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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not really sure how to handle this. Vent and advice
I have a friend who developed a drug addiction and started doing some very out of character things involving ways to get money to support his habbit. None of this involved hurting anyone other than himself, so I found that people were VERY sympathetic. Everyone just felt bad for him, including the police! And when it was covered on the news, even the newscasters spoke about what a shame it was what drugs could do to a person. In these situations you will find people are a lot less judgemental. Everyone makes mistakes. Just know that now he is in jail, hopefully away from the drugs, and that he will have a chance to clean himself up.
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Posted 12/20/06 1:10 PM  |
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nixy
LIF Adult
Member since 9/06 1575 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Not really sure how to handle this. Vent and advice
Posted by Diva
Yes, its why he wanted to come home so badly. He got mixed up in the wrong crowd and started smoking crack. Oh God, this is so hard. 
Wow, that it terrible. Crack is not going to help anyone make the right decisions, and not that it in anyway justifies what it was that he did it probably explains a lot of why he did it.
Whether or not you want to help him is up to you, but he is going to need a lot of support to get through this.
I think for your own sanity you should try to reach out to him if you can. Just so you can try to get some sort of stance on the whole issue and figure out how you feel....
As for telling your friends i don't know what to tell you really...they might surprise you and offer sympathy and support. But until you are ready to deal with the whole situation, I think not discussing it, or being vague about it might be the best thing.
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| Posted 12/20/06 1:13 PM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not really sure how to handle this. Vent and advice
I agree with what the others said about just saying you had a falling out and don't want to discuss it.
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| Posted 12/20/06 1:32 PM |
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veeandrich
LIF Infant
Member since 5/06 325 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not really sure how to handle this. Vent and advice
I feel differently, If I were asking about him, I would certainly want to know bc quite honestly, I may not want to be his friend anymore if what he did was that bad, KWIM?
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| Posted 12/20/06 1:46 PM |
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curliegirl
He's here!!!!
Member since 3/06 10128 total posts
Name:
Gina
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Re: Not really sure how to handle this. Vent and advice
Posted by veeandrich
I feel differently, If I were asking about him, I would certainly want to know bc quite honestly, I may not want to be his friend anymore if what he did was that bad, KWIM?
You're right, but who's entitled to tell you? IMO he should be the person to tell you, or give Diva permission to do so.
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| Posted 12/20/06 1:49 PM |
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lululu
LIF Adult
Member since 7/05 9511 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not really sure how to handle this. Vent and advice
Posted by veeandrich
I feel differently, If I were asking about him, I would certainly want to know bc quite honestly, I may not want to be his friend anymore if what he did was that bad, KWIM?
Well - I see what you are saying, but he is in jail and no one has contact with him. I dont think it is her responsibility to make a public service announcement to everyone who knows him. They will find out in due time, I'm sure. Things like this dont remain a secret for very long.
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| Posted 12/20/06 1:49 PM |
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curliegirl
He's here!!!!
Member since 3/06 10128 total posts
Name:
Gina
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Re: Not really sure how to handle this. Vent and advice
Posted by lululu
Posted by veeandrich
I feel differently, If I were asking about him, I would certainly want to know bc quite honestly, I may not want to be his friend anymore if what he did was that bad, KWIM?
Well - I see what you are saying, but he is in jail and no one has contact with him. I dont think it is her responsibility to make a public service announcement to everyone who knows him. They will find out in due time, I'm sure. Things like this dont remain a secret for very long.
well said, I completely agree.
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| Posted 12/20/06 1:51 PM |
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Beth
The Key to your new home....
Member since 2/06 24849 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Not really sure how to handle this. Vent and advice
I was thinking about this
and he has only been arrested- not found guilty of anything correct?
if it was me- I would like to think my friends at least gave me the benefit of the doubt and presumed me to be innocent- until proven guilty
again- I don't know what he did- but he doesn't sound like an all around bad guy/ sociopath- he sounds like someone who made a mistake- and might pay very heavily for it-
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| Posted 12/20/06 1:53 PM |
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curliegirl
He's here!!!!
Member since 3/06 10128 total posts
Name:
Gina
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Re: Not really sure how to handle this. Vent and advice
Posted by Beth1210
I was thinking about this
and he has only been arrested- not found guilty of anything correct?
if it was me- I would like to think my friends at least gave me the benefit of the doubt and presumed me to be innocent- until proven guilty
again- I don't know what he did- but he doesn't sound like an all around bad guy/ sociopath- he sounds like someone who made a mistake- and might pay very heavily for it-
Exactly Beth, so would you want your friends blabbing your personal stuff? Of course not! I keep wondering why this is even up for question....
