have FLIPPED OUT if my DH did what yours did. It was just SO inconsiderate. But maybe it happened because it wasn't discussed beforehand. So consider talking with each other to plan out events like this in the future.
Good luck!! My DH is a really a great help with the baby so I can't complain, but I can easily imagine how hard it would be if he wasn't. So my hugs go out to you and all the ladies whose DH's are being less than helpful!!
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| Posted 10/24/05 10:42 AM |
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