One more spinoff..with all the marriage talk, I have a question about intimacy

I hate that I feel this way lately...but after Johnny was born, my drive has definitely decreased.

I chalk it up to:

Being tired and not loving how my body looks...

I am working at losing weight, I committed myself to a 12 week challenge to see if I feel better...

But we have definitely lost some of that spark and I HATE it. I mean I still think DH is so handsome...I am attracted to him, and him to me...but when it comes down to it, I end up most of the time thinking how laying in bed and sleeping will feel so good as opposed to being intimate.

When i read posts about people who still have a normal sex life, I get jealous...because i WANT that back but right now my libido is so low. And I am NOT on the pill!

Anyone going through this too? What can you do to help get it back?

Re: One more spinoff..with all the marriage talk, I have a question about intimacy

me, me, me. I cannot offer any help but I can give you some hugs. You are not alone.

Re: One more spinoff..with all the marriage talk, I have a question about intimacy

Posted by SkyzTheLimit

me, me, me. I cannot offer any help but I can give you some hugs. You are not alone.

Re: One more spinoff..with all the marriage talk, I have a question about intimacy

My libido was really low after DS- breastfeeding is NOT conducive to intimacy for me- after I weaned DS I lost the weight right away and things got better- that was at 6.5 months pp......but then, I got preggers again at 8 months pp and I don't feel like it again!

DH is understanding and I think we just know that one day, things will return to normal....when we sleep more too......it stinks.

Re: One more spinoff..with all the marriage talk, I have a question about intimacy

Posted by casey31

My libido was really low after DS- breastfeeding is NOT conducive to intimacy for me- after I weaned DS I lost the weight right away and things got better- that was at 6.5 months pp......but then, I got preggers again at 8 months pp and I don't feel like it again!

DH is understanding and I think we just know that one day, things will return to normal....when we sleep more too......it stinks.

Re: One more spinoff..with all the marriage talk, I have a question about intimacy

Sorry, I have no advice only . My libido is very low. DHs is probably a little better, but not much. We only BDd once since DS was born (12 weeks now), and it was okay, but nothing special IMO.

Yeah, I have body issues too. I really don't like the way I look right now. Plus I'm tired a lot, doesn't help.

I hope others have advice for you. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone.

Re: One more spinoff..with all the marriage talk, I have a question about intimacy

Totally with you!! My libido has been non-existent since I got pregnant with DD in March of 2006 I can count how many times we've been intimate.

I hate it too and I'm hoping sometime after DS is born it comes back or I'll talk to someone, because for me (besides being extremely tired and having body issues) I really think it's a hormone thing.

Re: One more spinoff..with all the marriage talk, I have a question about intimacy

I was way off after have DS. Now I am starting to get some of my umph back But I also lost all of my baby weight plus some and I still don't feel completely confident in my appearance...not like I used to!

Re: One more spinoff..with all the marriage talk, I have a question about intimacy

Posted by pmpkn087

I was way off after have DS. Now I am starting to get some of my umph back But I also lost all of my baby weight plus some and I still don't feel completely confident in my appearance...not like I used to!

Re: One more spinoff..with all the marriage talk, I have a question about intimacy

You are definately not alone. I swear if we weren't on the time clock for #2 and my DH turning 40 this year, we would have sex about 1 every couple of months! I do chalk it up to exhaustion- I work full time and so does he and my DD hasn't been the best sleeper. I am tired ALL the time and sleep always sounds more attractive than sex. But that being said, I think once my DD gets older, I hope it will get better.

Re: One more spinoff..with all the marriage talk, I have a question about intimacy

Just like any other thing in your marriage this too will go up and down. You'll get your mojo back. It might take a lot of time because your not back to yourself yet. It takes a while. It's quite normal - not that it helps but I understand completely.

Re: One more spinoff..with all the marriage talk, I have a question about intimacy

same boat right here....i hope it gets better

Re: One more spinoff..with all the marriage talk, I have a question about intimacy

I agree with you on this...this is a BIG factor with us. I feel so fat and DH puts me down constantly or makes a remark which doesnt help. Im tired all the time..working full time and taking care of twins, and then cooking and cleaning, and what he wants sex

I have had no desire and just dont feel attractive anymore, and I feel bad that we havent been intimate in awhile

Re: One more spinoff..with all the marriage talk, I have a question about intimacy

oh sweetie, you aren't alone.
I think it's normal in marriages for this to go up and down- i think to expect the level and frequency of intimacy to stay the same from the moment you meet through years and years of marriage and countless life changes is an unrealistic expectation that we think we have to meet b/c of media portrayal, magazines, the stories of the few etc.
DH and I certainly aren't intimate that much and it started slowing down even b/f DD was born- to echo other posters, it is just too easy for life to get in the way AND once you become parents, for sleep to be the more attractive option (um, because IT IS).

anyway- what helps us is to just get to it- I might not feel in the mood but once we get started- that spark comes back.

Re: One more spinoff..with all the marriage talk, I have a question about intimacy

As sad as it is I can't remember the last time we had sex. When I was pregnant the last couple of months I had no desire to do anything and now almost 6 weeks pp I still don't. My DH seems not to mind which ironically bothers me A LOT!!!

Re: One more spinoff..with all the marriage talk, I have a question about intimacy

Basically it comes down to this:

I am in my 8th month of pregnancy....so, I feel like a cranky house.

I haven't slept past 7am in over a year with DS.....

A lot of that year I was waking up numerous times to feed DS or replug a binky....