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| Posted 12/20/06 1:54 PM |
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sirk1020
*************
Member since 9/06 3046 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not really sure how to handle this. Vent and advice
I would not tell anyone if they asked and say I haven't heard anything from him
that is the truth right? you found out from other friends.
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| Posted 12/20/06 1:55 PM |
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Beth
The Key to your new home....
Member since 2/06 24849 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Not really sure how to handle this. Vent and advice
Posted by curliegirl
Posted by Beth1210
I was thinking about this
and he has only been arrested- not found guilty of anything correct?
if it was me- I would like to think my friends at least gave me the benefit of the doubt and presumed me to be innocent- until proven guilty
again- I don't know what he did- but he doesn't sound like an all around bad guy/ sociopath- he sounds like someone who made a mistake- and might pay very heavily for it-
Exactly Beth, so would you want your friends blabbing your personal stuff? Of course not! I keep wondering why this is even up for question....
nope- which is why my advice earlier was to not say anything
I wouldn't want people hearing from a 3rd party about it- and passing judgements on me
people get arrested - s$%& happens- I am sure this is a very stressful time for him and his family and don't need the whole world talking about it
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| Posted 12/20/06 1:57 PM |
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calendargrl
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 1686 total posts
Name:
jan
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Re: Not really sure how to handle this. Vent and advice
I'm sorry you are going through this. I wouldn't tell them. If they find out just say you didn't know. 
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| Posted 12/20/06 2:08 PM |
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ssbride05
:-)
Member since 5/05 2654 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Not really sure how to handle this. Vent and advice
Posted by lululu
Posted by veeandrich
I feel differently, If I were asking about him, I would certainly want to know bc quite honestly, I may not want to be his friend anymore if what he did was that bad, KWIM?
Well - I see what you are saying, but he is in jail and no one has contact with him. I dont think it is her responsibility to make a public service announcement to everyone who knows him. They will find out in due time, I'm sure. Things like this dont remain a secret for very long.
I agree.. well said! I am sorry again.. hoping this works out and you come to a decision that feels comfortable for oyu!!
Message edited 12/20/2006 2:13:16 PM.
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| Posted 12/20/06 2:12 PM |
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Diva
I am what I am
Member since 12/05 2825 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Not really sure how to handle this. Vent and advice
OK, I'm back. I feel a little better. I had to take a breather. Just to clear the air and be a little bit more specific.
Although he was high on drugs, his crime was unforgivable. No one will sympathize for him and no one will be understanding. I'd like to believe with all my heart that he wasnt capable of this, but after the drug haze was over, he knew he did something wrong and turned himself in. Along with this confession is the victims account and evidence. Unfortunately, there is no disputing this. And who knows if I'll ever hear from him.
I know that within a month or two, his situation will become gossip. Although what he did was heinous, I also believe he shouldnt be disrespected and knowing who will be gossiping this, this situation might be over exaggerated. I wouldnt want that to happen to him. Which comes back to my original question. I agree with many of the ladies in saying that I dont think its my business (or anyone else's) to tell everyone his business. On the other hand, they will find out from a gossiping hen who very well might or might not tell the whole story in her own version. So should they hear it from me, or her?
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| Posted 12/20/06 2:22 PM |
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curliegirl
He's here!!!!
Member since 3/06 10128 total posts
Name:
Gina
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Re: Not really sure how to handle this. Vent and advice
Posted by Diva
OK, I'm back. I feel a little better. I had to take a breather. Just to clear the air and be a little bit more specific.
Although he was high on drugs, his crime was unforgivable. No one will sympathize for him and no one will be understanding. I'd like to believe with all my heart that he wasnt capable of this, but after the drug haze was over, he knew he did something wrong and turned himself in. Along with this confession is the victims account and evidence. Unfortunately, there is no disputing this. And who knows if I'll ever hear from him.
I know that within a month or two, his situation will become gossip. Although what he did was heinous, I also believe he shouldnt be disrespected and knowing who will be gossiping this, this situation might be over exaggerated. I wouldnt want that to happen to him. Which comes back to my original question. I agree with many of the ladies in saying that I dont think its my business (or anyone else's) to tell everyone his business. On the other hand, they will find out from a gossiping hen who very well might or might not tell the whole story in her own version. So should they hear it from me, or her?
I would wait until it becomes public knowledge and then if the story gets blown out of proportion, then you should step in and settle the score with the truth....
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| Posted 12/20/06 2:25 PM |
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Beth
The Key to your new home....
Member since 2/06 24849 total posts
Name:
Beth
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Re: Not really sure how to handle this. Vent and advice
Posted by curliegirl
I would wait until it becomes public knowledge and then if the story gets blown out of proportion, then you should step in and settle the score with the truth....
