no more babies... a little long... "update/correction" on page 2

background: we didn't see my mom for mother's day... we scheduled to get together yesterday. my birthday is at the end of the month.

soon after getting to my mom's, she tells me that my g'ma wants to talk to me to wish me a happy mother's day and a happy b-day. i call g'ma. when we discuss how old i'll be, she says "oh well, guess your dh isn't going to have kids because you're just too old to be giving birth now." i agreed, and the day went on.

this morning, i was walking the dog and it hit me:
I'M NOT HAVING ANYMORE BABIES!


RATIONALLY:
*having a teenager and a baby is CRAZY
*i'm going to be 35 at the end of the month
*i'm at a point in my life where things are coming together and i want to go back to school soon
*i'm too old for middle-of-the-night feedings

EMOTIONAL:
*i'm not having another baby

i've been crying since i got home from walking the dog

Message edited 5/18/2008 5:34:26 PM.

Re: no more babies... a little long

Why is it that at 35, you can't have any more children?
There are people who are having babies at 40...
Plus, I was 14 when my mother had the first of my two youngest sisters, 18 for the second...I am way closer to them than I am to my sister who is 3 years younger than me.

ETA: My mom was 38 when she had my youngest sister.

Message edited 5/18/2008 9:23:37 AM.

Re: no more babies... a little long

Oh no!

35 is not that old. I had DS at 38 (1st baby!).

My mom had me at 21 and the youngest when she was 39. So I have a brother almost 17 years younger than me. I love it!

Please do not feel this way.

My sister did not get married before her early 30's. My grandmother told her NOT to have kids because she was too old. It was mean and evil. My sister was very upset. She did have her DD and she is very happy.

I am planning on TTC for #2 in the fall. I will be turning 39. Yes, my life was "together" when I married DH but I love that "disturbance" in my life.

If you want another child and DH is on board, then this is really your decision. You are NOT too old by any means.

Re: no more babies... a little long

i have had those exact feelings. my DS was 13 when I married DH. We decided pretty early on in our marriage that more children would not be right for us. I still spent plenty of time crying over it back then though, even though it was my choice too.
it goes away.

Message edited 5/18/2008 9:26:43 AM.

Re: no more babies... a little long

My mom's friend had her second child at 49. Her first at 47. Yes, this was with IVF, but still, it can be done!

Re: no more babies... a little long

I'm 34 and I don't plan to have another baby for at least 2 years... My son will also be a teenager when I have another baby.

Not too old. i think you'll find that there are alot of members here who are having babies after 35.

Re: no more babies... a little long

All but one of my friends were all over 30 when they had their first... I was 36. Sure, I don't exactly have the energy I had when I was 20, but I'm not breaking out the walker either

I can understand the need/want to go back to school and focus on your career. I think I would feel the same if I had my children early and had to but education/career on the back burner.

Re: no more babies... a little long

I'm 41 and working on my first. I think that was pretty uninformed to say that.

My mom doesn't understand that there are a lot more options today for having a baby later.

Since it was so devastating to realize, maybe you are not done.

You can work it out if you wanted to.

Re: no more babies... a little long

Honestly I dont think you are too old..and having a teenager and a baby isnt a big deal at all...

My eldest is 14 and the baby is going to be 9 months old...Granted there are kids in between and this our 2nd marriage and our only child together..

BUT...to think that you are too old to do these things is ridiculous!!!! If I could have talked DH into it I would have had another one after DS..but apparently he felt that 6 kids was enough for us to handle...

With all that said..YES it is sad to realize that you arent going to have any more babies...I get the twinge every time I realize that DS was the end of it for me...So I do know what you are going through..

(PS we are the same age)

Re: no more babies... a little long

my mom was 36 when she had me- I'm 28 and don't plan on starting TTC for another year to two years. so considering I might be 30 when I have my first- I doubt I'll be done having kids by 35 since I'd love to have 3.

don't resign to thinking its crazy to have a 2nd baby when you have a teenager- judge your emotions about it and your DH's- if you'd like to have a baby then go for it!! My hubby and his youngest sibling are 15 years apart. its more common than you'd probably think.

feel better!

Re: no more babies... a little long

Posted by Tah-wee-ZAH
I can understand the need/want to go back to school and focus on your career. I think I would feel the same if I had my children early and had to but education/career on the back burner.

Message edited 5/18/2008 10:02:35 AM.