I work full-time and I have heartburn every day!

So, all I want to do is sleep when I can....

After I finish breastfeeding this baby I hope it gets better!

I think for all of us these are challenging times in terms of energy reserve and balancing life.....it will get better! Maybe when they turn 3 or 4?

Message edited 2/28/2008 12:08:07 PM.

Re: One more spinoff..with all the marriage talk, I have a question about intimacy

We went through it twice, each time with each DD.

How we got over it?
-we talked about everything, we even talked about sex, the great times in our past
-the little things add up-we'd leave sexy notes for each other all over the place-invest in post its!
-we ALWAYS make time JUST FOR US once a week whether it be yoga or movie night with some wine.
-do romantic things, do date nights even if you can't leave the house, i made dinner for DH and we had a candle lit "picnic" on my lvg room rug after the kids went to bed
-Hold hands when you are out or when you are watching tv
-kiss hiim all the time for no reason
-give massages-touch is very powerful
-he will think you are beautiful no matter what, you gave him the beautiful blessings that call him daddy. DH's never see fat, they see beautiful mommy.

We never sched sex either, when you're just talking, SHUT off the TV and open lines of communication, the attraction naturally comes, and your clothes come off naturally after.

We have a great sex life, much better now then when before we had kids, like when you first started dating. We've been together for 10 years, sometimes it's harder than others, but marriage is work.

Good luck

Re: One more spinoff..with all the marriage talk, I have a question about intimacy

Posted by sweetness

We went through it twice, each time with each DD.

How we got over it?
-we talked about everything, we even talked about sex, the great times in our past
-the little things add up-we'd leave sexy notes for each other all over the place-invest in post its!
-we ALWAYS make time JUST FOR US once a week whether it be yoga or movie night with some wine.
-do romantic things, do date nights even if you can't leave the house, i made dinner for DH and we had a candle lit "picnic" on my lvg room rug after the kids went to bed
-Hold hands when you are out or when you are watching tv
-kiss hiim all the time for no reason
-give massages-touch is very powerful
-he will think you are beautiful no matter what, you gave him the beautiful blessings that call him daddy. DH's never see fat, they see beautiful mommy.

We never sched sex either, when you're just talking, SHUT off the TV and open lines of communication, the attraction naturally comes, and your clothes come off naturally after.

We have a great sex life, much better now then when before we had kids, like when you first started dating. We've been together for 10 years, sometimes it's harder than others, but marriage is work.

Good luck

Re: One more spinoff..with all the marriage talk, I have a question about intimacy

Posted by niikki-8-18-06

As sad as it is I can't remember the last time we had sex. When I was pregnant the last couple of months I had no desire to do anything and now almost 6 weeks pp I still don't. My DH seems not to mind which ironically bothers me A LOT!!!

Re: One more spinoff..with all the marriage talk, I have a question about intimacy

Posted by maybebaby

Thank you for the suggestions!! I will be rereading this post when I need inspiration

It's funny because we are very affectionate...which I know is good...holding hands, we kiss etc..he buys me flowers randomly, writes out nice cards...

The intimacy department just gets stale. I am dedicated to working on it, I know he is too.

Message edited 2/28/2008 12:28:27 PM.

Re: One more spinoff..with all the marriage talk, I have a question about intimacy

OOh ,please don't stress about it, it is very normal, I am going through it ,too like every new mom in the world, I blame it on my hormones I am just cutting down on bf and trying to wean her off slowly ,I also blame it on not being able to take care of myself as much as I can, meaning get my nails done, get my hair done go get something sexy for myself like I used to(hell ,I don't even remember if I washed my face some days), now it's all about the baby . I also still have to lose about 6-8 lbs, I went from size 0 to god knows what when I was prego, I lost it very fast after I had the baby , but this last 8lbs won't go anywhere, plus I had a Csection and the scar makes me very self-conscious and vulnerable, my DH tells me every minute of every day how beautiful and sexy I am , but I don't feel that way at all. Just waiting and hoping that some day in near future my old self will come back

Re: One more spinoff..with all the marriage talk, I have a question about intimacy

I soon discovered that I have to be a chef in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom for us to get past this whole roomate feeling.

Between being a sahm and DH working a lot...I am stuck in baby land and he is tired and not around.

Don't put too much pressure on it, but you really just have to do it to remember that you love it. If you don't love it, switch it up.

If anything sounds or seems corny, just do it anyway. I feel like elephant man with the way my stomach looks...so I can't concentrate on looks at all. Still BFing, but my boobs are a nightmare.

But, if I act like I am not confident, its not going to be very good sex.

So, be confident and corny. If the baby is sleeping and you guys are watching TV, don't be afraid to initate. Your DH will go to sleep that night thinking you are such a hottie...he won't care what your body looks like, just that you are fun.

Re: One more spinoff..with all the marriage talk, I have a question about intimacy

Re: One more spinoff..with all the marriage talk, I have a question about intimacy

you are NOT alone! i can count on one hand the number of times dh and i have been intimate since ds was born 4.5 months ago.

part of it is that i hate my body right now. another part is that i'm exhausted. and last, but certainly not least, i am convinced that BF has a lot to do with it. i'm hoping that as i wean off BF and get to sleep a little more the libido will come back...

but for now the s e x life is a little... slow

Re: One more spinoff..with all the marriage talk, I have a question about intimacy

I feel 100% the same as you. Could have written that post myself.

No advice , but I wish I knew the answer.