I agree
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| Posted 12/20/06 2:30 PM |
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nixy
LIF Adult
Member since 9/06 1575 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: Not really sure how to handle this. Vent and advice
Posted by Diva
OK, I'm back. I feel a little better. I had to take a breather. Just to clear the air and be a little bit more specific.
Although he was high on drugs, his crime was unforgivable. No one will sympathize for him and no one will be understanding. I'd like to believe with all my heart that he wasnt capable of this, but after the drug haze was over, he knew he did something wrong and turned himself in. Along with this confession is the victims account and evidence. Unfortunately, there is no disputing this. And who knows if I'll ever hear from him.
I know that within a month or two, his situation will become gossip. Although what he did was heinous, I also believe he shouldnt be disrespected and knowing who will be gossiping this, this situation might be over exaggerated. I wouldnt want that to happen to him. Which comes back to my original question. I agree with many of the ladies in saying that I dont think its my business (or anyone else's) to tell everyone his business. On the other hand, they will find out from a gossiping hen who very well might or might not tell the whole story in her own version. So should they hear it from me, or her?
I think that if people point blank ask you about it then there is no reason to lie, but there is no reason to start calling everyone to tell them the story.
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| Posted 12/20/06 2:34 PM |
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AimeeE2006
Time flies!
Member since 1/06 5698 total posts
Name:
Aimee
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Re: Not really sure how to handle this. Vent and advice
I have no suggestions - but want to give you some hugs.
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| Posted 12/20/06 2:37 PM |
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Porrruss
Nya nya nya
Member since 5/05 11618 total posts
Name:
Amy
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Re: Not really sure how to handle this. Vent and advice
I agree- you can tell these people if they ask without it being considered gossip.
Honestly, just reading your post conveys how devestated you are by this. It will be obvious to anyone you happen to talk to about it how upset you are.
You are a good friend- and I can only imagine what this person has done to make you want nothing to do with him. I am so sorry you are going through this.
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| Posted 12/20/06 2:39 PM |
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~Colleen~
my loves...
Member since 5/05 9129 total posts
Name:
guess
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Re: Not really sure how to handle this. Vent and advice
Posted by Diva
On the other hand, they will find out from a gossiping hen who very well might or might not tell the whole story in her own version. So should they hear it from me, or her?
Let them hear it from whomever feels the need to gossip...then you set the story straight. I wouldn't take it upon myself to air someone else's dirty laundry - someone who was considered a good friend, no less.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this.
Message edited 12/20/2006 2:44:45 PM.
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| Posted 12/20/06 2:43 PM |
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Tany
Becoming a different woman
Member since 5/05 24460 total posts
Name:
Tania
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Re: Not really sure how to handle this. Vent and advice
I'm sorry Jenn, whatever you do go with your heart and instinct.
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| Posted 12/20/06 3:13 PM |
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veeandrich
LIF Infant
Member since 5/06 325 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not really sure how to handle this. Vent and advice
I think that if people point blank ask you about it then there is no reason to lie, but there is no reason to start calling everyone to tell them the story.
This is what I meant! I'm not saying to go around and gossip about it  I said, if I were one of the friends, and I asked about it, I would want to know the truth. It sounds like what he did was very bad, and believe me, If I were a friend of his I would want to know.
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| Posted 12/20/06 3:21 PM |
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Wendy
Wheeee!
Member since 5/05 13736 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not really sure how to handle this. Vent and advice
How did you find out? And if it was from someone other than him, why is that not considered gossiping?
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| Posted 12/20/06 3:32 PM |
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Diva
I am what I am
Member since 12/05 2825 total posts
Name:
Jennifer
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Re: Not really sure how to handle this. Vent and advice
Posted by Wendy
How did you find out? And if it was from someone other than him, why is that not considered gossiping?
Unlike everyone else, we are his best friends, the only people he counts on. He had one of his friends from the other state call one of us to tell him what happened since he was expecting him to come back to NY. I nor the other friend in the group knew about the drug habit, only the one guy knew. Once everything happened, the friend that knew, fessed up and said he was told everything in confidence and that he was trying his hardest to get him here to NY and upon his arrival would fill us both in so we could all help him. But it didnt work out that way. I wouldnt consider that gossiping.
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| Posted 12/20/06 3:55 PM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: Not really sure how to handle this. Vent and advice
Posted by Beth1210
Posted by curliegirl
I would wait until it becomes public knowledge and then if the story gets blown out of proportion, then you should step in and settle the score with the truth....
I agree
I agree also.
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| Posted 12/20/06 4:19 PM |
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