Re: no more babies... a little long

I'll be 35 this summer and we're planning on trying for a second child in a year and a half.

Re: no more babies... a little long

35 is NOT too old to have any more children! Some people begin the process at this age...dont let this get you down, and if you want more then have more!!!!

Re: no more babies... a little long

I know I already replied but I think people are putting too much focus on telling you you're not too old. You know its totally possible to have children well into your 40's, but the need for fertility help is greater & that's $$$$.
IMO when a couple has children years apart but with the same parents, that is MUCH less complicated than having step parent/step children situations.
Blending families is extremely difficult as many of the LIFers will attest to. Adding the personality of a teenager to the mix can be painful.

To be more clear on why we decided NOT to have more kids in addition to my son being in high school, my stepdaughters mother had another child & it totally put DSD over the deep end...she was acting out, being really nasty to her mother & stepfather & just last week she told her Mother that her Stepfather & her half brother were "not welcome" at her confirmation
Some teenagers are very challenging, we didn't think it would be right to cause more chaos in my DSD's life(her perspective).

Also DH & I have a wonderful life with plenty of time to do other things that couples with little ones can't do.
Its perfectly ok to KNOW that more kids aren't right for you guys but still feel a little sad about it.
Lots of Moms feel sad knowing they aren't having more kids

Re: no more babies... a little long

It doesn't have to be over if you don't want it to. My sil had a baby when she was 45. It was a surprise but she had one. When she found out she was pregnant, she already had a 25 yr old son 24 daughter whose married, 19 yr old daugther and a 5 year old grandson.

My dh was a surprise baby. My fil was 53 and my mil was 35.

It's only over if you want it to be.

Re: no more babies... a little long

Re: no more babies... a little long

I'm only a year younger than you and I still am looking forward to meeting someone to start a family. I don't think you are too old at all.

Re: no more babies... a little long

I understand where you are coming from,....I am happy and feel extremly blessed to have two beautiful children...I was told that it would be unwise for me to get pregnant again for medical reasons. My husband and I made a decision that we should just be happy for what we have. I had my tubes cut when I was only 29. every once in awhile I get a little sad knowing that I will never feel a baby inside me moving around...but then I remember I need to be healthy for the ones I already have.

we all have different reasons for adding to our families or for making the decision to not have a baby. We need to do what is best for our families. You sound very exciting about going back to school. Only you know what is best for you and your family

Re: no more babies... a little long

35


I thought you were going to say you were like 50 People have children at 40+



ETA Not that 50 is old girls

Message edited 5/18/2008 10:53:10 AM.

Re: no more babies... a little long

35 is too old? My best friend had her first at 42 and second at 45. I have two other family friends that had one at 45. 35 is not the end of the road with having a child.

Message edited 5/18/2008 10:53:22 AM.

Re: no more babies... a little long

if you want another baby - you can do it while pregnant and with an infant.

I finished my second masters one week before DS#1's 1st birthday.

I was back in school when I got pregnant with DS#2

both times I was 30+

Re: no more babies... a little long

I'm having a hard time understanding why 35 is too old? I got married just shy of my 35th birthday.

I'm 37 and have been trying for our first for a long time now. If my RE doesn't think I'm too old, then 35 is definately not too old. If it's because you just don't want to do middle of the night feedings, then that's the choice you make, but physically, you are not too old for another child.

Re: no more babies... a little long

Posted by KellyFG
Its perfectly ok to KNOW that more kids aren't right for you guys but still feel a little sad about it.
Lots of Moms feel sad knowing they aren't having more kids

Re: no more babies... a little long

You can have a baby still if that is what you and DH choose.

35 is far from too old. People in their 40s are having children/adopting children, etc.

So think about it, if you want to have another child, I say go for it!

Message edited 5/18/2008 12:38:33 PM.

Re: no more babies... a little long

35 is not to old to have a baby! Try to keep in mind grandmothers are from a different time and mindset...try not to let this sway you. I don't have children so maybe my logic is flawed, but I would imagine that if YOU feel that your child bearing days are over then that WOULD be a bit sad. It doesn't mean you can't, won't or shouldn't have more, but to say wow this is it no more...I would imagine you would feel upset. Just make the best decision for you. Maybe the saddness is your way of telling you that you really do want another or maybe it's your way of greiving the end of that chapter in your life. No matter what you have to do what is best for you and your family to hell w/what grandma thinks!